Love Complicates Everything
Chapter 18
We spent the next hour going around the circle, with people talking about themselves. Some of the stories were quite dramatic. sob stories about how drugs have changed their lives.
No one seemed to notice that a famous rock star was sitting in the same room as them. But they all seemed a bit out of it...
After the group meeting we had lunch in the cafeteria. I sat alone at a table in a corner, looking at the disgusting food on my try, when a girl came up to me.
"Hi, I'm Emma."
"I'm Bill."
She smiled.
"I know.So, how do you like rehab so far?"
"Uh...it's...intense."
"Yeah, this is the most intensive program, for the worst cases."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
She nodded.
"It's true. Your case must've been really bad to end up here."
"Oh.... Wait, you don't know about my case? I thought that it was on the news everywhere."
She shook her head.
"I've been in here for three weeks, and the only TV that we had someone punched a hole through a few months ago."
"Really? Well maybe I should buy everyone a new TV then.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, if they let me. I've got plenty of money."
We were joined by another girl. she looked kind of tough, like one of those girls in a motorcycle gang....
"This is my girlfriend, Spider." Said Emma.
"Hey."
The two girls held hands. I couldn't help but think how weird the name Spider was. Was that her real name? Maybe she's a crack baby and her mom was high when she named her. The name definitely added to the tough girl look, though. I was too scared to ask if that was her real name though.
"Hi," I said.
"Hey, you're that emo dude from that band, right? I didn't know that you were part of the club." Spider commented.
"What?"
"She means that she didn't know that you did drugs," Emma clarified.
"Ooooh. Well, I do. That's why I'm in rehab..."
We were silent for a few moments. Emma turned to Spider.
"Are we still up for tonight?"
"Of course. Midnight."
"What's at midnight?" I asked.
They looked at me.
"Should we tell him?" Emma whispered.
"Why?" Spider asked.
Emma whispered something in her ear. All I heard were the words "rich" and "famous." What's going on? They faced me again.
"OK, what I'm going to tell you, you can't tell anyone." Emma said.
"OK..."
"Every night we sneak out of here and go to clubs or wherever."
I was shocked.
"What? But we're not supposed to leave!"
"Duh," said Spider. "That's why you can't tell anyone."
"Oh...,sure. Can I come with you, by the way?"
"OK."
"sure."
"So...midnight?"
Emma nodded.
"Midnight. We won't wait."
When lunch was over, I was called into Dr. Hayes office.
"Hello, Bill. Welcome to our drug rehabilitation center."
"Oh, hello."
'So...rock star! How are you?"
I sighed.
"I miss my family and friends."
"But you've only been here for two hours."
"Oh... that's it? Well, there are a lot of people that I love."
"Really? So, I've seen that you've already made some new friends."
"Yeah, I have."
"Good, good, Mr. Popular! so, why are you here?"
"Uh...drugs?"
"Yes, but what led you into taking these drugs?"
"Well... I met a girl and she was into drugs. And when she died... I was so upset that and other things that I tried them."
"HM...so what are these 'other things' that led you to drug use?"
I hesitated, but I just said, "I've been under a lot of pressure, with the band, and... I was trying to deal with...a broken heart."
"Really? So that triggered your use of drugs?"
"Uh, yeah.. I thought that we already established that..."
"Yes, we did, but it's my job to ask questions! So are you proud of what you did? Or do you know that it was wrong?"
"I'm definitely not proud of what I did... it's something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I know that I made a lot of bad choices."
"Oh, good. You admit your flaws. The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Great job!"
"Uh...thanks."
"Sure. Bill, over these next six weeks we will go through the 12 steps of recovery. Here is a schedule. Have a nice day."
He handed me a schedule and I left.
Morning - wake up, breakfast
Noon - group meeting, lunch
Afternoon - individual meetings with a doctor
Late Afternoon - group meeting
Early evening - dinner
Evening - free time
This is going to be one heck of a six weeks. 42 days. 1008 hours.
Oh,god...
That night when everyone else was in bed and all of the day workers had gone home, I snuck out of my room and went into the bathroom. There, I put on my makeup and did my hair. Then I polished my nails.
