Life Isn't All That Bad

I didn’t know what to expect from my date with John. In some sense, I was expecting him to be the blunt asshole that kissed me the first day I met him. But at the same time, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Liz claimed he was a sweetheart.

Dinner went surprisingly well. It was at a small restaurant that wasn’t too fancy, but it wasn’t a trashy McDonalds or anything like that. We ended up just making small talk for most of the meal, which he ended up paying for. After eating, we headed back to his car, when he said he wanted to show me something.

After that, the car had been awkwardly quiet for a while. I wasn’t trying to be silent, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to focus on a conversation.

“So…” John said, breaking the silence. “This has been sufficiently awkward.”
I glanced over at him and chuckled. He had the infamous smirk on his face, but for once, I didn’t mind. “Sorry. I was um, trying to figure out where you’re taking me,” I lied.

“It’s a secret,” he said, grinning widely at me. I bit down on my lip, and continued to stare out the window. It must have been clear how nervous I was, for he reached over and gently placed his hand on mine. I jumped at the contact. “It’s not like I’m not gonna murder you, you know. Stop worrying so much.”

Of course, the thought of him possibly taking me somewhere to murder me, and then hide my body had never crossed my mind. Until he mentioned it.

Even though he had been joking, the thought just wouldn’t leave my head. Liz had said John was a nice guy, but everyone had a dark side, right?

I shook my head. What was I thinking? He was the singer for a pop-punk band. Did I really think he went around murdering people in his spare time? I needed to stop being so paranoid.

But when he pulled into a mostly empty parking lot, my fears started creeping back. The sun was slowly setting.

Soon enough, it’d be dark and no one would see John if he decided to chop my body up in a million little pieces. “So, um, what-what are w-we doing here?” I stuttered, finally working up the nerve to speak.

He ran a hand through his messy hair. “It’s probably a stupid place for a date, but this is where my friends and I always hang out. Sometimes I just come here to think, or write songs… I thought you might like it,” he explained, actually seeming nervous for once.

I smiled, gazing out the window. There was a perfect view of the sunset. “This is pretty nice,” I admitted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

After a few minutes, John cleared his throat. “I um, I brought a little picnic dessert… If you want,” he offered, pointing to the basket in the back of the car.

“That sounds lovely,” I said, giving him a genuine smile.

After a few minutes of setting up, John and I were both sitting on a red plaid blanket, watching the sun set. Our dessert consisted of homemade chocolate chip cookies, and a few cupcakes.

I was surprised at how well the date was going so far. We just made small talk about everything. Life, music, the band. Then he brought up New York.

“I’ve always wanted to visit New York. What’s it like there?”

I shifted uncomfortably, tucking my legs underneath me. “It… It’s o-okay,” I said. New York was a place full of bad memories, and I did not want to talk about it, especially not to John. “I… I don’t want to talk about it, though.”

He stared at me, as if trying to read my thoughts. “I don’t get why you don’t trust me.”

I was a bit surprised by his comment. “John, I-I…”

“Not only do you not trust me, but you also seem to hate me. And for no reason,” he added. “What did I do that was so wrong?”

“You remind me too much of New York,” I whispered, my voice cracking slightly. “You are just like every single guy in New York, who teased me, and ruined my life. You… and you kissed me! The first day that I met you! It… It w-was supposed to be special, and you just took that away!” I didn’t mean to start ranting, but I couldn’t stop. It was word vomit.

John looked at me strangely. “What was supposed to be special?” He questioned, his eye brows furrowing together. I just stared at the ground in shame. Being 17 and never being kissed wasn’t something I was proud of. “Beau… that wasn’t your first kiss, was it?”

How could I possibly admit to him that he’d taken my first kiss? I bit down on my lip and shook my head no, but my lie clearly didn’t convince him.

John gently placed his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look up at him. “Beau, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know. But I’m not the guy you think I am. I swear, I’m not,” he said softly, his green eyes piercing mine.

“Then prove it. Prove that you’re different!” I said, unaware of our faces slowly inching closer. We were mere centimeters away when I realized what was happening and turned away. John’s lips caught the corner of mine.

He pulled back quickly, looking embarrassed. “I-I…”

“It’s f-fine,” I muttered. “C-can you just take me home now?”

He sighed, but nodded, standing up. He held out his hand, which I took in mine, and pulled me up. I stumbled slightly, but somehow managed to stay balanced.

The awkwardness of the car ride earlier was nothing compared to this. I tried to focus on the music playing through the speakers rather than the tension in the car, but it was no use. I was thankful when we turned into my driveway, only to realize that John was going to walk me to my door.

His hand brushed against mine as we walked up the little brick pathway to my front door. My skin seemed to burn at the contact.

We just stood there for a minute, still in that awkward silence. “I’m sorry, Beau. I-I want us to be friends, I really do. But I also really like you… I’m sorry I made it so awkward.”

I gave him a small smile. “It’s okay. I-I actually had a really nice time,” I admitted, feeling my cheeks heat up. He grinned. I stood on my tippy-toes, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Goodnight, John.”

And with that, I hurried inside before I could manage to embarrass myself anymore. I still couldn’t believe what I had just done. But at the same time, I couldn’t stop the huge smile that spread across my face.

Did I have a crush on John?