You Wouldn't Understand

Alexander William Gaskarth; better known as Alex. Lead singer of All Time Low, guitarist, man whore, my best friend and most importantly... the man I fell head over heels for.

All this started because I met these four crazy kids in high school; they had a band, I was into fashion. Mix the two together and you get me, Ryann Danielle Buechner, All Time Low's merch girl and head designer. Also you get the band's best friend. I've known these crazy ass kids since I was 15, and let me tell you it has been one hell of a time.

Right about now, you could probably call me, Ryann the band's "Mom" and second tour manager. I'm always keeping them in line and I'm always getting them out of some situation. But now... Alex, being the jackass that he is, ran off not even five minutes after the show ended and he's been gone for about six hours. I looked everywhere for him; I called him, texted him and nothing!

I plopped down on the couch in the dressing room and leaned my elbows on my knees, burying my face in my hands.

"He'll show up Ryann." Jack said trying to comfort me. "He may be able to walk away from you and Matt... but he sure as hell can't walk away from the band" Jack had a point, Alex may have been able to walk away from me, but he couldn't walk away from the band he helped get so far into fame.

"You're right... but Jack it's all my fault!" I cried turning my head to look at the bubbly man. The tears I had been trying so hard to keep back, fell like waterfalls. "Jack, I yelled at him for making me sing for 'Remembering Sunday' and then he just blew up at me and LEFT!"

Jack sighed and rubbed my back, "You know he's probably at some bar. Alex'll come back." I nodded, but shook my head just as soon.

"Jack, I can't handle this." I whispered, putting my head on his shoulder. Jack hugged me and kissed my temple.

"OH! Why don't you just use that tracker Matt put on your phone?!" I raised my head from his shoulder, and I gave him a look.

"What the fuck! Jack! You weren't supposed to know about that!" I yelled, " Hey... Why the hell didn't I think about that?!" I wiped my tears away and grabbed my phone from my pocket.

Pushing Jack out of the way and scooting over to the arm of the couch, I went to the family locator app on my phone and hit Alex's name. The red dot flashed in random places before stopping on one particular spot. 167 9th Avenue

"Found him." My emotions quickly changed from sad and worried to completely pissed. I stormed from the room and out unto the stage.

"Zack, I need your help! Rian! You too!" The guys ran over to me and gave me questioning looks. I just pointed to the door and they followed me out and over to the bar across the street.

"You want to get drunk Ry?" Rian asked a little confused.

"No, you're going in and getting Alex before I do and kick his ass!" Rian and Zack flashed a 'don't-kill-me' smile and ran into the bar. Five minutes later they appeared with a rather drunk Alex slung over their shoulders and all I could do was hold back my anger. He looked like shit; he had a black eye from the looks of it and he could hardly walk.

"Come on" We walked back over to the bus, climbing in and basically throwing Alex into his bunk. I sat down on the couch and laid my head back. This was the worst night ever. I was frustrated, I was pissed, I was sad, I was happy, everything rolled into one. Getting sleep was probably going to be an issue.



"Alexander William Gaskarth! Get your ass up!" I yelled, thinking I'd let him sleep long enough.

Alex popped his head out of his bunk and looked at me as if I was the devil. "Wha?" He asked tiredly. I rolled my eyes and walked up to his bunk.

"You," I drew the curtain back as fast as I could and pulled him out by the shirt collar. Alex's eyes widened and he just stared at me.

"What'd I do?" He asked a little confused and a little scared that I'd hit him.

"What'd you do? Oh I don't know let me think!" I spat, nothing but venom and hatred filling my voice. Alex was hardly paying attention to me, stripping his shirt and shorts. I smacked his shoulder to get his attention.

"Ow." He said, but I knew it didn't hurt him.

"You disappear from the show not even five minutes after you play. You had Rian, Zack, Jack and I worried sick! Oh and then we found you drunk, with a black eye and almost passed out in a bar! I wonder what you did!"

"That doesn't explain shit to me, toots." He exclaimed pulling a t-shirt over his head. "Why the hell should you care anyway? Huh Ryan?" Alex smirked, as if thinking he was winning this fight.

"Why shouldn't I?" I yelled in his face.

"Well, I wouldn't of gone to the bar if you hadn't of given me a damn good excuse in the first place. MOM!"

"UGH!!! I'm not your damn Mom! God! Sorry Alex." I yelled, on the verge of tears. " Sorry I care enough about you guys to try to keep you in line!" I snapped.

Alex growled. "God that's the point Ryann! You always go around doing shit to keep us in line, and you never think or considermy our feelings! I don't think you ever have!"

"Yes I do, Alex! I fucking care too much!" I yelled, cursing under my breath.

Alex shook his head, "You wouldn't understand." He mumbled before pulling a pair of shorts up his legs and resting them on his hips.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked hardly able to hear my own voice. "Huh, Alex?" My voice was growing louder with each word. "Huh, Alex?" I pushed his chest, pushing him into the wall of bunks.

"You don't think I understand? You go around here with a stick shoved so far up your ass no one can talk to you half the time! You leave all the damn time! Alex, you break my heart every time you step off this bus. Tell me I don't understand SOMETHING!" The tears I was working so hard to keep back, were falling down my cheeks freely and for the first time I didn't care if Alex saw them.

"You really don't get it." He mumbled.

"What the hell don't I -"

"Just shut the hell up!" Alex yelled grabbing my face in his hands and crashing his lips unto mine. At first I was shocked, it took me a few moments to register what was happening. I finally closed my eyes and kissed him back; butterflies erupting in my stomach. The kiss was harsh, full of frustration and passion. My hands went from his biceps up to around his neck. Alex moved one of his hands to my long red hair, grabbing a fist full and pushing me closer. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I let him in. The taste of alcohol was still present, not to mention morning breath.

I pulled back slowly, exchanging small pecks from Alex as I did so. Both of our breathing was ragid and shallow.

"You don't understand, Ryann." Alex said placing his forehead on mine.

"What don't I understand Alex?" I whispered searching his eyes for an answer.

Alex pecked my lips again. "I love you. I love you and every time you walk off this bus you go to Alex and I feel like I've lost you. And that's something I. Can't. Handle."

"That's why you ran off after you had me sing? Because I'm friends with Alex Garcia?" I asked.

Alex shook his head. "Because you said you were in love with Alex." He whispered. I could tell he was hurt, and boy did he have that statement wrong.

"Alex, I told Zack I was in love with you." I poked his chest and he just looked confused. "I love you, Alexander Gaskarth, and nothing can change that." A reassured grin spread across his face and he pecked my lips and he kissed my cheek.

"Promise you won't run away from me again? At least without not telling about why you are leaving?" I pleaded, looking into his eyes.

"Scout's honor!" He shouted, snapping into attention and putting his hand into a Boy Scout salute. I laughed at his attempts and he relaxed, stepping closer to me again. Alex wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close against his chest. He leaned down and placed his lips next to my ear.

"Promise you won't leave me...ever?" He whispered.

I moved my head so my lips were against his ear. "I promise to never leave you, Alex. You're the only guy I'll ever love." I kissed his cheek and trialed over to his lips.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too, Ry." Alex caught my lips in a fiery kiss, giving me all the convincing I'd need.