The Movies Make It Look Easy

Okay, my italics didn't work...and I'm not bothered trying to fix it. So basically, the whole scene in Nick's memory is supposed to be in italics...
Enjoy :)

Chapter 65

Nick’s P.O.V:

“Sweetheart?” I repeated, louder this time. Again, Shannon didn’t respond. She just continued to huddle on the floor beside the couch, sobs wracking her small frame.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” Carla sounded like she’d witnessed something particularly revolting. I hated her for it…even more than I already than I already did. “Get out” I said softly as I approached Shannon, my eyes never leaving her hunched form.
I knelt beside her and reached out to grasp her shoulder. She stilled beneath my touch and slowly sat up. My breath caught when I saw her. Her face was all red and puffed up from crying, but it was her eyes that made my heart beat painfully in my chest. They were filled with so much hurt. She looked…broken, almost.

When her eyes alighted on me, I saw something like relief cross her features before she launched herself at me. She knocked me backwards with the force of it and my back hit the front of the couch, hard. I quickly rearranged myself so I was sitting back more comfortably against the couch, and pulled her into my lap. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, her face buried against my chest as I cradled her to me.
I heard somebody whistle quietly. My head whipped around and I narrowed my gaze on Carla who was staring at Shannon, brows raised.
“I said get the fuck out” I snarled. So much for being polite…but I knew Shannon wouldn’t want anybody seeing her like this. Fuck, what the hell was wrong?
For once I didn’t think it was anything I’d done…or was I just being stupid? No, I thought firmly. If I’d fucked up again, she wouldn’t be clinging to me like she never wanted to let go.
Carla opened her mouth to say something.
“Get. Out.” I shouted. She shot me a dark look before turning on her heel and marching out of the apartment; slamming the door behind her so hard it rattled in its frame. Self-centred bitch.

I promptly forgot all about her, focusing on the one thing I cared about. “What’s wrong, Sweetheart?” I whispered, smoothing her hair back as best I could. I still couldn’t see her face because it was buried in my hoodie. I grimaced as I remembered how wet I was. She didn’t seem to mind, or notice.
She shuddered, continuing to sob softly. I pressed kissed to the crown of her head, rocking her gently and murmuring nonsense in her ear; anything I could think of to calm her down. It didn’t work, but I was patient. I’d wait for as long as it took.
Something terrible had happened; I knew that, and yet a part of me (the extremely selfish part, of course) was just glad that I had a reason to touch her, to hold her as tightly as I’d dreamt of doing for weeks. I just didn’t want it to happen under these circumstances – whatever they may be.

I don’t know how long we sat there. Everything fell away until the only thing that was real to me was her warm body curled up in my lap. I didn’t even notice my limbs slowly growing numb – nobody ever said our floor was the most comfortable of places to sit. Even if I had noticed, I wouldn’t have moved; not until Shannon was ready. Eventually, silence fell over the room.
“Sweetheart” I whispered. “You have to tell me what’s wrong.” I didn’t want to press her; but at the same time, I needed to know. I couldn’t help her if I didn’t know what had caused this.
She pulled away from my chest, swiping a hand across her tear-stained face. My hand flexed around her knee at the sight of her. I’d do anything not to see her look like that again. Her lip trembled as she looked at me. “I got a call” she hiccupped.
I couldn’t help myself; I reached up and caressed her cheek, wiping away her tears. I only wished I could wipe away the pain as well. “Shannon” I prompted.
Her shoulders hunched and her gaze dropped to the floor. Without her warmth cradled against me, I began to realise just how cold I was.
“It was my mum.” She stopped again and I sat there, frozen; dreading what she was going to say. She opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. I knew exactly why. Once you say something out loud, it becomes real and there’s nothing you can do to take it back.
“What did she say?”
Her hand reached out and she drew one finger along my jaw. I struggled not to turn into the touch, knowing it wasn’t appropriate. It had been too long since she’d touched me voluntarily…I missed it.
She had a faraway, almost vacant look in her eyes as she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. She sounded like she was repeating what she’d been told, word for word. “There was an accident, in the early hours of the morning.” Her voice shook and her hand clenched into a fist where it had come to rest over my heart.
“It was a group of guys on their way home. The driver was drunk. They came out of nowhere. The passenger in the car died as well.” Her voice caught at the end. Fuck.
“There was nothing they could do.” I knew she was no longer thinking about whoever had been in that car, only the one it had collided with.
“Who?” I asked the question softly but it seemed to echo, and she flinched; as if she’d been hit.

