The Movies Make It Look Easy

Hey everyone!
This chapter was originally meant to be a lot longer, but I didn’t want to make everyone wait for ages; so I decided to upload this much.
While that might make you happy now, I’m sure you’ll hate me by the end of the chapter :D
And by the way, this isn’t a happy chapter, there’s quite a lot of reflection etc…

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 64

Nick’s P.O.V:

Fuck, it was freezing. I reached to pull my hood up, the icy wind biting at the skin of my hands. In the time it took for me to withdraw my hands from my pockets, pull up my hood and stuff them back into the warmth of my hoodie, I felt like I had frostbite. Maybe sitting on a cold, wet bench for the last two hours or so, hadn’t been the best idea.
My clothes were damp and I felt like I was about two degrees away from turning into a Nicksicle. But what the fuck had I been supposed to do? When I left the café, there was no way I was just going to go straight back to that cold, dismal apartment to wallow in self-pity – and both Mark and Jay had made it clear that they didn’t want to see me for the rest of the day.
I needed more friends, I thought. Or, I corrected myself; I needed to just not fuck up the friendships I already had; easier said than done, though.
I’d found a bench in a relatively quiet area, determined not to go home; where everything reminded me of the one thing I wanted above all else. The one thing I couldn’t have. It had been a stupid idea on my part, because either way, I’d spent the last two hours thinking about the same thing; the same person.
Now I was just wet and cold on top of everything else. Maybe I deserved it. My shoulders hunched at the thought.

I stepped out onto the street, cutting diagonally across the road. The light rain was making visibility difficult; like looking at everything through a thin shroud.
I heard the loud and frantic beeping and turned my head to see bright lights heading my way.
Maybe I shouldn’t have just walked out into the middle of the road without looking right or left.
I quickened my pace, just missing being milled by the large SUV. I heard the driver cursing me but I just casually flipped him off and kept walking.

I thought back to when I’d been leaving the café; I’d been in two minds about whether or not I should tell Shannon that I’d apologised to Peter while she’d been working. I’d decided against it for some reason; probably because I didn’t want her thinking I’d only done it to make her happy. No, I’d done it because Peter deserved an apology.
It hadn’t been the easiest thing I’d ever done – I hated saying I was sorry - but I realised now what I’d done, and that the way I’d acted was wrong. Shannon was right when she said that it was my jealousy and petty hatred that made me act like a dick. I knew it was true, but at the same time; I didn’t know how to make those feelings go away.
Every time I saw Shannon with other guys, jealousy flared up hotly inside me. I instantly hated whoever it was. I wanted to be the one to hug her, to make her laugh and smile. It even got on my nerves these days to see Mark shamelessly flirting with her – and I knew he’d never do anything, if only because he was my best friend.
I never used to feel like that, but then, I used to be secure in the fact that Shannon liked me, and she was with me. But now, well, everything was up in the air; and everything and everyone suddenly felt like a threat.
If I was honest with myself, being with Shannon made me happier than I’d been since…well, since I made my mother sick. Maybe that’s why I was so ‘needy’. I’d forgotten what happiness felt like; I didn’t wasn’t to lose that feeling ever again…and yet, I’d been so quick to ruin everything.

I grimaced as rain began to fall in icy sheets, leaving my face numb from the cold. I blinked my eyes rapidly in an attempt to see through the rain. It didn’t work. The drops ran down my face and neck in little rivulets, soaking me through to the skin.
I remembered my English teacher a couple of years ago droning on in class about treating inanimate objects as if they had human feelings; pathetic…something. I rolled my eyes at the pointless direction my thoughts had taken.
My old teacher would have a heart attack if she thought I remembered her lessons. I’d been what she’d labelled a ‘lost cause’. I smiled with absolutely no hint of amusement. If only she could see how much of a lost cause I was now.

I heard my name being called, but I didn’t stop or look back. If anything, I quickened my pace. I wasn’t in a sociable mood.
The loud, screeching voice sounded again, and I could hear the quick patter of footsteps behind me. I pulled my hood closer around my face and wondered briefly how long I could ignore whoever it was without being too rude. I was going to try and be polite from now…a late New Year’s resolution. I didn’t think I’d last long; especially with a bone-jarringly screechy voice gaining on me. The sound of the voice brought to mind images of harpies…that couldn’t be a good sign.
“Fuck my life” I muttered. I just wanted to get home to Shannon.

A bright pink shape moved into my peripheral vision. I glanced over, taking in the Barbie pink jacket and matching umbrella. She looked like a walking marshmallow. I didn’t like marshmallows, and I definitely didn’t like girls who wore pink all the time. It was one of many things that endeared me to Shannon.
I almost looked away without comment, but it was the heavy pancake makeup that clued me into who it was. What was her name again? Callie? Carly?
Carla - that was it. Memories surfaced unbidden to my mind when I put a name to her face. Her flirting with a group of guys; her practically having sex with someone in a not-so-dark corner; her high-pitched, headache inducing giggle. I didn’t like girls who giggled all the time either. And finally, I remembered her wearing a monstrosity of a yellow dress that hurt my eyes with each movement.

