Take Me There

I passed the time by sitting in my room, trying, but failing, to focus on my homework. I had an A in science, thanks to Nick and his notes, but I was failing math now. I feared that dreaded call home. I feared what my mother would do. Sighing heavily, I glanced at the clock and realized that she’d be home from work in a matter of minutes. It surprised me, the fact that she had actually gone. It also surprised me that she was determined to go to this graduation even though she had no clue where her daughter was. I didn’t say anything though. I didn’t dare.

Slamming my math book closed, I ignored the flying pieces of notebook paper and blew my bangs away. The bed creaked as I slid off, leaning forward to peer out the window. Before my eyes settled on the familiar car parking in the driveway, they settled on Nick in the front yard, still wearing a form-fitting tank top and a pair of basketball shorts as he played catch with Frankie. I thought it was sweet, the way he played with his little brother, and before long I found myself smiling. I quickly wiped it away though and leaned back, hoping he didn’t see me staring.

The sound of the car door slamming caught my attention and I slowly leaned forward again, my eyes scanning my mother as she moved to the trunk: groceries. I could almost hear my stomach rumbling with relief. I saw Nick pat Frankie’s back and nod towards the house before he grabbed the baseball and the mitt and stumbled inside. Nick jogged across the street, his hand rubbing his sweaty neck where a few curls lingered, and I could see that boyish smile on his lips. My mother liked Nicholas.

Everybody liked Nicholas.

She offered him a slightly forced smile, reminding me that she wasn’t the mother I used to have, and motioned towards the bags. Now I understood: he offered to help him. Curse him and his gentlemanly ways. I sighed heavily and bit my lip, wondering if I could run down there fast enough and offer instead, maybe get him to back off. I realized we were friends now though, and friends were supposed to want to be around each other.

I didn’t see the issue.

But still my feet carried me towards the door and down the stairs, the hot air hitting my fully covered body in a taunting way. I could almost hear the laughs echoing through my house, the imaginary voice in my head telling me that I deserved everything that came to me. It wasn’t my conscience… at least I hoped it wasn’t. Had I done something wrong? I paused by the door for a moment, lifting my arm slowly. Settling my fingers on the thick fabric of the sweatshirt, I rolled up the sleeve, my eyes taking a new focus on the small bruises that brushed across only this small portion of skin; I had them so many other places. They were a constant reminder to me, telling me I had to watch what I said and did. It was as if I had no more freedom in this house now that Cass was… wherever she was.

I gasped when the door opened, my eyes meeting wide brown ones. He didn’t stumble, though his shock remained for a few seconds. I opened my mouth to speak, to explain why I was lurking in the doorway, but then I realized there was no real reason. Shutting my mouth tight, I slowly stepped to the side, trying unsuccessfully to hide the blush on my cheeks. He took a moment before he stepped in, his soft smile covering his lips.

“Hey Jules,” his melodic voice rang; it was almost cheerful. I wasn’t used to Nick being… cheerful. He was always serious. I narrowed my eyes.

“Um, hey,” I responded quietly. He gave me a quick nod before disappearing into the kitchen, his sneakers squeaking against the floor. I could hear him set the bags down on the counter before his head popped back out, his eyes lingering on my still figure.

“Hey, wanna’ help me outside?”

I was ready to protest, not quite wanting to exert my sore self by carrying the bags, but then I noticed my mother come in with a grimace on her face and I got the idea.

“Yeah, sure,” I replied quickly, slipping past her with my head ducked down. I bounded down the steps and turned towards her car, slowing my pace once the sunlight hit my already overheated body. I sighed. It wasn’t a moment later before Nick’s feet pounced against the concrete, his curls bouncing as he stepped towards the truck.

“She’s angry,” he informed me softly, his hands shooting out to grab more of the plastic bags, but he slowed his pace once he caught my eye. “About Cass,” he continued.

“I guess she’s finally figuring out that she hasn’t been home,” I muttered, setting my hand on the hot metal of the car. I winced but didn’t move, allowing my fingertips to trace over the small dents. Nick’s car had no dents.

“I guess,” he sighed, dropping his muscled arms to his sides, the bags filling his grip, he twisted his head, squinting his eyes as he stared up at the bright sky. “You wanna’ come over?” His simple request caught me off guard and I blinked in surprise, slowly shifting my eyes to his face. He stared at me with all seriousness, waiting for my answer. It was odd. I had been over there for dinner countless times, played in his backyard when I was younger, but I had never received a direct invitation.

