Take Me There

I seemed to be waiting for something my whole life. ; My mother treating me like an admirable daughter, by dad coming back, Cass being almost normal for once, or Nick giving me a second glance. None of those things happened. Time was a virtue in many ways. Time could make you late, it could make you early. Time was something we all had to use, but time was also limited. I just didn’t know who would limit someone’s time.

My time for waiting was now done.

Cass had rode with Nick again, her usual smiling self. I accepted a ride for once, not feeling like being ignored by Sam again. So I felt like being ignored by Cass and Nick. She told him how amazing the college was with its on campus coffee shop that served herbal tea, and the fact that the accounting program seemed so interesting. He smiled and told her he was happy for her, just as I should’ve been, but one thing bugged me. Cass didn’t mention her new friend, Zack. She didn’t mention meeting him and how she was happy to know someone there. Nick didn’t ask, Cass didn’t tell. It wasn’t a big deal.

The school day went by so quickly. We had to watch the senior’s practice their walk, but I smiled. I smiled and waved to Cass who looked so excited. She waved back. I watched them go over their schedule and heard them discuss the party afterward. Cass had already ordered her black and gold cap and gown. She’d wear a pretty spring pink dress underneath, one that matched her blond hair perfectly. She had it all planned out.

Cass said we’d go to the park after school and that she’d pick me up. I didn’t understand where she could’ve gone, especially since Nick brought her to school, but she wasn’t in the courtyard. She was gone. I wandered around for a bit, waiting for her to come get me. I checked my phone countless times, realizing that I had missed the bus to wait. Cass was supposed to get a ride home from one of her friends to retrieve her car and then wait for me in the lot. She wasn’t there, neither was her car. Cass had forgotten.

I sighed and pushed through the courtyard, moving down the path to the lot. Only a few cars still sat and I recognized Nick’s shiny mustang. I glanced around, wondering if Cass was just waiting for him, but she was nowhere to be seen. The sound of the doors shutting in the distance caught my eye and Nick bounded down the steps, pushing up the sleeves to his light brown leather jacket up to his elbows as the warm breeze hit. His bag was over his shoulder and his curls bounced as he moved, reaching out for his car door with his keys in hand. He glanced over his shoulder and spotted me, furrowing his thin eyebrows. I stepped a little closer, pushing my windblown hair back.

“Julissa?” he questioned. He knew it was me. It was a more of wondering tone.

“Hey Nick. What’re you still doing here?” I didn’t want to embarrass myself and say Cass never showed up. That’s what happened though.

“I had some baseball work to fill out. I was talking to the coach too. Why are you still here?” he turned around to face me, leaning up against the front of the car. I looked away, shrugging.

“Cass was supposed to pick me up.”

“School ended almost an hour ago. She hasn’t come back yet?” I shook my head no. “Do you want a ride home?”

Nick was always sweet, even when he was angry or upset. I had never really seen him as either, but that was only because he never really let it show. He tried to be happy for the most part, and he did a good job with it.

“Umm, thanks, but that’s okay. I’ll walk home.”

“Jules, it’s pretty far…” he tried to reason, but I gave him a half smile and waved, making my way out of the lot and down the street. I could hear his car rev up and within a second, he was passing me, slowly. I knew he’d ask again, so I waved him off. I just needed my time.

When he rolled down the street, I was alone in the warm spring air. The trees were blooming, letting off sweet smells, but I didn’t really recognize anybody on the street. An older man was taking a jog while a woman in her thirties sat on the porch with her toddler, smiling while they swung. A few men were out doing yard work, and there was even a moving truck parked in a driveway, but none of these things interested me.

As my vans pounded against the sidewalk, I thought about Cass. She always said she hated being late almost as much as fried foods. Was not showing up under the category of late? I wasn’t going to dwell on it. Something probably came up.

The house was empty when I entered, setting my bag on the floor. Where was Cass then? I rolled my eyes and trudged into the kitchen, turning the faucet on to rinse of my hands with cool water. It was still sunny out, the house hot and in need of air. I pulled the window open and let the breeze hit my face before moving to the fridge. We were in need of groceries, something mom hadn’t gotten to with her many shifts. I supposed it was up to me and Cass.

There wasn’t anything good in the fridge, so I pulled out a coke, opening the can with a hiss. I took a sip and made my way back into the living room, plopping down on the cough with the remote. I had homework, but I didn’t need to get it done right now. SpongeBob was on.