I nodded shortly at her by way of greeting. She didn’t seem to be making any moves to leave me alone, despite my obvious lack of interest.
“Nick!” I fought a flinch, knowing that making any sudden moves wasn’t a good idea. I learnt that on the wildlife channel (David Attenborough could make anything interesting). Who ever said TV wasn’t educational?
I kept my eyes focused straight ahead, nodding once more.
“You look cold” she simpered.
“It’s raining” I replied sardonically. Was she stupid?
“Care to join me under here? I can keep you warm.” I saw movement out of the corner of my eye as she did something with her hair, some flipping manoeuvre that was no doubt meant to be alluring.
I wasn’t allured.
“I’ll think I’ll pass.” Why did girls have to be so irritating sometimes? As far as I was concerned, she was just embarrassing herself as she continued to giggle and flick her hair this way and that.
If I was giving her any signals, or leading her on in any way, well…I’d immediately lose what little faith I had in the world. “Did you want something?” I asked abruptly, before she had time to come out with anymore inane, embarrassing comments.

I glanced up at the iron grey clouds that covered the sky. It wasn’t too late, but the weather made it a lot darker than it should be. I wanted to be home more than ever.
“I just wanted to catch up. We haven’t had a chance to talk in forever.”
I frowned; I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’d ever seen her, let alone talked to her. And I was pretty sure three out of four of those times I’d been drunk.
All I really knew about her was that she lived with Nikki and Alyssa. I grunted noncommittally.
“We should meet up soon.”
My jaw clenched. I’d thought she was friends with Shannon. That should mean that she hated me – obviously not. Girls confused me. “Again, I think I’ll pass.” I glanced over to see her reaction.
She was pouting, but not in the adorable way that made my heart trip. Three guesses who could incite that kind of reaction in me. It definitely wasn’t Carla, anyway.
“Why not? We’re both single.”
I closed my eyes, cracking my knuckles one by one inside my pockets. This day had turned out to be a complete joke. And to think I’d woken up so happy…euphoric even – despite the splitting headache and roiling stomach.

I looked ahead, through the torrent of rain drenching me; desperately seeking a glimpse of the familiar building that would signal the end of this tedious conversation. At least I was on campus; there couldn’t be far to go.
“Why do you think I’m single?” I hated to even say the word.
She snorted; “please, I’m not stupid. I know all about what happened between you and Shannon.”
Her words were faintly mocking and my mood darkened even more. I couldn’t help the sarcasm that trickled through into my voice – part of me wondered if she’d even pick up on it. Nothing infuriated me more than people who were too dumb to recognise sarcasm; even when it was blatantly obvious. “Well, if you know so much about what happened, then you’ll also know that I’m not single by choice.”
And it was one hundred per cent true, I wasn’t single by choice – except, perhaps through self-sabotage. Yeah, that sounded familiar.

I thought back to the night before. The alcohol hadn’t affected me the way it usually did (maybe I shouldn’t have mixed). I had pretty much known exactly what was going on at all times, I just hadn’t been able to see or stand straight…or keep my big mouth shut.
Shannon had looked so beautiful, hot, gorgeous. Even now, just the thought of the tantalising slit in her dress, made me surreptitiously rearrange my jeans.
The words ‘I love you’ had been on the tip of my tongue all night, but I’d tried to swallow them; knowing that Shannon wasn’t exactly, receptive to my professions of love. I don’t think she even believed I was being sincere.
But once I was…inebriated, well; there was no stopping me. My heart had almost stopped entirely when I heard her whisper those four words into the darkness of my room. Four small words that meant so much; ‘I love you too’.
I’d consequentially had the best night’s sleep I’d had in weeks, and I hadn’t even cared that I woke up hanging.

I heard Carla’s voice from beside me, but I ignored her; thinking of how Shannon had dashed the sudden hope that had welled up when she spoke those words. She’d said it herself at the café; I’d been drunk and basically, she’d just wanted to shut me up.
I knew she wasn’t lying either (I could always tell) – she didn’t even remember what she’d said. Surely if she’d meant it, she wouldn’t have forgotten? It wasn’t the kind of thing that slipped your mind.
I was mid-sigh when Carla’s words finally computed in my brain. “I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t want to be single. Relationships are overrated.”
I bit back a sarcastic retort. “Maybe someday you’ll understand.”
She sidled closer to me and I subconsciously tried to angle my body away from her. “Who cares about someday? Right now, we’re both single.” She lowered her voice the closer she got.
“No” I said firmly. This girl just wouldn’t give up.
She trailed a finger down my arm, laughing when I jerked away. “Can we not just have a little fun?”
“I think it’s time you went home” I said stonily, gritting my teeth. “We’re done here.”

Of course she didn’t listen. Instead, she pestered me all the way to the apartment building, right up until we reached my door. I stared at the faded number 13 on the door, as if it could give me strength; Carla’s voice still ringing in my ears. I’d long since given up listening to her, let alone trying to reason with her.
Right then, I hated her. And the thought that she would openly proposition me when she was at least semi-friendly with Shannon, made me hate her all the more.

I sighed and pulled my key from my pocket. “Look, why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?” I asked with thinly veiled annoyance as I opened the door. “Don’t you have other unsuspecting victims to harass?”
I looked back over my shoulder but she didn’t seem to have heard my insult. In fact, she wasn’t paying me any attention whatsoever. Instead, she stared past me, into the apartment; curiosity written all over her orange face.

I frowned and followed her gaze. My heart sped up painfully as my gaze took in the living room in one quick sweep.
Something like fear coursed through me as I stepped through the doorway. What the fuck?
“Sweetheart?” I asked tentatively; bewildered.
I forgot all about Carla still standing behind me. Shannon didn’t answer me.