When You're Around

Oh how bloody wonderful it is to be woken up by the siren like screeching from a fully charged cell phone. Words cannot describe the ecstasy I had felt as I fumbled from under the depths and comforts of my bed and blindly made my way toward the said item. No, not a word could tell the world how I felt to see that it was barely six in the morning and my more than lovely agent. Well, words could describe how I felt… but I had voiced them the moment the cold surface of my cell had touched my cheek.

“This better be fucking good bitch or I’m punching you right in the vag.” My voice was so full of sleep it sounded as if I were either drunk or, well, asleep, and I was sure my words were barely coherent enough for my dear Gretta to understand.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” was the response Gretta so kindly greeted me with, “have you forgotten the plans we have made for this bright and lovely morning?”

Honestly, I had barely enough sense of surrounding to figure out that I needed to piss rather badly. How could she possibly think I was awake enough to know that I had planned an important photo shoot that was scheduled for… just a little over an hour or so away from that point?

I collapsed back into my bed and entangled my weak fingers through my bird’s nest of a ‘neat’ bun and closed my eyes to think of what was going on around me. I knew that it was morning, I knew that I had something important to do that day, and I knew that I needed a shower… bad.

“Can I have a hint?”

“For the love of Marilyn Monroe and all of the Kennedy boys, you have a fucking shoot in less than an hour, Belle! For God’s sake, you’re twenty-two years old and you still act like some irresponsible high school girl without a care in the world! Why do I even put up with you? No, don’t answer that” –to be honest, I wasn’t going to anyway- “I put up with you because I see potential, but it’s like you can’t get your head out of the fucking clouds to see what you have going for you. I’m tired of always being there for you when you’re not even there for yourself. When are you going to grow up?”

A large smile made its way onto my face and my hands slid over my eyes, “I have a shoot today, don’t I?”

“God damn you Belle!”

After hanging up with my extremely frustrated friend and agent, I rushed out of bed and did my usual daily cleansing before drying my hair and tying it into a tight pony-tail. Since I was going to a shoot, I could walk on set in nothing but a tank top and a pair of sweat pants (both borrowed from Lou) and all would be well in the world. After getting dressed, I grabbed my purse and phone before texting a couple of people a quick good morning.

Upon walking out of the shade of my apartment, the sun hit my bare skin almost painfully; however, I couldn’t prevent myself from taking a deep breath and soaking in all of the peaceful energy radiating around me. It had been that way ever since I was able to get regular sex in my system; all of my senses just seemed to sharpen a bit and my mood had been ten times better than when I had been celibate.

As I made my way to my car, the car I had barely used since mooching off others was so much more convenient, my pocket started vibrating wildly against my thigh and the obnoxious ringtone I had chosen for my mother sang like a mad woman.

“Good morning, Mommy,” I sang with a slight chirp and a dancing smile, “have you called to inform me of another wild fucking session with oldie, or do I have to walk in on you two again?”

“Nice to hear the voice of a smart ass early in the morning,” the groggy voice I assumed to be my mother said, “I just haven’t heard from you in over twenty-four hours and I was worried; plus, my good friend morning sickness woke me up and I can’t fall asleep.”

“Aw, is Sammy there helping you?”

“He was right behind me until I yelled at him to leave me be several minutes ago,” my mom informed me with a dry, cynical laugh, “I now remember why I wanted to have my tubes tied after you.”

“Well, it wasn’t like you were getting any until Sam showed up anyway,” I teased with a laugh. The sound of my car door slamming behind me blocked out the obscene words my mother threw at me and my engine roared to life as she finished. Oh how I loved to hear my mother curse my name while bile spewed from the pits of her stomach. “Mom, why don’t I just call you later. That way you won’t be so sensitive to my sarcasm and I won’t have to deal with my unborn sibling’s rejection of your dinner from last night.”

“You better call me back this time.”

“I promise I’ll call you back.” And then I hung up.

The set of the shoot was less than fifty minutes away, and once I reached it Gretta was there waiting on me with her arms crossed and a scowl set on her face. I wanted to do nothing more than laugh, or at least smile, when I reached her, but she caught my arm and dragged me to hair and makeup before I could do either. Once I was down and people were picking over me, Gretta looked me square in the eyes and rested her fingers on her temples.

“You’re here not to sell, but to update your portfolio pictures,” she explained in a low but serious voice, “I don’t want that innocent and naïve little girl in the last bunch. I need dramatic, sophisticated, and aware of what is wanted and needed by those in search for possible clients. Do you understand?”

I nodded while trying to ignore the man pulling at my hair with his bare hands. He had sprayed some foam like substance into his palm and had taken to attacking the top of my head with it.

“Belle, I’m serious,” Gretta went on, “Hollywood isn’t going to accept a twenty-something year old into the spotlight unless she can show some serious sex appeal. I’m not saying slut your way into magazines, I’m just telling you that you should add more of an exotic, tempting edge to your beauty. Once you’re in front of those camera’s, a smile isn’t going to help unless it’s asked for.”

“I know, I know,” I sighed out, “you’ve been telling me this for the longest.”

“But I don’t get what I ask for in the end, that’s why redundancy is necessary.”

“Gretta, this time I’ll try, ok, this time I’ll try.”

And that time I did.

Once I was in front of those camera’s and the fan was blowing powerfully into my face I could only focus on Gretta’s words and how much I needed a break. A break bigger than being the opening for some A-list singer, or the minor character in some movie that people barely even paid to see. I wanted to have my name screamed at me, not for having a sparkling boyfriend, but for being talented.

That time… I pushed myself.

In between shoots, and toward the end, Jackson called my phone and my heart started to flutter lightly in my chest and my stomach turned like it had the first time he asked me out.

“Hey, baby,” I answered, crossing my legs and smiling at my reflection as the hairstylist started to straighten my hair, “how’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby in the middle of a snow storm.”

“What happened?” I asked. I didn’t want to sound worried because that would be a bit of an overreaction, but it did concern me a bit that he hadn’t slept as good as he usually did.

“Well, you weren’t in my arms for one,” he replied smoothly, “and my apartment has been infested with termites. I’m having it fumigated as we speak, but for now I’m on my way to your house with Kellan. He’s eager to see Lou after that little exchange they made.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, “Well, don’t wake Lou up, you know how she is when she is woken up by random men in her house that shouldn’t be there when she’s sleeping, and make sure not to let Jamie anywhere near you.”

“You’re the only one, Darlin’,” his voice got softer and held a lot of comfort and meaning, “she didn’t even effect me.”

A tap on my should caused my attention to break from him and I turned around to see that everyone was waiting on me to finish. With a sigh and got up from the chair and spoke my last words to Jackson before hanging up, “I’ll speak to you later, baby, I have to get back on set.”