Take Me There

I realized that I hadn’t gotten anymore sleep after confronting Cass. I also realized mom wasn’t home. She had to be soon. Her shift at the hospital was before noon. And Cass and I had school. I wondered if she’d make it because getting a ride from Nick: her boyfriend, our neighbor, my savior--was not an option. At least I would try not to make it one.

So when the sun began to peek through my closed drapes, I decided to get up off my sitting position and get dressed. I wasn’t hungry. The stench of Cass was still in my system and I wanted to ask her why she smelled that way. What happened to her lime scent? That was Cass. I could hear a sudden sound in the bathroom; a gagging, a cough, a splat--the toilet flushed and the sink water ran before it repeated. Maybe Cass had food poisoning.

I pulled the black sweatshirt over my head and raked through my hair, deciding to let the bathroom air out some before going in. I didn’t feel like showering. I felt gross. I moved out into the hall and down the stairs, catching a glimpse of Cass closing her bedroom door. Maybe she wasn’t going to school. I snooped around the kitchen for a moment, not sure what exactly I was looking for. Maybe a phone call from my mother. There was nothing. What happened to the groceries she went out to get yesterday? Did she eat them all on the way? Mom wasn’t a fat cow. Although, I hadn’t seen her in a while--so it felt.

I grabbed a container of juice and began to sip on it, not wanting to taste it after brushing my teeth with mint toothpaste. Drinking beforehand wasn’t as bad. I screwed the lid back on and crept up the stairs, listening for any sort of sound. There was none. There was nothing ever. Did I live alone? Maybe I was dead, a ghost. Maybe time flew while I was trying to sleep and I was now eighty years old. I was deader than my grandma.

The bathroom didn’t have the best scent, but I’d make due. I wasn’t going to spend my day in here, unlike Cass. Or she’d go out again. I wanted to stay home, too. As much as I hated school, I wanted to go. Maybe so I wouldn’t be so alone. But I’d miss Cass. It was getting to the point where I had no one to sit next to at lunch. Sam hadn’t gotten over whatever she was mad at like Cass said. I needed better advice. I needed better friends, or at least one. But what good would change do me?

Ten minutes is what it took me to brush my teeth and comb through my puffy hair. I looked like a poodle, so I took the extra time to braid it. Cass taught me how to braid when I was five years old. She was extra tan that summer, her hair gaining dirty blond streaks from playing outside with Nick too much. She told me that, if I wasn’t so white and my muddy brown hair was a little darker, I could be an Indian princess. Except I wasn’t Indian and neither was she. I did have a lot of Irish in me, apparently on my dad’s side, but we never met his family. I guess I never wanted too.

I stopped at Cass’s door and decided to push it open, a creak filling my ears. When I peaked in, she was sound asleep. Her face was buried in her pillow, her body halfway off the bed. No pajamas, just regular clothes, and her hair was a mess. It worried me. Was my sister okay? I decided not to wake her or make her stupid tea. I didn’t want to mess with her stamp collection either. I gathered my bag and slammed the door behind me. Was I ticked that my sister couldn’t tell me what was going on?

When I hurried down the drive and started down the walk, I spotted Nick coming out of his house again. It was almost like perfect timing, in some stupid way. His curls looked neat and shiny, his black jeans crisp with not one piece of lint on them. He had a button up shirt on, the buttons buttoned this time. I wondered if he had an undershirt on; he must’ve. He continued to wear his black converse and they looked new every day, and I was starting to think that maybe he had a new pair for every day. It wouldn’t be surprising.

I tried to walk on without him noticing, but my footsteps were too loud for his finely tones ears, and he took a glance over. He offered that same gentle smile, and I noticed that it looked genuine. I returned it easily… almost, but not as enthusiastic.

“Cass is sick,” I muttered, saying it loud enough for him to hear. I wanted to tell him before he asked. He had probably called her, probably worried--just as I.

“Really?” he asked softly, his features twisting with concern. Cass had so many people who cared about her. It was almost unreal sometimes. She was just so easy to get along with.

“Yeah, but she’ll be okay soon. She hates being sick.” I lied. I didn’t know if she was sick. I didn’t know anything anymore. Where was Cass? In her bedroom, asleep. But where was she really? Not here. I tried to laugh it off, but it came out as a nervous squeak, especially with the way he was staring at me. He was smiling again.

