New Years Day

It was New Year's eve.

Everyone else was drunk and happily doing whatever they pleased. I sat there watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on mute, as everyone else reveled in their festivities. Then suddenly the countdown was here, it had snuck up upon us. Virtually everyone stopped what they were doing and began to countdown.

10...
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...

Happy New Years were heard from every direction. Everyone soon began to hustle and find a partner for that perfect New Year's kiss. I looked back at the television, and the same thing was occurring in Times Square. I turned the t.v. off and headed outside. I've never been a much of a party person, especially when it was parties that Caleb threw.

Caleb was that guy. The guy that everyone secretly hated, the guy that everyone secretly wanted to be or be with. Worst of all Caleb was my little brother.

Outside it was cold and snowing lightly. I fell back into the snow and started staring at the stars. Stars have always been a bit of a interesting concept to me. All the stars people see are dead, they've been dead for years, but it's the idea that just lives on. It's a really bizzare thing when you think about it.

I would have stayed outside for longer, but I wasn't wearing a coat and so the only thing between me and the cold was my shirt which really wasn't protecting anything. so I found myself slipping back into the house and finding my way into my bedroom.

"This room is off limits" a female voice snapped from inside the room.

"To the general public maybe, but I'm pretty sure this is my bedroom so I have every right to be here." I said cautiously still leaning on the door frame.

"Christ Caleb don't you know what it means to leave!" she screamed back at me her voice cracking with emotion of some sort.

"I'm not Caleb" I said back quietly analyzing the woods of the door frame. This always seemed to happened I was always being compared or mistaken for Caleb, and I always disappointed in the end.

“Like hell you aren't!" And with that there was a sudden movement across the room and a girl popped up in front of me, before I even had a good chance to look at her she slapped me.

"Oh god, you really aren't Caleb. I'm- I'm so sorry' she said quickly retreating a little bit away from me.

“It’s alright I get mistaken for him a lot he’s just my little brother” I rubbed my face where she had hit me, I figured my face was now red from how badly it stung from where she hit me.

“Oh, you must be Mateo” she said her voice disdainful as she said Mateo.

I nodded and she scoffed. “Oh I’ve heard all about you Mateo. You’re worse than Caleb, in fact you’re his role model you are the exact reason why Caleb is Caleb.” Venom dripped from every word she threw at me, I shrank back at the weight of her words, the sad reality was that everything she said was true.

“People have the ability to change you know” that was my only defense, I doubt she would believe it.

“Sweetheart the only thing that can change are the times and the seasons, and you’re neither one.” she said, and I finally took into account how much she hated me, and how she never knew me.

“Why do you hate me so much?” she gave me a cruel smile, I didn’t know to be afraid or not so I looked back to the wooden frame of the door, and stared at the crevices within it.

“Because, it’s bastards like you that just make me want to fucking quit.” her voice was cracking and when I looked up at her I swore I saw the hint of a tear.

I looked down the wooden floor, and let my eyes linger there as I spoke “ I really am a different person now, and I’m sorry for whatever Caleb did to you.”

She never responded instead she began to cry. I could never stand crying, even as a child I couldn’t stand it. So in an effort to get her to stop I wrapped my arms around her small frame and let her soak my shirt with her tears.

I swear it was this damn holiday that did this to people, it was either you couldn’t end the year the way you wanted to, or you weren’t staring off the year in the “right” way, and in the end all you ended up with was a hangover and less sleep than you deserved.

The girl finally stopped crying and pulled away from me, I looked down at my shirt, and there was a spot in the shape of her crying face. I looked back at her she was now sitting in my window sill staring at the snow as it gracefully fell to the ground.

“I just want to go somewhere far away from here” she said sadly, “Somewhere away from a place like Boston, somewhere where it’s beautiful, where the weather is always nice, somewhere like California, where all my worries will be off somewhere else. But you wouldn’t know about that because everything goes in your favor doesn’t it?” I sat on my bed and she looked back at me, it was like she could see in to my soul, and know all my desires, and none of them at the same time.

“I’m telling I’m not the same stupid boy from high school,” I said quietly so she could barely hear me. “I only came here for the holidays, this is my last holidays with my family, I’m moving to Arizona in two days. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone in Boston, please don’t judge me for what I was, I promise you I’ve grown up.”

She made a strange laughing noise, “I know you’ve grown up, I just don’t want to believe it.”

“Why?”

“Because then I think that maybe Caleb will grow up, that maybe Caleb will finally notice me for what I am, maybe one day he’ll love me.” she sighed, and I followed in suit. It was always about Caleb, everything was for him and about him. That’s why I was leaving, as selfish as it was I wanted a day to myself. I knew that Caleb looked up to me and idolized me, but I couldn’t stand how he was a carbon copy of me and got to be the golden child, while I was the oldest who got to fuck up first. I wanted to be the best, the most important, and the only way I got that is if I was the only one, so I chose to leave Boston for Tempe.

After she spoke we fell into a silence, it was not a comfortable silence, or an awkward silence, it was just silent. I stared down at the fibers of the mattress, everything else was in boxes to be shipped off. The girl looked out at the window, down at some members of the party who had found themselves outside. I got up and looked out the window behind her.

She pulled her knees closer to her chest. "I hate New Year's," she told me. I cocked my head, silently urging her to continue. It was like she read my mind, taking a shaky breath to say, "What's the point? How could it mean so much just to go to bed later? We still have to get up in the morning."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Well... Do we?"

She looked to me with wide eyes.

"You don't mean...?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

She smiled at me, but it wasn’t cruel this time it was warm. We were on the same wavelength, maybe we were all along, maybe we were the ones for each other, maybe we weren’t but at this moment we seemed like perfection.

“By the way my name is-”

“Alexandra Spencer, Caleb’s best friend since the age of 3. Didn’t think I remembered you did you?” she shook her head, and I looked back to the window, it was getting darker, it was always darkest before dawn. “Come on, we should go before the sun rises.”

I grabbed my coat, and my bag with clothes, then followed Alexandra to my car.

“Do you need anything from your house?” she shook her head.

“There are always clothes, and things in new beginnings” she said before climbing into my car.

“Do you think he’ll miss me?” she asked taking a last look at the house.

“Yeah,” I said driving away leaving it all behind. “You’ll be living proof of what Caleb’s missing in life.”

We spoke no more after that, and she quickly fell asleep, but for once I thought that maybe I was doing something for the better, making the best possible choice, Alexandra was just collateral at this point. None of it mattered though, because in new beginnings the past is and will always be irrelevant.