Take Me There

School ended quicker than I thought, the time going by faster and faster every day. I wasn’t complaining. Nick’s words had me deep in thought all day, though. I probably bombed my math quiz, but I didn’t care. Something was up with Cass. She wasn’t picking me up today. She was probably still fast asleep at home, and mom was probably still out. Time stood still for them, or at least bended when they needed it. But time never did that for me. And I looked at the clock on my phone. School was out, the sun bright, the air warm. I decided to get home in case Cass needed me for anything.

I stepped outside and looked around, my eyes locking on Sam as she hopped on the bus. She hadn’t spoken to me today either and I was starting to wonder what exactly it was I did. I noticed her hanging out with Cindy Lester, one of Cass’s junior friends. I guess I was automatically out then. I really didn’t have anyone else to turn to.

“Hey Julissa,” Nick called suddenly, snapping my attention to him. He gave me a soft smile and pushed away from his car, stepping closer to me. I sighed and looked down, pushing my hair away from my face as he approached.

“What’s up Nick?”

“I just wanted to know if you heard from Cass…” he trailed off almost shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I tried to call her, but, you know. She didn’t answer,” he shrugged, still nervous.

“Oh, umm,” I cleared my throat, looking around the emptying parking lot. “No. I haven’t heard from her.” I didn’t know if I should tell Nick of my suspicion or not, if I even had one. “Did you try calling her again?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I don’t want to bug her.” That’s just the way Nick was. I also knew he hated phone calls.

“Oh. Well, I’ll tell her to call you when I get home,” I muttered, pushing the backpack farther up my back. Nick nodded, smiling gratefully.

“Do you want a ride?”

I hesitated, opening my mouth to refuse, but I couldn’t. I smiled halfheartedly and gave him a small nod, mumbling thanks. He pulled the keys out of his tight jeans pocket and led the way to his shiny mustang, quickly opening the door for me. I found myself mumbling another thanks and I buckled myself in, setting my bag down next to my feet while he moved around to the driver’s side and slid in, starting the ignition. The car revved to life and he slowly pulled out of the lot and onto the street.

“Umm, do you mind if I stop by the elementary school to pick up Frankie? Mom and dad are out shopping, so…” he cleared his throat, quickly glancing off the road to look at me. I shook my head and shifted in my seat. I looked out the window and figured that I had time to spare. Cass was probably asleep anyway.

Nick kept his eyes on the road, his face intense. I would’ve figured he were angry if I didn’t know him. But I did, even just a little, and I knew when Nick was angry. He was just thinking. Nick was a good driver; turning carefully, stopping obediently, obeying the speed limit. He slowed down once we got to the school zone, the car ride having been silent. Neither of us were really talkers. It was a comfortable silence, if you could call it that. Cass was the talker in our family, so Nick had to of gotten a little bit tired of talking. I guess I really didn’t know.

I remembered going to elementary school. It seemed like so long ago--the naps, the early lunch and long recesses, the arts and crafts for each and every holiday. Elementary school was where I made all my friends. Elementary school was where I first uttered a word to Nick, even though he lived across the street. Elementary school was my golden years. The time seemed to pass so slowly then, only speeding up when I hit middle school. Junior High was where I lost all my friends, started getting less sleep, and started worrying about whether I ate more than five cupcakes at a birthday party - if I was ever invited to one. And High school… high school is hell. But freshman year was just so close to being over. Cass would be graduating in less than a week and Nick would be moving on to be a senior. That was going to be piece of cake for him.

Everybody in our high school practically worshiped Nick Jonas. The weird thing was that… he wasn’t anywhere near perfect. His curls seemed to be too poofy on occasions, but it always looked nice and adorable. He wasn’t extremely tall like some of the boys, but he was 5’9”, and he was definitely slender with a noticeable muscle build. When he played basketball he often times missed the shot by just a hair, but he picked up the ball and shot again. When he played football, he didn’t always make the winning touchdown. Sometimes he’d get tackled. Baseball was where he really got competitive. He strived for homeruns, trying to perfect his swing and pitches. When he missed or struck out, he’d go into a mode that wasn’t usual for him.

Nick was also insecure about his smile, probably because Cass always dated someone with one of a movie star when they broke up. It was as if she were trying to spite him, hurt him in some way. Nick’s smile was unique though, probably because the way his mouth was, the dimples placed so precisely. There was so much to Nick that didn’t seem flawed at all, but he was also nowhere near perfect - unless you used my definition. My definition would be: see Nick.

I hated him.