“You’re walking to school? I could give you a ride.”

I hated how he was always so nice to me.

“Um, I could walk. It’s no big deal…”

“Neither is a ride, so come on,” he smiled, motioning me forward with his head, his curls bouncing. I sighed and hurried across the street, mumbling thanks as he opened the low door for me. I slid in. There was something about the way Nick’s car smelt that held me in. It smelled of cologne, a strawberry air freshener, and leather cleaner. I liked it.

He slid in the driver’s seat and revved the engine. I was starting to think he liked the powerful sound of it. He was a guy, after all. He pulled out of his driveway and drove down the road. The car was silent and I felt myself begin to fidget. He didn’t seem to notice. I wanted to reach for the stereo, to turn the music on. Mom hated music. It wasn’t allowed in her house, unless Cass was practicing for cheerleading. That was over, though. I was tired of the robotic rhythm that went with all those stupid kicks and smiles. Cass was the perfect cheerleader.

“You can turn it on if you want,” Nick muttered suddenly, motioning to the on-button, his eyes flicking from the road to mine in a second. “I just don’t really know what you like to listen to. You and Cass have completely different taste.”

Oh, how true he was.

I inhaled the scent of the car deeply and began to relax once my fingers pushed the button, twisting around the volume knob. Instead of a radio station popping up, it was a CD track number. I waited for the music. I immediately recognized the beginning to be “Use Somebody.” I didn’t change it.

“You like this song?” Nick questioned almost immediately, shifting in his seat as he easily turned the corner. I smiled. “Me too.”

When the song ends and we get closer to the school parking lot, I begin to wonder how long Cass would stay secretive. Would she tell me what was going on? Why she was acting so weird? Maybe, maybe not. Only time would tell. I could feel Nick’s eyes on me, the thoughts on his face saying what he wanted to ask: are you okay? I ignored the look and gave him a small smile, doing my best to jump out of the car.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Whoa, not so fast Jules,” he breaths, quickly rushing to my side. I hated how he was so fast. I sighed and waited, keeping my gaze down to my old vans. I needed some new ones. “I know we aren’t exactly the best of friends and I know we don’t really talk…” he started off, rubbing his neck. He cleared his throat as if he were giving a speech. I waited. “But I want to let you know that, if you need to talk about something, I’m here.” He offered that sweet smile again and I found it hard to refuse the offer. If only I had something good to talk about.

“Thanks Nick, really.” I started to walk forward and he followed, shoving his hands into his tight jean pockets. He smiled to one of his senior friends as we passed, their smiles fading when they looked at me. I was a nothing.

“So, we can be honest with each other,” he added suddenly, scratching his head. I shrugged my shoulders and began to walk towards the courtyard, Nick keeping up with my pace easily.

“Sure.”

“Cass told me you had a crush on Joe,” he suddenly blurted out, not worrying about whispering since no one was around. I snorted, the sentence not fazing me. He looked puzzled, knitting his thin eyebrows together while watching me.

“I don’t.” I wanted to get off this subject. “Cass thinks I do, but I don’t; I never have.”

“Oh?” he mutters, licking his lips, trying to think of something else to say.

“And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. He’s too old for me.” No one had told me Joe was too old for me, but Sam had told me Nick was. I didn’t even tell her I liked him. I guess it was obvious back then. Now I was a good actress, even fooling Nick.

“Age is just a number,” Nick retorted. “Nobody really cares about it.” I smiled despite myself and tried not to laugh, earning another smile from him.

“Unless you’re an old man hitting on a teenage girl…” I trailed off, locking my gaze in the direction of the building. Mr. Kendal was talking to Mariah, a sophomore girl. It was obvious he was flirting, the way he tried to smooth back his gray hair. She looked a little scared.

“I can see how that would be wrong,” Nick chuckled from beside me, obviously taking in the sight as well. He broke the silence again. “I just thought I’d ask.” He didn’t say why.

“Oh.” Oh.

“I better go. My first class is on the other side of the school,” Nick sighed, lagging for a moment before turning around. He craned his neck to give me another glance. “See you later, Julissa.”

That simple sentence made me feel okay. I smiled.

[T I M E]

We had an assembly at the end of the day. The principal let the teachers speak of our apparent bad behavior. Mr. Kendal droned on about it, too. “Just because school is almost out doesn’t mean you run the school,” he had said. Nobody really listened.

