Are You Scared Yet?

My alarm clock going off, I groaned, slamming my hand down on it, silencing it yet again. I didn’t want to get out of my comfy bed, it was warm and I knew well that the air around my bed was cold, nearing the freezing point. I pulled the blankets over my head, sinking into the heat.

My eyes opened quickly, I didn’t hear anything. How odd. Usually, there was screaming between the parents every morning, and yet, I heard nothing for once. This made me crawl out of the confines of my bed, shrugging my hoodie on over my tank top, my black pajama pants dragging with my feet as I stumbled out of my room and down the stairs, almost falling quite a few times.

“Mommy? Daddy?” I called, looking around the house. They couldn’t be gone, could they? Where could they have gone anyway? “Mommy? Daddy?” I called again, walking into the kitchen, nothing, just empty alcohol bottles and packs of cigarettes.

Making a bowl of cereal, I sat down at the table munching away. I still ached and I’m pretty sure my teachers were wondering a little more why I was hurt, even if I did play off the whole klutz thing all day. I sighed softly, finishing off the cereal before putting it in the sink lazily, it’ll be cleaned at some point or another.

If my parents were home, then I could stay home from school. I could avoid Brendan, even if I didn’t know if I wanted to or not, I was confused about that boy. One minute I wished he would keep pestering me, just to show that someone actually did care, and other times I wish he would go the fuck away. He was so hot and cold and I didn’t know what to do.

I closed my eyes lightly, heading back up to my bedroom to grab a blanket, my iPod, and then climb out to the roof, something that I could possibly kill myself if done wrong, but oh well, not like people truly care. Any care people show to me is most likely a façade, a mask they put on just so I can hurt myself more later on and believe people will care about it.

I shook my head, curling up on the roof, Automatic Loveletter playing from my iPod as I closed my eyes lightly staring up at the sky. I wondered if anyone would miss me at school today, or if their imaginations would get the better of them and think I died or something.

Clouds passed by like the time, slowly, it seemed like it would take forever for it to be at least noon. By then, my parents were home, and I crawled back into my bedroom, praying to god that they wouldn’t come and check up on me for some odd reason.

Luck was not on my side, I heard screaming, things being thrown, and then steps coming fast up the stairs. My eyes widened as I slipped under my bed, holding my breath as the door slammed open, my father’s footsteps coming in seemed to echo on the walls. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing he would leave.

It seemed like hours before he finally left, letting me exhale softly and climb out from under my bed. I slipped out the window, carefully making my way to the ground, my hoodie on before running toward the park. I slipped under the slide, my hood over my head. I hoped no one would find me or did I want someone to? I didn’t know. I was at my weakest right now and my bruises probably looked ten times worse than normal.

I shut my eyes tightly, hugging myself. I didn’t know what to do, my mind wasn’t thinking properly. But mostly, right now, all I wanted was to be hugged to be held, to have someone actually care about me, something I’ve never had, something I’ve hidden away with a façade of hatred and ignorance.

Is what I wanted too much to ask for? Or has it been in front of me this whole time?