Pray To The Killer Stars

Just like anybody else would, I was left asking why? Blake had always seemed so happy at school. I swear that kid is full of smiles and laughter. I guess it’s just that I’m surprised by how much he’s able to hide with a simple smile. I would never have thought he would take is so far, and all of us are worried. Stephanie called to inform me the day after and I had dropped the phone to the bathroom floor, not picked it up, and ran back to my room to blast my music.

“Tiffany Saunders!” The PE teacher screamed from a hidden corner of the track. I hadn’t realized that I had stopped running. “Keep running or else I will have to mark you down.” I did as she asked and my feet began moving again.

“Tiffany, wait, wait up!” I felt a hand grasp my wrist and turned around to face Stephanie.

“Huh?”

“I just want to run with you.” And then it was silent again as we went back into our separate little words. It hurt seeing how much one simple action of Blake’s could affect so many. I could never have a simple conversation with my friends after. The air around the lunch tables always put up an aura of tense, dense air. It was as if my head would be sucked off if I were to murmur a single word. One single word and it would lead to the apocalypse, people running from a fire in terror. It hadn’t been that way before, but it had always been Blake or Charles to start the topics first. Well, Charles always had to start it off by blurting out an awkward word, but Blake could start a conversation successfully at least.

Charles was worrying me, too. He barely talked and I could tell that his mind always someplace else. His head is always in the clouds, but this was worse. He didn’t talk at lunch and he stared up at the sky mostly. And when I talk to him, it’s like he hears me, yet he doesn’t at the same time.

“You feel it?” I suddenly let fly from my lips as I turned to face Stephanie. Her neck snapped in my direction and I heard a small pop. She had obviously been someplace else. And who could blame her? This was her boyfriend who had attempted suicide. She hadn’t been very functional, but she knows how to live without somebody holding her hand and that’s probably why she’s my best friend and the one who I can always count on. We don’t need to hug each other every five minutes to know the other half is going to be there in the end to talk to. She’s the only one that I have to talk to, but sometimes I make the mistake of not telling anybody what I feel. Sometimes it even takes me to how Blake was feeling, but I try not to get too down. I try to bring my mind to a clearer utopia, but our world isn’t perfect and that always rains on my parade. God let this happen to Blake and I don’t get why he’s not there all the time for people like us.

“Feel what?” Her eyes were blank and I couldn’t held but presume that her head wasn’t screwed on right.

“I don’t know. The air just has felt really tense since... it... happened.” We don’t say what happened aloud. It just makes the air worse, but there’s always something that brings the topic up again. Then we’re sitting down and talking about it. If only this could all go away and never happen again, but suicide and suicide attempts happen every day around the world, and sometimes there’s nowhere to hide. We’re left to fend for ourselves and, I admit, we do a terrible job.

“Yeah.” And she was gone again. That was all she was going to offer me? I was trying to start a conversation and possibly fix something, but it wasn’t going to work if she wasn’t willing to talk about it. Perhaps I should have noticed that some don’t get over this type of occurrence as quickly as I do. I had just thought that the girl with the hazel eyes that plays football with the other boys could be stronger than this. She had to be so weak that she just blocked all of it out.

“That’s all you’re going to say? I mean, we’re not going to get over this if nothing happens.”

“What’s supposed to happen then?” I didn’t realize that she was listening.

“I want to get over all of this... probably faster than you do, but we’re not going to fix anything if we don’t talk. We need to discuss what to do. I don’t know... plan.”

“You can’t plan these type of things. Blake,” she choked, “is going to do what he wants to when he gets out. We don’t need to keep him from doing anything.”

“So what if he tries again? Are you just going to let it all go down?”

“He’s having issues at home. What are you going to do ab-”

“Call the police. I don’t know. If it’s happening at home, there’s a lot of precautions that we could take. At least take him out of there. Give him some breathing room so that he’s not getting hurt anymore.”

“And where do you suppose he is going to stay?”

“He can come stay at my place. I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t mind.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Just for a while.”

“He’s my boyfriend. He shouldn’t be staying with my best friend. He should be staying with me.”

“Then make him stay at your place! I don’t care. I’m worried and leaving him at his place is obviously not going to help him. Or you. Or me.”

“He has a mind of his own. He can do what he wants.” Her breathing was getting quicker and she sped up in front of me. I watched as I lost her, spitting out the dust that she left behind.