I couldn’t find Sam to sit by until the assembly had already started. It was as if she were avoiding me. I sat by some kid that didn’t speak. We got along. As the principal took over again, he began to speak of the graduating senior class. I didn’t bother counting how many times he had said Cass’s name or how many worried expressions he gave when he realized she wasn’t here. I turned my head to the left and spotted the juniors. They were all whispering to each other, unlike the naïve freshman or the obnoxious sophomores. The seniors stayed quiet, not wanting any trouble before they’re graduation. The juniors were rowdy. One of Nick’s friends kept smacking his shoulder and mouthing words about Cass. He ignored him. They were probably talking about why Nick wasn’t getting any. Cass seemed to be… willing. But Nick stayed strong. He should become president someday. He stood for his beliefs and was always honest. He’d never make it as a used car salesman, but, then again, I always pictured Nick with a fancy job. Or maybe a baseball player. Who knew?

Are people able to feel when you’re being stared at? I knew I could because they usually shot daggers. But did that apply to normal people? Nick turned around some, furrowing his eyebrows, probably trying to wonder why someone was staring at him for so long. His eyes met mine and I blushed, doing my best to look away. But I could see him offer that friendly “hey” smile before he turned back around, crossing his arms over his chest when the principal finally shut up. My favorite teacher, Mrs. Johnson, stepped up to retrieve the microphone.

“As if it isn’t obvious, the cycle will continue. We’ll get new freshmen; the freshman will become sophomores, the sophomores juniors, the juniors seniors and, then we say bye-bye seniors.” Bye-bye Cass. How would I survive? “You’ll all still be stuck here, so make the best of it. Join a club next year, join a sport. Make an effort to bring up your grades, and stop getting so many detentions. Make the best of the rest of this year, have fun during summer, and come back with a better attitude.”

I liked Mrs. Johnson. Apparently so did all the boys. When she got married at during last summer, every boy seemed to groan, mumbling something about their fantasies dying. That didn’t stop the senior boys from trying to look up her skirt. I guess nobody wondered why she gave so many detentions.

They released us five minutes early, giving us time to gather our things and reach the bus if we rode one. I walked towards the doors slowly, stopping in shock when Sam approached me I waited.

“Hey Jules,” she smiled, clearing her throat. I smiled back. So lady hornet had time for me now? I tried not to look up, but she was too tall. “You and Nick seem to be talking… I thought you guys didn’t really get along.”

“Umm… we just never really talked.” Why was she asking me about this? She should be apologizing for blowing me off. Maybe I should apologize. “I’m, uh, sorry… by the way.”

“About what?” she furrowed her eyebrows and shifted her weight, cocking her head.

“For whatever it was I did to make you blow me off.”

“You didn’t do anything,” she rolled her eyes. I wanted to feel relief, but nothing came.

“Then why-”

“We’re growing up, Jules. Basketball is booming for me and the team is so awesome. You always act like you’re depressed. Maybe you should be more like Cass.” Like I didn’t hear that from my mother enough.

I stayed silent, didn’t say anything as she babbled on about why I wasn’t right. Apparently I wasn’t bubbly or outgoing enough. Who knew?

“Maybe you’ll be different next year. Summer changes a person,” she smiled brightly, patting my shoulder. I wanted to punch her in the throat. Why was it that I needed to change? Maybe if she dulled down a bit, she wouldn’t be classified as most annoying person ever. Cass was now number two on my list. Sam, meet number one.

I guess when a day doesn’t go the exact way you plan, it kind of gets you down. Too bad that started before I even left the house. All the kids piled outside and I watched Sam bounce over to the girls’ basketball team, smiling brightly at them. They smiled at me smugly. I kept on walking. I wanted to say that Sam needed me, but I promised that I would never lie to myself. No one needed me.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as I walked up the hill, trying not to hit people as I moved, and checked to see if Cass had called or sent me a message. Nothing. I dialed her number quickly and continued forward, the warm breeze hitting my face, swirling my hair around.

Hi, you’ve reached Cass. Sorry I couldn’t pick up, but leave me a message and I promise to call you back.

Yeah. Right.

“Umm, hey, Cass. It’s me… Jules. I was just wondering if you were feeling okay or if you needed anything just call me back. Or, on second thought, be home when I get there.” I quickly hung up and pushed through the doors and into the emptying hallway, chewing on my lip. I was never good at phone calls.

