When She Cries

The next morning, I was trying to sleep in, because I had hardly slept the night before. I kept having bad dreams that just wouldn‘t go away. When I felt like I couldn't lay in bed anymore, I went to take a shower. After I was dressed, I went down stairs.

"Hey, you," Zacky said as I walked into the kitchen. I smiled softly and sat down at the table. "You okay?” He asked, sitting next to me.

I nodded. "Just tired."

"Are you feeling okay? You look really pale," he said, putting the back of his hand to my forehead. "Did you get any sleep? You have bags under yours eyes."

"Just couldn't sleep," I mumbled, tracing patterns in the wood on the table. "Where's Matt?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"He went to breakfast with Val, they should be back soon." I felt his eyes burning a hole into me. I looked up at him questioningly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

sighed and got up to walk outside. Bella came walking over, wagging her tail. "Hey, girl," I said, patting her head. She sat down and lay her head on my leg. "What should I do, Bel? I'm so confused," I whispered, looking out at the yard.

"You know, they say talking to dogs is the first sign of going crazy." I jumped and looked towards the back door. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Jimmy said, walking over with his hands in his pockets.

"It's okay." I whispered.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked, nodding to the chair next to me. I nodded and he sat down. "It's a nice day," he said after a few minutes.

I looked at him. "I know you didn't come out here to talk about the weather," I mumbled.

He smiled. "Smart girl." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Elle, why are you so distant with us? You're so fucking close with Zacky, but the rest of us... It's like you don't want to be around us." I could hear the hurt in his voice, which in turn made me upset. I was hurting them, and I didn't mean to.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, tugging at my sleeves.

"I just want to know why. What's so fucking special about Zack? I'm your uncle by blood, he's just good friends with your dad." His voice was starting to get louder with the more frustrated he became. "I just want to know."

"It's because he makes me feel safe," I mumbled, before running back inside.

"Elle?" Matt was back, along with the others.

I just brushed past them and went up to my room. I closed and locked the door behind me, before going to my iHome to plug my iPod in. I let the music flow through me, feeling it in me.

This is what I did when I felt like I needed to forget, or to deal with things. Even when Mom and Dad told me I couldn't dance anymore, I tried to sneak to a dance studio near us and try to dance my emotions away. That was only once in a while... So I became a pro at hiding my emotions around my parents... Most of the time.

I kept trying over and over to get the routine perfect, but every time I failed. I finally got angry at myself, and gave up. It was hopeless, I couldn't do it anymore. There was no way I was going to make it at the academy.

I took a shower and changed; fter dancing for hours, I was a little gross. It was around eight when I walked down stairs. Wow... I was up there that long?

Everyone was still here, including Val. I was happy for that. I really hope her and Matt fixed things. Everyone kept their conversations going, but kept an eye on me as I walked over to Matt. He was sitting at the island with Val and Brian.

I kept my gaze away from them as I spoke softly. "I can't do the academy," I said, finding the tile on the island very interesting.

"Why can't you?" He asked just as softly. I knew he wanted a real answer, and wasn't just being a jerk.

I shook my head as tears were forming in my eyes. "You saw what happened at the audition. I've been in my room for hours trying and trying again, but I can't do it. My stupid feet are too messed up... It's hopeless." I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Before I could wipe it away, someone else did. I looked over at Brian, a little bit shocked and confused.

"Come on," he said, taking my hand in his and leading me to the den. Everyone was either in the living room or kitchen, so we were alone.

Was I feeling scared? Yes. Why? I didn't actually know... He never gave me a true reason to think he would hurt me. Other than that time he blew up on me, but that's it. He had never touched me in any way violent.

"What's going on?" He asked, sitting down on the couch and motioning for me to sit next to him. "You don't strike me as the girl that gives up easily."

"I just can't do it... You wouldn't understand."

"Oh, you'd be surprised at how much I understand." I looked up at him confused. "I've been playing guitar practically all my life, because my dad did. I wanted to be just like him. At first, I thought of giving up because I couldn't get it. It was so frustrating. But I learned that it just took some practice."

"It's not that it's about practicing."

"Then what is it?" I looked down at my feet and I think he got the point. "Elle, what exactly happened to your feet?" He asked softly.

"An accident," I said, I'm surprised he even heard me.

"I know it was an accident... But what kind?" When I didn't answer, he moved a little closer, pulling me into his arms. I hadn't even noticed that I was on the edge of bawling, until he was rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. "We'll worry about that later. Now... You know Jimmy didn't mean to upset you earlier, he's just concerned is all. He really wants to get to know you, same for Matt."

I wiped my eyes and pulled away. "I know, and I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" He asked confused.

"I just... It's hard for me to get to know new people. It just scares me."

"Why does it scare you?"

I looked back at the floor. "Because I've always been hurt by people that get close to me, or that I love."

"Hey." He gently lifted my chin to look into my eyes. "We would never dream of hurting you. We would never let any harm come to you. You understand me?" I nodded, not trusting my voice. "Alright. Now, I want you to stay right here for a few minutes. I'll be right back."

I did as he said, and curled up on the couch. I pulled a blanket around me as I waited for him.

When he walked back in, Matt and Jimmy were right behind him. Jimmy sat on one side, while Matt sat on the other and Brian sat on the coffee table.

"Elle, I told them what you told me. You're exact words and everything," Brian started.

"Why didn't you say any of this last night?" Matt asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I shrugged. "I'm still getting used to the idea of being here," I mumbled.

He nodded. "I understand that. But, I want you to know that you can come to any of us and talk to us. No matter what we're doing, we're here."

"That's what family does," Jimmy said.

"We're here to stay, Baby. You can't get rid of us, even if you wanted to," Matt said, pulling me into a hug.

At first I tensed, but then relaxed and hugged him back. "I love you... Dad," I whispered, not knowing what his reaction would be. I finally felt like I could trust him and open up a little... Just a little.

I felt his arms tighten around me. "I love you too, Baby girl," he said into my hair.

We stayed like that, until I fell asleep in his arms. At one point I heard whispering and then a flash go off. But I was too comfortable to wonder what it was.

Maybe things would get better...