Falling to Pieces

Nicolai’s Point of View.

I can’t believe what that prick was doing. Was he trying to ruin mines and Reina’s relationship? Or. Our broken, and corrupted relationship. Or whatever the hell we had. I don’t know what to call it, and I don’t even think it’s still going to go on with the way I treated her and the way this guy moves. He moves fast.

Maybe this is God’s way of saying that Reina and I should just be friends. Maybe we should just stop what we’re doing. Maybe I should just stop hurting her. I’m not completely heartless. I know what I do to her, and how harsh I talk to her. It’s for her own good though. She… she needs to get over liking me. But I don’t want her to.

It’s selfish, I know. I already have a girlfriend, and I’m keeping my best friend from liking someone else, just because I don’t want her to like anyone more than me. I’m a confusing guy; I don’t know how Reina puts up with me all the time. I like Leila, don’t get me wrong. But I like Reina too. The guy Leila sees me as is sweet and kind and honest. Reina sees an angry, sex-crazed, ass hole.

It’s amazing how Reina has put up with me for so long. If I were her, I would have told me to fuck off and go out with that amazing guy she deserves. Instead, she decides to tell me she loves me and stays with me. She’s so stupid sometimes. Why can’t she see that I’m pushing her away by being a jerk to save her from more heartbreak? I don’t like hurting her. I hate it so much because I know it’s me who causes her pain. But… I can’t bring myself up to tell her that we can’t keep doing what we’re doing.

Why the hell didn’t I tell her I liked her when we were younger?

“Nicolai, can I ask you something?” Jay asked, interrupting my thoughts. He was perched on a chair, elbows propped up against the counter and his head was leaning on the palm of his hands. “It’s about Reina.” Of course.

I walked to the refrigerator and scanned the contents before pulling out a root beer. I pulled out the bottle cap opener pendant I got from Reina a few years ago and popped the cap off. “Sure,” I said, before taking a swig of my root beer.

“You and Reina are best friends, right?” He asked. I nodded. “Do you think I have a chance with her?”

I was expecting this. I looked at him and saw that he had a sincere look on his face. He was hopeful. “Yeah, I think you do,” I said without thinking. You’d be better for her. More better than I would ever be.

“Really?” He asked, his eyes lighting up with hope.

“Yes, really. But you do know, that if you hurt her in any way, I’m obligated to hurt you.” Like how I should hurt myself from the many times I’ve hurt her.

Jay hopped up from his seat and clapped me on the back. “I won’t ever do that,” He said, before walking out the back door.

I took a seat at near the counter, put my drink down and buried my face in my hands. “I’m so stupid,” I groaned. I could have lied to him. I should have lied to him. Now he’s going to take away my precious Reina.

“You are such an idiot.” Someone said. I wonder if it was addressed to me. It should be, since I’m the only one in here. Or maybe I’m crazy. “I think you shouldn’t have said anything to Jay, to tell you the truth. It’ll only spark his fire for her. And we all can tell that she’s not in love with him.”

I looked up to see Lucy. She was sitting in the same chair Jay sat in, her legs crossed and her arms propped against the counter. “I know it’s your first day here, but I can see it. I don’t even know you all very well, with the exception of Abriel, but I can see that Reina loves you,” She said. “Even if you don’t want to believe it.”

I raised an eyebrow. How could she know so much? “I know she loves me. But she’s no good for me. And I have a girlfriend.”

“But you don’t love your girlfriend.” Lucy stated before getting off the chair and walking out of the kitchen. “Think about it. You may just lose your only source of happiness,” I hear her say before the door closed behind her.

Oh great. Even someone I don’t even know knows about the Leila-Reina-and-I situation. What does she mean by ‘you may just lose your only source of happiness?’ Rein isn’t my only source of happiness. I have Abriel and Alexei… and Leila to keep me happy. Sure, Rein factors in the equation, but I’m sure she isn’t my only source of happiness.

Stop thinking about this, Nicolai. It’s just getting to your head.

I got off the chair and left the kitchen, root beer in hand. I was going to ask Rein if she wanted to explore this place with me, but she was in the kitchen with Jay, and then Abriel pulled her away. So I guess I’ll explore this place alone.

First things first; I need to get to my room and look through the window at the outside of the mansion like house. Then I’ll figure things out from there. I hope there’s a pool here. It’ll give me a chance to work on that tan I never had.

I walked up the spiraling stairs and made my way to my room. Or rather, I walked up the spiraling stairs and tried to make my way to my room, but I heard two girly voices coming from the room beside mines. I know eavesdropping is bad, but I’m curious. Then again; curiosity killed the cat.

I made my way to Reina’s door and lightly pressed my ear against the door. I hope I don’t get caught, or this will be very embarrassing.

“…I don’t know anymore.” I heard Reina say.

“You’ve got to take a chance at this, love. What if Jay’s The One?” Abriel giggled. “Do it; go on a date with him. Try it out. Perhaps… fall in love?”

“You and I both know I don’t fall for that kind of crap,” She said.

What? Rein does believe in love. She has to. If she loves me like she always said… then she has to believe in it. She just has to.

Abriel laughed. “Since when does little Rein not believe in falling in love?”

“Since the one person I really loved just kept slapping it back in my face. I’m done with stupid love. Who needs it, anyway?! It’s just a troublesome feeling. Screw falling in love!” Reina shouted. She was referring to me, wasn’t she? I didn’t want her to stop believing in love…

I left my post and went into my room, throwing myself onto my bed and burying my face in one of the soft, plush pillows. I got up quickly, pulling my shirt and pants off and throwing them in a random corner, and resumed my position with my covers pulled over me.

