I am Not Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

It hurts...

That’s the only thing that came to my mind.

Everything hurts...

That’s the only thing I could feel right now.

I can’t open my eyes but I know my body can’t move right then.

My arms, my legs, my head..I can’t even breathe right.

I could hear myself wheezing for air and my fingers straining to move by the carpet where I lie.

I tried to recall what happened but I could only feel how my father took his anger at me. How brutal and cruel his punishment is to me that I didn’t even think I should deserve.

Is it too much to ask to be loved back? Even by own father?

As I gathered all the strength that I could muster, I opened my eyes to see the ceiling hovering over me. I turned my head very slowly to my surroundings and found myself at the bottom of the stairs.

I remembered myself being flung at the wall nearest to it by my father as he beat me up because of my so-called disobedience.

I took a deep breath and tried to sit up while I use the wall to steady me. I could already feel the strain on how I could get up the stairs to go back to my room.

It looks like I haven’t passed out too long because it was still dark and I know how late it was then when I got home.

As I got myself to stand up, I started going up the stairs one step at a time. I took a few moments to catch my breath but even then, I knew how much damage I got from this.

I think it wouldn’t even be possible for me to go to school tomorrow or maybe even for the next 3 days.

By the time I got to my room, I was sweating so hard, my limbs hurt so much, may breathing so irregular and my eyesight going blurry on me.

The only thing that I want is to rest in my bed and dream of good things. Just good things.

And I did just that, to close my eyes and dream. What I didn’t expect to dream was a certain someone that I always try to forget yet always made me smile even for a bit.

With a sigh, I slept through the pain and thought of him with his dazzling golden eyes.

It’s warm. Why is my face warm?

Something. Something is in my face. It’s warm.

I let my hand crawl to my face and felt fingers. A hand. It was another hand. But who’s hand is this?

I pried my eyes open for a bit to see someone looming over me. Who is he?

“Hey, you okay?”, a low dark voice asked me. I groaned for a bit as I tried to sit up.

“No, it’s okay. Just..just lie there for a while.”

“Who –“, I swallowed audibly and continued, “who’s there?”

“It’s me, Lance.”

“L-lance? What..what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”, I whispered as I tried to keep my eyes open.

“You didn’t come to school. I-I kind of asked Lilly if she saw you today but she didn’t so...”, he trailed off as I felt the side of my bed dipped in by his weight.

“Oh.”, I could still feel the weight of his warm hand in my face making me feel more relaxed.
He was here. Really here. At my house. In my room. Wait, how did he get in here anyway?

Despite of the questions of his arrival, I can’t help but be glad. He was really here. Lance.

“Yeah and well, I got worried so I went straight here to your house. Don’t worry. I didn’t break anything.”, he further explained.

I finally closed my eyes because of exhaustion but I think he knows I’m still somewhat awake.

“Sorry. About last night. I didn’t mean to walk out from you like that. Sorry.”, I whispered to him feeling like I should tell him about it quickly as I can.

Abruptly, I felt his hand pull away from my face and I kind of missed how it felt but I dreaded more what his response will be. I didn’t hear anything from him at first but then I felt my bed shake. Why is my bed shaking?

I open my eyes and saw that it wasn’t the bed that was shaking, it was Lance. His fists were clenched, his jaw was tense and his whole body was shaking from anger making me question what I said wrong.

“Lance?”

He shut his eyes and raised his head to the ceiling. He seemed to be trying to get himself under control but still I could see how hard it was for him.

“You –“, he started, “You shouldn’t..can’t you just..you..you are so..so..aarrgghh!!!”, he growled lastly as his eyes flashed at me. For an instant, I thought I saw his golden eyes again but with one blink, they turned to his dark brown ones.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t afraid of him even if he did look like he was about to go wild or something. I wasn’t scared. At. All.

“Umm...”, I started but he cut me off.

“ You’re an idiot! Just an idiot! Look at yourself! You can’t even stand up right and now you’re telling me ‘I’m sorry’. Unbelievable! Just fucking unbelievable!”, he practically yelled as though I did something really wrong. Did I?

I couldn’t answer back –afraid that whatever I tell him would just make him angrier. And the fact that I am just too tired to argue back made me just stare at him in silence waiting what he’ll say next.

With a grave sigh, he finally said, “Dammit, Noelle! You’ll just keep on giving me a heart attack, won’t you? I told you to tell me anything. You promised me.”

I held my breath against his accusation but I didn’t regret not telling him anything. Being hurt is one thing, being betrayed is another. If I told anyone, they would just mock me for it and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t need anyone to help me anyway. I’ve been doing this for a long time that I –

Suddenly, Lance held my chin up to reveal myself shaking in self pity. I didn’t realize that tears started forming in my eyes and my lip is trembling from stopping them in falling down.

He brushed my cheek with his thumb and started whispering reassuring words to me. Why is he doing this? Is there anything he could get from this? Why me, of all people, me?

He doesn’t even have to do this. We’re strangers for god’s sake. Why is he being nice to me?

Then without hesitation, he said tonelessly to me, “I can make him go away.”

“W-what?”, I gasped.

“I can protect you from him, Noelle. I can do it. Just say the word and it’s done.”, he explained further.

“B-but you can’t. I-it’s not like what you think. You’re making a mistake.”

“Am I? Tell me, Noelle. Look into my eyes and tell me. Can you honestly tell me that what I am seeing here is just a mistake? Can you?”, he asked as he looked at my eyes fiercely.

I tried to deny it but I know I couldn’t lie to myself so I just turned my head away.