I shrugged. “I have to get ready for the graduation.”

“You can do that at my house,” he muttered, stepping forward and back up the drive. I waited for a second, my eyes trailing after him before I quickly grabbed two of the lightest bags and rushed forward. I caught up to him before we reached the door, my voice coming out in a whisper.

“How do you suppose I do that?”

“Say my mom needs to talk to you about something,” he shrugged, shifting his body so his back was leaning up against the door frame, allowing me little room to enter first. I hesitated.

“For what exactly?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged again. “I’m no girl, but I’m pretty sure she likes talking about clothes and things with Cass.”

“That’s Cass,” I swallowed, my throat feeling dry as I stared at him. A cool breeze made its way past us and I sighed with relief, tightening my hold on the bags. “Not me.”

“Right, he breathed, his tone suggesting that he had almost forgotten. “Well, just…”

“I’ll be fine,” I muttered dryly, quickly pushing past him. I kept my face down and shuffled to the kitchen, keeping a quick speed as I realized he was right behind me.

“Don’t be difficult,” he breathed suddenly, catching me off guard. I almost dropped my bags as his breath hit my ear, his body sliding past my figure now that I blocked the entry. I grumbled to myself.

I set the bags next to the ones my mom was digging into, taking a slow step back so Nick could pile his on. I eyed her carefully, watching as her blank face focused on putting the cans up in the cabinets. My eyes flickered to Nick as he spoke in his usual soft tone.

“Mrs. Lane?” he questioned, running his fingers through his thick curls. She glanced over her shoulder, raising her eyebrows as she continued to put the cans away. “Would it be alright if Julissa got ready at my house? My mom wants to talk to her about a couple of things,” he shrugged, trying to play it off as if he didn’t know. She watched him for only a split second before sighing, her eyes flickering to my still body as she spoke.

“Sure. But she’ll be riding with me to the graduation.”

“Okay,” Nick said, trying to mask his reluctance. “I’ll see you then Mrs. Lane.” She offered a quick smile to him but turned her back before I could say anything. Nick grabbed the underside of my arm gently, pulling me back into the hall and towards the stairs.

“I never agreed,” I murmured, but I was already halfway up. I could feel his eyes burning into me and I blushed, peeking over my shoulder to see his friendly smile.

Stupid Nick.

When I grabbed my change of outfit and my brush, I bounded back down the stairs and spotted Nick by the door, his face turned towards the cool air that was blowing in. I quickly passed the kitchen, peeking inside to see her balling up the plastic bags, continuing on my path. Nick turned his head quickly as he heard me approach and stepped fully outside, the screen door creaking as he pushed it farther back than what his foot was allowing. I kept my hair as a curtain as I passed him, slowly taking the familiar path towards the street and to his house.

He didn’t speak as we walked, but the silence wasn’t awkward. The birds chirped and a few younger kids were riding their bikes around in circles, their faces happy and carefree. I envied them. It was suddenly apparent though that, not too long ago, Cass and I were the ones on our bikes with smiles on our faces. It wasn’t too long ago that Nick had joined in with Joe and Kevin, the three boys easily peddling faster. Nick wasn’t a boastful child, but the proud smile on his face whenever he had won something was enough to make me angry. That same smile was also enough to make me jealous as we grew up and the punch Cass had always given him on the arm turned into a kiss on the lips.

My attention was brought back to reality when I heard the front door to Nick’s house open, his body disappearing as he stepped in. I hopped in and glanced around, sighing in relief at the contrast. The house was cool and shaded, only a few curtains opened to let the natural light in. I could hear the sounds of multiple crashes and squeals coming from a room far down the hallway, past the stairs, and I smiled slightly.

“Franklin, I told you to turn that down!” Denise’s voice yelled, though it was still kind. I could hear her footsteps sound as she passed the noisy room, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. My eyes settled on her shorter frame, her thick curls pinned back, a few dangling down. She held a basket in her hands, clothes piled in, and she sighed. “Nicholas, did you know that Kevin is planning to come here with Danni in two days? He said he told you and I just-” she paused quickly, her eyes widening as they settled on me. She blinked in surprise, a sheepish smiling covering her lips as she sighed. “Oh, Julissa sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here.”