I stood at my locker and pulled my backpack out, shoving a few fallen papers in. it was a good thing Sam and I didn’t share a locker; she’d probably change the lock on me. I heard the door open and wondered what student was missing the bus today, but it was only Nick. He walked forward slowly, scratching his head, his eyes glued to his phone. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“What are you doing?” He jumped, quickly glancing up to spot me.

“You’re still here?” he questioned, ignoring mine. I nodded.

“What’s wrong?”

He let out a sigh and shrugged his shoulders, staring down at his phone again. “I called Cass.”

“So did I. she didn’t answer.”

“She answered when I called, but she hung up as soon as she said my name.” Nick looked troubled and he sighed in frustration, finally shoving the phone back into his pocket.

“Maybe she dropped her phone in the toilet or something,” I shrugged. He laughed lightly.

“What’s wrong with you?” he then questioned. I guess I didn’t bother hiding my own troubles. I debated whether or not I should tell him about Sam.

“Same doesn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“Why?” he asked, true curiosity peeking through. He stepped closer to me, leaning against the locker as I shut mine.

“I guess I’m not perky enough. Can you believe that?” I sighed loudly and watched as he tried to hold back laughter, his liquid eyes sparkling with amusement. “What?”

“Well you aren’t the happiest person I know.”

“But she said I should be more like Cass.” I think that was what hurt the most. His laughter died down and he watched me carefully, cocking his head.

“Just be who you are.”

“But who I am isn’t going to make friends. I have none, Nick.” Was I complaining? Not exactly.

“It’s better to be who you are and have no friends than it is to be someone else and have fake friends,” he pointed out wisely. I bet Dr. Phil couldn’t even come up with that. “Besides, I’ll always be your friend.” He sounded like a child, and looked like one with the way he smiled so adorably.

Stupid.

“Thanks,” I muttered, swinging the bag over my shoulder.

I started down the hall, only to have Nick follow right beside me quietly. Was I getting a ride from him? I didn’t ask, he didn’t offer. But he stayed by my side and squinted when we stepped outside, the sun being too much for his softer eyes. I felt myself smile a little.

The silence was… peaceful as we walked down the stairs and towards the lot. I still thought it awkward to be friendly with my sister’s boyfriend, but that was Nick’s fault. If I ended up falling for him as more than just some silly and stupid crush, I’d blame him when Cass threatened to murder me. I listened to the birds sing their songs, the nearby cars ruining the serenity.

“Hey, you wanna’ get something to eat?”

[T I M E]

I was always surprised at the way time passed when you were with someone that you were even remotely comfortable with. It seemed to heal any kind of pain. I would be counting on that.

Nick sat in front of me in the small booth at the local pizza place, politely chewing on the pepperoni pizza that was in his mouth. He looked thoughtful and stayed silent, occasionally sipping on his diet coke. I had ordered my favorite pizza, which happened to be the same as his, and had most of it down my throat already. Lunch was never good for me at school.

I glanced around the old building, taking in the brick walls and the dark oak tables. Nick knew the family that owned this place. Would it be surprising to say they were Italian? The woman was related to his mother. That was pretty cool. Good thing she wasn’t in today.

“Are you looking forward to being a sophomore?” he asked suddenly, setting the napkin to the side. He waited for my answer.

“Uh, I don’t know. Not really.”

He chuckled. “I’m not really looking forward to being a senior, either.”

“You’re going to miss Cass,” I predicted, sipping on my own diet coke. He stayed silent for a moment.

“Yes, I’ll miss her. I mean, I love her. But I think it’s more because I already know what to expect. I guess I don’t like how time’s flying so quickly.”

I knew that’s how I felt.

“I know what you mean,” I mumbled, pushing some hair away with my greasy fingers. I wiped them on the napkin.

“What do you think you’re doing for the summer? Are you going to visit your dad again?” This, surprisingly, wasn’t a nosy question. Cass talked openly about our family and how screwed up it was. She never saw it, though. Nick knew how close my dad and I were.

“I don’t think so,” I muttered, turning my head to look out the window. I pursed my lips and watched as a man held a little girl to him, smiling and laughing as she wiggled. Of course. Perfect timing. “I want to,” I continued. “But he’s busy with Damon.”

