Take Me There

I spent about an hour at the library, the first ten minutes being used to look for some science book to get notes out of. The rest of the time was used by the quiet Nick as he went around to all his favorite books, pointing them out to me. I didn’t have to pretend to be interested like I knew Cass did. Sure, Cass was smart, but she was never the English buff like dad, like me. Nick picked up a romance novel and blushed, mumbling about how it was a good read. I remembered how he could cry during a movie and not think any less of himself; I admired that.

When he pointed out a book and told me to read it first, I was a little skeptical, especially since he shoved it in my hands and pushed me to the beanbag chairs, plopping down next to me. Somehow I had gotten him to do my notes, or he just offered. I smiled. But I couldn’t really focus on the book that was already interesting to me--Nick had good taste. Instead, I was focused on the boy sitting next to me. His curls bounced as he leaned forward in the chair, using his knees as a table as he flipped through the book quickly, scribbling on a piece of paper. His tongue slid between his full lips, his eyes narrowed in concentration. The library was silent, but I could hear him rustle the paper of my notebook, writing more notes than I would have ever. I was sure to have an A+ in that stupid science class now.

Did people really feel someone staring? That was something I had been asking myself lately. When Nick slowly looked up from the paper, his eyes meeting mine, I quickly looked down to my book and realized that I had been on the same page for at least five minutes. Way to be smooth. I let out a sigh and stretched my arm out, freezing when I felt warm fingertips brush over my skin. I couldn’t hide my Goosebumps, but I could easily pass that off as a change in temperature.

“What happened to your arm?” his soft voice asked, concern in his words.

I couldn’t, however, hide the scrapes and bruises on my skin.

I trailed my eyes downward until I met his hand on my arm, taking a moment to study the sight and the way it felt. His skin was a little tanner than mine, but I was working on that… trying not to be a ghost. His fingertips were calloused and I knew it was because of his guitar. He loved his guitar, he loved his instruments. His grip loosened a little when I didn’t answer straightaway, my arm limp in his hands. I had to think of something to say.

“I fell,” I shrugged, not skipping a beat. Maybe I was a better liar than I thought. He glanced up at me with furrowed eyebrows, his forehead scrunched up in confusion.

“You… fell?”

“Yeah,” I cleared my throat, shifting out of his reach nervously. I toyed with the page of the book, letting my dark hair fall around my face like a curtain. I could still feel his soft eyes on me. “I tried to hold myself up, but I missed…”

“You grabbed yourself to keep from falling?” he chuckled, but it didn’t seem very humorous. “That makes no sense, Jules.”

“I know,” I smiled, trying my best to act as if I had been stupid. I kept his gaze locked for a few seconds, longer than I needed to, and I quickly looked away once I saw his gaze shift to my cheek. My make-up was wearing off; he was bound to see that bruise again. I had to try and remember my story, in case he asked. I bit my lip.

“And you ran into the door or whatever? Were you looking at something to your right?” he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows; why did that matter? I guess Nick just liked facts.

“Um, yeah,” I shrugged. His face stayed blank for a moment, his lips turning down into a frown. He shook his head.

“Your bruise is on your right cheek. If you ran into the door, you’d have to be looking to your left,” he muttered lowly, careful not to disturb the librarian or the few kids studying around us. I narrowed my eyes at him, looking back down at my lap.

Stupid Nick and his stupid logic. I hated him.

“Is there… something going on?” he asked softly, nudging my arm with his hand gently.

“No,” I snorted, turning away, but I didn’t move far enough to shake his hand off. I guess I really didn’t want to.

“Shh!” the librarian scolded. My cheeks flushed and I turned down to my book, flipping through the pages aimlessly.

“You know, if there was… you could tell me, right?” he mumbled, leaning in a little closer. I turned to look at his slouched figure, his arm staying draped over my chair. He stared up at me, his curls resting on his forehead, his eyes almost sparkling with innocence. “You’re always listening to me... I just want you to know that you can talk to me if something’s going on.”

“Nothing’s going on,” I hissed. This wasn’t right. I was getting too close to Nick, stepping into unknown territory. I was overstepping my boundaries by being here with Cass’s--my sister’s--boyfriend.