“I told her to come,” Nick answered quickly, glancing at me with a look I couldn’t read. I knew he wasn’t comfortable with keeping my secret, but I ignored his face and hoped he didn’t pull those puppy dog eyes on me. He didn’t know they were a weakness. “She uh, needed a place to get ready for the graduation…”

Denise looked at me with confusion but quickly replaced it with a smile, nodding. “Oh sure. You can use Joe’s old bathroom if you want. I cleaned it.” I smiled as she reassured me, her deep eyes overall happy.

“Thank you,” I smiled, giving her a short nod. I went to pull away when I realized Nick’s hand was on my arm, my eyes slowly trailing down to where it rested. I didn’t feel him grab it. He quickly pulled back, his cheeks flushing, and he scratched his head as Denise began to speak again. But I tuned her out and hobbled up the carpeted stairs, remembering when they got that done. Joe had slipped one too many times while he and Kevin played tag in the house and, being the mamma’s boy that Nick was, he obeyed the rules. That meant that while Joe was crying because he busted his head open and Kevin was getting lectured and grounded, Nick sat on the swing set smugly with an ice-cream cone. What a cocky little brat.

Okay, maybe not. But it was kind of funny.

Shifting my thoughts back to now, I felt my phone begin to vibrate and I jumped, clutching my chest. It continued to buzz against my thigh as my heart pounded and I swallowed quickly, digging my hand into my pocket to retrieve the phone. I glanced at the screen and realized I didn’t know the number, but quickly pressed answer when I realized it could be Cass. I paused for a moment, holding my breath as silence filled my ear.

“Hello?” I finally breathed out, biting down on my bottom lip. I jumped at the loud voice.

“Jules!” it chuckled, gaining my attention: dad.

“D-dad?” I choked out, shutting my eyes tight as I continued up the hall.

“Yeah. I hope you don’t mind, I caught your number from Damon. Says he’s had it for a while. What a little brat, huh?” his hearty laugh sounded again. I sighed with relief.

“Uh, yeah,” I chuckled, nervously, holding my clothes to my side as I continued up the steps. I turned down the hall, only taking a moment to recognize where I was. Kevin’s old room was at the far end, which hadn’t been changed much to accommodate Frankie, and Joe’s was across… right next to the bathroom that everyone liked to call his because of how much time he spent in there. I remembered when Kevin moved out and Frankie moved in. Nick was so relieved to have a room to himself again, relieved that he didn’t have a crying baby to wake him up or completely wreck his flawless room. He was such a perfectionist. But he had a bathroom on the other end of the hall, too. Not to mention the one his parents had.

I walked towards the first door though, completely ignoring my destination as the phone stuck to my ear. Before I was thinking, before I realized that what I was doing wasn’t right, my hand gripped the golden doorknob and twisted, the click sounding along with a squeak. I pushed the door open and glanced inside, completely ignoring my father’s voice on the line. My eyes scanned the surprisingly light room, the gray walls glistening dully in the sunlight that seeped through the thick blue curtains. I had been in here very few times, mostly choosing to hide in his closet when we played hide-and-seek. Nick always knew I hid in his room though and he’d save it for last, just so I didn’t feel like I lost.

I blinked a few times, my breath catching when I realized my dad was speaking to me. “Jules? How are things?”

I didn’t want to tell him about what was happening, partially because I expected it to be over. I had been known for my wrong assumptions at times though. Trying to be optimistic was just not my thing.

“Um, good,” I lied, clearing my throat as I carefully stepped into the cool room without thinking. “What about you?” I knew that would set him off.

“Oh, man! Things are so crazy Jules-” he started, but I quickly zoned back out. Holding the phone firmly to my ear, I tucked my clothes underneath my arm and let my eyes travel around the room. The scent was sweet and fresh, but it held that manly essence from that cologne he wore. Everything looked neat, except for the wadded up papers thrown about and the occasional shirt tossed in the corner. I knew Mrs. Jonas hadn’t cleaned up here--she wouldn’t miss a shirt. But it was Nick that had kept his room unusually clean. I didn’t know how he had time.

“This isn’t the bathroom,” a soft voice sounded lowly, making me jump. I gasped and doubled over, grabbing the phone that had begun to fall. My eyes met his as he leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed securely over his chest, his face serious despite the playful glint in his eye. I ignored my father’s loud questions, covering the speaker with my hand as I blushed.

