Take Me There

Not expecting anything from anyone was normal for me. I didn’t expect Mom and Dad to always be happy. I didn’t expect Mom to earn the “Best Mom in the World award.” I didn’t expect Cass to always be with me. I didn’t expect Joe, or Kevin, or Nick to always pit up with me, and I certainly didn’t expect Nick to be someone I relied on.

I didn’t expect simple things and I was surprised when they happened, but the rare things… the things that I did expect always came back and killed me. When I expected Mom and Dad to work things, they got a divorce instead and stopped talking. When I expected Mom to love me because she was my mother and I thought she had to, I was proved wrong because she didn’t really care about me. When I expected Cass to at least be around every once in a while as we individually grew into adults I never expected her to be gone completely; I didn’t expect to lose my sister, ever. And when I expected Joe, or Kevin, or Nick to say, “Hey, I remember you,” every once in a while, I never expected to be put in a situation where Nick was the one I needed.

I had learned from mistakes and from things I’d seen. I would learn from Cass’s death, even if I didn’t know it until later. But right now I had learned that I didn’t expect anything from anybody.

I was sitting on the couch with a pillow on my lap, the darkness around making everything still. It was hot in here and I could almost feel the beads of sweat beginning to form, but that was probably my nerves acting up. The sheet of paper, the one that caused so much drama moments ago, sat on the pillow, staring up at me. And I stared back down. Each word jumped out at me and screamed Nick. Each word molding together to form a sentence that told me I was horrible for falling for Cass’s boyfriend, and even worse for telling him. What was wrong with me? I wondered if anyone could answer that question. And if anyone could, it’d be Joe.

I bit my lip as my gaze shifted to the stairs in the darkness. I could see the old wooden railing easily, the dim light through the kitchen window marking the first step. I remembered that Cass had a cell phone upstairs, hidden somewhere in her room so that she could call Nick whenever her phone got taken away; it was very rare, but it happened, and I knew that cell phone had a few minutes to spare. My body rose up from the couch easily and my feet shuffled forward, but my still in the process of thinking. It wasn’t right for me to go to Cass’s room. It wasn’t right for me to touch her things, to be somewhere that she would never be again. I didn’t know if I could handle that--if I wanted to handle that.

By the time I stopped thinking I was already standing in front of her door. It was closed, the brass knob looking dim and worn in the hallway that lacked light. I licked my lips to find that they were dry, but my palms were sweating. I lifted my arm and placed my shaky hand over the knob, my eyes solely focused on my chipped nail polish. The silence was deafening; no one was around, I was alone. And with each finger that curved around the cool knob, I found myself relaxing. No one was around; I was alone. I gulped and twisted my hand, slowly easing the door open, listening to the loud creaks that seemed to echo unrealistically. Cass had slammed her door many times. My door never let out a peep.

With a gasp of air, I pushed the door open with a bit of force and prepared for my eyes to close. They didn’t, though. My eyes stayed opened and focused on the room. Everything was neat, just like the last time I had been in here, but it seemed so much emptier. Her bed sat, the blankets pulled up neatly and her pillows fluffy. Her purple backpack sat in the corner, and her dresser was still aligned with pictures. I didn’t look at those, though. I didn’t want to see her smiling face standing next to Nick or Mom or Dad… or me. I shut my eyes tight and quickly inhaled, letting my shoulders drop as my feet brought me closer. Standing in the doorway made me feel awkward; Cass had always let me in her room, as long as I promised not to snoop. My eyelids fluttered and I didn’t know if I was expecting a change, but nothing did. Her room still sat before me, everything still in place with nothing changing within the seconds that passed.