“Didn’t I tell you to ask for help? I could help you, Noelle. You just have to tell me everything.”

“What can you do? It’s not like we’re friends or anything. Just leave me alone. Please forget what you saw.”, Please forget about me, I added silently in my mind as I closed my eyes in shame and exhaustion.

I thought he would say more but I just felt him get up my bed and leave the room.

I guess he couldn’t stand the sight of me being like this. It’s perfectly understandable and I should be glad that he wouldn’t bother me anymore. But still, why does my chest hurt knowing he just left me?

Suddenly, something wet and cold pressed up on my face.

“W-what?”, I sputtered in surprise.

“Hey, easy there. I’m just cleaning up your wounds. Dammit! I can’t believe someone could do this to you.”, Lance said as I realized he was wiping a wet towel at my face.

“I thought you..you left.”

“Me? Left? Why would I?”, he asked as he busied himself in cleaning my wounds and bruises.

“I..I’m not sure.”, I mumbled sheepily.

“Well, I am not going to leave if that’s what you’re expecting. Jeez, I think we should get you to the hospital. This might be serious and –“

“No! No, hospital!”, I argued. He stared at me for long moments when he smirked.

“I was hoping you would say that. You are stubborn, after all.”

“Well, you’re weird. So we’re even.”, I said back as I tried to sit up.

He rolled his eyes even as he helped me sit. When he finally did, he sat by the end of the bed and stared at me with a very tormented look.

“I-I think you should go.”, I finally said feeling a bit awkward with his staring.

“I guess you would also ask me not to speak to anyone about this, won’t you?”, he retorted back.

I shrugged and said, “I guess so.”

He sighed in utter defeat but I think if he got his way, he would do something as crazy as breaking an entry in my own home. And honestly, I think he will do it again making me feel nervous –for him.

“Lance?”, I whispered weakly.

“Yeah?”, he asked with his head cocked to the side. He actually looked adorable but I didn’t say it to him.

“I..umm..p-please..please don’t tell anyone. A-about what happened here.”, I finally said to him expecting him to burst in outrage or some wild thing that he usually do.

But he didn’t. Instead, he loomed his towering body at me and said in a very low voice, “Do you actually think I would let this pass by me? What sort of man do you think I am?!”

I bit my lip in nervousness as I sneak glances from to the floor to him. Oh god, please don’t let him burst.

“I-it’s just that..umm..I..I don’t think people should know.”, I whispered.

“And you think I would just stand here and do nothing?!”

“N-not it’s not that..I –“

“You know that’s what it is! Are you so cowardly that you would even risk yourself to be hurt?!”, he exclaimed so furious that I almost didn’t hear his insult.

“I am not a coward!”

“You know you are. That’s why you can’t even ask for help.”

“I just don’t want people to believe that I am a helpless, little girl trying to make my life better.”, I whispered back to him as I tried not to cry.

He reached down to caress my cheek and said, “But you’re not helpless, are you?”

“No. No, I’m not.”, I said in conviction because it’s true and even if I do look like it, I wouldn’t let myself stay that way.

He cocked his head to the side and muttered, “Yeah, you’re not.”

I didn’t realize that he still caressed my cheek with his thumb and he seemed mesmerized with it. He doesn’t even realize it himself though I’m starting to feel awkward with it.

Finally, he put his hand down and stood up.

“Maybe you don’t want my help but it’s my choice to help you either way.”, he finally said as he started walking to the door.

“N-no! Wait! You can’t!”, I exclaimed as I tried to catch up to him. I did manage to stand but when I took one step, I felt a very excruciating pain at my hip making me almost crumble to the floor.

Luckily, he wasn’t too far away and managed to catch me as he sat me by my bed.

“Please, you can’t. You don’t even know anything.”, I tried to reason with him.

“Then, explain to me. Tell me. Tell me what I don’t know so I can help you.”

I looked away and whispered, “I can’t.”

He made me look back at him with his hand in my face and said, “Then, you need me to help you. I don’t care what reason it is but I know I’m doing the right thing. You need me, Noelle.”

I looked at his fierce eyes and saw how determined and sincere he was in helping me. It was as though he did care. For me.

“Why are you doing this?”, I finally muttered the most puzzling question about this situation.

He made a sad smile and leaned down until his mouth is beside my ear.

“Because I’m the only one who can and will do it without asking anything in return.”

“B-but why? You don’t know me. I only just met you.”, I tried explaining.

“But you know that it feels like we’ve met a long time ago. I know you do. And even if you deny it, I am still gonna help you because that’s the only thing I could do right now. I just wish I could do more.”

“W-what do you mean?”
He straightened and tucked a hair in my ear. I felt my heart pound rapidly at his mere touch.

“You’ll find out. In time. Just wait for me okay.”, he told me in that mysterious way of his again.

He started backing away slowly and it felt like I shouldn’t let him leave. Why is that if the only thing that I can want from him is him leaving? Why is that?

“I have to go.”, he muttered in a very tight voice. I didn’t realize he was clenching his fist like he was fighting himself to say those words.

“But you have to wait for me. I will help you, Noelle. I promise you that.”, he vowed.

I shook my head in denial but I could see from his eyes that he knew what he is capable of and I’m sure it would affect me more than him.

“I promise.”, he said again.

I could only manage to stare at his eyes as he slipped past my door and went out of my house without making any noise.

Then, I closed my eyes in exhaustion, pain and confusion as I lie down back to my bed. What kind of situation am I going in to?

I swear Lance will change my life forever if he keeps on doing things that would make my heart pound out of my chest. Afterall, didn’t I say how Lance Shadows is a very weird guy?