I'll Forget About You

I lied.

I had a complete chance at honesty to tell Garrett what I should have. It would have been accepted. He would have been fine with it. Because this was a normal thing for someone my age, the college age. And yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.

Why? Why would I lie?

It was simple. I knew why. I had feelings for Garrett. I lied to him because it was clear that I had feelings for him. Not just feelings of infatuation and want, but those feelings that start out as seeds in your heart, blossoming into butterflies in your stomach when your eyes meet his. I think that’s called a crush. I wanted more than that though. I wanted to see what Garrett was willing to offer me.

And I knew he wouldn’t offer himself completely if he knew. So I lied.

I lied to him so that perhaps we could have something beautiful this summer, with no restrictions. No incentives to not let yourself fall head over heels. Maybe Garrett would restrict himself if he knew. Maybe he wouldn’t let himself fall in love with me if he knew.

(Of course, I am getting ahead of myself already with this “love” business. But hey, it could happen. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.)

“So are you going off again for college this year? The one that was a few hours away?”

“Nah. I’m actually going to ASU, the Tempe campus. Thought I’d stick around home this year. I didn’t really like living away from here. This is my home, honestly.” He said it with a smile, looking at me with bright eyes. “What about you?”

“I’m… I’m going to the ASU Phoenix campus,” I said slowly, trying to get the words steady under me. This was the first time I was telling anyone I was going to ASU. This was the first time telling myself this information, as well.

“Really?” he asked, something that appeared to be hope in his eyes shining bright. “That’s great!”

“I’m excited,” I said, my voice not exactly matching how the words should sound. Maybe he wouldn’t notice.

It wasn’t even a conscious decision to lie to Garrett like that. I had no idea where the words came from, but after a gear turned in my head that there was a chance Garrett wanted more than a friendship from me, I did what I had to. I told him I’d be around, not across the country in New York.

What would happen if I told him? Would he have decided I wasn’t worth the time and effort if I was just going to leave? I probably would have seen things the same way. In fact, at one point, I had.

I had figured that it was too pointless to waste any effort making my existence known to Garrett when he was about to leave for college, because he wasn’t going to be around. Just like how in a matter of months I’m not going to be around. So maybe if everything falls into place at the right time and that wild summer romance I’ve always dreamed of springs into action, Garrett will go along with it. Maybe he’ll fall for me, too.

And then he’ll move on, and I’ll move away. And we can just forget. Because that’s all a summer romance is.

And yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. It might have compromised something amazing.

“So what made you not like living away from home?” I asked. We sat on the couch in his family room, his house was empty. I’d learned he had a brother, a few years older who lived across town. His parents were working right now, like they did everyday, which left the house all up to him.

Alone. All day. No parents.

It was safe to say my mind was wandering, now that I had some actual feelings for Garrett. Sure, it happened fast--the decision that I wanted this to be more than just a one-sided infatuation.

But isn’t that how a summer romance went? Fast and rushed, for fear that the lack of time would tear you apart too soon.

“I don’t know,” he said, starting out slow. “It was just different. Not here. Not home. It didn’t feel like I should be there, away from all of my friends who decided to stay at home and go to school.”

I just nodded. I wondered if now that I had actually found friends--not to mention Garrett--if I would miss it here. I sure hoped I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I had to stay strong and prove to my mom that New York is both where I wanted and needed to be. I couldn’t get there and hate it, miss is here terribly. I’d been itching to get out of Arizona for so long.

And now it had appeared as if I had found reasons to stick around.

My heart was pounding as I thought about those reasons. Those friend’s I’d made, well, they were far in the distance now as those late night texts and day-long conversations with Garrett took over. It had only been days. I’d only been waiting far too long for something like this, with someone like him.

I watched with lazy eyes as Garrett stood up from his stretched-out position on the couch. I heard his knees pop, as he started to ease down onto the carpet of the family room.

Even knowing Garrett for such a small amount of time, I knew not to question him. The boy could do whatever he wanted, and it could be considered normal. So I stood up, too, laying down with him on the fluffy blue carpet.

There was a few inches of space between us, “comfort” space, I suppose. Testing the boundaries. Seeing how close I could get before Garrett would grow uncomfortable and scoot away.

He laid on his back, I rolled over onto my stomach.

“It’s nice out today,” he said, his eyes trailing around to look out of the windows in the family room.

“It’s always nice out,” I said quietly. “It’s the middle of June in Arizona.”

“We should go out… somewhere,” he muttered.

I scooted an inch closer. He didn’t seem to notice.

“Like where?”