I glanced around the walls, the pale color and the few posters sticking out to me. There were pictures tacked to the wall, ones from various dates she had been on… with Nick, and there were notes scattered in a decorative box that she kept on her desk. The desk was white and it was smaller than mine, but it held a lot more. She had a computer, an old desktop that my mother refused to upgrade especially since I “didn’t need one,” and her cordless phone sat next to it. Her chair was pushed in fully and held one of her sweaters, and the items that were scattered around the desk consisted over frilly pens and bright stick notes. One thing, though, caught my eye. As I neared closer without thinking, my focus was now on an old band sticker that we had gotten at a fair. We loved that band. The memories were just waiting to flood back to me, but they didn’t; they couldn’t because I didn’t want to remember.

The closer to the desk drawer I got the harder it was not to look over at the closet. The doors were closed, but every time I looked over I felt as if my eyes could burn right through the wood and settle on each one of her frilly items. I could so easily see all her shoes and purses in my mind and, for only a moment, I thought about opening those doors so I could see if she were hiding in there. I told myself to breathe.

I reached for the knob on the door and instantly froze when I heard a car drive up. I bit my lip and waited for a moment, my heart jumping up to my throat when I heard the ignition die down and the door open and slam. Mom was home from the police station. I told myself to get out before she came in the house, to hide in my room under the covers so I wouldn’t have to face her and her tears of fury. But I heard something, voices, and my interest was immediately piqued. The room fell silent for a moment, the slight rustling of trees outside becoming almost soothing, but there was nothing else; nothing for a moment, anyway. A voice spoke again and I instantly heard another car shut off. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I glanced up, dropping my hand back to my side. My eyes darted around the window, the sheer curtains that hung over the closed blinds making it almost impossible to see out. I stepped to the side of the desk and leaned forward, gripping the ledge tightly.

My nose was practically pressed against the curtains while I squinted and tried to look through the blinds without making anything obvious, but before I could see the voices sounded again, the words distinct; I noticed that the window was cracked open a tad and must have been since the last time was Cass here.

“How’d it go down at the station?” That voice belonged to Mrs. Jonas.

“They told me what happened,” Mom sniffled, “but I just can’t believe…” She trailed her sentence off and sniffled again, most likely trying to gain sympathy from the woman who knew she beat her child.

Either that or I was heartless.

“We saw the body,” Mrs. Jonas said softly, and my eyes widened. I felt a wave of nausea pass over my and I wondered why the word ‘body’ made me angry. It was Cass, not a body. She was… I shut my eyes tight and held onto the ledge until my knuckles turned white, refusing to think about how it made everything all the more real.

“They couldn’t tell you the story,” Mom murmured, no doubt wiping her eyes. It was obvious to me that Mrs. Jonas had been with her to… and it was also obvious that she just wanted a way to ease her into the story; I was curious as to who “we” was, though.

I gulped and crouched down, surprised to see that my hands and legs were shaking. Using my fingers to gently push the blinds open, I peered out. I couldn’t see anyone but my mom due to the blockage of the trees, but even if I could I knew I wouldn’t be able to look anywhere else. She looked horrible, her cheeks stained with tears and makeup. Her eyes looked red from here and she looked worn out, defeated. I found myself pitying her along with what my own stomach was churning with.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Mrs. Jonas said kindly. I could see her arm stretch out and her hand settle on her shoulder in a caring way, and Mom sighed. “Maybe you want Nicholas to go inside?” My eyes widened yet again and I bit my lip, involuntarily leaning closer to the window. It was silent for a moment and I could see her head turning, her eyes scanning the body that must’ve been standing next to Mrs. Jonas, the body that belonged to Nick. I didn’t know what I felt at that moment. Was I angry that he got to go see my sister? Was I upset that he might not get to know the truth, or that he might get to hear it in the end? Was I betrayed because he didn’t tell me he was going before I stormed out, because I had screwed up yet again?

“No,” she finally said, her voice stern but now void of any emotion. “He should hear this. Cassandra was his girlfriend.” I cringed.

“What about Julissa?” Nick’s voice made my heart jump and I sucked in a quick breath. Why couldn’t I see him? I kept chanting “step forward” in my head, but it wasn’t working.