I felt the car roll up to a stop and immediately remembered where I was. I glanced around the parking lot, trying to get a sense of the old place. It had been renovated since I had last come here, but that was four years ago. I wished I could go back in time and land where everything had been so perfect. I wanted the normal Cass, the Cass that smiled brightly and giggled whenever she tripped over her own feet. She was too graceful now, too womanly. I wanted the Cass that hated to wear skirts because her legs were too long for her tender age and insisted that I wear those little kid dresses because I was “too adorable.” Now Cass always wore skirts to get attention for those once-too-long legs. I hated how she always had to be perfect, but I loved how she never failed. I wished I could go back to the time where everything was just great. I didn’t realize until later that my wish would mean more than just sitting on a swing with chocolate ice-cream cones.

“So, uh,” Nick started awkwardly, trying to cut the silence. Maybe he saw it as awkward, but I saw it as peaceful. Nick had that vibe to him.

I slowly twisted in the leather seat, my eyes connected with his. He offered a simple smile, his hands tightening over the steering wheel until they held a milky white look. He was nervous. Nick and I had never really been alone together and I didn’t think we had anything in common, besides our like of silence.

Nick was somewhat of a nerd, in my eyes. He wore fake glasses sometimes, proving my accusation. Cass hated when he wore them and I knew he did it just to bug her, but it had some sort of innocence to it. Nick was also a jock, but he never acted like it. He never wore those stupid letterman jackets or even a sweatshirt with HORNETS on it. He did where sports jerseys, New York Yankees or LA Dodgers, and sometimes even a Dallas Cowboys shirt, but that was to be expected. It was Nick, after all.

“Are you excited for Cass’s graduation?” he asked curiously. He was trying to make conversation. I wasn’t good at conversation, but I’d give it a go.

“Um, yeah. I mean, I guess so,” I shrugged, scratching my head. “I’ll miss her, but-” I quickly stopped myself, realizing that Nick was Cass’s boyfriend. I didn’t want to say anything that could get back to her.

“But you’ll be glad when she’s out?” he chuckled, seeming to know what I was going to say anyway. I blushed.

“Not necessarily.” I was going to Miss Cass more than I could say, but I was tired of being pushed away. At least when she was gone, I’d know people ignore me because they didn’t like me, not because I wasn’t as perfect as Cass.

“It’s okay if it is. When Kevin left, I was sad at first, but it was good to have extra space. And now that Joe’s gone, little brother is hardly a job anymore,” he assured. “But I kind of always was a little more mature than them, so it’s not much of a big difference.”

I smiled to myself and nodded, looking away from his gaze to stare a little girl with pigtails bounding down the stairs, her bubblegum-pink backpack bouncing along with all her key chains. She was cute, small and happy. Then I spotted Frankie. He was one of the most adorable kids I had seen. His smile looked more like Joe’s, his eyes like Nick’s. He also liked to talk, just like Kevin. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him talk to the little girl, trying to impress her with one of his “I’m all that” smirks. He learned that from Joe.

I could see Nick roll his eyes from the corner of mine, and he rolled down the window to let some fresh air in. his finger hit the radio button, repeatedly pushing the forward button to get to a song he wanted I didn’t really pay attention to his enormous music collection. He was obsessed.

“Nick… Julissa?” Frankie grinned as he ran forward, his childish attention span leaving the poor little girl in the dust. She didn’t care though, and continued on her path forward.

“Come on. We need to get her home,” Nick commented, glancing at me momentarily.

I leaned forward quickly, allowing Frankie to open my door, and pulled the seat with me. It was an awkward position and I tried not to notice Nick staring at me as Frankie climbed in, doing his best not to push my farther into the door of the glove compartment, but I could feel his eyes on me. As soon as he settled, Frankie mumbled a sweet apology and allowed me to sit back down, closing the car door tightly. I tied my hair back after its millionth irritation to my face.

“How come you never come over to play with me anymore?” Frankie huffed as soon as Nick began to drive out of the lot slowly, careful not to hit any tiny little kids. Most of them recognized Nick’s face and waved enthusiastically, a couple of boys then turning to see if Frankie was behind me. They waved.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think you wanted me to,” I shrugged, glancing at the clock.

“Can’t you come over tomorrow? Can she Nick?” Frankie asked before I even had a chance to disagree. I glanced over at Nick, hoping he’d make up an excuse. I knew he didn’t want me there. Not without Cass.

“Sure. She’s welcome anytime,” he responded though, shooting a polite smile my way before turning back to the road. I smiled back dryly and slid down in my seat, hoping his mustang would magically fly down the street and to my house, but the turn looked so far away. “As a matter of fact… I think Cass said she’d invite you to dinner tonight.”

