Let's Start Over

It was half way through summer now and I had finally gotten over Zane and his stupid ass antics. I hadn’t heard from him since that fateful day when I left him behind at the lake. He didn’t come to say good bye to me, he just left never saying another thing to me again. I could’ve sworn that I would never go back to that lake again but during summer with the heat seeping through every open surface you needed to escape some how.

I walked slowly to what was once our tree. My eyes started to water and I let them slide down my cheeks, a few landing in my mouth but most sliding down my neck. They mix with my sweat and I try to relax my labored breathing. I walk out onto the dock and stare at the still water. It is unmoving and a mirror that reflects every thing above. I stare down into the water and see myself looking back. I step out of my shoes and clothes before I hop into the cool water.

The water envelops me in a cool embrace. I relax on the water, letting it hold my weight on its surface. I feel my mind wondering to the days I had spent here with Zane. The amazing friend he had been and the amazing boy that I had nearly fallen for. My mind wonders to the easy days spent with him in the sun. The first time I met him flew through my mind, the picture he drew so perfectly. He was right when he asked if I was lonely. I was so lonely.

But he wasn’t here when I needed him. He wasn’t here when I thought that my heart was broken and I had no friends. I thought that we would be able to be together for the whole summer but no, now I was alone. I hadn’t said good bye to my only friend and now I would never see him again. The thought alone made my eyes prick with fresh tears. I took a deep breath and let the water swallow me as I sank slowly into the dark depths.

My lungs start to burn and I push myself to the surface gasping for air. I swim back to the dock and lay out on the warm wood. I absorb the heat from the sun and feel the water drying quickly. My mind is everywhere and nowhere. I try to think of anything but the beautiful boy that I can’t be with. The boy that had told me he loved me and then left. He made no sense but still he took over my thoughts and my heart.

Summer had ended and I was done with everything. I was a shell of who I once was and nothing but Zane would give it back to me. I wanted to be whole again, I wanted things to go back to the way they were before he left. I was weeks into school and I walked with the people that were no my friends with out talking to them. I walked beside them listening to their mundane issues that I could care less about. I was oblivious to the world around me and the people that didn’t matter anything to me. My family didn’t offer any solace and I felt alone in the world.

When I get home I find something that I would never expect, something so unreal. I walk closer and squint my eyes trying to block any glare. But it seems no matter what way I look at it he is still there, sitting on my stoop with his hands resting on his forehead as he sits there, his dark hair falling around him. I walk slowly forward and he seems to hear my footsteps for he looks up at me. He has dark bags under his startling green eyes. I almost forgot how green they were, they were never that bright in my minds eye.

“What are you doing here?” My voice isn’t as harsh as I want it to be. It comes out in a semi-squeak. I am standing before him now wondering what will happen next. He stands up and we are so close I almost forget all that has happened for the past months. I can smell his sweet smell, he smells like charcoal and paper and a mix of sunflowers and something else.

“I needed to see you again.” His voice breaks a little bit and I try not to giggle at the sound. He looks down at me but I look away trying to hide the hopeful expression that is probably written all over my face. I can’t help but feel hopeful to see him again.

“You’re the one that left in the first place, right after you told me that you loved me.” My voice is barely above a whisper and I look past him to see the door right there, so close, yet so far away. I should just ignore him, shove past him and walk through the door leaving him behind. But no I couldn’t do that; no matter how hard I tried I would never do that to him. I could never leave him.

“I didn’t want to leave you, I wanted to stay here. I’m so sorry Gabi. I just wish you could forgive me. Will you ever be able to love me again?” His voice is pleading. I look toward him my eyes icy.

“Who ever said I loved you?” My voice is harsh, it is a knife slicing through the air and hitting home. He looks at me a hurt expression written all over his face, he seems to be out of breath for a second before he takes my hand in his and pulls me into my yard and under the shade of a great green tree. I don’t try to pull my hand from his warm embrace.

“I just get the feeling that you do.” He smiles at me and I can’t help the smile that comes to my lips. He starts to lean toward me and it seems like I have no control over my legs what so ever. I am on tip toe when our lips meet. The world stops for a moment, and I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s like I can feel my empty shell being filled again. I am the person I always am when I’m with Zane, the person that loves life and loves him. When we pull apart our foreheads rest against each others and we are both out of breath and smiling.