“She’ll be told later,” she said dryly, and that familiar feeling bubbled up inside me. I feared her telling me. “They said they found her on the side of the road a few towns away, close to that college she was going to.” I didn’t listen to her voice or the way it maybe faltered, but I did listen to the words and they were all I had to hold onto. “They checked, she didn’t have drugs or alcohol in her system, but there was…” she trailed off, and I found myself aching to hear more. “A struggle.” A struggle?

“A struggle?” Mrs. Jonas piped up, her voice so soft and alert. I waited, desperately searching for her face through the trees.

“They didn’t rape her, but it was attempted,” Mom spoke again, and I recognized that unusual tone -- she was going to cry. “She had marks on her--”

“We saw the ones on her neck,” Mrs. Jonas interrupted, taking her feelings into consideration. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how desperate I was to move from my spot on the floor, to get out and never hear of this again… I couldn’t. I was stuck there, stuck in a nightmare that I couldn’t escape, and I was forced to listen. The two spoke as if Nick weren’t even there and I suddenly wondered how he looked at the moment, if he felt hurt and pained and broken like me, even if it was for different reasons.

I was just confused.

“There weren’t any wounds, you know?” she sniffled, “no… stab marks or bullet holes-” Her voice molded into a sob and I could only shudder at the sound.

“Just know she didn’t suffer for too long,” Mrs. Jonas tried, but her words weren’t comforting to anyone, not even me. And I waited for Nick’s voice, but it didn’t come. Nothing came for a few moments and I thought everyone had disappeared, but then my heart sped up and I listened intently to the soft voice that spoke next.

“Do they know who did it?” His voice was grave and, like my mother’s earlier tone, void of any emotion… except anger. I could hear that little twinge and it was odd coming from him, but now I so desperately wanted to see his face. I could’ve fallen out the window trying. I tensed up as silence followed the question, silently praying to myself that this could all be done with.

“No.”

I didn’t know that I wasn’t breathing until the moment my lungs managed to pull in air. I gasped and fell backwards, choking and spitting while I landed on my hands and bottom. My face was probably blue from lack of oxygen, but the shock that was running through me was completely unreal. This whole situation was unreal.

They didn’t know. They didn’t know about Zack, about the way he changed Cass, made her cheat on Nick. They didn’t know that he hurt her, that she tried to run away. They didn’t know that he killed her. I tried to swallow the word but I felt faint and I couldn’t help but wonder why. If I couldn’t cry for my sister, then why did I feel so much pain? What was wrong with me?

Instead of grabbing the phone to call Joe like I had planned, I scrambled to my feet and bolted for the door, slamming it behind me. But it almost felt like Cass had slammed it.

I still couldn’t cry. I still couldn’t feel.

[T I M E]

I used to think that Dad was a superhero. He used to swing Cass around while they wore capes, his red and hers pink, and he used to make noises that would make me laugh. Cass said she wanted to be Wonder Woman and Dad wanted to be Superman, but there wasn’t anybody I wanted to be. She said I could be Peter Parker’s Mary Jane, but I wasn’t a damsel in distress, and then she said I could be Clark Kent’s Lois Lane, but Superman was Dad, so that didn’t work. I asked her why I couldn’t be a superhero, like Wonder Woman and Superman and Spider-Man, and she said it was because I wasn’t tough enough, because I wasn’t special. She was just being mean, like all siblings are at one time or another, so I cried. I cried and told her that she was mean and that I could be a superhero if I wanted to be.

Joe knew why I was upset and he told me that I could be a superhero like Ariel the mermaid. It was funny when Nick came in, his exasperated sigh letting us know that Joe was, once again, wrong.

“The little mermaid is not a superhero, Joe!” he cried out, Kevin in tow.

“Well then, what is she?” Joe mocked, setting his hands on his hips. We were all young; Kevin was going through his “maturing” phase, Joe was going through his bratty stage, and Nick was going through his know-it-all stage -- I’m not sure that ever went away.

