Are You Scared Yet?

I skipped lunch to stay in the library to work on the paper; the sooner I got it done, the sooner I had more time to live inside my mind like I wish to. My fingers danced across the spines of the books, looking for the right one as I hummed lightly under my breath. I sighed softly when I couldn’t find a single one I had wanted. I knew the school library like the back of my hand, surely people couldn’t have already taken it out.

“Are you looking for this, Miss Kingsmen?” I looked over, though I already knew the voice. I didn’t really know what to think about him anymore, I questioned why he was changing himself the whole day, it bothered me, it was like he was pretending to be something to make others happy.

I glanced at the book, it was the one I wanted. “Yes, may I have it, please?” I asked through my clenched teeth, holding my hand out. It killed me right now to be nice right now. Lunch time was my time, not the time people were allowed to bother me.

“Hmm, what will you do to get it?” He asked, making me frown.

“How about make it so you can’t have kids?” I snapped, he tried being like every other person in this school at first, then he tried acting smart, now what was he playing? I inhaled shakily.

“Tell me how you were wounded, Princess.” Princess? Really now?

“I told you–” He cut me off telling me not to try and feed him the rubbish about being a klutz, he knew well I wasn’t, which was a bit creepy. I wrapped my arms around myself. “Keep the book, apparently you need it more than I do.” My voice was soft again as I bit my lower lip.

I walked away, sitting down at one of the desks, he followed, sitting beside me. “Princess.” Was all he said.

“Don’t call me that, I’m not a princess, I don’t even look like one,” I said softly, pulling my notebook out, even if it was falling apart, I needed a new one. “I’ve got a question for you,” I said after hearing a few incoherent murmurs from him.

“Ask away, Princess.” I held back a groan.

“Why do you keep changing? Hot and cold, light and dark, whatever; one minute you’re trying to be like every other person alive, the next you’re smart, and now? I don’t even know what else to call you now besides a jerk. Why? Is it truly that hard to be one person? I’m not even sure who you are.” I shook my head, my hair flying in my eyes, I didn’t care though. I cursed myself for even bothering to ask it, what was I thinking anyway?

I looked up at him through my hair. “Why does it matter, Princess?” He asked me, taking a liking to the new nickname for me, I guess. I guess I could deal with it, it’s not like it really meant anything now, did it?

“I like to know who people really are, before I even come close to letting them in.” I kept my head low, fingering the pages of my notebook lightly. “Plus, when you were genuine at the beginning, I’m pretty sure I liked that best.” My voice was even softer than before, hoping he hadn’t heard me, his ego was large enough as is.

I stood up quickly. “I-I’ve got to go,” I mumbled, turning and walking away quickly, nearing running. I shook my head. What was wrong with me? I squeezed my eyes shut as I leaned against my locker.

I didn’t know anything anymore, and it was killing me.