God, I never realized how hard doing make up is! Since we got famous, I've had other people do that stuff for me. I've definitely lost my touch.
I was just finishing up when I heard the clock strike midnight.
I walked through the facility until I saw Emma and Spider, standing by an old painting.
"Wow, the kid showed," Spider laughed.
"I'm not a kid."
"Ha, what are you, 13?"
"What? No, actually I'm 15. I'll be 16 next week."
"Really? Well in two months I'll be 26."
"Oh...so are we going?" I asked, changing the subject.
Emma nodded.
"Yeah, let's go."
"How are we going? Don't they lock the doors? And aren't there security guards at every exit?"
There was a candle holder on the wall next to the painting. She turned it to the side and I heard a small click! And she opened up the painting!
There was a tunnel behind it that they walked through.
"What the hell?"
Emma laughed.
"This building used to be a hospital during WW2; It's got plenty of secret passageways that were used to transport soldiers and spies. It's haunted, didn't you know?"
"What?!"
They laughed.
"Uh...when did you discover this passageway?"
"My 2nd visit," said Spider.
"How many times have you been to rehab?"
"Well, here for drugs, 4 times and down the street for alcohol rehab twice."
"Oh my god..."
We walked through the tunnel, guided by a cigarette lighter that someone lit. After about 5 minutes we came to an old door. Spider opened it and we walked out into a street.
After walking a few blocks, we came upon the club. I've been there a few times before with the band, so I knew it well. But the bad part is, I can't attract much attention to myself.
I mean, who breaks out of rehab? Who does that??? The press would go crazy if they found out.
When we got in the club, it immediately lifted my spirits. This is where I belonged, partying until the early hours of the morning, like I don't have a care in the world.
I followed Emma and Spider over to the bar. We sat down and Emma offered me some cocaine.
"No, thank you. I'm trying to STOP using drugs, and so far I'm doing quite well without them. That's why we're all in rehab!"
Spider laughed.
"Who goes to rehab except to get out of going to jail?"
Sometimes, I feel like I'm in another world with these two.
"If you're not going to do any drugs, then at least have some beer," Emma suggested.
"Good idea. I think I will!"
And I had 2. Not really enough to get me drunk, just buzzed. But I got up and started dancing. Until I heard someone yell my name.
I thought that maybe it was Emma or Spider, but it was some girl that I've never seen before. Probably a fan.
"Can I have your autograph?"
I smiled.
"I'm sorry, but you must have me confused for someone else."
And I walked over to the other side of the club.
I really had to be careful...
At about 3 in the morning, we went back to rehab.
"So you two do this every night?" I asked, as we climbed back into the tunnel.
"Only about three times a week," replied Emma.
"Oh. Well, I had fun. Can we go again soon?"
"I don't know... Spider?"
"Sure. Whatevs. You two can go tomorrow but I have to go to the store."
"For what?" I asked.
"Just some cigarettes and beer."
"Oh."
We walked the rest of the way in silence.
The next day at breakfast, I was told that I had a package. I could tell that someone had already opened it, probably to make sure that it wasn't something illegal...
It was from Tom. There was a small note attached.
Bill,
I saw this and it reminded me of you. I know that it's only been a day, but I miss you so much! You haven't gotten into any trouble yet, have you?"
Love, Tom
I opened it up to see a silver charm bracelet. It was beautiful.
There were seven charms. A moon, a sun, a heart,a star, and a music note. And then my two favorites - a guitar and a glittery microphone.
The last three all made me think of the band, and I got a bit homesick. I put the bracelet on my wrist. Then I thought of Tom. It was so sweet of him to give that to me. I miss him a lot.
I hadn't realized that I was softly crying until Emma and Spider walked over to me.
"Yo, kid, what's up with you?" Spider asked.
"Nothing, i just miss my boyfriend."
"Ooooh, so you're part of that club,too."
"What club?"
"She means that you're gay," Emma clarified, yet again.
"I am," I replied. "And what's with you and clubs? Is there like some secret gay club or something? And a secret club for people who do drugs?"