When you sit down and keep your thoughts away, time seems to pass more quickly. Living in the moment is something I never really learned, but I never made plans either. Sometimes I thought I was unstable, but watching that yellow sponge laugh and run around saying ‘I’m ready’ made me realize I wasn’t the only unstable person in this world. Although, I was comparing myself to a fictional talking sponge…

After three full episodes, including commercials, of SpongeBob, the door opened and I turned my head to see Cass. She was humming to herself and smiling, dropping her keys to the end table with a clang, and her eyes locked mine. She didn’t look shocked or sorry; she just smile and strolled forward.

“Hey, Jules. What’s up?”

“Just watching TV…” I mumbled, furrowing my eyebrows. I sat up on the couch, dropping my feet from the coffee table to face her. “Umm, where were you?”

“Just hanging with a friend. Why?”

I guess she really didn’t know. “You didn’t pick me up today. I walked home.”

That’s when it hit her. Her face turned to shock, and then to guilt, and she bit her lip. “Oh my gosh, I completely forgot! I am so sorry…”

“Who were you with? Nick offered me a ride, but I decided against it.”

“Oh… " she cleared her throat, looking away nervously.

“What? Was that supposed to be your defense?” I snorted, laughing at how stupid that was. I stopped when she didn’t start. “Cass! You were going to lie to me?”

“No! I was just… getting to know Zack. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.” She sounded and looked convincing, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled with her ‘getting to know’ Zack excuse. I shrugged it off. It wasn’t my business and I wasn’t going to make it be.

“Fine,” I sighed, giving her a small smile. She returned it with a brighter grin and bent down to hug me, her soft hair tickling my cheek. She pulled back and grabbed her bag, bounding up the stairs.

[T I M E]

I sat at the table in my own silence, listening to the yelling coming from the TV interrupting my thoughts. I ate my waffles in peace and stared out the window, into the beginning darkness. Today was Tuesday. Mom had her late shift. I was feeding myself while Cass watched her reality shows, laughing at all the drama happening. She’d probably be in the midst of it if she were on some show. I smiled dryly.

A knock sounded suddenly and I heard Cass yell ‘I’ll get it.’ I wondered who it would be at this hour with only the two of us home. Santa Clause with my late Christmas present perhaps?

“Hey Nick,” I heard Cass grin, followed by a moment of silence; they kissed.

Cass had called him up to come over and watch TV with her because she was lonely. I knew she didn’t mean any harm, but what the heck was I then? It didn’t matter. I wanted to drench my waffles with syrup in peace. But that was disrupted when she began to giggle, and suddenly I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I let out a sigh and pushed my chair back, standing to dump the rest of the food in the trash and set the plate in the sink. I’d have to get to that later.

Strolling into the living room, my eyes immediately focused on Cass leaning forward, her hands gripping Nick’s shirt tightly, her lips moving against his soundly. I restrained from gagging, it was hard. I tried to make a beeline for the stairs, but I heard Nick speak politely, like he always did, after he cleared his throat.

“Hey, Julissa.”

A simple greeting was more than I could ask for from anyone, but Nick seemed to be the only one to carry out the act. He always addressed me when I entered a room he was in, showed up at his door, or just spotted him somewhere like the grocery store or in the school halls. That’s the way Nick was, so sweet and gentle. I hated it.

“Hey Nick,” I sighed, slowly turning to give him a half smile. He gave me a small wave with the hand that wasn’t connected with Cass’. She smiled back too, happy that I seemed to be getting along with her boyfriend.

“How was your walk?”

I was aware that Cass looked guilty again, and now I smiled a little wider, but did my best to hide it and shrug. It wasn’t often one got to throw something at Cass to make her feel guilty. She was the perfect child.

“It kind of tired me,” I shrugged, watching her shift nervously. Was she worried that Nick would ask where she was? Did she not want to tell him she had a guy friend that she hung out with today? Nick was okay with her having friends. He didn’t restrict her. I didn’t even need to think about them anymore.

“Why don’t you watch TV with us?” Cass piped up, giving me her honest smile. I shook my head though, looking away from Nick.

“I’d rather not. I… have some homework I haven’t gotten to yet.”

“Oh. Okay. Nigh Jules,” Cass smiled, snuggling up to Nick and focusing on the commercial for a new car. Nick smiled softly.

“See you tomorrow.”

It was a little sentence like that that made me feel known. Even if by one person.

&&&

I started on my science homework, writing down the results of my project; the project I didn’t do. Why would I want to see how air affects the mold growth of bread? Why would I even want to go to school when I had no real friends? Because I had to, on both accounts.