But he said he was going to break up with her…

I shook my head quickly, trying to get him to drop the subject as well as shake my thoughts away. I wasn’t really comfortable with Nick, was I? Did I even like him making me smile with one simple gesture or the way he made me laugh because he was so serious and silly at the same time? Of course not. I was Julissa. I wasn’t a happy-go-lucky person.

I. Wasn’t. Cass.

“I’m just… klutzy lately. That’s all,” I reassured him, rubbing my hand over my marked arm.

“Okay,” he nodded slowly, pulling back some when the librarian shushed me again. I didn’t have a problem with it this time.

I glanced over at the clock again, like I had been doing obsessively when I wasn’t trying to read or watch Nick… working on my notes, of course. I knew my mother was supposed to leave for work. I had a hunch that she did, and I also had a hunch that she would be back early. I dreaded that. But I didn’t have a hunch about Cass being home… I knew she wouldn’t be. That stupid part of me hoped though. I guess I could never stop my hope. Or time.

“I should get going,” I muttered with a small sigh, doing my best to stand. I grabbed the books I had checked out and took the science notes from Nick with a small thank you, tucking them under my arm swiftly. I watched him jump to his feet and brush his hands over his pants, smoothly striding to me as I rushed to the door.

“Hey, do you have any special dinner arrangement or anything?” he asked, stretching out his long, muscular arm to push the door open from behind me. I paused for a split second, blushing when he gently bumped into me; I continued forward.

“Umm, no,” I breathed, shaking my head. The slight breeze whipped my hair around, my eyes settling on the darkening sky above.

“Maybe you wanna’ come over then? I mean, it’s Joe’s last night and I know you’ll miss him, so…” he trailed off, shrugging as the cool air hit again. One hand found its way into his pocket as the other toyed with his curls, his strides easy as we walked along. I didn’t really understand how this awkwardness could be comfortable. I didn’t understand a lot of stuff and I guessed that I never would.

It took me a moment to realize that he was asking me over, but I didn’t want his sympathy or whatever it was he was feeling or thinking. Still though, part of me thought it was nice. I wouldn’t go though. No.

“Oh… okay.”

Why did I always do that?

I turned my head a little and saw his soft, closed lip smile reappear. He nodded and turned the corner at the same time as I did, scratching his head as I hugged my belongings.

“Around 6 then.”

It was already 5.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded, allowing us to fall into another moment of silence. Sometimes I forgot that I was only a freshman and that Nick was a junior. Sometimes I forgot that Cass was a senior and while she was graduated, Nick and I would still be in high school.

Sometimes I forgot why I chose to stay with my mother and my perfect sister instead of moving in with my dad, Layla, and Damon. Sometimes I forgot why I didn’t leave during the summers, even when I got yelled at for not doing something that Cass did. Sometimes I forgot why I existed, but then that neighbor kid would come over and, even though it wasn’t to visit me, I remembered how much I wanted a real family like his, or at least just for him to notice me. But here I was now, walking down the street with that said neighbor kid, and I was smiling like some crazy person.

I guess I liked my neighbors.

I hadn’t realized how fast we were walking until we came to our street, automatically slowing once we reached my driveway. Nick hesitated for a moment before he gave me a quick wave and headed across the street to his own house, leaving me to stand in my empty driveway. I was alone… again. But I wouldn’t be for long. Although my mind was telling me to cancel, my growling stomach said otherwise. At least I wanted to believe it was my stomach and not something higher and on the left side of my chest.

[T I M E]

Sitting on the couch alone, watching the clock tick by in the dark and silence seemed a little depressing, and I seemed desperate with my phone attached to my hand, the chipping black nail polish reminding me that I had other things to do. But I was pathetic. Thinking maybe Cass would call, I tried to busy myself, but not too much seeing as the clock kept reminding me that there was only five more minutes until 6:00. I sighed.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I dialed that familiar number. It rang only once before it went straight to her voicemail. I tuned out the words, carefully listening to the beep. I closed my eyes.

“Hey Cass, its Julissa. I was just wondering when you were coming home… or at least going to answer your phone. I’m kind of worried, actually. Umm, mom doesn’t seem to care, but maybe that’s because she trusts you. And Nick, uh… well… so just give me a call, okay? Alright…”

I realized that almost all the messages I left on somebody’s phone were awkward. I wasn’t much of a social butterfly, as dad would put it. I was probably going to be the shy and ugly caterpillar my whole life. I wouldn’t be surprised. Cass was born a butterfly. Stupid freak of nature.

