The Movies Make It Look Easy

Chapter 69

Nick’s P.O.V:

I slept for most of the flight home. I was exhausted, having not been able to sleep much in days.
Truthfully though, I think I used the darkness of sleep as a form of escapism - an attempt to rid myself of the worries and anxiety that plagued my waking hours. It obviously wasn’t working too well.
Something was wrong with Shannon. Nothing too dramatic; she seemed perfectly healthy and fine…to someone who didn’t know her very well. I did know her though, probably better than almost anyone else in the world, and so; even though I couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause of what was bothering me, I knew something was wrong. I could feel it.
Just the fact that we were on a plane, worried me. It had only been two days since the funeral. Surely Shannon should spend more time with her family. I kept remembering the look of hurt on her parents’ faces when Shannon broke the news to, not only the family, but me as well, that we’d be leaving.
She told us at dinner the day after the funeral – she’d already booked the tickets.
Carol had tentatively protested, saying that there was no need to leave so abruptly, that the college would understand our absence. I tended to agree with her, but Shannon wouldn’t even listen, leaving the room instead of discussing it. Everybody had looked to me, but all I could do was shrug because I had no idea what was going on.
When I finally made it upstairs, Shannon was already in bed, pretending to be asleep. I didn’t say anything because I knew that if she wanted to talk she wouldn’t pretend to be asleep. And so, I spent yet another restless night feeling utterly helpless because I just didn’t know what to do.

When I got up this morning, Shannon was already gone. She took the dogs for a walk and didn’t return until an hour before we left for the airport. She’d barely spoken to me since, and then only when she had to – preferably in monosyllabic answers. It was making me even more worried than I already was.
It felt like any progress we’d made in the last few days concerning our relationship had been wiped away. Just like that.

I was glad the flight wasn’t long – I hadn’t really taken to flying. It wouldn’t be my preferred mode of transport, though I couldn’t argue with the convenience. My much-needed nap only made the time spent cooped up in my seat seem shorter – something I definitely wasn’t complaining about.
I woke up just as the pilot announced our descent. I rubbed my eyes blearily, surreptitiously glancing over at Shannon – she’d once again taken the window seat, but this time a middle-aged woman sat between us. The aisle seat afforded me more leg-room, but I didn’t like not being beside Shannon.
She was staring out the window, in practically the same position she’d been in an hour and a half ago. Fuck.
Resigning myself to the fact that it would still be a while before I could get out of my seat, I sat back and closed my eyes, rubbing my temples to stave off an oncoming headache. Hopefully Mark would be on time. As soon as I knew our flight time, I’d texted him, asking for a lift. He’d seemed surprised that we were coming home so early, but I’d refused to elaborate on the situation. Some things you just couldn’t put in a text – especially when I wasn’t entirely sure what that something was.
I blew out a breath of frustration, opening my eyes again. The woman sitting to my left sent me a raised eyebrow look and I smiled weakly in return. How could things change so much in so little time?

My mind flew back to the day of the funeral. After leaving the church, many people had congregated in the Doherty’s house. It had been slightly overwhelming. But then, that was probably because I was surrounded by so many people I didn’t know. I wasn’t a fan of big crowds. I was aware that many people would find that surprising, but I didn’t really care.
However, I had gotten the chance to catch up with a few of Shannon’s friends, and finally met Holly’s older brother; Brian – he’d been a close friend of Ryan’s. I left out the fact that I’d once slept in his bed. I’m pretty sure he would have gotten the wrong impression.
Most notably, I’d been given the opportunity to make amends with Conor. I wasn’t sure how he would have reacted under different circumstances – I knew how much he cared about Shannon and could definitely sympathise – but he seemed to accept my apology for how I’d treated him. Granted, I hadn’t gone as far as to invite him back for another visit.
I’d also noticed the pointed look he’d directed at mine and Shannon’s joined hands. He didn’t say anything though. I really wanted to hate him because of his relationship with Shannon…but he was a genuinely nice guy and was I sure that if we got to know each other we’d probably become friends. Damn.

That night, Shannon cried herself to sleep in my arms – but not before making me promise once again not to leave her alone. Her next words continued to reverberate through my brain, even days later, and I replayed the conversation in detail to reassure myself when it seemed as if she’d forgotten I existed.
“You make the pain go away.” I’d never heard anybody sound so vulnerable before, and I never wanted to again.

The landing was quite quiet and we managed to disembark relatively quickly because we were so close to the back of the plane. I made Shannon wait while I went to get our luggage – easier said than done. She took hers without a word when I made it back to her, and immediately set off for the exit. I sighed and trailed along after her, telling myself to have patience.
Sure enough, Mark was waiting for us – along with Jay and Nikki. They all crowded around Shannon, hugging her and clamouring her with questions. I’d forgotten that they hadn’t actually seen her since the news of Ryan’s death broke. I’ve never seen a weaker, more brittle smile cross anyone’s face before. She extricated herself from her friends and turned to the doors, muttering what sounded like; “let’s go.”
Mark, Jay and Nikki all turned to me, each looking at a loss. Like with Shannon’s parents, all I could do was shrug and head for the doors. “Shannon, wait” I called. “We don’t know where Mark’s parked.”
She didn’t acknowledge my words, but she did stop and wait for the rest of us, letting Mark take the lead. Nikki and Jay continued to shoot her worried looks and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. The concept of subtlety obviously went over their heads.

The journey home was slightly awkward, nobody really knowing what to say; Shannon sitting silently in the passenger seat, staring out the window. At least the traffic wasn’t bad, otherwise we could have been stuck in the car for a long time…something I was sure none of us wanted.
When we returned from our trip at Christmas, we’d been inundated with questions pertaining to our stay. Now, there was nothing. It would hardly be appropriate to ask how the funeral was. Or should they ask? God, I was so out of my element it was scary. I spent the last half of the journey worry fretfully over what my friends may or may not say to Shannon.
Maybe I needed to sleep more…yeah, that was most likely my problem. Irrationality, here I come.