Crap.

“Oh, uh, yeah. She did, but she’s not feeling well, so…” I tried my best to sound disappointed. I didn’t know whether he bought it or not, but his reaction certainly wasn’t a good thing.

“That’s cool, though. You can still come, if you want. My mom misses you too. Besides, Joe’s going to be there.”

I smiled to myself at the mention of my on/off best friend. Sure, he was older and in college and, sure he was Nick’s brother, but I seemed to relate to him a lot more than I related to Cass. Joe was somewhat of an outcast in his early years, so he often had good advise me. It didn’t work, but it was good advice nonetheless. And I smiled because now I had a reason to go… without Cass, if she wasn’t up for it.

“Okay,” I caved, smiling slightly. He grinned back and for a moment I had forgotten that Frankie was in the car. Nick’s no-teeth smile seemed to brighten your day just as much as someone’s regular smile. It was hard not to find it even remotely contagious

Nick pulled the mustang up to the curb and left the ignition on, waiting for me to step out. Frankie said his enthusiastic goodbye and Nick added a “see you,” letting me know that I probably couldn’t back out of this. I heaved a sigh and stepped out of the low car, the sun continuing to warm my bare legs as the breeze cooled my arms. I headed for the door, only looking back once to see him pull away and into his driveway quickly. I hurried inside before they could get out.

The house seemed empty and I wondered if Cass was sound asleep upstairs, or if she had maybe gone to school after all. Her car was in the driveway though; mom’s wasn’t. I set my bag on the floor next to the front door and shut it behind me, the house immediately flooding with darkness due to the closed drapes. I didn’t bother opening them. Instead, I went into the kitchen and washed my hands with my favorite pomegranate soap, my eyes locking on a torn piece of white paper that was connected to the fridge. My mothers’ sloppy handwriting adorned the page:

Gone out with Jess. Be back late. -Mom

Short, not sweet, and definitely to the point. She’d be home late. At least I had Cass.

I grabbed and apple off the counter and ran it under the water, drying it off with a paper towel before sinking my teeth into it with a fresh crunch. I decided to go remind Cass about the dinner tonight and hoped she’d be all smiles and say she was fine to come. That’s what she always did. She’d bend over backwards to please anyone.

I hopped up the stairs, one by one, always afraid that I’d trip, and continued to chew on my apple. Home was like safe haven. I could read and watch TV and even sleep in the day on weekends. I had dishes and bathroom duty and my room to clean, but my home was safe for me. It was my security. Cass’s security was the outside world. She was a butterfly and I was a wallflower. I guess butterflies were prettier.

I reached her room, checking to make sure she wasn’t puking in the bathroom or anything. She was tired, not sick. Sighing, I knocked on her door lightly, wondering if she was sleeping. No answer. I knocked harder, hoping to maybe wake her up. No answer. Her door wasn’t locked, but it was shut, which wasn’t unusual for either of us. We, like the rest of our family, liked alone time. The dinner table wasn’t even a place where we all ate; mostly just me. I didn’t mind the quiet though. It was kind of nice, in a way.

I opened Cass’s door and peeked in, blinking past the darkness. Her bed was a mess, but she wasn’t in it. Her phone wasn’t plugged in and her personal bag was gone. She was gone, left. So much for being sick. I decided to snoop a little, finding the inner workings of my sister’s mind suddenly intriguing. Did she lie to skip school for some reason? Everybody loved her; I didn’t see a reason for her to need to skip. She did look worn out this morning, that wasn’t a lie. But what happened? Where was she now?

I stepped in and peered around the spotless rug, the only out of place thing being her disheveled bed sheets, outcome of her tossing and turning. Did mom know Cass was gone or where she went? Did I even need to know? Maybe she was running an errand or picking up her missed schoolwork, or maybe she was working on her oh-so-important speech again. I spotted the note cards and reached for them, picking the light colored paper up. There were no words on them, not one. Not even a start or a scribble. She hadn’t worked on her speech last night. She was tired for some other reason and now I cared.

[T I M E]

Time seems to pass faster when you don’t want it to. When you pray and hope that time will slow down and prolong the upcoming event to wait for your sister to get home, and just sit on the couch and watch the overly hyper sponge on TV until the sun comes up, time seems to side with the clicking clock, and now I wondered why we even had so many in this house. Time was a painful reminder.

