You Turn Away From All the Things That I've Been Trying to Say

I stand up and stretch. Austin tells whoever it is on the phone that we'll be downstairs in ten minutes and hangs up. I go into the hotel room and dig through my suitcase for clothes. I grab a pair of jeans and a slightly over sized white tee shirt with a black silhouette of a woman on a stripper pole and the Buckcherry logo on it. I put on some black peep toe wedges and my leather jacket. Austin is standing in the bathroom checking himself out, so I go in there and start putting my hair up. We both put our sunglasses on and I grab my purse and we walk out of the hotel room. He pulls me over to him in a hug when we get on the elevator and kisses my forehead. When the elevator doors open, we walk out and see the rest of the Hinder guys in the lobby waiting, except for Mike. We go over to the guys and Austin greets them.

"Hey, where's Rex?"

"I don't know. I think were going to have to wake him up." Mark says.

"You guys look tan." Layla says to Austin and I.

"We were tanning." I say.

"That sounds like fun." The elevator opens and Mike comes out in sunglasses and his sweatshirt hood up over his mohawk.

"Look who finally decided to drag his old ass out of bed." Cody says. Mike punches him in the shoulder.

"I had company. I had to kick her out." He grins.

"Pig." I say, smiling.

"We can't all have full time girlfriends, honey." He says to me.

"Can we get this show on the road?" Mark asks, lighting a cigarette. Layla screws up her face when he does.

"I thought you were going to quit that?" She says to him.

"I will, baby. But not while I'm tour."

We all walk to the movie theater, which is only three blocks away. We decide on some raunchy comedy and sit in the back of the theater. Austin leans over into my seat and kisses me.

"What are you doing?" I giggle in a mock whisper.

"Isn't this what you're supposed to do in movie theaters?" He whispers back.

"No, you're supposed to watch the movie, douche." He laughs and kisses my ear.

After the movie, the guys decide they want to party. So we call a cab and it drives us to a bar. I drink with the guys for awhile and then Cody walks over to me and throws his arm around my shoulder.

"Hey. Someone told me you can whip some ass in pool."

"Who told you that? Blower? He's a sore loser."

"Yeah, but he recommended you." I laugh and follow him over to the pool tables and grab a cue. He puts a quarter in the table and starts the game. We play for a long time, laughing and having a fun time and it occurs to me, this guy is a lot like the guys my sister likes. I push that thought away for a few minutes.

"OK, what is that, like, the third game you won?" Cody asks.

"Yeah. You got that first game though."

"You probably let me win."

"Nah, I don't do that...usually, unless I feel pity for someone."

"OK, pity me then and buy me a beer, champ." We go up to the bar and I buy him a beer.

"Who won?" The bartender asks as he hands us our beers.

"She's handing my ass to me." Cody tells him.

"I like a girl who can handle balls." I roll my eyes.

"That has got to be the worst line ever."

"It's worked for me before."

"She's smarter than that." Cody says, laughing. Austin walks up behind us and grabs my shoulder and turns me around to face him.

"Why don't you just fuck the guy in front of me?" He says.

"What the fuck, Austin?"

"I've been watching you flirt with Cody all night long, and now you're fucking talking to this guy. I mean, am I not enough for you? I thought I was supposed to be the wild one in this relationship."

"You've been being a jealous prick ever since I was talking to Tyler last night. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"When my girlfriend is up here flirting with other guys, I have a problem with that, Madison. I'm so sorry that that hurts your feelings."

"You don't think it hurts my fucking feelings when you have sluts throwing themselves at you on a daily basis? You have got to be kidding me. I didn't come on this tour to get yelled at like a two year old." I turn and walk away from the bar and over to the table where the rest of the guys are sitting. Austin and Cody are still at the bar and it looks like Cody is trying to get Austin to calm down, but I'm so pissed I don't give a shit.

"Hey, how far away from the hotel are we?" I ask the guys when I get to the table.

"Like, five miles. Why? Are you leavin'?" Blower asks.

"Austin's a fucking prick. I don't want to be here anymore."

"Well you can't leave by yourself, I won't let you." He says.

"I'll go with you." Layla says to me.

"You don't have to do that, Layla. I'm a big girl, I can leave on my own. I'll just call a cab."

"No it's fine. I want to come. I'm kind of tired anyway." She stands up and Mark looks up at her.

"You girls go call a cab and let me know and I'll wait for it outside with you." Blower says to us.

We go back up to the bar and ask the bartender for a phone book and call a cab and go back to the table. Layla gives Mark a kiss and Blower gets up and walks around the table.

"Thanks Blower." Mark tells him. We all walk out the front door and stand on the sidewalk. I'm pacing, still pissed at Austin. Blower just stands there and makes small talk with Layla and I as we wait. The cab finally pulls up and Blower holds the door open for us and we slide in and he shuts the door. He walks around the cab and gives the driver a bunch of money.

