Life Isn't All That Bad

Their van pulled into Taco Bell’s parking lot, and I quickly pulled in after. I wanted nothing more than to escape the car.

It had grown quick awkward, with John insistent flirting. He’d finally gotten the hint that I wasn’t flirting back, and the car had grown awkwardly quiet.

It probably would have seemed funny to anyone who wasn’t enduring the awkwardness- that this was all happening while old school Britney Spears played through the speakers.

Inside Taco Bell, it was much less awkward. I was sitting in-between Halvo and Garrett. But since we were all crammed around one table, I was basically sitting on their laps. Neither boy really seemed to notice, for they were both too busy stuffing their faces. I just picked at the meal in front of me, my appetite suddenly gone. Garrett was a little too close for comfort, and I could feel my cheeks burning bright red.

Meanwhile, John sat directly across from me, glaring jealously at Garrett. I couldn’t understand why he was jealous. It wasn’t like there was anything going on between me and Garrett… or me and John, for that matter. These boys were all just making my life too hard. I couldn’t wait to go home, and just sleep. There’s never any drama when you’re asleep.

My phone started buzzing in my pocket, causing me to jump. It was a text from Liz.

‘Sorry I didn’t go to the show with you tonight. Hopefully things aren’t too awkward.’

She didn’t know about John asking me out. She didn’t understand how extremely awkward the night had been so far.

‘You have no idea’ I sent her, before sliding my phone back into my pocket. I tried to focus on the food in front of me, rather than focusing on John, or Garrett, or how embarrassed I felt. But it no longer seemed appetizing. I silently prayed that no one would notice. My prayers weren’t answer.

“Beau, are you okay?” Pat asked loudly from across the table, causing everyone at the table to look at me.

“I uh, yeah. I’m just, uh, tired, so I’m not that hungry,” I stuttered out, staring down at my lap. I didn’t look up for a while, afraid that everyone would still be staring at me.

Suddenly, I felt incredibly self-conscious. My Batman shirt felt too tight, and I couldn’t breathe. It was the start of an anxiety attack. I quickly excused myself from the table, and hurried to the bathroom. I didn’t look back. At this point, I didn’t even want to know if they cared or not.

All I need was a few minutes to calm down. I locked the bathroom door, sliding down to the floor. It was quite disgusting, but that was the least of my worries. I tugged at the collar of my shirt, trying to breathe, but my chest felt too tight. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to calm my anxiety. After a few minutes, I could finally breathe again. I just sat there for a few minutes, picking at the loose strings on my Toms. After a few more minutes, I stood up, walking over to the sink to wash my hands. It worried my how bad my anxiety was. I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in months. At least, not this bad.

I let out a heavy sigh, before exiting the bathroom. What I wasn’t expecting was to crash into the lanky figure waiting outside the door.

“I’m s-so sorry,” I stuttered out, before looking up at who I’d crashed into. As soon as I saw his smirking face, I wanted to take back my apology.

“Why are you always so nervous around me?” He asked, his face too close to mine.

“I’m nervous around everyone,” I retorted. Although I tried to sound strong, I knew it came out weak. I tried to move away, but my back was against the wall, his hands pressed against the wall on either side of me.

“Why though? What made you hate everyone so much? Why won’t you give anyone new a chance?” He questioned, his green eyes staring straight into mine. I could feel my anxiety starting again.

“Please, John, just let me go,” I pleaded, my voice coming out as nothing more than a squeak. He seemed a little frustrated, but moved his arms, allowing me to return to the table.

The guys all welcomed me back, and I offered them a weak smile. The rest of the night went by too slowly. All I wanted was to go home. I wanted to be safe and sound in my bed.

Finally, the guys had all finished their food, and were ready to leave Taco Bell. Now their plan was to go party at Kennedy’s house, but I declined the offer, claiming that I was tired.

Garrett immediately offered to help me get home. “I don’t want you getting lost or anything. Besides, I can just go across the street, get my own car, and then head over to Kenny’s.”

I wanted to say no, but I knew he wouldn’t give up. “Alright… Let’s go,” I said finally, standing up from the table.

As we walked towards the door, someone grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. He pulled me around a corner, out of everyone’s view.

“Beau, why won’t you give me a chance?” John asked, clearly aggravated. I just shrugged, and he let out an annoyed groan. “You make this so fucking difficult!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, John, I didn’t realize I was making your life so difficult,” I snapped, dragging out the ‘o’ in so. “I forgot that you usually don’t have to work at getting into a girl’s pants. Silly me, how dare I make it difficult for you!”

John looked stunned, and even I was a little surprised at the harsh words. “Just so you know, I’m not the kind of guy you think I am,” he said softly. I just scoffed. “Please, just give me one shot. One date, that’s all I’m asking for. Tomorrow night. Please?”

I hesitated, not automatically saying ‘no’ for once. I should have, though, for John took my hesitation as a yes.

“Great, I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven,” he grinned, and walked off.

I headed outside to wear Garrett was waiting by my car, still confused as to what just happened. He noticed the dazed look on my face.

“What happened?” He asked, as we both climbed into the car.

“I… I think I have a date with John tomorrow?”