I glanced at the clock however, and found it to be around 5 pm. A half hour more and the Jonas’ were going to sit down for dinner like one big, happy family. They were. I thought about skipping. Cass wasn’t here to join her boyfriend’s family, only me. That never seemed to be good enough. But then I remembered what Nick said and knew I’d have to try for another excuse.

Or just go.

Neither seemed appealing at the moment. After a brief round of ticking, I let out my breath and lazily reached for the remote, shutting off the television. I made myself stand by planting my feet on the ground and pulling my shorts down, attempting not to trip on my way over to the door. This wasn’t going to be that bad. I missed Joe and Nick invited me, sort of. I couldn’t complain about not having friends if I didn’t try. I hated Nick though; there was no point.

The cool air hit me and I shivered, deciding that I’d rather not go the foot backwards to grab my sweatshirt. I continued on and down the steps instead, the smell of the spring flowers catching my nose. I could hear bicycles and skateboards in the distance, laughter following. It was probably someone form my school, having a good time with their friends while I pathetically waited for my sister to come home so I didn’t have to eat at her boyfriend’s house alone. Lame, that’s what I was.

When I crossed the small street safely, I hiked up the long driveway and passed the three shiny cars, the dim lights from the inside flickering through the lacey curtains. I could hear Denise’s muffled voice on the inside, scolding Frankie for something I didn’t understand. I could hear Joe’s light laughter as I neared the door, my heart giving an extra thud when Nick joined in. I was just nervous to be around people I hardly knew: maybe if I wanted to lie to myself.

I found my hand reaching up and knocking slightly on the large cream door, footsteps thudding quickly followed by a yelled “Got it!” It sounded like Nick. Not even a moment later, the door flew open and Nick stood in front of me, the clothes from school still clinging to his body, minus his leather jacket. And he smiled, not surprised to see me… even alone.

“Hey Jules,” he greeted softly.

“Hi,” I mumbled, doing my best to smile. “Umm, sorry I’m kind of late. I was waiting for Cass…” I realized that he didn’t know she was gone. He probably thought his girlfriend was sound asleep in her room, sick. I didn’t want to tell him she was gone and that I didn’t know where she went. “To wake up. She’s not exactly in the mood for visitors. You know how she gets,” I quickly continued, smiling nervously. I hated lying, but it was better than explaining something I really didn’t know about.

“That’s alright. I hope she feels better,” he smiled softly, and I sort of wished I could just tell him. I would… as soon as I figured out what exactly was up.

“Is that Miss Lane I hear at the door?” Joe’s familiar voice suddenly sounded, his face coming into view. His bright, goofy smile covered his unshaved face, his fauxhawk deeming the definition of mess; it was a cute mess, a fitting Joe mess. His dorky glasses sat on his nose and he quickly hopped forward, his height seeming to barely be taller than Nick. I hadn’t realized how much Nick had actually grown in the past year.

“Hey Joe,” I grinned, laughing when he pushed Nick out of the way and stumbled towards me, bumping his head against mine while hugging me tightly. “Forgot your helmet back at your fancy college?” I kidded, getting him to gasp playfully and Nick to snort back laughter.

“I see how it is. But you better make fun of your best friend while you can because soon you’ll have a boyfriend and then you’ll have no time for me,” he sniffled, ruffling his hair. I raised my eyebrows, crossing my arms. I blushed at the thought of a boyfriend, but decided to play with Joe. It was always so fun to do.

“And how are you so sure that I don’t have a boyfriend now?”

“Nick told me you didn’t,” Joe shrugged, smirking slightly. I did my best not to blush and looked at Nick instead, watching him repeat Joe’s action and shrug. I didn’t push it. I didn’t even want to know why they were talking about me. Joe probably brought me up anyway.

“Boys, come and-” I heard that familiar sweet but stern voice speak, a smile appearing on her lips when she spotted me. “Oh good. Julissa, you came.”

“Hi Mrs. Jonas,” I waved shyly, getting a sigh from her. She smiled back kindly though.

“Well come on in and eat before Franklin devours all the mashed potatoes,” she chuckled, motioning us forward. Nick and Joe exchanged glances and quickly rushed forward, the sight comical. I rolled my eyes and closed the door behind me--not without taking a quick glance across the street and to my house first. Cass wasn’t in the yard. Cass wasn’t home.

[T I M E]

It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be, not having Cass at the table. Joe sort of filled her spot, eating her proportion of food too. Nick made a joke about how it was okay for him to be a pig at college, but not at home when there were other mouths to feed. It was funnier when it came from his serious face, although he didn’t hide that smirk. Joe made a piggy noise and Frankie laughed, along with Mr. and Mrs. Jonas who didn’t bother to scold him for goofing off at the table. Joe was twenty, they missed him. Joe was twenty: he should’ve also known better.

