Summer Is When Everything Could Happen

I sat down on my beach chair in the tent and just let my mind wandered off. What would I do? What would I tell everyone about the baby that was inside me? what would I tell Stephen? What would I tell John? What would I tell my band mates? Those thoughts swirled around my mind and I just couldn’t shake them off.

There was something in my head, like a bad feeling I couldn’t ignore. It felt like I was going to lose something I loved and something I’ve ignored for the past few years. I leaned back onto the beach chair and covered my eyes with my shades. Some fans who came by the tent didn’t even notice that I was sitting behind Max.

The feelings were getting harder and bigger, making a lump rise in my throat. I could even hear my heartbeats in my ears, thumping like a humming bird. My breathing was getting shallower and harder, like the humidity of the weather making the oxygen hard to get into my lungs.

“I gotta get out of here.”, I muttered and stood up, rushing out from the tent. People were walking around me, and suddenly, a panic attack hit me. it had been a long time since I had my last panic attack, and now I got it back. sweats ran down from the back of my neck to my back. some people looked at me weirdly, and in my eyes, they were like ghosts, coming to get me.

I had my fingers locked in my hair and I bit my lower lip onto it. “Ally, you okay?”, Dana appeared behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, but I turned around and shook her hand off.

“Stay away!”, I cried out. People surrounded me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out from the crowd and out to a grassy secluded area of the arena. It was quiet and I leaned back onto a tree.
I pulled up my legs onto my chest and cried my eyes out. I didn’t know why I act that way, and when I looked up, the sun was blinding away, sending me to total darkness of my unconciousness.
*********
“Why can’t you just understand, dad?”, I yelled, stomping my foot to the wood paneled floor of the living room.

“You think I would understand about your want, not going to college and just be a musician?!”, dad’s face were red from the anger. He had his hands balled into fists and his eyes were bulged out, like they were going to pop out from their sockets.

“Well, this is my life, dad! I’m not your little girl anymore that you could control every second of my fucking life!”

“Ally, watch your language!”, mom spat as she stood up from the sofa.

“Can you guys just let me do things on my own?”, tears started to stream down from my cheeks. “This is my dream and can you just be happy with my decision?”

Mom and dad exchanged glances before they sat down on their seats again. “You are going to Washington on Monday. That is the final decision.”

I gritted my teeth and shook my head slightly. “Fuck you guys.”

“Ally Queen Smith!”, mom shouted but I ignored her and ran up to my room.

The buzzing inside my pocket woke me up from my dream. The dream was a flashback of three years ago, right before I graduated high school. I sat up and pulled out my phone from the pocket. The caller ID was ‘home’ and I sighed before picking up.

“Hello?”

Mom’s sobbing was heard from the other line. “Mom, are you okay?”

“Ally, can you please come home, honey?”

“Mommy, what’s wrong?”, fright crawled all over my body. Mom’s crying was harder than before. “Mom, please tell me what’s going on.”

“Your…dad, honey, daddy’s gone.”
**************
Vance handed me my keytar and I told the others not to go out to the stage first because I wanted to sing something. When I stepped out from the side of stage and out, the crowd erupted into cheers and I had to smile a bit.

When I was already in front of the mic, tears were started to form in the corner of my eyes. “Hi guys.”, I started and swallowed the lump in my throat. “So, I’m sorry, but I wanted to sing you guys a song. it’s about my dad.”

The crowd stayed silent, probably waiting for me to say more. My fingers started to push the keys on my keytar to the intro of Hurt by Christina Aguilera. “So, probably you guys heard about my dad. He had been battling cancer for four years, and my mom just called me today…”, the lump came back and I bit my lips.

“My mom called and telling me that, my dad died while they were in Holland. They lied about visiting my grandma just so I won’t be worry about him, they left because my dad’s hospital was there.”
“So, dad, wherever you are, I just want to say I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t do what you want me to.”, I whispered through the mic and closed my eyes.

'Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

‘I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this’

My lips were trembling the whole time, holding back the tears. My voice was husky and shaky, but the crowd looked didn’t mind. My fingers were still pushing the keys to the song but when it was the time for the second verse, no voice came out. the lump was taking my whole throat and when I was about to force myself to sing, Sierra appeared next to me with a smile.

‘Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back’, she sang with her amazing voice with her arm wrapped around my shoulder.

‘I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself’, we sang together and when we were finished, I took a deep breath before letting the tears streamed down from my eyes. the crowd erupted into cheers and some of them were screaming ‘we love you, Ally!’.

Sierra pulled me into a tight hug while she whispered ‘everything’s gonna be okay’ and ‘I’m sorry’ repeatedly before helping me to walk off stage.
***************
“I’m sorry about your dad.”, Jess Bowen smiled a bit and pulled me into her hug. The bands had been coming up to me and told me their condolences. All I had to do was smile and nodded.

“Baby, I’m sorry about your dad.”, John whispered when it was his turn. He quickly hugged me and I hugged him back. there were no tears that I could shed anymore, so I buried my face in his chest.

“I’m going home for a week.”, I said quietly when we pulled away. “I need to be there for my mom.”

He nodded. “I’ll try to come home. tell your mom my condolences.”

“Okay.”, I smiled a bit. “I’m gonna miss you, John.”

John pursed his lips and it formed into a smile. “I’m gonna miss you too, Ally.”