Status: Hiatus.
Compare and Contrast
Heart That’s Fueled by Hatred
After my arrival home from school, I waved goodbye to Lee and went straight to my parents’ room. She looked a mess. The oxygen machine was on and the TV was playing a very dramatic movie from what I could see on the LifeTime. I felt terrible seeing my mom’s condition. Especially since she was left alone all day.
“Hi mom,” I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Hi Dakota, how was school sugar?” A small smile formed on my lips when I heard the nickname my mother hadn't called me in a long time. Her blue eyes looked brighter than usual, and her skin looked healthier.
My mom had been so beautiful before the cancer struck, bright blue eyes, fair skin, 50’s pinup girl curves, and full lips. Her naturally blonde hair lost the sun streaks and she’d become a stick from all the eating and vomiting. Dad thought she was doing it on purpose. Eating then throwing up to lose weight, though she was never big to begin with, just curvy. I was convinced by my dad at first that the things she did were on purpose, honestly, until she'd talked to me about how it was hard to keep the food down when everything disgusted her.
“It was okay. I think I’m going out tonight…if that’s alright.”
“You have my permission; I’ll tell dad I let you go if he asks.”
“Hopefully he’ll let me,” I opened the blinds to let the sun in and took a seat on the bed, “Do you need anything?”
“No,” my mom seemed to be in a daze.
“Call for me if you do, I’ll be in my room,” I stood at the doorway, waiting for her final words before my departure.
“Mhm.”
+++
I was beyond nervous.
Craig called me at 6PM asking me that if I was still interested in hanging out they were planning on going to a party. I wasn’t big on going to parties with strangers but I really needed to get out. Plus, Craig will be there, I thought when I finished straightening my hair. I put effort and time into my appearance more than usual wanting to impress Craig and his friends. My outfit was simple, casual, and a good choice for the autumn weather. I even took the time to sit down and coat my nails with a pale shade of pink nail polish. The finishing touch was some bangles-both wooden and gold-and my favorite floral print bracelet.
“There’s a car honking outside,” my dad’s rough voice stated from the kitchen. I hadn’t even noticed him get home from work, “Were we expecting someone?”
“It’s my friend. Mom let me go out for a while.”
“Have fun.”
+++
“This is Max. Bryan or Monte - whichever you prefer,” Craig pointed to his friends. One of the boys, Max I believe, was looking at me weirdly. He was good-looking, his long black hair and green eyes went with his face, “And that dude over there is Robert.”
“Hi Dakota, It’s nice to meet you,” Bryan had a gap between his teeth that made him look like a little kid. It reminded me of Lee for some reason.
“Your smiles adorable,” I gushed. My eyes went wide when I realized it had just slipped from my mouth.
Bryan blushed. “Its part of my charm,” he joked.
I rolled my eyes playfully and placed my hands on my hips, “Don’t let it get to your head.”
I was content that he hadn't taken it seriously.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hi Lee,” I felt myself getting hotter. Not because I was attracted to Lee in a romantic way, but rather because all attention was on me, it was making me feel a bit claustrophobic, “Craig invited me.”
I averted my eyes from his gaze to the people dancing, attempting to seem distracted.
“Oh. Okay. Have fun, I guess. See you around.” And with that he was gone.
“Why are you friends with him?” a foreign voice asked.
“Max, don’t start.”
“What?” I looked between Craig and Max, waiting to know what was up.
“Nothing. Just - nothing.” Max shook his head and walked off.
“Ignore him. He’s just on his man-period,” Craig joked. I could only give him a weak smile in return.
+++
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to stare into the face of the girl who's appearance mimicked mine. I.e: Black hair and green eyes, otherwise known as Karma Panic.
Her eyes were blank. "Lee convinced me you're not a bitchy prep like your friends and I should talk to you."
"Why does he want you to talk to me?" I asked, crossing my arms.
She shrugged. "He doesn't like Craig."
Craig, who was standing right next to us, just gave her a dumbfounded expression.
"Yeah, and he won't tell me why. So, unless he gives me a good reason like Craig’s a rapist or something, I'm not going to stop hanging out with him." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. What the hell do these guys have against each other? What did I have to do with any of this?
Karma Panic took a huge swig from whatever mixture she had in her cup and threw it to the floor. Fortunately, it was empty.
She leaned against the wall. "So, are you coming with us or staying with him?" She jerked her head at Craig as the aforementioned him.