“Anywhere,” he said with a short laugh. His eyes drew around to meet mine, a smile on his face. I loved the way his lips curled around his teeth.

I scooted closer, yet again. I felt the heat from his arms radiate onto mine.

“I think we should stay here.”

“Here? At home?” he questioned, his head tilting sideways a little. There was no more space between us at this point.

He didn’t seem to mind. He wasn’t creating more space between us.

“Yep,” I said in a breath. “Right here.”

And then I was kissing him. My brain was amidst a flurry of thoughts, but it was funny how once I realized Garrett was kissing me back, they all disappeared. Every single thought in my head was gone. Vanished.

Erased and pushed aside, so that the only thing I could possibly think about was how Garrett’s lips felt on mine. And it felt good.

Even if I was wrapping myself up in lies while I wrapped myself up in Garrett, I was floating in too much ecstasy to care. One small fallacy about where I was going to school in the fall wasn’t going to change anything. It wasn’t going to matter.

The only thing that mattered right now was the fact that Garrett was kissing me back, and I had been waiting far too long for this.

We were laying on the floor in his family room, our lips attached for a good few moments longer than what a normal first kiss between two people probably would have been. Maybe he wanted this just as bad as I did. Of course I’m sure he hadn’t been waiting since his senior for this, but maybe there was that chance that he wanted that same summer romance that I did.

The kiss ended. I tried to regain my composure, as well as my breath.

Does this mean it’s safe to say we have feelings for each other?

Maybe not yet. It was just a kiss. A kiss could mean so many different things. Just as well, it could mean nothing at all.

“M-maybe it is best if we just stay here,” Garrett stuttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “Right here.”

I smiled, wondering how long it would take before we settled on a common ground between us. A definite understanding of how the other felt. I don’t think that’s how a summer romance worked, though. Nothing was ever definite in a summer romance.

I tried not to prematurely wonder how Garrett felt about me. It was obvious he wasn’t repulsed by me. Just as hopefully he also wanted more than a friendship out of this. I couldn’t help but wonder though if that had been his intention from the start.

“I think that sounds like an excellent plan,” I said with a tiny laugh. I laid on my back, my head resting on his chest. His heart was beating steadily, the sounds audible all the way through his shirt. It was a comforting beat.

“We should go out tomorrow night,” he said, his voice penetrating the quiet air.

“And do what?”

“I don’t know… Dinner, movies,” he muttered. I could tell he was trying to stave off a blush on his face. It was kind of working, but I smiled at that tiny pink tinge I caught spreading across his cheeks.

“Like a date?” I asked, my voice slightly confused, but mixed with a hint of sarcasm. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to do “dates.” I just wanted fun. Lots of fun an no regrets. I wanted to experience.

“I mean, if… if you want.”

The way he sounded so hesitant created a small smile on my face. It was almost as if he was unsure of whether I would say yes. Of course I would agree to spending more time with Garrett.

“Of course I want to. How about we skip the movie though?”

“And do what instead?” His blue eyes scanned down, meeting mine. I felt those butterflies surge through me, probably turning my face rather red.

“I don’t know. Something exciting?”

I listened to Garrett’s heartbeat while he laid there quietly, a look of deep-thought on his face. Steady. Beat. Beat. Beat. Never faltering.

“I think I know,” he said, the arm he had wrapped around me giving me a slight squeeze.

“Hm?”

“It’s perfect.” He was smiling, staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, are you going to tell me?” Slight frustration in my voice, I was curious.

“Nope,” he said, a close-lipped smile on his face while those blue eyes lit up.

This secret had better be good. I wasn’t much of one for secrets (ha-ha) or surprises. But it seemed as though as long as I was going to keep secrets from Garrett this summer, I might as well get used to them. Better get used to surprises, too.

I tried not to think then about how surprised Garrett would be when I finally would have to tell him I wasn’t staying in-state for college this fall. I didn’t want to think about that. Not now, and not ever. Yes, that conversation was going to be inevitable, but I couldn’t constantly be thinking about it when I had a perfectly good set up for a summer romance.

The feelings of infatuation between the two of us were going to be enough to keep my mind busy, I had guessed.

And those feelings grew, laying on Garrett’s family room floor with his arm around me while we talked. Talked about anything our brains came up with, ranging from what the first year of college was like, to why home was better than anywhere else. Then when I grew tired of talking I’d roll over, half on Garrett and half on the floor. I would watch as the gears in his head would turn and he’s smile, my head lowering down as slowly as I could before he grew impatient and lifted his lips to mine.

I tried not to melt into a puddle on the carpet when Garrett said the best thing about being home for the first time in a year was meeting me.