"Yeah, and all three of us are part of both." Emma said.
"Yeah, whatever. I miss my family and friends."
"Aw, poor baby!" Spider laughed.
Was she my friend or enemy? Frenemy. I have so many of those.....
That night Emma and I went out to the club while Spider went wherever. This time I was more careful, and I wore my hair in a braid and I had on a hat and sunglasses. I definitely dressed down.
This time I don't think that I was recognized at all. Good.
We didn't go anywhere for a few days, but I asked them If they wanted to go on the following Saturday.
"Why?" Emma asked.
"Well...it's my 16th birthday."
"Oh, really? Great, then, of course we'll go!"
"Thank you!"
At midnight, we left.
The evening went as usual, until I was dancing and I turned near the door and I see Tom, Andreas, Georg, and Gustav walk in!
My heart skipped a beat to see him, but I knew that I couldn't let him see me. Not after I promised to not get into any trouble.
But he looked sad, and it hurt me so, so much to see him looking so depressed. Was he missing me? Aw...!
I was lost in thought, until I heard Toms' voice.
"Oh my god. Bill! is that you?"
Toms' POV
I ran as fast as I could, but Bill had disappeared. I'm not even sure if it was really him that I saw, or if it was just my imagination.
But he seemed real.
He ran as soon as I called his name, and by the time I got outside he was long gone.
But there, lying on the ground, was a tiny silver microphone, glowing in the moonlight. I picked up the silver charm bracelet and held it close to my heart.
He was here.
When I got back to rehab, I was out of breath from running so much.
I sat on my little bed and started changing into my pajamas.
It was then that I realized that I had lost my beautiful bracelet that Tom had given me.
I started crying. Why did I always have to fuck everything up?
Maybe I shouldn't of ran ,though.
I mean, it was our our birthday,and I know that he loves me enough to not care that I broke about a million rules just to get a little bit of freedom.
And at the club, he looked so sad. I could've definitely cheered him up a little bit...
I layed down on the bed and closed my eyes.
And I fell asleep, singing happy birthday softly to myself.
No one seemed to notice that a famous rock star was sitting in the same room as them. But they all seemed a bit out of it...
After the group meeting we had lunch in the cafeteria. I sat alone at a table in a corner, looking at the disgusting food on my try, when a girl came up to me.
"Hi, I'm Emma."
"I'm Bill."
She smiled.
"I know.So, how do you like rehab so far?"
"Uh...it's...intense."
"Yeah, this is the most intensive program, for the worst cases."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
She nodded.
"It's true. Your case must've been really bad to end up here."
"Oh.... Wait, you don't know about my case? I thought that it was on the news everywhere."
She shook her head.
"I've been in here for three weeks, and the only TV that we had someone punched a hole through a few months ago."
"Really? Well maybe I should buy everyone a new TV then.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, if they let me. I've got plenty of money."
We were joined by another girl. she looked kind of tough, like one of those girls in a motorcycle gang....
"This is my girlfriend, Spider." Said Emma.
"Hey."
The two girls held hands. I couldn't help but think how weird the name Spider was. Was that her real name? Maybe she's a crack baby and her mom was high when she named her. The name definitely added to the tough girl look, though. I was too scared to ask if that was her real name though.
"Hi," I said.
"Hey, you're that emo dude from that band, right? I didn't know that you were part of the club." Spider commented.
"What?"
"She means that she didn't know that you did drugs," Emma clarified.
"Ooooh. Well, I do. That's why I'm in rehab..."
We were silent for a few moments. Emma turned to Spider.
"Are we still up for tonight?"
"Of course. Midnight."
"What's at midnight?" I asked.
They looked at me.
"Should we tell him?" Emma whispered.
"Why?" Spider asked.
Emma whispered something in her ear. All I heard were the words "rich" and "famous." What's going on? They faced me again.
"OK, what I'm going to tell you, you can't tell anyone." Emma said.
"OK..."
"Every night we sneak out of here and go to clubs or wherever."
I was shocked.
"What? But we're not supposed to leave!"