She shook her head wildly, silent tears pouring down her face. “Sweetheart, you have to tell me who.” All I knew was that it definitely wasn’t her mother.
“Ryan” The name was dropped into the heavy silence like a stone into a still pond.
I let out the breath I hadn’t even known I’d been holding. The absolute devastation in her eyes, her voice, made sense now. I grasped the hand that was still splayed against my chest and pulled her back to me. “I’m so sorry, Sweetheart.”
It was horrible to lose a family member, but for Shannon to lose her brother… They may as well have been twins they were so close, and I knew she’d looked up to him, and counted him as not only a sibling, but a friend too.
I hadn’t known him that well. Hell, I’d only met him once; but I’d liked him well enough, and his attitude towards Shannon raised my view of him. The talk he’d had with me about treating his sister right, had made me respect him. Shannon still didn’t know about that.
“I don’t know how to make it stop.” She said almost desperately.
I frowned over the top of her head. Make it stop? “You can’t make it stop.” I felt horrible saying it, but it was true. I sighed. “You can’t make it stop, but you can get through it.”
“I feel like part of me is missing.”
“I know” I soothed, stroking my hand through her hair; unable to help myself.

We lapsed into silence again, and I began to realise just how long we’d been sitting there. It must be dark outside. I didn’t want to seem callous, but we couldn’t camp on the living room floor forever. “Sweetheart, we’re going to have to move.”
She didn’t answer. I shifted slightly and winced at the numbness in my legs. “I think you should go to bed.” Again, she didn’t answer, but she did nod.
When we were finally standing, Shannon just waited for me to make the first move, her hair practically covering her face as she stared at the floor. I sighed and took her ice-cold hand in my own, leading her to her room. She shivered slightly and I strode to her wardrobe to find some pyjamas for her to wear. Her clothes were damp from sitting on me for so long.
I wrinkled my nose at the array of clothes stuffed onto the shelves, and just grabbed the first thing that came to hand. I wasn’t going to even try and pretend I knew anything about women’s clothing. I’d just end up embarrassing myself. I shoved the bundle into her arms and steered her in the direction of her bathroom.

When she shut the door behind her, I peeled off my hoodie and kicked off my shoes. I looked around her room; it was in a state of organised clutter, and I noticed that the number of photos stuck on the wall had increased over the last couple of months. My heart warmed at the sight of pictures of Mark, Jay, Nikki, and even me. We’d joined those lucky enough to make it into Shannon’s life.
A picture of her two brothers caught my eye and the pain pulsing through my head tripled. I couldn’t understand why horrible things had to happen to people. Shannon’s family were some of the sweetest, most genuine people I’d ever met. They didn’t deserve this, and neither did Shannon. Ryan didn’t deserve it.
I felt a stab of my pain in my heart; pain for Shannon, her family and for everybody affected by the tragedy.
Whoever the driver had been, had made a mistake; a grave error in judgement. He should never have driven while drunk, let alone taken his friends with him. Now, he was going to have to live with the guilt of his actions for the rest of his life. He’d forever have those two deaths on his conscience.
I felt only pity for the nameless, faceless person who had just ruined his life.
And Shannon, well; I’d do anything for her. I’d do anything to change the past and wipe away the pain. I felt, helpless; knowing there was nothing I could do. What’s done is done; we can only move forward and hopefully learn to live with the consequences.
Images of my mother, lying cold and lifeless in the clinical space that was her room popped, unbidden, into my mind. I ruthlessly pushed them away. Now wasn’t the time for wallowing in my own self-pity. I had to put everything I had into being there for Shannon.
Feeling slightly awkward being in her room, I leant against the closed door while I waited.