I heaved a sigh as the clock ticked closer to 6 and stood, padding over to where I had dropped my shoes. I didn’t know why I had taken a shower when I got home. I guess I was eager to get cleaned up. And I didn’t know why I had on one of those flowing tops. Cass had bought it for me. I looked like a Barbie doll gone wrong, especially with the make-up I had to use to color up my bruise. I groaned.

Stepping outside and down the driveway, I clutched the edge of my flowing shirt and kept my gaze down, my curling hair acting as a curtain once again. I weaved through Nick’s Mustang and Joe’s sporty Buick before reaching the door. Reaching my hand up, I almost fell forward as the door flew open, a grinning Joe revealing himself. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Julissa!” he crooned, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I chuckled, hugging him back. “Nick said you’d be here. Don’t brand me as a stalker for waiting,” he joked, sending me a wink when he pulled back. I shook my head.

“I couldn’t miss your last night here. So I guess you aren’t going on the date after all?” Joe narrowed his eyes and frowned playfully, pouting. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Nick’s a little-”

“Excuse me?” Nick’s voice suddenly interrupted. My gaze shifted from Joe’s eager eyes to Nick’s calm ones, his body slowly striding into view. Joe grinned.

“Oh, hey Nick,” he chuckled nonchalantly, giving me a wink. Nick rolled his eyes.

Nick glanced at me for a moment before backing up slowly, nodding his head towards the kitchen. It was like he was some mind reader, his actions coinciding with Mrs. Jonas' voice.

“Dinner’s ready!” she called lightly. I bit my lip and stepped in, pulling at my shirt again. Joe shut the door behind me and I was left to wonder if they had informed their mother that I was coming. It was like Joe read my mind.

“It’s just us tonight. Dad’s working and Kevin couldn’t make it. Frankie’s at a birthday party,” he mumbled, his steps matching mine. Nick disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Joe and I to lag for a moment. I guess it was a moment too long.

Before I could turn the corner, Joe’s hand gripped my arm tightly, gently reeling me back. I looked up at his tall figure in confusion, sucking in a breath when I saw the concern in his usual bright and happy eyes.

“Nick pointed out your… clumsiness,” he breathed, his thumb brushing over the tiny marks. I tightened my jaw. “I know firsthand what can happen to a klutz, but he wanted me to stress to you that all of us are open if you need to talk. We’re guys and sometimes I know a girl, especially a shy one like you, doesn’t like talking to us, but Nick and I are here.”

That struck a nerve. He had no business flaunting my personal life, not that he knew anyway. But he didn’t need to tell Joe to talk to me.

“I’m perfectly fine,” I gritted, pulling my arm away, but he pulled back.

“You know Jules, when we were younger, we’d hang out all the time: you and me. It was weird because mom always thought Cass and I would get along, but Nick liked playing baseball with her. You were little and I felt protective of you; I have two younger brothers--you’re like my little sister, Jules. You’re very important to me and you’re getting to be too independent.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, allowing my arm to drop to my side once he let go, once he was sure I wasn’t going to run. I stared up into his honey colored eyes and blinked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“What are we really talking about Joe?” I whispered, tugging at the bottom of my shirt nervously, again. He let out a sigh and ran his hands through his spiked hair, his eyes dead-set.

“We’re talking about you. You’re growing up and you aren’t my little Julissa anymore. We used to make mud-pies together and play video games, but then I went off to college. It sucks because you’re my best friend and you always will be, and I love you, but you’re growing up and right now you think I have no time for you, but you’re the one that’s not going to have time for me.

“You’re brilliant, you know that? You’d excel in anything if you put some effort into it. You’ll go places and I’m worried about the people in those places…”

I now realized he was talking about boys. I felt my face heat up and I shifted uncomfortably, wondering why my father wasn’t the one having this conversation with me.

“When you get a little older, you’ll be more confident about yourself. And guys will notice. I won’t be able to protect you, but I’m older and I’m bigger, and I’m setting rules for you. One?” he smirked, setting his hand on my shoulder. “I have to approve of him before you start going out on dates. You’re fifteen and I guess you’re old enough to date, I don’t know; I’m not your parent.”