“She’s a mermaid-”Nick started, quickly cut off by Joe.

“No shit.”

“I wasn’t finished!” Nick squeaked, his eyes widening suddenly as Kevin gasped. I didn’t understand what was wrong all of a sudden, so I looked around at their faces, not quite sure why I stared at Nick’s for so long. His chubby cheeks stuck out while his mouth hung open, his eyes wide; he reminded me of a little monkey. “Mommy!” Nick cried, his face completely offended. Joe’s eyes widened as Nick squealed, turning around quickly only to bump into Kevin. “Mommy! Joe said a bad word!”

“No, I didn’t! I’m sorry, Nicky!” Nick turned around suddenly, a tiny smirk evident -- even then -- and he looked exceptionally pleased with himself.

“The little mermaid is a princess, stupid,” he muttered, his eyes settling on me. “Julissa can be a princess if she wants to, right Kevin?” he asked suddenly, turning around to face his older brother. “You said anyone can be anything, didn’t you?” he started, his voice almost panicky. Kevin grinned.

“Uh-huh.”

“Kevin wants to be a cowboy!” Joe snorted, clapping his hands in amusement. Kevin glared.

“No I don’t! I mean… I used to, but not anymore!”

“Kevin’s a cowboy, Kevin’s a cowboy!” Joe chanted, smiling down at me. “Come on, Julissa. Kevin’s a cowboy, Kevin’s a cowboy!”

I had found it highly amusing and I laughed and clapped along, happily chanting with Joe. Nick giggled and ran over to Joe, almost bumping into him as he tried to sit. But Joe pulled him onto his lap, acting as if they hadn’t just argued and were the best of friends instead.

“You guys suck,” Kevin rolled his eyes, plopping down on the couch while he retrieved his yoyo; he tried to master that thing for a week before he ended up hitting Joe in the head, gaining his lip the need for stitches.

But the whole time I wondered where Cass was and why she wasn’t here to now witness that I was, in fact, a princess instead of some lame superhero. She would be jealous.

I sat on the couch with my knees curled up to my chest and stared at the wall blankly. The TV was off but I swore I could hear noises, and they ended up being the laughter inside my head. I could still picture everything so clearly. I could remember when Cass had come to get me that afternoon after explaining that Mom took her to the dentist, and she was a little upset that Kevin, Joe, and Nick had a good time with just me… practically a baby in her eyes. I got to tell her about me being a “princess” and that’s when she apologized for the whole superhero thing that seemed so insignificant now. I thought she was just apologizing because she wanted to be called a princess, but I told her that she couldn’t be because she didn’t fit right.

She could be the queen for all I cared now, as long as she was here.

It was getting dark out and mom hadn’t come down from her room since she went up. I wondered if she had secret stashes of alcohol hidden up there, or if she was eating something instead of cooking for both of us; I wasn’t very hungry, anyway. But every time I thought about her and how broken up she was… I couldn’t stand being angry towards her. I had to tell myself that I was just as upset, but where were my tears to prove it?

I slammed the pillow down in frustration and stood quickly, glancing towards the stairs for a second -- everything was silent. The door was under my gaze now and I trudged towards it, smoothing out my tank as I did. As soon as I flung the door open I was hit with cool air, unusual for a summer night. But it felt alright for now, and it easily distracted me. My throat was dry as I swallowed and I ignored the chill that rippled through me, choosing to step outside and shut the door lightly behind me. The lights were on across the street and Mr. Jonas’ car was home. I felt my stomach drop when I realized that Mrs. Jonas was probably filling him in on what happened; maybe she had told Joe and Kevin too, maybe even Frankie. But Nick knew. He… saw her one last time, and I didn’t know what to feel again.