I remembered when Cass and Nick worked on a solar system project. She needed help and I was sick that week, leaving Nick to put up with her perfectionist ways. He wasn’t much different. That’s why they butted heads so much. Nick wanted something one way, but Cass would completely disagree, most of the time just so she could say her way was better. Most of the time, it wasn’t. If I was stuck on an island with limited resources, I’d listen to Nick’s advice. If I was stuck on an island with Nick, I might just die anyway. But Cass would be there. She always would be.

I let out a frustrated groan and threw my notebook across the room, flopping back onto my bed. I could hear the crickets chirping from the open window, the cool night breeze picking up, hitting the bare skin on my legs and arms. The dim light next to me burned my eyes and I turned over to face the darkness of my open closet. Cass would always come to my rescue when I thought the green Christmas sweater with the ugly tree on it that mom had bought was a monster. That never happened to the red Christmas sweater that Denise Jonas gave me. That one was actually cute. That one showed that she knew me more than my own mother did. But that wasn’t really a shock. She gave Cass a cell phone that Christmas. And I got a monstrous green tree sweater. The value couldn’t compare.

The black dress that hung in front of all my clothes was something I hated and loved. Cass picked it out and told me to wear it the last Halloween party, but I didn’t go. I never went to parties. The dress was pretty, a little above the knee with a ruffled shawl attached. It fit perfectly, but dad didn’t approve. He said it made it look as if his baby was growing up. I told him the dress was for me. He didn’t say much after that.

The stars on my ceiling were glowing faintly and I reached for the lamp, turning the amber light off to reveal the darkness and the light green alienish glow from above. I really just wanted to sit out in the bed of the truck and stare up at the real, silver stars. But that was something I only ever did with Cass. It was our tradition on the last day of every month. That was coming up fast. Cass would be graduating in only a few days, allowing dad and mom to get together for once. They only ever spoke on occasions and when he came to pick us up for some bonding time. It wasn’t bonding time anymore, though. He was too busy and we were too old. He had Damon to baby anyway. I missed him.

A knock on my door sounded and I mumbled a ‘come in.’ The door squeaked open, but silence remained. I waited a few more seconds before sitting up, my eyes locking on Cass in the darkness. She spoke softly.

“Is something wrong Jules? Are you still mad at me?”

“No,” I sort of lied. “Just tired.”

“Oh,” she sighed with relief, slouching her shoulders to lean against the frame of the door. “Mom just called. Said she’d be home around eleven. She wants us to get to bed though.”

I knew she wouldn’t know either way. She stopped checking on our sleep once we hit the teenage years.

“I’m going to bed now, anyway. Did Nick leave?”

“Yep,” she popped, sighing. “He said we can come over to his house for dinner tomorrow. Denise misses us,” she chuckled. I smiled, but just barely.

Denise was like a second mother to me in many ways. I didn’t see her much, didn’t have reason to go over there but to sometimes take Frankie out, visit Joe when he was home from college, or catch up with Kevin and Danielle and wonder when they were going to have their first baby. I never went over there for Nick. But Denise was always so caring, to everyone. I guess it made me feel special for once.

“I dunno. Maybe,” I shrugged. Inside, I was eager to say yes.

“Think about it. Joe’s supposed to be coming home tomorrow for a few days. You know how you always like talking to him.”

Cass always thought I had a crush on Joe. Even when she knew I had a crush on Nick, Joe came first for me in her book. When I finally convinced her that Nick was nothing more than her boyfriend, she was set on me liking Joe. That wasn’t true, of course. Joe was like the older brother or best friend I never had. Joe was there for me with his goofy attitude and his bright smile. Joe knew I liked Nick. Joe knew what Cass didn’t, and that was pretty much the only thing. I smiled.

“Oh, awesome.”

“Night sis,” Cass sighed after a moment. I could her smile in the darkness when she shut the door and I couldn’t help but wonder what her and Zack talked about.

I needed a life with all the time on my hands.

[T I M E]

The thing about Cass was that she was perfect. She went to bed on time, ate the right foods, and drank her herbal tea. She always got eight hours of sleep, never less. And before she even thought about coming downstairs, she always combed her hair perfectly. So when I stumbled down the stairs to get breakfast before school in my pajamas, I was thoroughly surprised to see her hair a mess and her make-up from yesterday smeared. She even had the same clothes on, and it looked as if she had been down here all night.

“Cass?”

I heard her gasp a little and turn to face me, a shocked look on her face. “What time is it?”

“Six in the morning. You know, the time we get ready for school. What are you doing down here?”