Could’ve fooled me. I snorted.

“Two; no weirdos. And three-” he paused, setting his other hand on my cheek. I watched his unusually serious eyes and waited, biting the inside of my cheek. “When you like someone…” he started timidly, glancing up towards the kitchen door, “don’t be afraid to get close to them. Okay?”

For some reason, I felt the urge to punch him in his adorable face. But this was Joe, and Joe was annoying. Joe was my best friend.

“Okay, sure. Whatever,” I shrugged, doing my best to smile and act like I didn’t know what or who he was talking about. He only thought I liked some curly haired boy with chocolate brown eyes and a shy smile--I didn’t know why or how he knew, though. Still: there were tons of men like that in the world.

“Guys, come on!” Nick shouted from a few feet away. Joe smiled and pushed me forward, his lips twitching farther up into his upbeat grin.

“I’m starved,” he roared, immediately moving towards the counter. Mrs. Jonas glanced over at me, smiling softly. She paused.

“Oh, Julissa. You look so pretty. Doesn’t she, Nick?” she complimented. I glanced over at Nick with all the heat rushing to my face, his own cheeks burning with embarrassment - but for different reasons, of course. He didn’t need his mother prompting him to lie to my face just so I could feel good, pretty. I never felt pretty.

“She does, huh?” Joe piped up, sending me a wink. He reached over to the fruit bowl that sat on the counter and grabbed a grape, popping it into his mouth. As he tried to repeat his actions, Mrs. Jonas swatted his hand. He pouted.

Nick stood and carried his plate and an extra one to Mrs. Jonas, setting them on the counter before leaning against it himself.

“Nick, be polite,” his mother scolded, shaking her thick head of curls. She set the plate she had just filled with mashed potatoes and chicken down and grabbed another, filling it the same way. Nick opened his mouth, blushing again, but I spoke instead.

“No, it’s okay. Really. I… didn’t have anything to wear and this was in my closet. I thought it was Cass’s at first, but she’s not really a fan of lilac, so…” I shrugged, glancing down as the three sets of eyes locked on me. Awkward; that’s what I was. I was just an awkward, ugly girl.

“Do you like the shirt?” Nick asked. I glanced up with furrowed eyebrows, my eyes locking on his slightly smiling face. Joe went back to sneaking grapes as Mrs. Jonas filled the third plate. I looked down, running my fingers over the soft fabric.

It fit perfectly in the chest area and flowed out towards the bottom. There were a few daises spread out, the light lilac airy. It was definitely a summer top. Cass had given it to me for my birthday, which passed five months ago, and I thought it was odd considering the month was January. And I didn’t think Cass would pick something so pretty out for me. Either way, I sort of liked it… just not on me.

“Yeah, It’s pretty,” I answered, smiling a little when I spoke. I pushed my hair back and glanced back up to see him stand straight and grab two of the four full plates, a wider smile on his lips.

“Thanks.”

“Thanks?” I muttered, confusion sweeping over me as he glided towards the table.

“I picked it out for you, in January. For your birthday,” he spoke, his words coming out as if he had explained this before. It was news to me. When he saw the confused look on my face, he continued. “Cass needed help with finding you a birthday present, so I said I would. I guess she usually asked Sam, but she said you guys hadn’t been talking.”

“Is that why she usually gave me make-up that I don’t wear or some crap like that?” I blurted out, scratching my head. Did Cass ever pick out a birthday present for me by herself? Did she even know me at all? I knew Cass and what she liked… why was I so different?

Nick cracked another smile and Joe snorted with laughter, carrying the other two plates to the table as Mrs. Jonas poured milk into cups.

“I guess so. I saw the shirt and it just reminded me of you. I’ve never seen you wear it before, so I thought you threw it away or whatever,” he shrugged, adding a light laugh. It was contagious.

“No,” I shook my head, glancing back down again. “I like it. I just… I guess I forgot about it.”

He nodded his head and moved towards a chair, pulling it out. I stood there, waiting for him to sit down, but he just stood behind it. And then he motioned for me to sit down. That chair was for me. That chair was the one Cass usually sat in, the chair that was right next to Nick and where I usually sat, which was beside Joe. I blushed and branded myself as an idiot before sitting down, mumbling a quick thank you. He simply nodded and sat himself down next to me.