"Duh," said Spider. "That's why you can't tell anyone."
"Oh...,sure. Can I come with you, by the way?"
"OK."
"sure."
"So...midnight?"
Emma nodded.
"Midnight. We won't wait."
When lunch was over, I was called into Dr. Hayes office.
"Hello, Bill. Welcome to our drug rehabilitation center."
"Oh, hello."
'So...rock star! How are you?"
I sighed.
"I miss my family and friends."
"But you've only been here for two hours."
"Oh... that's it? Well, there are a lot of people that I love."
"Really? So, I've seen that you've already made some new friends."
"Yeah, I have."
"Good, good, Mr. Popular! so, why are you here?"
"Uh...drugs?"
"Yes, but what led you into taking these drugs?"
"Well... I met a girl and she was into drugs. And when she died... I was so upset that and other things that I tried them."
"HM...so what are these 'other things' that led you to drug use?"
I hesitated, but I just said, "I've been under a lot of pressure, with the band, and... I was trying to deal with...a broken heart."
"Really? So that triggered your use of drugs?"
"Uh, yeah.. I thought that we already established that..."
"Yes, we did, but it's my job to ask questions! So are you proud of what you did? Or do you know that it was wrong?"
"I'm definitely not proud of what I did... it's something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I know that I made a lot of bad choices."
"Oh, good. You admit your flaws. The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Great job!"
"Uh...thanks."
"Sure. Bill, over these next six weeks we will go through the 12 steps of recovery. Here is a schedule. Have a nice day."
He handed me a schedule and I left.
Morning - wake up, breakfast
Noon - group meeting, lunch
Afternoon - individual meetings with a doctor
Late Afternoon - group meeting
Early evening - dinner
Evening - free time
This is going to be one heck of a six weeks. 42 days. 1008 hours.
Oh,god...
That night when everyone else was in bed and all of the day workers had gone home, I snuck out of my room and went into the bathroom. There, I put on my makeup and did my hair. Then I polished my nails.
God, I never realized how hard doing make up is! Since we got famous, I've had other people do that stuff for me. I've definitely lost my touch.
I was just finishing up when I heard the clock strike midnight.
I walked through the facility until I saw Emma and Spider, standing by an old painting.
"Wow, the kid showed," Spider laughed.
"I'm not a kid."
"Ha, what are you, 13?"
"What? No, actually I'm 15. I'll be 16 next week."
"Really? Well in two months I'll be 26."
"Oh...so are we going?" I asked, changing the subject.
Emma nodded.
"Yeah, let's go."
"How are we going? Don't they lock the doors? And aren't there security guards at every exit?"
There was a candle holder on the wall next to the painting. She turned it to the side and I heard a small click! And she opened up the painting!
There was a tunnel behind it that they walked through.
"What the hell?"
Emma laughed.
"This building used to be a hospital during WW2; It's got plenty of secret passageways that were used to transport soldiers and spies. It's haunted, didn't you know?"
"What?!"
They laughed.
"Uh...when did you discover this passageway?"
"My 2nd visit," said Spider.
"How many times have you been to rehab?"
"Well, here for drugs, 4 times and down the street for alcohol rehab twice."
"Oh my god..."
We walked through the tunnel, guided by a cigarette lighter that someone lit. After about 5 minutes we came to an old door. Spider opened it and we walked out into a street.
After walking a few blocks, we came upon the club. I've been there a few times before with the band, so I knew it well. But the bad part is, I can't attract much attention to myself.
I mean, who breaks out of rehab? Who does that??? The press would go crazy if they found out.
When we got in the club, it immediately lifted my spirits. This is where I belonged, partying until the early hours of the morning, like I don't have a care in the world.
I followed Emma and Spider over to the bar. We sat down and Emma offered me some cocaine.
"No, thank you. I'm trying to STOP using drugs, and so far I'm doing quite well without them. That's why we're all in rehab!"
Spider laughed.
"Who goes to rehab except to get out of going to jail?"
Sometimes, I feel like I'm in another world with these two.
"If you're not going to do any drugs, then at least have some beer," Emma suggested.
