Of Moons, Birds, and Monsters

Day two of night school was absolutely brutal. Nothing major happened, it was just the most boring day of my life. I didn’t have Mason in either of my classes to entertain me. I almost stabbed myself in the skull just to initiate some excitement. Yesterday, I was begging to get away from the idiots that kept talking about getting laid and smoking dope. Today, I’m begging to have them sitting behind me and continue to their filthy talk. I missed it, and although it was stupid, I needed something to laugh at.

Mr. Burch’s history class was the worst. There was six other people in there, and they all sat in the back of the class, putting on lipstick and getting ready for their date after school was over with. The two boys that were there were dumber than a bag of doorknobs. They constantly were talking to the four other girls, trying to get them to sleep with them. It was gross, considering they were all pregnant and the size of whales.

Mr. Burch had to be the lamest thing with a pulse ever. A sloth was more interesting than this man. He was huge, absolutely gigantic. He had to turn sideways and suck his gut in a little just to be able to fit through the door. He sat in the front of the classroom in his desk chair, his head lowered while he read from the text book. He was putting himself to sleep. I got so bored that I started drawing out my own super hero comic strip; Mason and the hoodlum bunch saved the day with their friend Squid by throwing a party in the hallway. If only.

Calculus class wasn’t as bad, because I actually had something to do. I had my nose shoved into the book trying to solve these nearly impossible questions. There was only one other person in the room that wasn’t the teacher. I recognized him from one of my classes that I had last year. He was very quiet, only talking to Mark, the kid who sat in front of him. I couldn’t remember his name, but he didn’t look too awful.

He had shaggy blond hair, baggy clothes, and was as skinny as a rail. He did have pretty eyes, though. That was the only think I remembered about him. He didn’t say anything to me when I walked in for class. He didn’t even look my way. He was already working on out of the book. I think he was the only person in the school that was a bit more of a grade grubber than myself. I wondered how he got into night school.

The classroom echoed with the sound of the two of us flipping pages and scribbling on our worksheet. Mr. Goldman just watched a movie on his computer while he had his feet proper up on the desk, enjoying a TV dinner. He was the exact opposite of Mr. Burch, size wise. Mr. Goldman was tall and lanky, his arms about as thick as a shower rod. He had a well kept beard and short brown hair. It was a big shock to me when he didn’t have glasses at all. He was actually quite good looking for an older man.

Mason gave me a laugh when he came to pick me up after class was over. He was waiting outside of the calculus classroom with Kass, TJ, Travis, and Louie. I was so happy to see them, that I ran up to Mason and practically jumped on him.

“Hey,” Travis whined, prying us apart. “I thought you said she was off limits?”

“She is,” Mason answered, adjusting his hat.

“You have no idea how boring it is without you guys,” I exclaimed, turning the knob of my locker.

“I know,” Kass chuckled. “We’re just an ass full of fun.”

“Well, you have to sit through good ol’e Burchy for two hours,” Louie sighed, leaning onto the lockers and crossing his arms. “That’ll drive anyone insane.”

“Are you kidding me?” TJ snorted, walking beside me as we made our way to the parking lot. “He’s like the best teacher to mess with! He’ll be asleep when he’s reading, right? Just start throwing shit at him till he wakes up. Then when he starts falling asleep again, walk up to the board and draw a dick pointing at his ear or something.”

“I’d rather not, thanks,” I laughed, pushing the door open.

“I remember when I put a bunch of Germ-X in his coffee,” Mason grinned. “He drank it, too. But I thought he dumped it out ‘cause he didn’t make a face or anything. But then he threw up and I knew he had to have gotten at least a little bit in there.”

“You guys are nasty,” I mumbled, taking a seat on the curb. “Mason, change of plans tomorrow.”

“What’s up?” he asked, plopping down next to me.

“I’m staying the night at Luke’s house tomorrow--”

Louie cheered, clapping his hands together and grinning. “Luke is gonna get some!”

“See, I told you we’d break her in!” TJ smiled, slapping Mason’s shoulders. “She’s only spent about five hours with us, and she’s already planning to go down on Squid!”