Joe and Mrs. Jonas took their seats and a clicking sound suddenly filled the air. I glanced over my shoulder and spotted a dog sauntering over, running a little once he spotted Nick. It was Elvis. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the dog scratching at Nick’s leg, whimpering.

“You still have him?” I asked in surprise. Nick had gotten him a year and a half ago, but I hadn’t seen him lately. Nick nodded quickly, rubbing Elvis’s head with his hands.

“Yeah, He doesn’t come out much when people come around. He’s used to Cass yelling at him.”

Cass was not an animal person. I sighed.

Elvis looked up at me suddenly, cocking his head as if he were trying to remember who I was. I stared at him for a moment, smiling when he barked, nudging Nick’s leg towards mine. Nick blushed and pulled the dog away by his collar, shooing him off into the living room, but the dog stayed and butted his head against Nick’s leg again, getting it to hit mine.

“Sorry,” he sighed, scooting back. Elvis skidded towards the other side of me, licking my hand as I dropped it to pet him. He let out a whine when Nick leaned down, nudging his head against his hand. Nick picked him up and carried him towards the other room, Joe’s smile apparent.

“Elvis has a thing for Nick and girls,” he chuckled, picking up his fork. I settled my eyes on him once Nick was out of sight, toying with the napkin. “Except… when Cass is over, he sits right in between them until she shoos him away. I guess he really likes you Jules,” he smirked, shoveling my favorite mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Elvis, I mean,” he then added.

I rolled my eyes and began to eat as well, glancing up to see Mrs. Jonas offer another kind smile, politely digging into her own food. When Nick came in, he glanced at Joe skeptically before sitting down, his eyes then traveling to me.

I stayed staring down at my plate as I ate.

[T I M E]

“Bye Joe,” I sighed for the millionth time, laughing while he held me up. He shook his head like a child, begging me not to go. It was already 7:30.

“It’s my last night! Can’t you stay and watch a movie or something? I probably won’t be back until thanksgiving! Do you know how long that is? Please!”

I laughed lightly again and managed to drop myself to the ground and out of his grasp in time to see Nick roll his eyes, his hand smoothing over Elvis’s body as his eyes drifted closed.

“I have to get home.”

“You live across the street!” he protested, pouting out his lip.

“Let Julissa leave, Joseph,” Mrs. Jonas chuckled as she passed, handing him his last bag. She smiled sadly at her son as he pulled her into a tight hug, his attention span short enough to forget about me momentarily.

“Bye Joe,” I repeated, getting his head to snap around. He opened his mouth but Mrs. Jonas held him tighter, motioning for me to leave before it was too late.

I smiled.

Giving them a small wave, I booked it out of the house and across the street, the darkness and the cool air pushing me to go faster. When I made it up my driveway, I noticed my mom’s car was gone: work. I sighed in relief and stepped inside, switching on the light that we hardly ever used. The living room lit up with a dim glow, my eyes widening as they settled on the countless beer bottles scattering around the tables and chairs, the scent of Jess’s cheap perfume mixing with the alcohol. She wasn’t at work. She was drunk and needed Jess to take her out. I shook my head and locked the door behind me, making my way into the dark kitchen. I flipped the switch and sighed again once I realized that the bread and items to make a sandwich were out, the sinks till full with dishes.

Was it my job to clean this mess up? No.

I walked over to the phone, my hope bubbling up again once the red light flashed. Three new messages, the screen read. I quickly pushed play.

“Well, isn’t this weird? You miss my call, I miss yours, you miss mine again,” dad’s voice sounded, his chuckle making me smile. “Thanks for calling Jules. But how about you call me back… and I need your cell number; I’ll get a better hold of you that way. And what about Cass? Did her phone get shut off?” I furrowed my eyebrows, pursing my lips in wonder. But this was dad and he knew he needed to explain. “I called but the phone was cut off, apparently. Ah well. How’s…” he started, trailing off before sighing. “Call me back. Love you.”

The message clicked off and quickly went to a recording from yet another bill collector. I deleted the message, biting my lip as the new one sounded. But there was no voice, just silence. And then the machine turned off. I rubbed my temples and sighed.

Cass was really starting to worry me.