“Nothing. I, uh, I just…” Something wasn’t right.

“Cass, are you okay? Did you sleep?”

“Yeah. I was down here, rehearsing my graduation speech, and I wanted it perfect, but it’s a mess Jules! How am I supposed to express the way four years of high school has readied me for life?” It sounded like Cass, but it didn’t look like her. Her bright eyes weren’t so bright, they were sleep deprived instead, and she looked a little jittery, her eyes a little bloodshot. She combed through her knotted hair and I wondered if her speech was the only thing on her mind… if at all.

“Do you want me to make you your tea?” I sighed, tying my hair into a high, messy ponytail. She nodded quickly, plopping down into her chair. Where were her note cards?

I shook my head and grabbed the tea pot, filling it with water and setting it on the stove. The burner flickered on and I brought out the tea bags, turning to face her with a curious looked. She looked confused, different. But she still managed that Cass smile. I did my best to return it.

“Does mom know how hard you’re working?”

She shook her head no.

“Does she know you stayed up all night?”

Another no.

“You were working on this all night, right after you came to say goodnight to me?”

She nodded slowly and I bit my lip.

“How did mom not see you then? If she was coming home at eleven…”

“I was in the dark. She probably didn’t even see me. I didn’t even hear her come in.”

I nodded slowly and turned to the whistling pot, quickly pouring the water into her favorite rose colored tea pot and stuck the bag in, swirling it around for her. I hated tea. I didn’t know how she could drink it. I moved over and handed it to her gently, pulling down my shirt.

Just at that moment, mom came bounding down the stairs with a sour look. She hated her Tuesday shifts but loved her Wednesdays off. Her eyes trailed over the two of, locking on Cass with worry.

“Honey, are you alright?”

I sighed and stepped back, crossing my arms when Cass spoke. “I’m okay. I was up all night trying to get my speech right. I didn’t get any sleep.”

“You can’t go to school dear,” mom shook her head.

“But we were supposed to do something after school-”

“She can’t Jules. She needs rest,” mom interrupted, giving me an apologetic smile. I opened my mouth to speak but decided against it, mumbling a small okay. Cass looked down guiltily, rubbing her forehead. “I’m going grocery shopping today, so you’ll be on your own,” she mumbled to Cass, smoothing down her hair while she sipped at the tea I made her. “Go get ready for school Julissa.”

I did as she said and hurried up the stairs, shutting the door to the bathroom. I had limited time to take a shower and I hurried through, quickly pulling my wet hair into pigtails afterward, letting them air-dry while I dressed in shorts, a plain tee, and my vans. I hurried through my make-up and grabbed my bag, checking the time. I was going to be late if I walked and I already missed the bus, but since when did I care?

I hurried down the steps and spotted Cass on the couch, curled up with a blanket and her stamp collection, and I rolled my eyes, smiling at how dorky she was. She gave me a quick wave and told me to be careful at school. When I passed mom, she barely said bye, her mind too wrapped up in making Cass her breakfast. I still didn’t eat. At least it was a sunny day and the air was warm, perfect for my choice of shorts.

I stepped down the driveway and turned my head away, unable to escape the fact that Nick’s car was still in the driveway. Did Cass stay up and sneak over to Nick’s? Was he going to school or staying home like Cass? She could’ve just told me they were together. It wouldn’t have been a surprise. They wouldn’t have done anything anyway. Not with Nick’s gentlemanly ways.

But then nick stepped out the door in his gray skinny jeans and a white V-neck that hugged his muscles, his jacket rolled up to his sleeves. His hair looked perfect and sunglasses were perched on his nose, shielding his light sensitive eyes. That’s when he spotted me, on the way to his amazing car.

“Hey, Julissa, Cass told me she was going to drive today.” He looked confused and so did I.

“Umm, no... She’s not going to school today. She didn’t sleep last night.”

“What was she doing?” So… they weren’t together? Maybe she really was working on her speech. I opened my mouth to speak but he held up his finger, motioning for me to pause. He didn’t want us yelling across the street.

I watched him jump in his car and rev the engine, quickly backing up and then moving towards me. He opened the door for me to get in, offering a ride that I didn’t refuse. Sliding in, I scratched my head and rested my bag next to my feet, buckling myself in.

“She said she was working on her speech,” I shrugged, shifting in my seat. He paused, knitting his eyebrows together before pulling the car back onto the street, turning the corner.

“Really? She finished it the other day and said it was perfect.” He let off a little chuckle and ran his fingers through his curls, giving me something else to think about.