I didn’t have any place to go, a way to call the two people I knew I needed to talk to. But there was also one person that I wanted to see and, glancing over at the Jonas house, I was surprised to see his light off. Was he asleep? I remembered seeing the time said 8:30 -- too early for him. Maybe he was downstairs where all the lights were on, sitting with his mom, dad, and little brother. Whatever he was doing I tried not to care, but after making a fool out of myself I knew that I did. There was so much I wanted to ask him about, so much I just wanted to say, but at the same time I didn’t know how to go about it. I didn’t want to hurt myself by asking for him to talk to me. I didn’t want to bring back any more memories or listen to what happened to Cass. Maybe she was right. I wasn’t tough enough to be a superhero.

A dry smile worked its way over my lips and I found myself walking, my hands stuffed in the pockets of my pajama shorts. I shivered again but continued, walking down the street and turning the corner. It was silent and no one was around, just the wind blowing the leaves on the trees and the bushes. My eyes darted across all the dimly lit lawns; they were cut nicely, sprinklers in the front, the fences neat.
The neighborhood was nice in general and so were the houses, but there were a few, including mine, that looked trashier than others. I was almost ashamed to live across from a nice house such as the Jonas’.

I continued my slow walk, glancing down the street to make sure no cars were coming before I crossed. I slipped through an opening that wasn’t cut off by someone’s old wooden fence, the tall dry grass and weeds scratching at my legs, and managed to maneuver myself until I recognized the old street that was now in front of me, the field in the distance. Even from here I could see the warm lights through their glass door. I stepped closer and closer yet, glancing up at the dark sky with squinted eyes, watching for the moon that seemed lost in the big sky. I couldn’t see many stars from here like I wanted to.

As I got closer, my bare feet smashing over the grass, making me itch, I recognized a tail wagging, a faint sound of panting catching in the wind. I couldn’t see anyone or anything, just the tail, and I knew it had to belong to Elvis. But what was he doing out here? Did they know he got out? Was he alone? I found my pace picking up, my mind now set on the dog rather than the problems and memories I had wanted to forget -- they were momentarily lost. I slowed my walk again, almost freezing when I spotted two knees in the air, a hand moving slowly across Elvis’ head. I held my breath but made no attempt to back up, my mind going blank for a moment before he lifted his head. His wide eyes met mine through the darkness, the moonlight a little brighter over here, but his expression stayed blank. Flickering my eyes away from his after a moment, I turned halfway and jerked to a stop stupidly.

“Umm, sorry,” I mumbled, biting my lip.

“Don’t be,” he said softly; there was no anger in his voice like I had heard earlier.

I glanced at him, feeling myself wanting to smile as I realized that we had done this before, in the courtyard after I told him about… Cass.

“You can sit,” he said quietly after a moment, his eyes never leaving me. I furrowed my eyebrows again and looked at him in confusion.

“I’d, umm, rather not…” I cleared my throat. I looked away from him and clasped my hands together,

“Alright,” he nodded slowly, seemingly unfazed, and then he continued with, “Whatever’s best for you.” I looked at him strangely again, my cheeks heating up without my control.

“Are you my therapist now?” I blurted out, though my voice was still quiet. He allowed a soft, calm smile to grace his lips, but it made my heart rate speed up. Was I nervous? Was I a wreck? I didn’t know what I was.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “do you want me to be?”

“No,” I answered quickly, blinking in confusion. I managed to turn myself back around slowly, my eyes dancing over Elvis as he stared up at me, his head cocked.

“Then who do you want me to be?” His question gained my full attention and I knew he could see my sudden frustration. "What do you want me to be?" Since when was Nick so confusing? I didn’t need this right now.

“What?” I breathed, shaking my head. I watched him shrug and spread his hands out behind him, leaning back casually while his eyes never left me. I gulped.

“I’m just trying to understand who you’re more comfortable with… since it isn’t me in general.” I watched his lips twitch downward, his eyes finally leaving mine to trail to the grass. Elvis plopped down on his side and nudged Nick’s hand with his head, getting him to absently pet him, but I was far more confused now.