I looked towards Craig. He shrugged his shoulders. "Your choice," he said bitterly.
I looked back at the raven-haired girl. "I think I'll just hang with Craig for awhile."
She laughed and threw her head back. "Your choice, sweetie."
See, that might have bothered me if I didn't know she was drunk.
She looked past my shoulder and bit at one of her lips rings, then tongued it. She tilted her head a little bit with her eyes halfway closed. I looked behind me to see what she was staring at and felt the tension as my eyes collided directly into the path of Max's. They were much darker green than they had been earlier, and I could tell that even with a twenty foot distance separating us. He didn't look away, and that just made it all the harder for me to avert my gaze, and my thoughts.
If I would just turn a little bit, I could so easily close the space between us. We wouldn't have to stare! He could hold me, and I could just fall into the depths of his eyes and-
I ripped myself from my weird thoughts and spun my head back around to find Karma Panic glaring daggers at me. Because I was looking at Max? Ha! She needs to get over it, I saw him first! Well, earlier.
"Lee's in the kitchen right now if you want him," she spoke monotonously, shoving past me.
“I didn’t ask where L-Lee was,” my attempt at snapping backfired with my stutter.
I let out a sigh and turned to Craig who was giving me a funny look.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“We just don’t get along,” Robert finally spoke after being silent. He took a sip of his drink and sat up on the red couch with a frown on his lips. “Never have, and probably never will.”
“Why?”
Robert seemed to be in deep thought, “Because...I really don’t know.”
“That’s just stupid.”
“I have a headache,” Bryan announced, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes.
“You’re giving me a headache.”
“So many sick people at one party, maybe yeh kids should head home-” my head snapped toward the face of Oliver Sykes. He had some girl latched onto his shoulder who looked lost.
“Maybe your mom should head home,” Max retorted, giving Oliver a dirty look.
“Silly, my mom is at home.”
“What do you need?” I wasn’t going to watch stupid boys insult each other; I simply wanted to get straight to the point and enjoy the rest of the night.
Still, I couldn't help but think everyone knew something I didn’t know.
“Lee needs teh talk teh yeh, bu' if yeh’re busy with these," he paused for a moment. "Fags, stay here.”
“You need someone to fuckin-”
“I’m gonna go talk to Lee,” I cut Max off and pushed his chest to make him back down. I felt a tingling sensation when I did this, but ignored it-and his gaze- and let to the kitchen.
“You needed to talk to me?”
“Hi mom,” I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Hi Dakota, how was school sugar?” A small smile formed on my lips when I heard the nickname my mother hadn't called me in a long time. Her blue eyes looked brighter than usual, and her skin looked healthier.
My mom had been so beautiful before the cancer struck, bright blue eyes, fair skin, 50’s pinup girl curves, and full lips. Her naturally blonde hair lost the sun streaks and she’d become a stick from all the eating and vomiting. Dad thought she was doing it on purpose. Eating then throwing up to lose weight, though she was never big to begin with, just curvy. I was convinced by my dad at first that the things she did were on purpose, honestly, until she'd talked to me about how it was hard to keep the food down when everything disgusted her.
“It was okay. I think I’m going out tonight…if that’s alright.”
“You have my permission; I’ll tell dad I let you go if he asks.”
“Hopefully he’ll let me,” I opened the blinds to let the sun in and took a seat on the bed, “Do you need anything?”
“No,” my mom seemed to be in a daze.
“Call for me if you do, I’ll be in my room,” I stood at the doorway, waiting for her final words before my departure.
“Mhm.”
+++
I was beyond nervous.
Craig called me at 6PM asking me that if I was still interested in hanging out they were planning on going to a party. I wasn’t big on going to parties with strangers but I really needed to get out. Plus, Craig will be there, I thought when I finished straightening my hair. I put effort and time into my appearance more than usual wanting to impress Craig and his friends. My outfit was simple, casual, and a good choice for the autumn weather. I even took the time to sit down and coat my nails with a pale shade of pink nail polish. The finishing touch was some bangles-both wooden and gold-and my favorite floral print bracelet.
“There’s a car honking outside,” my dad’s rough voice stated from the kitchen. I hadn’t even noticed him get home from work, “Were we expecting someone?”
“It’s my friend. Mom let me go out for a while.”
“Have fun.”
+++
“This is Max. Bryan or Monte - whichever you prefer,” Craig pointed to his friends. One of the boys, Max I believe, was looking at me weirdly. He was good-looking, his long black hair and green eyes went with his face, “And that dude over there is Robert.”
