The Movies Make It Look Easy

Chapter 60

Shannon’s P.O.V:

Ben texted me as I was walking to my second class of the day - Art History. He asked if I was free for lunch.
I felt myself smile. It would be nice to do something different for once. Sometimes I felt like my life was going nowhere – I always did the same things and spent time with the same people…but mostly, I was just grateful for what I had.
I texted Ben back, telling him when my class was finished. Part of me wondered how he had my number; I definitely hadn’t given it to him, but the rest of me wasn’t surprised. He was probably very resourceful.
I slid my phone into the pocket of my jacket and hurried across campus. I’d overslept and had been late leaving the apartment. I’d practically run all the way to my first class. My sense of timing hadn’t improved and I was somehow late again.
The only good thing was I hadn’t seen Nick at all; he’d already left by the time I dragged myself out of my room. I was still surprised, and slightly shocked. However, I’d firmly told myself it wasn’t my place to care, not anymore.
Did my brain listen? Of course not. I’d mulled over the possibilities of why he’d gone out early the whole way to class. Sad, I know.

A strong gust of wind broke my reverie and I bent my head against the icy chill with a grimace. The weather wasn’t as bad as it had been, the ground was still perpetually wet, and it was impossible to go outside without a jacket on. I really hated winter.
All of the plant life was limp, and to me the scene was depressing. I liked when the new buds pushed forth in spring, and the world was once again awash with colour; not just the grey palate of winter. Well, as colourful as possible in a city.
An almost inaudible sigh escaped me as I thought of my home in Ireland. A wave of longing crashed over me; for the place I’d grown up in, and for the family and friends I’d left behind. Maybe what I needed was to take a couple of days and just escape. Surely I could get flights.
A plan started to formulate in my mind. I’d need to think about it a bit more, but nevertheless; I grinned as I walked through the large double doors into the warm old building before me, and made my way to class.

When I stepped into the surprisingly half-empty classroom, I did my usual sweep of the room, checking for Lee. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he wasn’t there.
It was strange how the absence of one person could make me so happy.
I pushed the thought from my mind as I took my usual seat by the window. I wasn’t going to waste perfectly good daydreaming time on Lee.
I closed my eyes and prepared to be bored, my body already feeling lethargic.
A buzz against my side jolted me from my stupor. I checked the clock at the top of the room. Damn, not even half the class had passed by.
A cursory glance around showed my peers looking as bored as I felt. Well, except for the one or two avid listeners at the front – every class had them.
I surreptitiously pulled my phone from my pocket.
I already knew who it would be.

I stepped outside into the cold, fresh air. I was one of the first out so it was easy to spot the relaxed figure leaning against the wall next to the doors. I pulled my jacket tighter around me. The sun had made a rare appearance but it was still bloody freezing.
Ben smiled at me and pushed himself off the wall. “About time” he said as I reached him; “I was freezing my balls off out here.”
I grinned, “I could make a very sarcastic comment right now, but I’m not bothered.”
“What, am I not worth it?”
“Nope, sorry; I reserve that privilege for people I actually like.”
He chuckled as he pulled me into a hug; not in the least bit fazed. “It’s okay; I can be sarcastic enough for the both of us.”
I stepped away from him with an eye-roll; “God help us all.”

We began to walk down the path and Ben glanced over at me with a look that said he was trying not to laugh, “You know, for somebody who’s not bothered, you’re being very sarcastic.”
“What are you, a detective?”
He just rolled his eyes and I couldn’t help but smile with satisfaction. “So where are we going? I asked eventually.
“I know a really good sushi place” he told me as he raised a hand in greeting to somebody I didn’t know.
I just stared, assessing him – until I tripped over a loose stone, that is. After that, I kept my eyes forward, but I still wondered. I’d half been expecting McDonalds. “You like sushi?” I questioned, with maybe just a hint of disbelief in my voice.
“Let me guess, you were expecting Burger King?”
I glanced over at his smiling face. “Something like that.”
I was surprised that he read me so easily. Or maybe I just didn’t hide my thoughts or feelings very well.
“Well, I love sushi” he confirmed.
“You continue to amaze me” I said dryly as we passed through the campus gates and stepped out onto the street.

Everywhere was crowded with business people hurrying to and from lunch, some by themselves and some in groups. I shuffled a little closer to Ben, not wanting to get separated, especially when I had no idea where we were going. He veered off right without warning and I had to practically run to catch up, dodging around people as best I could.
“I amaze everybody” he replied, completely deadpan, when I was next to him again. “It’s one of my many, many talents.”
I poked him in the side; “I’m glad to see there’s still some modesty left in the world.”
He just laughed and grabbed my hand, dragging me across the road, dodging between speeding cars. I swear my heart almost fell out of my chest.
Once we were safely on the pavement, I let out the breath I’d unconsciously been holding. “Don’t do that.”
Ben just laughed again and walked away, over to a large, glass door with the sign Tsuru over it.
I glared at his retreating back as he walked through the door, letting it slam behind him. I dusted invisible lint off myself with a frown before following.

