Creature.

Inside everyone, there is a completely different person, screaming to be set free. To be a loose in this great-wide world. Everyone makes an inner choice within themselves, as to when or if they are going to let this 'creature' out into the world, to represent who they are. Everyday I sit and wonder how many people are like me. How many people let this creature out at a young age. How many people are searching for a way to change their life to take a turn for the better. To get their life on track. So how many people are there really?

I am Payttin Elise, and I am sixteen years young. My childhood wasn't exactly perfect, but I did have a lot of things some in this world would be fortunate to have.

When I was two years old, my mother and father divorced. He used to get drunk and beat her, with me and my older brother, Kaleb, in the same apartment. I have never blamed my mom for leaving him, she did was what ultimately best for her, and her children. I have always blamed my dad. I will never understand how you can lay hands on the woman that birthed your child. Your baby. The little girl who carries your last name. I wish I could give him the same bruises he gave my mom. I wish he would feel the same pain he inflicted on everyone in his life. The same regret his family and friends feel for making excuses for him. But, as much as I wish, I know I will never get that day.

I was raised my mom, grandmother, and grandfather. I don't have a ton of memories with my mom from when I was in my early years of school. Most of the ones I have are with my grandmother and grandfather, but I know it wasn't my mom's fault. She was trying to give the best life she could to me and my brother, all the while being as independent as possible. When I was seven years old, on July 23, 2002 my grandfather passed away in his sleep. By far, that was a knife in my heart. I felt like my life had been taken away. He was my father, he stepped in and played that role when no one else could. When no one else in this world cared enough to. I remember standing at the casket on the funeral day, with my grandmother holding my hand. I will always remember the words she spoke to me as I grabbed his hand and put my note in his casket;
"You putting that in there sends it away to him in heaven, kind of like the mailman. So everytime you want to talk to him, look up in the sky and find the brighest star, and remember that's him baby. He may not be here, but he will never leave us, never leave you. He loved you, more than anything."
I didn't understand at the time what my mamaw ment, but eventually I caught on. Those words are something I will always hold onto. Sometimes I catch myself looking up in the sky, and finding the brighest star in the sky, and talking to him like he is sitting right next to me. Nobody ever has known how much his passing as effected me. Everyone has had an idea, no one will know what it feels like.

Reason one for my creature cracking closer to the surface;
Lonliness.