“Hi Dakota, It’s nice to meet you,” Bryan had a gap between his teeth that made him look like a little kid. It reminded me of Lee for some reason.
“Your smiles adorable,” I gushed. My eyes went wide when I realized it had just slipped from my mouth.
Bryan blushed. “Its part of my charm,” he joked.
I rolled my eyes playfully and placed my hands on my hips, “Don’t let it get to your head.”
I was content that he hadn't taken it seriously.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hi Lee,” I felt myself getting hotter. Not because I was attracted to Lee in a romantic way, but rather because all attention was on me, it was making me feel a bit claustrophobic, “Craig invited me.”
I averted my eyes from his gaze to the people dancing, attempting to seem distracted.
“Oh. Okay. Have fun, I guess. See you around.” And with that he was gone.
“Why are you friends with him?” a foreign voice asked.
“Max, don’t start.”
“What?” I looked between Craig and Max, waiting to know what was up.
“Nothing. Just - nothing.” Max shook his head and walked off.
“Ignore him. He’s just on his man-period,” Craig joked. I could only give him a weak smile in return.
+++
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to stare into the face of the girl who's appearance mimicked mine. I.e: Black hair and green eyes, otherwise known as Karma Panic.
Her eyes were blank. "Lee convinced me you're not a bitchy prep like your friends and I should talk to you."
"Why does he want you to talk to me?" I asked, crossing my arms.
She shrugged. "He doesn't like Craig."
Craig, who was standing right next to us, just gave her a dumbfounded expression.
"Yeah, and he won't tell me why. So, unless he gives me a good reason like Craig’s a rapist or something, I'm not going to stop hanging out with him." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. What the hell do these guys have against each other? What did I have to do with any of this?
Karma Panic took a huge swig from whatever mixture she had in her cup and threw it to the floor. Fortunately, it was empty.
She leaned against the wall. "So, are you coming with us or staying with him?" She jerked her head at Craig as the aforementioned him.
I looked towards Craig. He shrugged his shoulders. "Your choice," he said bitterly.
I looked back at the raven-haired girl. "I think I'll just hang with Craig for awhile."
She laughed and threw her head back. "Your choice, sweetie."
See, that might have bothered me if I didn't know she was drunk.
She looked past my shoulder and bit at one of her lips rings, then tongued it. She tilted her head a little bit with her eyes halfway closed. I looked behind me to see what she was staring at and felt the tension as my eyes collided directly into the path of Max's. They were much darker green than they had been earlier, and I could tell that even with a twenty foot distance separating us. He didn't look away, and that just made it all the harder for me to avert my gaze, and my thoughts.
If I would just turn a little bit, I could so easily close the space between us. We wouldn't have to stare! He could hold me, and I could just fall into the depths of his eyes and-
I ripped myself from my weird thoughts and spun my head back around to find Karma Panic glaring daggers at me. Because I was looking at Max? Ha! She needs to get over it, I saw him first! Well, earlier.
"Lee's in the kitchen right now if you want him," she spoke monotonously, shoving past me.
“I didn’t ask where L-Lee was,” my attempt at snapping backfired with my stutter.
I let out a sigh and turned to Craig who was giving me a funny look.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“We just don’t get along,” Robert finally spoke after being silent. He took a sip of his drink and sat up on the red couch with a frown on his lips. “Never have, and probably never will.”
“Why?”
Robert seemed to be in deep thought, “Because...I really don’t know.”
“That’s just stupid.”
“I have a headache,” Bryan announced, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes.
“You’re giving me a headache.”
“So many sick people at one party, maybe yeh kids should head home-” my head snapped toward the face of Oliver Sykes. He had some girl latched onto his shoulder who looked lost.
“Maybe your mom should head home,” Max retorted, giving Oliver a dirty look.
“Silly, my mom is at home.”
“What do you need?” I wasn’t going to watch stupid boys insult each other; I simply wanted to get straight to the point and enjoy the rest of the night.
Still, I couldn't help but think everyone knew something I didn’t know.
“Lee needs teh talk teh yeh, bu' if yeh’re busy with these," he paused for a moment. "Fags, stay here.”
“You need someone to fuckin-”
“I’m gonna go talk to Lee,” I cut Max off and pushed his chest to make him back down. I felt a tingling sensation when I did this, but ignored it-and his gaze- and let to the kitchen.
“You needed to talk to me?”