My Sweetest Downfall

This used to be a happy place, it used to be our place. Just a tree house we built when we were five years old, just friends then of course. Our fathers were best friends after serving in the military together, a bond that couldn't be superseded. We went through phases, he was the cool kid in elementary school, I was fat, short and had glasses. In middle school he started getting into video games and dungeons and dragons, I sprouted legs and my baby fat vanished. In high school, his father forced him into athletics, I danced on the school team, maintaining clear skin and long wavy blond hair. We had separated until then, till we were on some disturbed social par.

We ended up at the same party, he told me I was an ugly duckling who turned into a swan and I told him he was like a pokemon that started out cute, got ugly then turned out sort of badass. He laughed, he didn't think it was a weird comment or ask if I had been drinking, because we had, but none of that mattered. We went outside and talked staring at the stars, catching up on each other's lives since the age of tree houses and forts.

He asked me to sophomore homecoming and I said yes, and there was something so right about it that it paved the way for a relationship. I should've seen it coming because it was too perfect. The first semester away from college seemed like forever, but we still talked on the phone. Did our best not to drift waiting to go home for thanksgiving. Which is where we are now, eighteen years old in the same spot we were thirteen years ago. Our spot.

"Come on Audrey, don't be like that," He says, the stress evident on his face, circles under his eyes. That pleased me, that he couldn't sleep at night. He looks at me with his bright, beautiful blue eyes. His dark hair, cropped into a long faux-hawk. He tries to touch me and I pull away, the dark clouds coming over the leaves, making night fall seem so much darker.

"Be like what Sam?" I spit sarcastically, crossing my arms over my soft grey tank top, that flows over my body. I'm wearing my tight jeans, that I always get compliments on because I wanted to look good for him. I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard, but I was.

"Audrey, please, just forgive me or hate me or something," He begs me, he tries to look into my eyes, but I can't look into his. It terrifies to me to even think about looking in his eyes. To actually see his changed soul, or to see that this was the boy he had been hiding from me all along.

"No, Sam! You don't get anything you want right now! Because you're the one who cheated! You're the one making excuses! You're the one who knocked up some whore and didn't tell me about it! So no, I'm not gonna give you what you want!" I yell, a passion that could be tantamount to the flames of hell. I hate that he could evoke this level of emotion from me. No one's made me feel this much since my mother passed away, I always thought I would never hurt that bad again. This hurts worse.

"I'm sorry, I know I fucked up, but we can still make this work! I love you, Audrey and I'll never love anyone else," He says, I can't tell if he's lying or not. This can't be what love is, what inspired novels and paintings and songs - operas even. A small tear fell down my cheek and I finally looked up at him, my hazel eyes burrowing into his magnificent blue ones.

"It's not fair," I whisper softly, barely audible even to him. He moves closer to me, trying to touch me again and I let him. He wrapped me in his arms lovingly, and if I closed my eyes, I could pretend that this was a happy moment, maybe that it was me who was pregnant.

"What's not fair babe?" He whispers after kissing the top of my head, his hand rotating in circles on my shaking back and I pull away from him, my eyes flushed of anger and now only sad.

"I loved you first," I whisper, I raise my voice and I can't keep my bottom lip from shaking or my eyes from crying. I can't control my breathing, it just hurts so bad to breathe. "I loved you first."

He looks at me dumbly, his eyes searching for me. When we first started dating, his hair was long and covered his eyes, making them seem like only I could get close enough to really look into them, now everyone can see them. He doesn't speak, he doesn't understand that it should've been me. We should've gotten married and had children, that's what people in love do.

"Look Sarah's a good girl- woman, whatever. She loves me and I have to do the right thing here," His voice was so calm when he told me, it keeps replaying in my head. Everything that he lied to me about, even this stupid tree house when we made love for the first time among its branches. Did we make love or was it just sex. I trace its bark, old and worn, but comforting and I hope that he could understand everything.

"Audrey, we can work through this," He takes a step towards me and I just shake my head. Eerily calm, eerily in control of myself in a situation like this. My feet back up, one at time towards the small trail leading back up to our backyards.

"No Sam, we can't," I smile, turning my body around and hiking up the hill. I expected him to chase after me and plead, but he stayed standing and staring at me. I'm not surprised, after all I expected him to be my soul mate, but he was only a little boy I fell in love with at a different time. I wanted us to be together, but instead, he's going to have a child with a girl he barely knows. They'll spend massive amounts of time together, maybe fall in love, maybe get married. Even though I loved him first.