"Good idea. I think I will!"
And I had 2. Not really enough to get me drunk, just buzzed. But I got up and started dancing. Until I heard someone yell my name.
I thought that maybe it was Emma or Spider, but it was some girl that I've never seen before. Probably a fan.
"Can I have your autograph?"
I smiled.
"I'm sorry, but you must have me confused for someone else."
And I walked over to the other side of the club.
I really had to be careful...
At about 3 in the morning, we went back to rehab.
"So you two do this every night?" I asked, as we climbed back into the tunnel.
"Only about three times a week," replied Emma.
"Oh. Well, I had fun. Can we go again soon?"
"I don't know... Spider?"
"Sure. Whatevs. You two can go tomorrow but I have to go to the store."
"For what?" I asked.
"Just some cigarettes and beer."
"Oh."
We walked the rest of the way in silence.
The next day at breakfast, I was told that I had a package. I could tell that someone had already opened it, probably to make sure that it wasn't something illegal...
It was from Tom. There was a small note attached.
Bill,
I saw this and it reminded me of you. I know that it's only been a day, but I miss you so much! You haven't gotten into any trouble yet, have you?"
Love, Tom
I opened it up to see a silver charm bracelet. It was beautiful.
There were seven charms. A moon, a sun, a heart,a star, and a music note. And then my two favorites - a guitar and a glittery microphone.
The last three all made me think of the band, and I got a bit homesick. I put the bracelet on my wrist. Then I thought of Tom. It was so sweet of him to give that to me. I miss him a lot.
I hadn't realized that I was softly crying until Emma and Spider walked over to me.
"Yo, kid, what's up with you?" Spider asked.
"Nothing, i just miss my boyfriend."
"Ooooh, so you're part of that club,too."
"What club?"
"She means that you're gay," Emma clarified, yet again.
"I am," I replied. "And what's with you and clubs? Is there like some secret gay club or something? And a secret club for people who do drugs?"
"Yeah, and all three of us are part of both." Emma said.
"Yeah, whatever. I miss my family and friends."
"Aw, poor baby!" Spider laughed.
Was she my friend or enemy? Frenemy. I have so many of those.....
That night Emma and I went out to the club while Spider went wherever. This time I was more careful, and I wore my hair in a braid and I had on a hat and sunglasses. I definitely dressed down.
This time I don't think that I was recognized at all. Good.
We didn't go anywhere for a few days, but I asked them If they wanted to go on the following Saturday.
"Why?" Emma asked.
"Well...it's my 16th birthday."
"Oh, really? Great, then, of course we'll go!"
"Thank you!"
At midnight, we left.
The evening went as usual, until I was dancing and I turned near the door and I see Tom, Andreas, Georg, and Gustav walk in!
My heart skipped a beat to see him, but I knew that I couldn't let him see me. Not after I promised to not get into any trouble.
But he looked sad, and it hurt me so, so much to see him looking so depressed. Was he missing me? Aw...!
I was lost in thought, until I heard Toms' voice.
"Oh my god. Bill! is that you?"
Toms' POV
I ran as fast as I could, but Bill had disappeared. I'm not even sure if it was really him that I saw, or if it was just my imagination.
But he seemed real.
He ran as soon as I called his name, and by the time I got outside he was long gone.
But there, lying on the ground, was a tiny silver microphone, glowing in the moonlight. I picked up the silver charm bracelet and held it close to my heart.
He was here.
When I got back to rehab, I was out of breath from running so much.
I sat on my little bed and started changing into my pajamas.
It was then that I realized that I had lost my beautiful bracelet that Tom had given me.
I started crying. Why did I always have to fuck everything up?
Maybe I shouldn't of ran ,though.
I mean, it was our our birthday,and I know that he loves me enough to not care that I broke about a million rules just to get a little bit of freedom.
And at the club, he looked so sad. I could've definitely cheered him up a little bit...
I layed down on the bed and closed my eyes.
And I fell asleep, singing happy birthday softly to myself.
♠ ♠ ♠
if anyone is still reading this..please leave a comment.