“Nice,” Kass laughed, his eyes disappearing behind his ear-to-ear grin.

“I am not,” I said loudly over their whistles and cheering. “I’m just going to do is sleep over there. No sex, no kissing, no anything. Just sleep.”

“That’s what you think,” TJ snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Luke isn’t like that,” I reminded him.

“Look, Rizzle,” Louie began, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t know how to break it to you, but Luke is a dude. And dudes have dicks. When there is a girl anywhere near them from the hours of eight to seven, the dick gets happy.”

“Thank you for this disturbing, unhelpful life lesson, Louie,” I nodded. “But Luke isn’t like that at all.”

“She’s right,” Mason sighed. “Squid doesn’t know how jump start things.”

“Well, then you got to do it,” Louie informed me, shaking me a little. “All you have to do, is crawl on top of him, make out with him a little, and then slowly creep your hands into his pants and grab his junk. If he doesn’t pitch a tent then, he’s officially a fag.”

“No, Louie,” I chuckled, shaking my head. “I don’t want to.”

“You’re not one of those prudes, are you?” TJ asked with a wrinkled nose.

“No,” I answered, shrugging Louie’s shoulder off of me. “I’m just not an easy whore.”

“Damn,” Travis muttered.

I immediately stood up when I saw Luke pull into the parking lot. I told him in the hallway earlier that I wouldn’t see him for the rest of the night. I had no idea why I said that to him, but I did. It turned out that I was lying because Mason couldn’t understand why I was trying to avoid him, and frankly neither did I.

Luke got out of the car, and handed me the keys. I threw my backpack in the backseat and waited for Mason to get off of the curb and into the car.

“Luke is getting laid tomorrow!” Kass cheered. “He’s going to get fucked!”

“I am?” Luke asked with a confused smile.

“That’s what Rizzle is saying!” Louie lied, wearing a big smile and pointing at me.

“You are so full of shit that your skin is turning brown,” I shouted quickly before Luke could say anything else or look at me weird.

The guys all started to howl in laughter. Luke just crossed his arms and leaned on the hood of the car, waiting for them to quit laughing. I just sat in the drivers seat with the car door open. Mason hadn’t moved a muscle towards the car.

“Yeah, Louie,” Kass snickered. “You’re starting to look like an Arab!”

“You’re still going to get laid tomorrow,” TJ shrugged.

“Yeah,” Travis agreed. “How long have y’all been going out now?”

“Uhh,” Luke stuttered, turning to look at me through the windshield.

“A few weeks,” I answered with a shrug.

“And he’s only been to fist, halfway to second, base,” Mason announced, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Dude!” Travis exclaimed in horror. “I’ve gotten farther in two hours than you have in weeks!”

“Yeah,” Kass snorted. “I could get laid in an hour, sober, without showering for three days.”

“Good for you,” Luke nodded.

“Mason, am I taking you home or not?” I asked, wanting to get out of this awkward conversation.

“Nah, I’m good,” Mason answered.

I shut the door and started the car. Luke joined me and we pulled out of the parking lot.

“How was school?” he asked awkwardly, clearing his throat.

“Boring,” I groaned. “Day two and four of night school will be far from entertaining.”

“You’ve gotten bored of Mason already?” he asked in shock.

“He’s not in either of the classes. Neither are the other boys,” I answered, turning down Pine street.

“Damn, that sucks,” he said, running his hands through his insanely curly hair.

“Yeah,” I agreed with a nod. “I wish you were there.”

I instantly slammed on the brakes, making us almost crash into the dashboard. I did it because I could not believe I just said that. He had to have heard me because I said it loud enough. Jesus Christ, Riley. You really know how to fuck things up.

“Did we almost hit something?!” he asked, his voice cracking with worry.

I looked in the rear view mirror and the still road in front of us. Instead of trying to explain what I had done, I decided to lie.

“No,” I lied, releasing the tension in my shoulders and started to drive. “No, but I thought I saw a dog or something.”