We sat beside the large window at the front looking out onto the street. The interior was dimly lit, and was furnished with sleek, modern fixtures. I looked around with interest – I’d never been a big fan of sushi, and rarely ever ate it.
We ordered relatively quickly and I sat back in my seat, looking across the table at Ben.
He grinned widely, not in the least bit fazed by my scrutiny. “See something you like, Darling?” He stretched his arms out while pretending to yawn. I didn’t miss the intentional flexing of his biceps.
I dropped my gaze, fighting the overwhelming urge to roll my eyes. I didn’t mind people showing off or being cocky when it was in good humour, and they were joking - when they were being completely serious though…I didn’t like that.
I fiddled with my napkin, not sure what to do. Thankfully the waiter appeared just then with our drinks. I smiled brightly at him before taking a large gulp of ice-cold water.
“Did you get home alright the other night?”
I looked up, mildly surprised. I’d only seen him completely serious a few times. I nodded.
“About the drink-” he began, his eyes never leaving mine.
I felt myself blush as I cut him off. “It was nothing. An accident.”
Damn, I hated lying. He could obviously see right through it too. I didn’t blame him.
Accidental spills happened in clubs all the time – it was inevitable – but unless the person was freakishly tall, then drinks weren’t usually spilled directly over somebody’s unsuspecting head.
I looked away from him and stared out the window. We hadn’t been here all that long, but already, the streets had emptied quite a lot as lunch hour ended and everyone returned to their office to finish up the last of their work before the weekend.

I could feel Ben’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my head. I knew what would happen if I told him what I suspected about the incident with the drink; what would happen if I told anybody. They’d be royally pissed.
It might seem weak, but I didn’t want a confrontation with Natalie. It was exactly what she wanted and I refused to stoop to her level.
One of my friends had once had some problems with her ex, who had fucked her over. I just kept telling her to take the high road, that the view was great. Now it was my turn.
Besides, she’d hurt me so much already that if I ever saw her again, it would be too soon.
So I turned back to Ben and changed the subject, keeping the conversation light until our food arrived.

I was full within minutes and Ben happily finished off my Philadelphia Rolls. When I offered a taste of his Temaki, I quickly refused. I told him I didn’t like tuna and he just stared at me in disbelief for a full minute before going back to his food; muttering something about it being so very wrong. I just tried not to laugh; surprised that he was such a tuna advocate.
“So tell me about Nick” he eventually said when he’d finished. He dabbed his mouth politely with his napkin.
I blanched; I couldn’t help it. Over the course of the meal we’d talked about many things. He’d asked a lot about my family and my life back in Ireland, and I was perfectly happy to answer his questions – just not about this, anything but this. “What about him?” I asked, reaching back to tie up my hair – procrastinating as always.
“What happened? I’d heard that you finally got together, and then I heard rumours…” he trailed off.
I frowned, “rumours? Do people have nothing better to do than gossip about other people’s lives?”
I fully remembered Carla’s comments and I didn’t like the thought of people I didn’t know discussing my private life.
“Actually almost everybody couldn’t care less and would have no idea who you or Nick even are.
“However, there are still quite a few who cling to the way things were back in school; with the cliques and the popular kids. They’re the ones who gossip. I happen to know a few of them which is where I heard rumours about you two breaking up. So what happened?”
“Umm…” I cleared my throat uncomfortably, fidgeting with the edge of the table.
Ben sat patiently across from me, obviously perfectly happy to wait. Damn him. So I told him, the whole sorry story. He didn’t interrupt once; just sat and listened, nodding occasionally.

When I was finished, I sat back and cleared my throat again. Ben stared at me thoughtfully for a while.
Finally, he leant forward and rested his arms on the table. “I think you’re overreacting a bit.”
I tilted my head to the side a bit, staring at him. Maybe I’d misheard? “What?”
He shrugged; “I think you’re being a bit dramatic.”
“How am I being dramatic? He cheated on me.”
I was actually kind confused at his reaction. It just didn’t seem to be…computing well or something, like my brain was malfunctioning. He was taking Nick’s side?
Hell, even Nick knew what he’d done was wrong…well, that’s what he said anyway. I felt like I didn’t really know him anymore.
I focused on Ben again as he spoke. “How could he have cheated?” he asked calmly, reasonably.
Strangely, it was that calmness that pissed me off more than anything, though I didn’t know why.
“You said it yourself that you were never truly ‘together’. By my reckoning, he was perfectly entitled to do what he wanted.”
My mouth opened and closed a few times but no sound came out. “Well, in my eyes he cheated” I said finally, my tone frosty.
He shrugged and smiled at me (I may or may not have imagined the condescending note to it). “I understand. You are a girl after all.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked angrily.
He shrugged again, “girls tend to overreact when it comes to things like fidelity and monogamy, so I understand why you feel betrayed; but from a guy’s perspective…”
What the fuck?