I did find it awkward though when we were finished and I didn’t have anyone to turn to ask if we could go home now. All of the boys had gone into the kitchen, along with Mr. Jonas, to clean up the plates, but Mrs. Jonas kindly stayed behind to smile at me.

“I missed you around Jules. You need to come over when Cass does,” she said politely, breaking the silence of the dimly lit room. It was so nicely decorated with a dark wood table and surrounding cabinets with beautiful plates and crystal glasses. The chandelier was an amber color with glazed coverings. I continued to look around.

“Thanks.”

“How is Cass, by the way?”

“Oh, she’ll be fine. She’ll get over it by tomorrow,” I lied, not quite sure if she would get over anything. Whatever it was that was off was making me uneasy.

“And how’s your mother?” Mrs. Jonas and my mother weren’t the best of friends… but they did talk.

“She’s fine. But I really think I should get home. Thanks for inviting me,” I smile politely, standing to stretch my stiff legs. It was as if I hadn’t moved for a whole hour, sitting still to listen to the interesting conversations that went around the room. Mrs. Jonas smiled and nodded, letting off a sigh.

“Come back anytime. You and Cass are always welcome.”

I pushed past the kitchen, managing to get out without having to say goodbye to Nick or Joe, or even Frankie. I knew they’d make me want to stay longer instead of going back to watch some boring show on TV. But I wanted to watch some boring show on TV with Cass. Or maybe call Sam.

Nah.

When I walked across the street, I wondered if someone had dropped her off and that she was maybe inside. I quickly pushed the door open and entered another period of silence, the fridge’s motor running the only noise I could hear. Everything seemed to be the same. Cass wasn’t home.

I let out a giant sigh and decided that the couch didn’t look too appealing, heading up the stairs. The hallways was dark, no lights on. It reminded me of when I was scared of the dark and how dad came in to make sure my blankets were tucked around me like a burrito. That was before he left, before he stopped caring. I found my phone on the bed where I had left it and hoped for any new calls or messages: none. I didn’t feel like doing my homework and I didn’t feel like listening to the neighbor’s cat meow. I could always sleep. Let the time pass.

[T I M E]

I didn’t know how long I was out, or what time it was, but the room was pitch black and my mouth was dry, a result of snoring or drooling--both were unattractive. I did my best to sit up, my limbs almost numb, and I glanced at the clock. It was ten past midnight and I wondered why I had woken up. And that’s when I heard a noise. It sounded like the front door creaking open. Instead of being frightened, I was curious. Had Cass ever come home? Surely she had to. It was probably mom stumbling in. I decided to check anyway.

I quickly pulled off my jean shorts and found my pajama pants, sliding them on, and hurried down the stairs. My eyes took time to settle in the darkness, wincing with pain once a light flooded the kitchen. I was surprised to see Cass standing at the sink, washing her hands. Her back was to me and I slowly crept in, snuggly crossing my arms over my chest.

“What are you doing?” I whispered. She gasped, jumped, and then turned around. I could almost see her heart pounding against her chest, her eyes wide, alert. I watched her cautiously.

“God Julissa!” she hissed, running her shaky hand through her hair.

“Cass… it’s past midnight. What are you doing?”

“What are you, mom? God, Julissa. What are you doing up anyway?”

Why was she so snappy?

“Maybe because you woke me up,” I growled, rubbing my eyes. Her face softened and she cleared her throat. “Cass, where were you? You’ve been gone since before I came home. I had to go have dinner with the Jonas’ by myself. Haven’t you called Nick yet? He wants to know if you’re okay.” I didn’t stop my ramble until she sighed, her eyes droopy. She didn’t smell like her perfume, either. I scrunched up my nose in disgust, not quite sure what that smell was.

“I just got carried away. I was with a friend and I’m sorry. I’ll call him and apologize,” she said, calm. I wasn’t.

“Which friend?” I asked after a moment of silence, another following my question. I head a dead feeling I knew which friend it was. “Was it Zack Cass?”

Unlike me, Cass was a good liar. She didn’t need to be, but she was. But I was glad when she nodded in a way, happy that I didn’t have to go on wondering about the who. Now I needed to know the where and why.

“Where? Why?”

“Jules, we were just having some pre-college fun. Don’t worry about it. I’m really tired. You should get some sleep too.”

I let her walk past me and tip-toe up the stairs, wishing that mom would’ve been home first. Wishing that I knew what was going on inside Cass’s mind. Wishing that we had time.