Compare and Contrast

We were back at my house. It was sometime after eight. The sky was already dark, only illuminated by the moon and the stars. I was on the floor between Matt N and Oli in front of the T.V. I was lying on my stomach, propped up on my elbows watching the two of them battle on some Mario game on the old school nintendo. Tom and Matt K were wrestling and Curtis and Lee were looking up retarded videos on the internet.

Feeling bored with just sitting there watching them play, I stood and left my room, walking out onto my balcony. For a moment, I critisized myself for not just opening these doors instead of throwing myself out my bedroom window the night before, but then I remembered my original intention was to climb down the tree right by my window.

I ran my hands over my arms. There weren't any cuts to show it had ever happened.

I sat down and leaned back against the railing. I sat all the way to the side so the light from my bedroom didn't shine on me.

There was a noise in the tree just then. I looked, but found nothing. I squinted into the darkness. I swear I could see a row of gleaming white teeth, with two pointy ones just smiling out at me. There was a scrape in front of me. I whipped back around but again found nothing.

Except for a glass shard with dried blood on it. It took me a second to realize that the blood was spelling out words. I had to lean forward to let some light on it so I could read it.

I'm real

I wanted to throw it over the edge, but instead I set it down on the edge so it was out of the way. Whether that was to prevent someone stepping on it or prevent someone finding it, I wasn't sure.

I sighed and pulled out my pack of cigarettes I'd just bought earlier that day. I opened it and stared into it. I had already smoked half the pack. I pulled one out and put it between my lips.

"Panic, what are you doing?"

I jumped. I looked up. I hadn't even noticed Oli walk out here.

He frowned and held his hand out to me. I knew he was telling me to give the pack to him. I knew he didn't want me smoking. I stared at the pack then looked back up to him. Then I smiled and pulled one out and handed it to him.

He looked at it, then back to the pack, then back to the one I'd handed him. He shrugged and sat down next to me. "Light me up?" he asked.

I pulled out my lighter and held it between us. He leaned towards me a little bit and we both lit our cigarettes. He smiled. "Thank you."

I nodded.

Tom walked out onto the balcony after that. He ran his fingers through his hair and rested against the railing.

"Finally done fucking around with Kean?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

He jumped. "Shit, I didn't know you two were out here!"

I laughed. He sat down in front of me. I leaned forward and blew some smoke into his face.

He smirked. "You know, when you do that it means you want to fuck that person?"

"I know what it means."

"Well," Oli said, standing up, "I'll leave you kids to it, then." He took one last drag and threw the cigarette down into the yard. He patted his brother on the back. "Be good." And then it was just Tom and me.

He sat where Oli had just been. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever. After I finally finished my cigarette, I tossed it down into the darkness below and leaned my head on Tom's shoulder.

"I'm freezing."

Tom laughed. "You just now finally decide to say something? We've been out here now for, what, ten minutes?"

"Shut up and make me warm."

He gave me his half grin that I adored. He took one arm out of his jacket and pulled it around me, allowing me to put my arm in it's place. I had to scoot even closer to him, not that I minded.

"So, tell me now, why did you run off from the party like that?"

I frowned even though he couldn't see it. "I was just pissed off. Lee was off telling Trenton some shit and wouldn't tell me. Just 'Oh, you don't need to worry about it,' or 'I can't tell you.' And Craig has the nerve to fucking punch Lee! And he was going to hit me, too!"

"Well, you did jump into the middle of a fight, Panic," Tom said, being the rational person, er, vampire, he is.

"I know," I said with a sigh. "I just get really angry and act before I have time to think."

He nodded.

I half-smiled. "You saved my life, you know," i said quietly.

I stared into his eyes, that same icy blue color I'd found myself staring into when I'd fallen from my window.

"Yeah, don't ever throw yourself out of a window again."

I laughed. "I don't plan on it."

"Why were you pissed at me, Panic?"

"You do the same thing at every party, Tommy. You get drunk off your ass and then fuck around with some slut. Do you have any idea how that feels? It's like I'm always on the outside looking in. Sometimes, i just wish I was in place of that slut. I mean, minus the slut part."

"Panic," Tom said, "you mean so much more to me than that. You are so fucking gorgeous. There have been so many times when I can barely restrain myself. You're so fucking perfect. I know you fuck up, but the way you handle the consequences... You're amazing. I can't let myself touch you. God, I want to so bad. But, Panic... I can't taint you. I can't ruin you like that."

I felt like this was the first moment of sincerity I'd ever experienced.

"How would you ruin me? I trust you, Tom."

"But I don't trust myself. Panic, I'm dangerous. You don't know what I'm capable of."

"And I don't care. I've known you for years, Tom. I've been friends with all of you and you're all fucking vampires. It took me over ten years to figure it out. And in that ten years, you never once hurt me. None of you. And, as the two youngest of the group, we should stick together."

We both knew the last part was just me being silly. But that must have put him at ease because he laughed finally.

I stared into his eyes, looking for any sign that he was just making up excuses. He wasn't.

"Panic, we can't-"

I laughed and shook my head. "Just shut up and kiss me."

He looked at me. Maybe he was waiting for me to change my mind or show some sign that I was a little frightened. But I wasn't.

He broke out into a grin and leaned forward.

For the first time, I was finally the one feeling his soft lips move with mine. But it wasn't like the kisses he gave to those girls at the parties, which were rough and full of lust. This one was gentle and sweet. I could swear my heart was about to hammer out of my chest from happiness.

He pulled away suddenly. "No, Panic, Damn it, I can't be with you!" He was breathing heavily, looking like he was about to cry.

I shook my head. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

"Panic..." He looked so torn. "I've killed people. I'm a monster."

I quirked a brow. "Yeah, and I drank Dakota's blood last night and I'm new at this." I realized that I'd just called Dakota by her first name for the first time in a long time. "See? You're making me a better person already."

He sat there staring at me for a few seconds. He finally grinned again, shaking his head at me. "Oh, dear, dear Panic."

The world around us seemed to disapper like smoke and then we were kissing again.