I heard a loud crash and my head shot up. I relaxed again when I heard the muffled sound of cursing, followed by the door being pulled open. She just stood quietly in the doorway, not looking at anything in particular. I was halfway across the room before I knew what I was doing. She met my gaze for approximately two seconds before staring fixedly at the floor.
I brushed off the feelings of hurt blossoming within me, refusing to let the situation become about me – because it wasn’t. I took her hands in mine but she didn’t look up.
“Come on” I said, tugging her over to her bed. She acquiesced with a meekness that reminded me of a child following parental orders. She slid into her neatly made bed and immediately curled up on her side.
I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Try get some sleep” I whispered as I straightened, hating how fragile, and worn she looked.
I was about to turn and head for the door when she reached back and grabbed my arm. I stopped and looked over my shoulder at her expectantly.
“Please stay” she croaked.
I didn’t say anything; didn’t even stop to think about it. I climbed onto the bed, staying above the covers, and curled myself around her.

The blanket of silence was broken only by the quiet sound of Shannon crying. I knew she was trying to hide it; so I didn’t speak, just held her tightly against my chest. I didn’t know how long we lay there. I trailed my fingers up and down her arm, becoming slowly lost in my own thoughts.
I remembered a day not too long ago. By my calculation, it had only been around two weeks ago. It felt like much longer – so much had happened.
I just wanted to forget that day; when my whole life had changed irrevocably. I’d been so angry and I’d come home and taken my anger, my frustration, and even my hatred, out on Shannon.
I hadn’t been able to stop myself from kissing her. It had hurt more than I’d ever admit when she pushed me away. I’d laid myself bare, and told her I’d loved her. I’d even admitted for just how long I’d hidden my feelings for her.
The image of her just walking away without looking back was burnt into my mind. It made me realise that everything he’d said had been true. The knowledge wormed its way inside me, almost eclipsing the feeling of betrayal; but still, it festered, and I wasn’t sure it would ever go away. Parental abandonment will do that to you.
The memories fought their way to the forefront of my mind; I was helpless to stop them. I hugged Shannon to me as if that would help stem the flow. They overwhelmed me, and all I could do was sit back and watch.

I walked through the familiar doors, my feet leading me through my usual steps. I barely glanced up as Alicia, the head nurse, waved at me from her cluttered station.
My thoughts were all tangled up inside me; like a big, clinging web of darkness – but I guess that’s why I decided to visit. I needed to vent, to tell somebody about everything that had been going on; my problems, my hopes, and most of all; my fears. I needed to let everything out.
The doctors said we should talk to her, that the sounds of our voices would help. I didn’t believe it; maybe in the beginning, when there was still a faint hope that she’d wake up. Not now. My hope had long since been snuffed out, like a candle in the darkness. My mother was gone, no matter how much I wished she wasn’t.
But still, I came to visit. In part, it was a desperate attempt to gain my father’s approval, but mainly; it was an attempt to assuage my own guilt about what had happened. It was also a place where I could speak my thoughts aloud and know that I wouldn’t be judged. I was a coward.

I stepped into the achingly familiar room and immediately shivered. I hated this place. There was a new plant on the bedside table that I knew a nurse would have placed there when the old one died. Next, I looked to the painting above the bed – I hated the bright colours; like the pastoral scene was supposed to put me in a good mood, or something.
As always, I looked at the figure lying motionless in the bed last; and, as always, the sight of the person who used to be my mother hit me like a tangible force.
She’d been the one to take care of me and raise me. She’d promised she’d never leave. Bitterness and pain washed over me, and I fought the feeling, wishing that it would get easier. I’d been told that time heals all wounds. So far, I’d seen no evidence of that.
I stepped forward hesitantly, stopping at the head of the bed. I bent forward and kissed her cheek, murmuring an almost silent greeting. I hated the feeling of her waxy skin against my lips, but like the visits, it had become part of the routine. It was like a habit I couldn’t break; so I just went through the motions, not even bothering to fight anymore.