Nick nodded and stared out the window like myself, staying silent. I wondered if he thought I was offended by the question.

“What are you doing for the summer?” This was such a lame conversation, but I didn’t really want it to end. I was pathetic.

“I don’t really know yet,” he answered honestly, leaning forward. “I’ll probably just do some extra practice for baseball. My brothers are coming by for a couple of weeks.”

Cass would be gone then. I would be alone.

&&&

Nick drove me home and I promised to tell him how Cass was doing. I entered the dark house and looked around, wondering if mom had ever come home. The note on the fridge was from yesterday. Nope. Turning to the fridge, I grabbed a juice and sipped on it, scratching my head. What was I doing here? Alone? If I had friends, if I had Sam, I could be with her group of jocks. I could laugh at their stupid jokes and they could laugh at the fact that I couldn’t make a basket. But that wasn’t the way it worked.

I skipped the TV and headed straight up the stairs, looking for any sign of Cass. Pushing open her door, I realized she wasn’t here, and I wasn’t as surprised as I had been. Cass wasn’t sick. But where was she? It wasn’t like her to not answer the phone or hang up on her boyfriend. This wasn’t like Cass at all.

I sighed with frustration and slammed her door behind me, screwing the cap on the juice before jogging down the stairs. I looked at my bitten nails and remembered how Cass always painted them; light pink, light blue, light green. It always stopped me from biting them and I needed that now. Moving through the kitchen, I pulled open the squeaky door that led to the garage, and carefully made my way down the rough steps. The light flickered on, a few bulbs burnt out, but I could see the cobwebs on all the packed up boxes, most of them containing holiday decorations. I ignored them and trudged over to the cabinet, pulling out the box of nail polish. Cass had every color, almost all of them empty. Except black. Cass said she hated when I painted my nails black, but I liked the color. It popped against my ghostly skin.

I didn’t know how long I sat there, trying to get my nails just right with my shaking hands. I had to wipe away all the extra polish I had gotten on my fingers and try again. I felt like a kindergartener finger painting. I heard the door slam inside and I jumped, almost knocking over the polish. It was either Cass or mom. I jumped up and ran for the stairs, quickly skidding inside. I was sure my polish had dried in the act. And there I spotted Cass. She looked like a mess. I stared at her in shock.

“Oh. Julissa,” she muttered, trying her best to smile. It failed.

“Cass… where have you been? Seriously. You weren’t at school and you were throwing up this morning.” I didn’t mean to question her so soon, but I was worried about my sister.

“I was out.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. I begged to differ.

“Is that what you’re doing now? Just because you’re going to college, you’re going to go out and party?”

“I was with Zack,” she groaned. “Just calm down.” She rubbed her nose a few times and I watched her strangely, stopping her from trudging up the stairs.

“Why didn’t you answer my call? Or Nick’s? He said you hung up on him.”

“God, I’m sorry mom!” she stressed sarcastically. This was not like her at all. I sighed and shook my head, becoming angry.

“No, I’m not mom. You’re lucky I actually care what you do. Now why the hell can’t you tell me where you were? Where you are half the time? I’m fifteen and I don’t need to worry about you.”

“Then don’t!” she snapped. “I’m almost twenty. I can take care of myself.”

She began to trudge up the stairs, hugging her bag tightly to herself. I crossed my arms, hugging myself, and opened my mouth.

“Are you cheating on Nick?” I didn’t mean to blurt it out. I didn’t mean to ask her that. But, for someone reason, I cared. I cared about Cass because I loved her, but I cared about Nick too. I didn’t want to see him hurt. He loved Cass.

She froze in her spot, slowly turning to face me with a new look. A look of worry. Her ice blue eyes were dull and her lips were pursed, her cheeks drained of any color. She looked like she hadn’t been eating.

“Cass… you’re not…” I refused to believe that she was cheating on Nick with Zack, someone she had just met. She continued to stay silent. “Cass! You don’t’ even know Zack! Nick does everything for you; he helps you and cares about you. He loves you and you’re cheating on him? Did you know that he made me promise to tell him if you were okay? He’s worried and so am I.” My words ended in a whisper as I watched how strange my sister was acting. I waited.

“I know,” she whispered. I know? Was that it?

She turned back around and hurried up the stairs, slamming her door. And then it hit me.

She was cheating on him.

This wasn’t good. This Zack guy… he was changing Cass.