“I don’t know what you’re even talking about.”

“You’re always running away, Jules,” he said quietly, glancing up at me. “Well, running away from me, anyway. And I don’t know why.” I stared at him in awe for a moment, not quite knowing for sure if this was real or if my mouth was hanging open. He didn’t… know why? Did yesterday not happen?

It’s because I like you, Nick. I like you so much that it hurts. And right now I couldn't be more confused.

“I don’t know why, either,” I grumbled, kicking at the grass with my toe lightly, clasping my hands behind my back.

I glanced up slowly, catching his lips parting, his jaw loosening with unspoken words; it clenched again quickly, the words being swallowed harshly. I waited for a minute, hoping he wasn’t going to bring it up, hoping that he’d leave it alone and that things between us could be… somewhat normal. If that’s what it ever was. I had too much to think about as it was, and I didn’t need some stupid nonexistent romance added to the list.

I could only wish.

I shook my head quickly, realizing that I was wrong once again. I couldn’t wish that because it was wrong.

“What do you do all day, Jules?” he almost whispered, crossing his ankles for a second. He shifted in his spot not a second later, slouching over as he sat up; his actions were almost… nervous, fidgety. I opened my mouth to answer with words I hadn’t thought of yet, he interrupted calmly with, “You know, besides sit around, write songs, and then run away from the outcome, or lack thereof.”

I watched his never-changing face, my eyes narrowing with a mixture of emotions. Was Nick trying to take a jab at me?

I turned around quickly and stepped forward, freezing when he spoke again.

“Will you just stay… for a minute?” he asked quickly, adding in a soft, “please.” I shut my eyes tight and breathed in, the knots in my stomach beginning to form. Glancing up at the sky, like it would give me some sort of answer, my eyes settled on the stars and how they gently twinkled, just barely. Biting my lip, I found myself turning back around it, locking his gaze again. Only Nick would be able to possibly insult me discreetly and get me to stay in one minute.

I hated it.

“Sit?” His tone was questioning this time, his eyes soft and gentle now, letting me know he was going to drop whatever he had intentions to bring up.

I stepped forward hesitantly and spun around, plopping myself down to the dog that was now alert. He jumped up, allowing Nick to retrieve his hand back onto his lap, and panted. He let his nose rest on my leg and I smiled weakly, quickly looking away when I felt Nick’s eyes on me. Even now, though, I felt like I owed him a conversation. Or I just wanted one.

“So… Mom knows about Cass?” I asked slowly, my voice harder than I expected. He didn’t seem to notice, though I didn’t look over at him.

“I guess she told you then?” His voice held a small level of surprise, and I didn’t blame him. When Mom came in she hadn’t said one word to me, and I was partially thankful.

“I heard enough,” I responded in a whisper, looking down at my hands. It was silent for another moment and I wondered why he wanted me to sit if he wasn’t going to talk, but, looking up at the dimly lit sky, I realized I wanted to know about this. Turning my head to the side slowly, I caught a glimpse of the side of his face before my hair acted as its usual curtain. “You… saw her?” I asked quickly, exhaling slowly. I noticed that he tensed up for a moment, his head tilting and his eyes shifting to me, and he nodded.

“I saw her.” His voice wasn’t happy though, because he didn’t really see Cass.

I nodded and kept my gaze on him, replying almost bitterly with, “I didn’t get to see her.”

He shifted his gaze towards me again, his chocolate eyes almost smoldering. “You wouldn’t want to see her.” My lips parted with shock and I instantly wondered how bad it could be, or if it was just something Nick thought I didn’t deserve to see. I could feel that chill shooting through, a mixture from the words I had just heard and the cold, and I gasped lightly out of reflex.