I pulled a chair over to the bedside and proceeded to just talk; in the hopes that by voicing my thoughts and opinions, everything would become clear. I eventually lapsed into silence, staring at the wall across from me. I still felt as lost as ever – clarity continued to elude me. The sound of the door opening and closing roused me from my thoughts.
I looked up with a sinking feeling, my mouth going suddenly dry when I saw who it was. “Dad.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
The man that was my father nodded once, curtly; his avid gaze already on his wife. I might as well have not been there. I told myself it didn’t hurt. He pulled a chair up on the opposite side of the bed, reaching for my mother’s hand. I turned away when he kissed her cold fingers.

At least fifteen minutes passed before he deigned to acknowledge me further. “That girl not with you today?” I just stared at him, lost for words.
“What was her name again; Shannon?” I just continued to stare at him.
“Don’t look at me like I’m stupid” he snapped.
“I’m sorry. I’m just surprised you remember her.” She must have made an impression.
He glared at me for a moment before his gaze turned distant. “She was a nice girl. Where is she?”
I shrugged, even though he wasn’t looking at me. “We’re not together anymore.” I winced, my voice sounding desolate, even to my own ears.
“I knew she was lying when she said you were just friends.” He smirked, like he was mentally congratulating himself on a job well done.

Buoyed by the interest my father seemed to be taking, I opened my mouth. I spoke without thinking; my first mistake. “I fucked it up. I cheated on her and now she hates me.” I stared at him in complete dismay when he laughed; the sound loud and mocking. I suddenly really regretted saying anything. I was about to be judged.
“I’m not surprised. If she had any sense, she would have listened to me.”
I tensed. “What is that supposed to mean?”
He looked at me, his expression far from nice. “It means, Nick, that this is typical of you; hurting those closest to you without a second thought.”
I made myself ignore his words, though I felt something deep inside me break. Something I’d harboured for a long time. “What do you mean, if she had any sense she would have listened to you?” I insisted, narrowing my eyes.
He sighed like the whole conversation was tedious to him. “I mean, I warned her that this would happen; that you’d break her heart. She was too good for you, anyway.”

I jumped out of my seat, anger and hatred washing over me. He stood up too, more hesitantly than I did. I saw and noted that hesitance with something close to satisfaction. “You said what?”
He shrugged like he didn’t care, but I saw the fear in his eyes. “I told her she should get out while she still could. She obviously didn’t listen.” He smiled condescendingly, any emotion in his eyes being covered by icy calmness.
“What the fuck is your problem? Why would you say something like that?”
“Somebody had to warn her” he sneered.
I curled my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms. “You’re my father! How the fuck could you say that to someone I love?”
He laughed again; “Love? If you loved her, you wouldn’t have hurt her. You should stay away from her, for her own good if nothing else.”
“Don’t pretend you know anything about love” I shouted.
“How dare you” he screamed and I saw his gaze slide to the bed between us, and the person lying in it.
“Oh, please” I said sarcastically. “It’s obvious that you don’t love me, and if you truly loved her-” I pointed to the person lying between us; “you’d let her go instead of hurting everybody by keeping her in this sad excuse for a life.”