“Umm…” I tried, quickly faltering. He raised his eyebrows in question.

“Did you forget? Where the bathroom was, I mean,” he said clearly. He had a folded towel against his chest and I realized that he had come in to grab some clothes before his shower. I gulped.

“Yeah,” I lied. He nodded slowly, though he didn’t look convinced, and he took a step back. I watched him motion towards the familiar are and I nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Thanks,” I whispered, quickly stumbling out of his room. I heard his chuckle and I glanced up, my breath hitching as I realized how close he was. He opened his mouth, as if he had something to say, but no words came out, only a long breath. I snapped my head towards my direction and pulled the phone back up to my ear, trying to rid myself of the scent that I seemed so obsessed with.

I could feel his eyes burning into me as I reached for the doorknob, a feeling I had quickly become used to over the past couple of days, and took a quick glance back despite what my mind was telling me. He offered a soft smile and entered his room, leaving the door ajar as if to say I was welcome, even though I felt as though I wasn’t.

Besides, he was probably undressing.

My eyes widened and I slammed the door behind me, a sharp tone racking through my body.

“Julissa!”

“Huh? Sorry… I just, I’m at a friend’s house and-”

“O-oh, you are?” he asked, his voice full of surprise. I sighed. “Well, call me back later then, okay? I miss you.”

And for once a real smile danced across my face.

“I miss you too dad. Bye.” I quickly hung up and set the phone on the counter, my head tilting up. My eyes met the dull ones in the mirror, the smeared make-up doing nothing for me, and I gasped. I had forgotten to bring make-up. It was fading, the light purple bruises almost visible, and I knew I had to wash it off and apply a better coat. I groaned, smacking my head with frustration, only to wince at the bruise my palm had hit.

Licking my dry lips, I slowly peeled the sweatshirt over my head, my shaky breath forming, but I refused to let it out. Biting down on my tongue, I dropped the sweatshirt to the counter and repeated the process with my shirt and then my jeans, stepping back to take a quick look at myself. I looked like a painted porcelain doll--minus the beautiful face, of course. I wasn’t even close to being a doll, something treasured by many. I was a useless figurine, trapped in a ball of dust and underneath a much larger and perfect doll. But that doll wasn’t here.

That perfect doll was gone.

I shut my eyes tight and swallowed back the tears that were now threatening to release, dropping my limp arms. I wondered what I was doing here at Nick’s house, at Cass’s boyfriend’s house. I shut my eyes tighter and reached for my shirt, quickly pulling it over my head. It was a green color, the sleeves reaching the middle of my palms and the bottom covered below my underwear. It wasn’t ugly, but I didn’t like it much. Slowly pulling on my jeans, I slipped my feet back into my vans and let my eyes flutter open. I reached for the faucet and turned the water on cold, immediately cupping my hands together to collect some. I bent down and splashed my face furiously, my eyes settling on the dirty water that washed down the drain before I reached for the towel to pat it dry. I winced every so often, sucking in what would be a cry of pain, but even I refused to be that weak. When I reopened my eyes, I found myself feeling faint and I tried my best not to puke in the toilet that was just calling my name.

I looked disgusting. I cringed, poking my cheek with my finger. It felt numb. Tracing the tip of it underneath my eye, I rubbed at the dried on eye make-up furiously, forcing myself to keep my eyes open. I pulled the band off my wrist and tied my hair up quickly, trying my best to pin my bangs up with a stray clip that sat in my pocket. It didn’t work too well and my bangs fell back down, spilling over my eyes as I jumped. I froze suddenly, my heart pounding as the faint knock sounded. I bit my lip.

I couldn’t let anyone see me like this.

“Julissa?” Nick’s soft voice murmured, muffled from outside the door. I let out a slight sigh of relief and tugged at my sleeve, unable to answer quite yet. “Julissa, can you open the door for a second?”

I found my hand twisting the lock and then the knob before my thoughts were even processed and I opened the door a crack, biting my lip as he pushed it farther open. His eyes locked on me, the shock filling them making it even harder for me. He stared for a moment, his lips parted while his eyes danced across my face. I could see him gulp, his hands twitching at his sides.

“Julissa,” he breathed in short gasp, holding his lips tight together.