I noticed Nick wiggling out of his sweatshirt and before I could protest, he was handing it to me. I shook my head though, refusing; when I refused, he refused. I stiffened immediately while he leaned over his dog, his arms wrapping around my torso. I could feel the warmth that he had radiating onto me even before he placed the cloth over my shoulders. Leaning back some, he pulled tightly in the front, not even bothering to allow me time to slip my arms in. And there was that look again, that innocent look that only Nick knew, and it broke me. I needed him to be there for me more than I wanted to admit, to even acknowledge. I needed him because I had no one else.

Nick stared at me and even though I was uncomfortable, it was impossible to look away. His eyes searched mine, like he had done before, like he was trying to see my soul, and I realized I was holding my breath again. I waited for him to move, to say anything, but we just… sat there.

“You know…” he started thoughtfully, his voice barely above a whisper. His breath hit the tip of my nose just barely, tickling my lips. “She fought.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion again, searching his eyes repeatedly for something to help me understand. “When he was… when he was trying to- she, Cass… she fought. She fought Julissa, she fought for you.”

“But… how did she fight for me? How do you know?” I sounded like a wide-eyed child, eagerly awaiting his response. He blinked slowly, his full lips parting as the wind blew his curls lightly, and he gripped my arms a little tighter.

“She fought so she could come back to be with you, because she knew that she couldn’t be without her like you think you can’t be without her. And I know because Cass and I… we think a lot alike sometimes, and I know that, if anything were to happen to me or you, I would fight for you, too.”

“Would you?” I asked lowly, shaking my head in disagreement. He smiled though, his lips twisting into a sweet comfort, and he shook his head in return, deciding that he didn’t need to say it twice… whatever it was.

“And I think you’d fight for me.” He smiled a little wider, his cheeks rosy, and he squinted he eyes while looking away. “Or at least I’d want you to.”

I smashed my lips together and stood slowly, running my fingers over Elvis gently. Nick looked up at me while sprawling out into his previous position, though he scrunched up a little more as the wind hit. Backing away slowly, yet to turn around, I kept my gaze on him and wondered how he could be so confusing. Nothing in my life could just be simple. But looking at him… it gave me the sudden urge to call Dad, to tell him… everything.

I began to turn around but stopped suddenly, another question needing an answer first. Shifting my head to the side, my eyes met his again, my mouth feeling dry.

“What were you doing here, anyway?”

He smiled again, light and almost sheepish, but his eyes were stern. “I knew you’d come,” he stated simply, adding a shrug. I blinked in surprise.

“How…”

“I’m catching on, Jules,” he whispered, tilting his head to the side. He wiggled his foot a little, his fingers tracing over Elvis’s paw from where it sat beside his hand. “Sooner or later I’ll understand you.”

I stared at him, stating dryly rather than questioningly, “Really?”

“It won’t take long,” he said while nodding, his voice composed and sure. I stop up straighter, not quite knowing what to think.

“What makes you so sure that I’ll stick around you long enough?”

“Because you like me,” he said calmly, but something flickered in his eyes, and something in me was about to burst. He opened his mouth again but quickly shut it, looking down for a moment while he licked his lips. “And because I know that, wherever you run or hide, I’ll always find you.” I opened my mouth to protest, not caring that my words would probably be shaky, but he cut me off again. “And that’s a promise, Jules.”

I didn’t know if I liked that or not.

“Goodnight, Nick,” I said sternly, the end of my voice almost cracking. I turned around before I could see his reaction and made my way towards the street, my fingers tightening around the warm fabric of his sweatshirt; his scent engulfed me and I closed my eyes, all the thoughts I had come here to forget now flooding back, along with new ones.

I didn’t know if I trusted Nick anymore, especially now that he knew -- and wasn’t against using -- the fact that I liked him against me. I wanted to, though. I wanted to trust him, to know that, no matter what, he always would be there. I knew now for sure that he didn’t share my feelings; I felt that maybe I was smarter than I thought because I had never expected him to like me, not when he had Cass and not even when he lost her.

I didn’t expect anything from anybody… but now I wasn’t so sure that was right.