I handed Shannon the keys to go on in and unlock the apartment while I went to get our bags. Unsurprisingly, the others stayed back with me, no doubt waiting for her to move well out of earshot.
“Did something happen?” Jay asked; his brow furrowed with concern.
I arched one eyebrow at him before answering. “Besides the obvious?” I couldn’t help the sarcasm.
“Seriously, Nick” Mark glared.
I sighed; “I don’t honestly know. And it’s frustrating as hell.”
Nikki looked thoughtfully towards the apartment building. “Maybe I should talk to her. Sometimes you just need another girl to talk to. No offense.”
I was sceptical at best. “You’re welcome to try.”
I grabbed our suitcases and headed up the path without another word. Nikki caught up with me after a few steps and grabbed Shannon’s things from me before rushing off inside. I rolled my eyes at her haste – did she think I was going to follow her inside and insist on listening to the conversation? I wasn’t that much of a creep.

I hadn’t expected Nikki to get very far with Shannon, but I was still slightly disappointed, when only minutes later, she re-emerged from Shannon’s room. She shut the bedroom door behind her and came to join us on the couch.
“Any luck?” I admit, I was clutching at straws – maybe they just talked extremely fast?
She rested her head against Jay’s shoulder with a sigh. “Not even a little. She just said she didn’t want to talk and went to have a shower. End of.”
Nobody spoke. It seemed no one knew what to say. It was slightly comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one at a loss; that I wasn’t the only one who had run straight into a brick wall while attempting to get Shannon to open up. Some comfort, I thought darkly.
“So where do we go from here?” Mark piped up from the armchair. He’d slid so far down in his seat that he was only an inch or so away from landing on the floor.
I shrugged one shoulder awkwardly, keeping my eyes averted from the happy couple snuggled at the other end of the couch. “At the risk of sounding cliché, I suppose all we can do is give her time?” I punctuated my sentence with a sigh, my feeble attempt at humour falling flat.

We sat in silence for a long while, until we could hear the faint sounds of Shannon shuffling around in her room. She was obviously finished in the shower.
I rested my head back against the couch, one hand covering my eyes. I could almost feel the looks being exchanged between the other three. I decided to ignore them. I’d only get irritated otherwise and I couldn’t afford to alienate my best friends and the only other people who had a chance of helping Shannon. There was only so much her family could do from Ireland.
“We’d better go” Jay’s words were dropped into the silence, and if I hadn’t been expecting them, I probably would have flinched.
I waved my free hand in his general direction in acknowledgement of his words, but otherwise ignored them. I wasn’t even bothered looking up when I heard all three of them head for the door and leave.

I don’t know how long I sat there after they left, but I suspected that it wasn’t very long – each second that dragged by just seemed interminable. Finally, I dragged myself out of my seat, realising that I should probably check if Shannon was hungry. I wasn’t, but I’d make an effort if she wanted dinner. That is, if there was any food in the damn apartment. Not likely. At this point though, I wouldn’t even care if she sent me to get take out. I’d do it too. No wonder she said I was whipped, I mused.
Focusing on the matter at hand, I stepped over to her room; any traces of a good mood vanishing when faced with her closed door.

When I quietly opened the door, I saw Shannon sitting on the edge of the bed on the far side of the room. Her back, slightly hunched as she rested her elbows on her knees, was to me; her long hair cascading over her shoulders and blocking any view of her face. I knew the moment she realised I was in the room by the slight tension in her shoulders as she sat up stiffly.
I leaned against the doorway and crossed my arms over my chest in a fake show of nonchalance as she stood up and turned to face me. I was loath to show her my uncertainty.
Neither of us took a step towards each other. I hadn’t felt this reticent about approaching her in months – not since we fought all the time. Not since I was still trying to deny my feelings for her.
I’d do anything to stop that wall from going up between us, to stop that distance from becoming apparent again.
“Are you hungry?”
No response.
“Because it’s late, so if you wanted dinner…” I trailed off lamely; suddenly nervous of her stiff demeanour. She’d never seemed so emotionless before – not even when I thought she’d hate me forever. The thought gave me chills. It was like I didn’t even know her anymore.
“I’m fine.” Her words were clipped.
“I just want to go to bed, Nick.” No inflection in her tone.

Steeling myself against the fear creeping through me, I straightened and let my hands drop to my sides. “That’s fine, I could use some sleep myself.”
The too many days of almost no sleep were taking a toll on me. I took one step into the room, and then another before stopping in my tracks when she made eye contact for the first time since I opened the door.
“I’d like to be alone, actually.”
This time I did flinch, each word a shard of ice straight into my heart.
Blindly, I turned and left the room without another word, shutting the door firmly behind.

I stopped and balled my hands into tense fists, letting out a shaky breath. I berated myself for letting her words get to me, for letting the pain run unchecked.
Because if I’d really stopped to think about it, I probably would have seen this coming. Why was I so surprised?
I answered my own internal question. Because, up until now, no matter what I’d said or thought, some part of me had presumed that I’d have all the answers; that I’d be able to get through to Shannon…even when no one else could.
The idea was laughable, really. Why would I be able to succeed when Shannon’s own family couldn’t? It was a figment of my now bruised ego.
Maybe I’d imagined the connections that I thought could get us through everything? Maybe my feelings were unrequited?
I pushed the thought aside and headed for my room.
Time, I told myself. I just needed to give her time. I swallowed the bitter laugh that rose up within me. If only I could believe that.