I leaned closer, lowering my voice. “Have you ever been cheated on?”
Ben frowned for a moment before shaking his head.
Exactly what I’d thought.
“Then excuse me if I disagree. You don’t know what it feels like to be betrayed by the one person you should be able to trust implicitly. You don’t know what it feels like to blame yourself, like somehow it’s your fault, like you’re not good enough.” I could feel tears stinging my eyes…crap. “And don’t say I’m only feeling like this because I’m a girl. I know plenty of guys who have been cheated on, and not one of them has just brushed it off. Betrayal affects everybody, not just girls.”
For a moment I saw true understanding cross his face, followed immediately by pity. I felt anger rise up me; I didn’t want or need his pity. The emotion was soon gone though, to be replaced by his usual superficial smirk. “But you admit that technically he didn’t cheat?”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten. It was either that or scream. Unfortunately it did nothing to appease my tumultuous feelings. “Tell that to my broken heart” I snapped.
His smirk dropped and I saw something that resembled pain in his eyes.

The only logical reason I could think of for the way he was acting, was that he’d once been in a similar situation. The fact that he’d said he’d never been cheated on though, led me to believe that he’d done the cheating – not the other way around.
Maybe that was why he was so adamant that Nick had done nothing wrong. Maybe he was really just trying to convince himself that he’d done nothing wrong. Maybe he didn’t want that guilt on his conscience. I may never know, I thought. I didn’t want to ask. “Whatever, I don’t want to talk about it” I eventually bit out.
“Shannon.”
“No” I told him firmly.

We left soon after that.
We walked back towards the college in a slightly awkward silence. From the corner of my eye, I could see him frowning at the ground. A few times he cleared his throat and opened his mouth as if he was about to speak, but he never did.

It wasn’t that long after we left the restaurant that Ben’s phone rang. He stopped to take the call and I halted beside him, stuffing my hands deep inside my jacket pockets.
I tried not to listen, I really did, but I couldn’t help noticing the flirtatious tone of his voice or the way he addressed the caller as ‘babe’.
I just stared at the ground, catching the last thing he said; “I’ll be right there. Feel free to get started.”
I clapped a hand over my mouth as I fought the need to gag; my stomach was suddenly very queasy. I managed to pass my reaction off as a coughing fit but all I could think was; gross.
“Sorry Darling, I have to run. I have urgent business to attend to.” He winked, leaving me with no doubts as to what his urgent business was.
I just looked away. He bent and kissed me on the cheek before turning and walking back the way we had come. “I’ll call you” he shouted over his shoulder before disappearing around a corner.
I shook my head and continued on home.

Nick was still out when I made it back. I couldn’t quite decide whether or not I was glad about that.
My conversation with Ben just kept going round and round my head, like it was stuck on a loop. I groaned in frustration as I went to change into comfier clothes. That sure went well, I thought to myself sarcastically.
I managed to shut my thoughts up the only way I knew; by drowning them out with the TV.

I was home for about an hour when the door burst open. I jumped, getting a fright at the sudden noise. Nick slammed the door so hard I’m surprised it didn’t break.
He glared around the room, like he wanted to smash something.
I turned the TV off and stood up to go to my room. I wasn’t in a good mood, and clearly, neither was he. We shouldn’t be in the same room; it would be like mixing copious amounts of vinegar and baking soda in an enclosed space.
Too late, his eyes came to rest on me, his expression darkening even further. “Don’t leave on my account” he snarled.
I narrowed my eyes at him but made no comment – I knew better that that. I turned to walk around the couch but stopped abruptly when he spoke.
“Of course - Just walk away, that’s what you always do, isn’t it?”

I turned around slowly. “What did you just say?”
My voice was quiet but if looks could have killed at that moment…God help him.
“I’m just saying that this is typical Shannon behaviour. As soon as something gets difficult, you walk away.”
Well…here we go.
“Do. Not. Start, Nick. We both know you won’t win.”
“Well, you know what? I’m fucking sick of staying quiet. I’m sick of being told to stay away from you, to leave you alone, to give you fucking space” he shouted.
“You were told that with good reason” I retorted but he ignored me.
“We need to talk. Nothing will be resolved until we do.” His voice continued to get louder and louder.
“There’s nothing to resolve” I shrieked, losing the last shreds of my control. Again, he ignored me.