"Blower, stop. I'll take care of it." I say.

"Don't worry about it, darlin'." He smiles.

"Thank you so much, Blower." The driver pulls away from the bar. Layla and I are silent the drive back to the hotel.

When we get to the parking lot, we get out and walk into the lobby. We get in the elevator and when we get to our floor, I start going in the opposite direction that she does and she calls my name.

"Do you want to come to my room with me for awhile? You don't have to if you don't want to." She says.

"Sure, why not?" I follow her to her and Mark's room and we both sit on one of the twin beds. One bed is perfectly made and the other is a mess.

"You can tell which one is Mark's bed." She laughs.

"You and Mark are the cutest couple."

"I really love him, already. We've only been together for a little while, but I care about him a lot. What about you and Austin? How long have you been together?"

"A few months. We haven't gotten to the love stage yet. I don't think we ever will with his attitude."

"I think Austin loves you, other wise, he wouldn't be fighting like he is."

"I don't know about that. He can be the sweetest guy in the world and then he has a few drinks and he turns into a asshole." She pats my hand with hers and smiles.

"Don't worry. You two will work it out." I smile back at her.

"Thanks, Layla. You've been really nice to me tonight. It has almost been like having my sister out here."

"No problem. It's in my nature to nurture." She smiles again.

"I wish that was my nature." I stand up and start walking to the door.

"Thanks again. I'll get out of your hair now." She gives me a little hug and I walk out into the hallway and to my room.

I walk into the room and look around at all of Austin and my stuff and smirk. The lingerie on the floor from the night before and the sunscreen from this afternoon. I pick up his suitcase off the bed and toss it on the floor and grab a book from my own and sit on the bed and start reading. My cell phone starts ringing and I pick it up. It's my sister.

"Hey baby." I say to her.

"Hey, what is going on?"

"Nothing. Austin's a prick and I'm tired of him."

"Babe...I told you this was going to happen. What did he do?"

"He's so jealous and moody. And you know how I am about moody fucking people. So, I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. How are you? What are you doing?" I say.

"Just hanging out. Matt and I were trying to rekindle things, but it's just not happening and I told him last night that I don't want to try anymore. I'm ready to move on."

"Aw, babe. I'm sorry. Matt was a good guy."

"He is a good guy, but I don't think he's the right guy for me. We have too many issues, you know?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I have to go. I miss you."

"I miss you too. I want you to come to a show so bad."

"When?"

"Vegas in a week? Austin has four free tickets to that one."

"I'm in."

"Well that is, if were still together then."

"You will be, you want you know how I know?"

"How?"

"Because you love him. I know you, Madison. When you're done with a guy, you're done. You don't bullshit around, unless you care about a person a lot. And you wouldn't be sticking around for Austin unless you loved him." She says.

"Hmm. I don't know about that."

"Trust me. I know everything."

"OK, know it all. I'm letting you go now." She laughs.

"OK, baby. I love you."

"I love you too." We hang up. I sit on the bed and play with my rings and think about what Morgan said.

I get up and walk into the bathroom and pull my hair out the bun it was in and pull my shirt off so I'm just standing there in my red bra and my jeans. I hear a bunch of noise outside in the hallway and I hear my room door opening. I walk out and see Austin walking. He looks up at me.

"So are we gonna talk about tonight?" I ask in a snobby voice.

"Are you gonna be a bitch?"

"I think the only bitch in this situation was you."

"I can't help the way I feel."

"You called me out in front of all of your friends! For no fucking reason, other than your a jealous fuck!"

"With good reason, I feel."

"How? What have I ever done to make you feel like that, Austin?" He's silent for a minute and we both know that I'm right.

"Well?" I ask.

"Never..." He heaves a sigh. "I'm sorry. I was feeling really insecure...I feel like sometimes if you talk to other guys that you'll realize that you can do better and you'll leave me alone. And I don't want that to happen."

"Austin. I...really care about you. I wouldn't leave you for any reason. What you don't realize is that, when you act jealous like that, it pushes me away more than anything else."

"What you also need to realize is that I'm an adult woman. I can and will talk to whomever I want you. And not you or any man is ever going to tell me who I can and cannot talk to. You may have been able to tell Jami who she couldn't talk to, but I am not her and I will walk away if you continue to do so, understood?"

"Yes, I'm sorry baby. I should have known that you would react the way you did and maybe a part of me wanted you to. I wanted to start a fight."

"Austin. I am not going anywhere. I have never given you a reason to feel like I was. So, can we please just get over this whole jealousy thing?"

"Yes. I promise." He holds his arm out to me and pulls me over to him into a hug and kisses my hair.

He pulls me backwards and he sits down on the edge of the bed and I stand in front of him. I run my hands through his long hair. He runs his hands up and down my sides and falls back on the bed, pulling me back on top of him. I laugh out loud and he kisses me. I think Morgan's right about my feelings for Austin. No man has ever made me feel the way I do now.