Pray To The Killer Stars

I couldn't breathe after he ran out of the room. My heart felt like it was beating so hard that it might fly out of my sore ribs. In a way, it felt like that night where everything faded to black, except it was a good type of fear this time. My mind seemed to collect the all-too-familiar fog and I tried not to focus on what had just happened for too long. I knew that it couldn't be ignored forever when my heart was beating faster than the thrum of my fingers on my knee, though.

“Where'd he go?” I whispered to myself. It wasn't like I was surprised or shocked of his sudden disappearance. I'm used to Charles running, used to him running away from his problems. He sets his mind on his running and I catch him running laps on the track occasionally after school. I always tell him to join the track team, but he refuses, saying that he does it to get away from everybody. He never wants to be the center of attention and he's pretty anti-social. It's not like I'm not, either. We're both the loners sitting at a table alone with a couple of stray students, like Stephanie.

I wish that I could set my mind to something the way that Charles sets his mind to his running. It seems like I have no way to get away from my thoughts and all the pain that happens at home.

He's probably gone. He probably already ran out of the hospital. By the time I see him again, he'll have already forgotten.

There was no way that could have been nothing. I hat to admit that I felt something in that quick moment and it couldn't be ignored. It felt like the... kiss... should have been longer, and it felt right... somehow. That kiss felt like it had happened at the right place and at the right time. For some strange reason, I found myself wishing that it had lasted longer. His lips fit my mouth perfectly, but I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head. After all, Stephanie's my girlfriend. I can't cheat on her... especially not with a guy. Let alone my best friend.

My head was so confused and whirling with thoughts that I didn't have time to comprehend. By the time I would get close to grasping a thought, it would be gone again and there seemed to be no way to catch it again. What I couldn't get over was that the situation hadn't seemed awkward. It hadn't been how it had supposed to be, even though I kept thinking that it had been. The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt. I felt myself gaining a headache with all the words rushing in and out of my brain. If only my brain could be one to run quicker. Then I could get better grades and make sense of what Tiffany is saying half the time. She's always reciting the formula of pi and old riddles.

“Blake?” I felt a door creak open to my right and I felt my eyes flutter open. I hadn't realized that I closed them while I was debating. I groaned as pain shot through my temple when I sat up. “What's wrong?” I felt hands on my head before I could even see who was in the room. Then I saw her face.

“Steph?”

“Yeah, baby, it's me. I heard what happened. Oh my gosh! How could this have happened?” Her tall figure towered over me, and her hazel eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim light. The t-shirt that she was wearing brought a smile to my face instantly. It was the one that I bought for her last Christmas, the one with the smiley face wearing a Santa hat. It was so predictable and over-used, but we both love it. Then the smile disappeared when I realized what she was talking about, and it felt like my heart had flown up into my throat.

“I am so sorry.”

“Why, Blake, why would you be sorry? Please don't apologize. I just don't understand. Why didn't you call? You know that we could have talked. I'm always here for you when you need me.”

“I know, but I don't know,” I found myself sighing as I looked up at the ceiling. Then her lips were against mine in a matter of seconds and I found myself shudder. Charles had been kissing my lips just a couple of minutes ago, and now it's Stephanie? I found myself pushing away from her grasp, but my heart hurt even more when I saw the hurt in her eyes. I didn't even know why I hadn't wanted to kiss her. We had been together for six months, and I had always felt connected with her, but this time it was different. Something was about to happen that I couldn't understand. It felt like I couldn't understand anything even if I tried.