“Holy hell,” he sighed, leaning his head on the window. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry,” I nervously chuckled. Thank God it kept him quiet. If he would have asked what I had meant, I don’t know what I would have told him. What do I mean by that anyway? I rolled my eyes and continued to drive down the long country road to Luke’s house.

“I talked to a girl today,” he informed me, looking at me with a sideways smile.

“Really?” I asked, trying to sound happy for him. For some reason my body tensed up and grew hot.

“Yeah, the one in the hallway with me,” he answered.

“Oh, her,” I said, forcing a smile. That slut. He was proud of himself for talking to that sausage wallet?

“Yeah. I did pretty good, I think. I don’t like her though.”

“Why not?” I asked, laughing a little.

“She had no idea what I was talking about the whole time,” he answered, shaking his head. “It was like talking to a wall.”

“Better luck next time then, huh?” I giggled.

“Well, she followed me after class, and that’s when you showed up. When you left she went insane on me,” he said with wide eyes.

“Who’s that? How do you know her? Why are you going to see her tomorrow night? What’s the present? What are you going to do with her?” he rambled, mimicking her high pitched bitchy voice. “I mean, what the hell?! I talked to you for ten minutes at the most and now you’re freaking out on me because I’m going to hang out with one of my friends who happens to be a hot girl? I mean come on!”

I could feel my cheeks burning, and I was thankful that it was dark out so he couldn’t tell what he did. How do you respond to something like that? Do I say thank you or do I ignore that part and continue onto something else?

“Well, there are some girls who tend to be a bit crazy,” I sighed. “Those are the ones you have to stay away from.”

“I wish they wore a label so I could tell,” he grumbled.

“There is no way to tell,” I sighed, turning down his street. “You just go for the one who think is attractive, and pretty much wing it from there.”

“This is why I don’t date anybody,” he exclaimed. “It’s too complicated and weird.”

“Then just wait a while,” I shrugged. “No one is forcing you to try.”

“Yeah, but I feel like a gay rod for having these girls after me and I don’t want any one of them.”

“Then don’t worry about it. It’s really not a big deal.”

“I guess,” he groaned.

“There is nothing wrong at all for not being interested in dating yet. That just means you’re respectable and girls love respectable guys,” I told him.

“I thought they liked the drunk badass with a leather jacket?” he asked.

I had to stop myself from busting out in laughter. I did snicker at him, though. I quickly fixed my composure so I could speak.

“No, they don’t,” I informed him. “The girls that like that bad boys aren’t any good. And this is what I hear, and I can see where it makes sense. I wouldn’t know from personal experience. But, I heard that girls love the sweethearts. They can be as adorable and nerdy as they want. But girls love it when the losers turn really aggressive when it comes to going all the way.”

“Really?” he asked with a confused face.

“It makes sense to me,” I shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I’m just as much of a virgin as you are.”

“So what’s better?” he questioned. “The drunk badass in leather, or the respectable loser?”

“Well, I personally like the respectable losers,” I answered. “The dude in leather isn’t worth it.”

“So I should stay the awkward, skinny, curly haired lame old Luke?” he asked.

“I think so,” I nodded, pulling up to his house. “I like this Luke. Don’t go changing him.”

Luke nodded and unbuckled his seatbelt. I felt really weird having this conversation with him. It just didn’t seem right to know that about him. I’m glad he can confide in me as a friend like that, but I was kind of weirded out at how much he trusted me with information like that.

He opened the door and the voices of Mr. Moreno and Jack poured into the car. They two guys were standing on the lawn, inspecting Jack’s yard work.

“What the hell is this?” Mr. Moreno yelled, pointing at the hedge. “You hacked up the damn bush!”

“Oh, God,” Luke groaned.

“You know, Jack, I could give you all the right tools to kill yourself and you still couldn’t get the job done!” Mr. Moreno shouted.

“You’re still planning on coming over tomorrow, right?” Luke asked.

“You mean climbing through the window at eight thirty at night?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “Then yes, that’s the plan.”

“Cool,” Luke smiled, getting out of the car and shutting the door.