His expression was livid, his voice low and deadly. “I suggest you watch what you say, son.” There was no affection in his tone; just anger and bitterness.
Now it was my turn to laugh as I headed for the door. I saw him for what he was; a sad old man who hated life. He was probably counting down the years until he could join his wife.
My whole life, he’d gotten his way through means of fear and exploiting weaknesses. In my mother’s case, it had been her love for him. For me, it wasn’t just the physical fear of him, but also my need for approval. I wasn’t that person anymore.
In the space of ten minutes, he’d rid me of any lingering hope that he would ever come to accept me. And as for the physical fear, well; I was now bigger and stronger than him. He couldn’t intimidate me anymore.
“Don’t you dare just walk away!” He shouted.
I stopped when I reached the door and whirled around. “You know what? You can go fuck yourself. I’m not coming to visit anymore, and I hope I never see you again. You crossed a line today, and I won’t forget it.” I turned, pulling the door open forcefully.

Once again, I stopped, but this time I didn’t look back. “She’d be ashamed.”
My voice seemed to echo loudly in the sudden, thick silence that fell over the room, though I didn’t shout. I didn’t need to specify who I was talking about. I didn’t check to see his reaction, just took a deep breath and left, anger still sizzling inside me.

I hadn’t realised I’d closed my eyes. I opened them and released my pent up breath, loosening my tight grip on Shannon. Her deep and even breathing told me that she was asleep but a glance at her face told me she was getting no respite. Her forehead was puckered into a frown.
I eased myself away from her, freezing when she moved restlessly. When she settled again, I stood up and tiptoed from her room. The first thing I needed was a shower and some dry clothes.
The sound of a phone ringing stopped me in my tracks. It was Shannon’s. I followed the sound over to the couch, locating the slim phone wedged between two cushions.
I checked the screen; it was her mother. I cursed as my gaze slid over to Shannon’s closed door. I didn’t want to wake her, but I couldn’t just let the call go to voicemail. I dithered for another two seconds before answering the call.

I opened my mouth to say something, to explain that it was me, but I didn’t get the chance. Carol’s tremulous voice spoke first. “Shannon? Are you there? I-”
“No, it’s me; Nick” I interrupted gently, but inside I was shocked. She sounded different, completely and utterly distraught.
One of the first things I’d noticed when we first met was how no-nonsense her attitude had been, and how strong she was. She was strict, but her love for her family was obvious. She didn’t sound like the same woman anymore. No parent should ever outlive their child.
“Oh…Nicholas, I’m sorry. Is Shannon there? She hung up on me earlier and-” She stopped, and it sounded like she was swallowing tears. I wished I could do something to comfort her.
“She just fell asleep” I told her. “She…didn’t take it well.” I awkwardly ran my hand through my hair. “I’m really sorry about what happened” I blurted out, feeling stupid when she was silent.
“Thank you, Nicholas; I’m glad you’re with Shannon. She needs somebody right now…we all do.” The last was almost whispered, and I felt myself wince as the weight of what she had said fell heavily on my shoulders.
“I’ll do everything I can” I told her honestly.
“I know you will. Now about the…funeral…” She paused. “It will be in a few days. I just finished booking two tickets to fly you home tomorrow.”
Her words didn’t quite register in my brain. “Two tickets?” I echoed.
“Of course. Shannon needs you, and we’d like it if you were here” she said softly.

A strange feeling swept through me. They wanted me to be there, and not just because they somehow felt obligated. It made more sense for me not to be there, considering how little I really knew Shannon’s family. And yet…and yet, they wanted me. It was an amazing feeling, and one that was entirely new to me.
“I can pay for the ticket” I started lamely, avoiding her previous comment. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.
“Nonsense; don’t be silly, Nicholas.” In that one moment, she sounded like herself. “Now, the flight is at half eight, so you’re going to have an early start in the morning.”
It really hit me then. In just a few hours’ time, I’d be on a plane. “We’ll be there” I confirmed.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She seemed to hesitate; “bring my baby home to me.”
The line went dead.