“I… I look disgusting!” I spat suddenly, slapping my hands against my thighs in a sudden anger. His eyes followed my actions but he quickly shook his head, looking back up to meet my gaze.

“Jules, you don’t.”

“Don’t lie,” I grumbled, slouching my shoulders in defeat. I took a step back, not intentionally inviting him in, but he did anyway. He shut the door tightly behind him, my heart leaping at his close proximity. He turned around, his eyes darting around the small, neat bathroom. Reaching around me, he grabbed a clean washrag off the rack and quickly turned the faucet to warm, waiting a moment before soaking the rag. “What’re you doing?” I grumbled again, reaching my fist up to rub my eye. He quickly grabbed my wrist.

“Stop touching it; you’ll only make it worse,” he murmured, his lips barely moving with his words. I watched, frozen as he pulled the rag up to my face, pausing when I tried to recoil. He slid his hand up my arm and awkwardly grabbed my shoulder, unsure of where all my bruises were. It was enough to keep me stable though.

“I can take care of myself,” I squeaked, my eyes dancing around his soft features. He shifted his gaze, his chocolate eyes boring into mine, and he sighed.

“No Jules, you can’t.” He kept his soft movements swift, gently swiping over the bruises instead of dabbing, but careful not to rub. He slid the rag up to my eye, allowing it to close reflexively before dabbing over my lid.

“I’m not helpless,” I tried again, shooting my hand up to grab his tense forearm. He paused his action, allowing my fingers to press firmly against his warm skin, but quickly began to drag the rag towards my temple. His movements were so delicate, treating me as if I were a fragile figurine rather than a dusted one, treating me as if I weren’t hidden underneath that big perfect doll.

“It’s okay to be,” he spoke softly, his voice almost inaudible as he slid the rag down my cheek slowly, almost caressing my jaw line with it. I gulped, my eyes unable to tear away from his.

“But I’m n-not,” I choked, my grip on his arm only tightening. He sighed and knitted his eyebrows together in worry, his soft eyes darker as he stared down at me.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Jules,” he whispered gently, his head tilting to the side as he slid the rag down my neck. I gasped slightly, pressing my lips firmly together. This was… wrong. I was taking his actions as something more than a helpful and comfortable gesture because I was so obsessed with wanting him. When would it end? “As long as you let me, I’ll be here.” I stared into his eyes skeptically, refusing to move as he kept the rag on my neck. I could feel the tips of his fingers hanging over the material, resting on my skin lightly. He kept his gaze locked with mine, trying to show me he meant it.

“No,” I whispered, my voice breaking again. “When Cass comes-”

“Not everything is about Cass, Julissa,” he quickly cut off, though his tone was still soft and serious.

I had never heard anyone say that before, and it felt… good. Maybe I was selfish, maybe I was a horrible sister, but I couldn’t stop the smile that was fighting its way onto my lips. I couldn’t help it and I didn’t try to stop it. He smiled back slowly, pulling the rag off my neck and pushing it onto my other cheek. He moved a little quicker, holding his breath while I continued to dig my fingers into his arm. He didn’t complain though.

We stood in a moment of silence, my breath finally being let out as he turned to throw the rag in the small tub. He wiped his damp hands on the towel and looked down at my hold on his arm. I blushed. Recoiling my hand, I cleared my throat and tugged at my sleeve nervously, quickly voicing my wonder.

“I need make-up.”

He stared at me for a moment and rubbed the back of his neck, leaning his shoulder against the door. “You could use my mom’s.”

“But I can’t ask her. She’ll see my face.” I never really thought that I’d have to hide my face from anyone. It wasn’t right.

“Well I can’t ask her,” he defended quickly, his innocent eyes widening. “She’ll ask me why in the world her son wants her make-up.” I bit my lip.

“Can’t you just… go get it? Please?” I breathed. I was hardly ever desperate, but I refused to look like a monster in public and have to ignore all the horrifying questions I’d get.

“That’s… not a good idea,” he shook his head, his curls swaying with his movements. He crossed his arms tightly and bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably in our awkward silence. He sighed after a moment and dropped his shoulders in defeat. “Fine, but if I come back with some bright blue eye shadow or some red lipstick or something that’s too tan for you, don’t blame me,” he muttered, his face scrunching up in one of the most adorable ways. I smiled thankfully at him, taking a step back as he quickly exited, leaving me to smile.