He walked, no stomped, over until he was right in front of me. He bent to my level and gripped my arms. “We need to talk” he repeated, his voice deadly.
I tried to step back but he wouldn’t let go. “There’s nothing to talk about” I said, striving to stay calm.
“How can you say that?” He pulled me closer, “we both know it’s not true.”
“This conversation is over” I said angrily, trying again to step away from him.
“You’re in complete denial” his voice rose with frustration.
“I’m not in denial!” I shouted.
“Yes you are!” he shouted back.
I opened my mouth to scream something in reply but didn’t get a chance. He kissed me instead.

It was an angry kiss; there was nothing soft about it. His arms came around me and he yanked me hard against his chest.
I could feel his anger and frustration towards me, and also towards himself. I also felt myself respond, much to my chagrin.
Of their own accord, my hands reached up; first to grip his shoulders, and then to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer as the kiss changed.
I felt his shoulders relax as the tension left him. He still held me tightly against him, but it was no longer angry. His hands moved to trail up and down my sides.
My heart beat faster and faster.
I felt my calves hit something and knew it was the couch. Nick pushed back onto it, his weight coming to rest on top of me. I reached beneath me to dislodge the remote as his lips moved to my jaw, my neck, my collarbone.
When I’d dropped the offending item on the floor, my hands instantly moved to lift his t-shirt. I was desperate for the feel of his skin beneath my fingers.
I smiled as he groaned against my skin at my touch, his tongue lightly flicking over a spot at the base of my neck that made me shiver and bite my lip to stop the moan that rose in my throat.
I felt him smile and he pulled back, but only for a moment before he kissed me again; long and slow.
I saw the look in his eyes as he bent to capture my lips with his. It was…everything I’ve ever wanted, and more.

It was then that one thought broke through the haze; what am I doing?
My brain woke up. We shouldn’t be doing this. Not when we had so many problems, not when I didn’t trust him. “Nick” I said, ripping my lips away from his.
“What?” he muttered distractedly as his fingers lightly traced the line of my hip.
“Stop” I said, struggling to remember why I wanted to.
He pulled back enough to frown down at me. “What?”
“Stop” I repeated breathlessly, pressing my hands against his chest until he sat up. “We can’t do this” I said as I sat up as well.
He opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head. “Don’t.”
I stood up. I felt…tired.
“Shannon” he said but I ignored him and began to walk towards my room.

I heard movement behind me, and next thing I knew, he’d snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me back against him. “Please don’t leave” he said desperately.
I sighed; “I have to. You can’t just kiss me and make it all better, Nick. It doesn’t work like that.”
I felt his hands clench against my hips. “I know, but at least give me a chance? I’ll do anything. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’ll never forgive myself; not for as long as I live.”
My eyes fell shut. “I just don’t trust you anymore” I whispered.
“I know.” He sounded broken. “But I’ll do anything to win you back your trust. Anything.”
I opened my eyes and stared at the door to my room. “Maybe someday I’ll trust you again and we can be friends.”
“Friends? But-”
“Just friends” I said firmly.
His tone hardened; “we can never just be friends. You know that as well as I do.”

I knew he was right. “Well then it’s a good thing we’ve only got a few months until summer. We won’t be living together next year and we won’t have to see each other.”
As I said it, it really dawned on me that we wouldn’t be living together next year. The thought had never crossed my mind before. I could tell Nick was thinking the same thing by his shocked silence.
“No” he said finally, “I won’t let you think like that. I won’t give up – ever. We’re meant to be together.” He paused and buried his face in my hair. “I love you Shannon. More than you could imagine. I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. Just look at your bracelet; see how long I’ve loved you.”
My heart skipped a beat and I felt tears prick my eyes. In an ideal world I’d be telling him that I loved him too. Instead, I just wanted to get away from him, go into my room and close the door.
I gripped his hands tightly in mine as I untangled myself from his embrace. I stepped away from him and continued on the last few steps to my room.
“I’m not giving up” he repeated, his voice taking on a steely edge of determination.
I didn’t look back.

As soon as I’d shut my bedroom door, I hurried over to my desk and began frantically picking through the mess that had gradually accumulated there.
Where was it? I spotted a glint of silver in the midst of a pile of paper.
I lifted the bracelet up with shaking hands. I’d taken it off the morning I left for Nikki’s.
My fingers immediately found the charm I wanted. It was just a small, rectangular silver plate with an engraving on it; 02/11/09.

My mind flew back to the day in question; the day of that disastrous dinner that Natalie had organised.
The day that Nick and I had fought in front of everybody; when he saved me from Lee and walked me home.
It was the night I promised him the stars; the first time he ever called me Sweetheart.