I dropped the phone back onto the couch beside me, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. I scrubbed my hands over my face, feeling suddenly exhausted.
Had it only been last night that I’d been dancing with Shannon? I had been so desperate for any excuse to have contact with her, to touch her. Everything was different now.
I wearily got to my feet and slouched into my room, heading straight for the shower. I spent as long as possible under the hot water, but I eventually had to get out.
I grabbed a towel and tied it firmly around my waist, bypassing the mirror as I stepped into my room. I really needed to shave, but it was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I’d probably end up cutting myself – several times – because I was so tired.

The sound of ringing cut through my sluggish thoughts. Shannon’s phone again. I hurried into the living room to get it, keeping a firm grip on my towel.
Fully expecting it to be Carol again, I answered without checking to see who it was. I shouldn’t have been at all surprised to hear Nikki’s almost frantic voice practically yelling in my ear. “What happened? Carla said-”
I cut her off. “This isn’t Shannon.”
“Nick?” Nikki’s voice immediately changed, becoming decidedly cool.
She’d never forgiven me for what I’d done. I gritted my teeth. While I could understand why she disliked, and maybe even hated, me; it grated on me to know that while I was doing everything I could to try and win Shannon’s trust back and get her to forgive me, Nikki was probably whispering in her ear; telling her that I couldn’t be trusted.
With effort, I pushed my personal feelings aside and focused on what she was saying.
“Why the hell are you answering Shannon’s phone? I want to talk to her, now.”

Once again, I gritted my teeth, biting back a sarcastic reply. I had to think of Shannon. “She’s asleep. And before you ask, no; I’m not going to wake her up so you can talk to her.”
Silence.
“What happened earlier?” she finally asked, sounding like it annoyed her to have to rely on me for information. “Carla said…” she trailed off.
“Carla should mind her own business and not spread things around. That’s how rumours get started” I bit out, disliking Nikki’s roommate more and more.
“So, you’re saying she’s lying?” Nikki’s voice rose in anger. She really was protective of her friends.
“I never said that” I countered, keeping my voice even, knowing it would probably irritate her.
“Then what the hell happened?” Yep, she was definitely irritated.
I sighed. “Ryan died.”
“Wh-what? How?” She choked out.
“Car accident” I said quietly.
I heard her murmur something that sounded like; oh, shit. I wasn’t the only one who knew how close Shannon had been to her brother.

“Is she alright?”
I stayed silent. What did she expect me to say, that Shannon was fine? Of course she wasn’t.
“Okay, stupid question” she admitted. “Should I come over?”
I shook my head, and then remembered she couldn’t see me. “No” I said instead. “She’s asleep and I don’t think she wants to see anyone. We’re flying to Ireland in the morning…I don’t know how long we’ll be gone.”
“You’re going too?”
“Yeah, I was just talking to her mother. She asked me to come, and she’s already booked the tickets.” The words sounded strange coming from my mouth, but not necessarily bad.
“I wish I could see her” she said, and I was sure she was speaking more to herself than me.
I answered anyway. “I’ll tell her you called” I offered. “And can you let the others know? I’m not up for talking to people right now” I said, stifling a yawn.
She didn’t ask who the others were. She didn’t need to. “Okay. Tell Shannon I’m really sorry, and give her a hug for me, will you?”
“Gladly” I told her without a trace of sarcasm. We hung up soon after.

I quickly went back to my room to throw on a pair of boxers before heading back to Shannon’s room, making sure all the lights were off as I went. I swiped her phone off the couch as well, as I passed by.
I quietly slid into her warm bed.
She shifted slightly. “Nick?” she murmured sleepily.
“It’s me” I whispered, wrapping myself around her.
“Don’t leave.”
“I won’t” I said firmly. “I spoke to your mother” I continued, “she booked you a ticket to fly home in the morning so we’ll have to be up early.”
She seemed to wake up a little more. “You’re coming with me, aren’t you?”
I hated the note of fear that crept into her voice. I kissed her hair; “of course, Sweetheart. Go back to sleep.”
“Okay” she said on a sigh, snuggling against me.
I waited until I was sure she was asleep before allowing myself to drift off, lulled by the soft susurrations of her breathing.