Did I really have that much of an effect on Reina?

I closed my eyes and let the sleep lull me in.



“… Nick, wake up!” I felt the bed move and a childish voice near me. “Nick, it’s time for dinner! Come on, you have to get up to eat.”

I groaned and rolled over, not bothering to open my eyes to confirm it’s Rein. “I’m tired. I’ll eat later,” I said, my voice groggy. I didn’t---no, couldn’t, face Rein. All the things I did to her was finally coming back to me. And I can’t take it. I can’t take how much of a jerk I am. I can’t take how long I’ve cheated on my girlfriend, whose probably cheating on me too. I can’t take this anymore.

“Would you like me to bring up your meal and eat with you? No fun eating alone, you know,” She offered.

“No. I don’t want anything,” I said, my voice cold.

“Nicolai Elliott Levi, you are going to eat today whether you like it or not because it’s good for you. Now get your ass off of that bed of yours right this instant, or else I will bring your food up here and we shall eat in peace.” Rein stated firmly.

I turned over and sat up to face her. “Just eat down there with them and please, leave me alone,” I said, my voice pleading. “Please.”

Rein’s eyebrows scrunched together, her face full of concern. “What’s wrong?” She asked timidly.

“What’s wrong? Really, Rein? That’s what you’re asking me? ‘What’s wrong?’” I laughed with no amusement.

“Yes?”

“Everything! Everything’s wrong, Rein. And you know it.” A few tears escaped from my eyes, and I don’t even know why I’m crying.

Rein pulled me close to her and tucked my head beneath her chin. “Shh, shh. It’s okay, Nick. It’s okay… Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me exactly…” She placed a hand on my back and rubbed it soothingly. “I’ll listen to you, don’t worry.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. I pulled her down and had her lie down next to me. “Promise me… that no matter how difficult and stupid I get… you’ll never leave me,” I whispered.

Rein pulled away from me and gave me a stern look. “Nicolai Elliott Levi, what the hell are you thinking?!” She shouted, frowning. “Of course I’d never leave you, dummy! What kind of a best friend would I be if I did?”

“The bad kind?”

We laughed and she gave me a hug. “Don’t worry about anything. I’m not leaving you. Not ever,” She smiled. “Okay?”

I kissed her lips quickly and smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” She replied, smiling, though it’s not like the usual smile she has after we do something sweet. “Now come on, we have dinner to go to.”

I watched as Reina hopped off the bed and landed with a soft thud. “Are you going to wear what you wore earlier today?” She asked, picking up the clothes I threw off before I went to take an unplanned nap.

“Sure.” I answered, pushing the covers off of myself and crawling off the bed. She handed me my clothes and stood near the door, waiting for me to get dressed. I pulled my pants on slowly, too lazy to do anything. I felt eyes on my and saw Rein staring at me. “Take a picture, babe, it’ll last longer.” I smirked.

“Oh, if you insist,” She laughed, pulling her phone out of her pocket and snapping a photo of me half naked. “Thanks for the picture, love,” She giggled as I pulled my shirt on. “Ready to go?” She asked me, stretching her hand out.

I nodded and grabbed it, walking out of my room with her.

My large hand enveloped her small ones, and it was just like the good old days. When I didn’t have a girlfriend; when all four of us could hang out together without anyone wanting to rip out another person’s head; when we told each other everything. I know that we all have secrets we’re keeping from one another. And I don’t like it. Not one bit.

“You okay there, Nick?” Rein asked, concern filling her face once again. “You seem… out of it.”

“Out of what?” I asked, a bit dazed still. “I-I mean, I’m fine. Perfectly okay in the head. I’m not mental!” I added a bit too quickly.

Rein chuckled and shook her head. “Down the stairs we go!” She said joyfully, pulling me down the stairs.

We walked hand-in-hand to the dining table. It was amazing how it could seat 12 people, yet we only occupied half of the space. On one side of the table, Abriel, Lucy, and Jay were sitting there. On the other side, opposite of Abriel, was Alexei. I suppose we’ll be sitting beside him.

“You guys finally made it!” Abriel smiled. “Go on, take a seat.”

We smiled and I held out Rein’s chair for her to sit in, before pushing it in slightly and taking a seat of my own. Lucy had a little smirk on her face whilst Jay had a flash of jealously appear on his face for just a moment. I didn’t like that one bit.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Rein asked, smiling.

“Steak, mashed potatoes, salad, and hot soup. It’s not much, but it should do,” Lucy said softly. “Unless you guys wanted more; it’s no bother for me to whip up some more.” She said, starting to get up.

“No!” Rein said quickly. “This should be enough,” She looked at all of us, “Right?”

We all nodded.

“Let’s dig in!” Jay said. “Oh wait! I forgot; we have to say our prayers to the Lord first.” He said. And the little prick is a church boy! Just greaaaat. Next thing you know, he’s a virgin altar boy who hasn’t had a beer or alcoholic beverage in his entire life.

“Excuse me,” I said, standing up and walking away from the table. “I’m an Atheist.”

Jay glared at me for a little bit, and quickly masked his expression with a blank one. “Is anyone else Atheist?” He asked.

“I’m in between, so…” Alexei stood up as well and joined me.

“Since when? I thought you were catholic!” I hissed under my breath as Jay started with that “Hail Marry” stuff.

Alexei shrugged. “Just cause I’m catholic doesn’t mean that I can’t be confused about this stuff. God might be real, but he may just be a myth too.”

“Oh, who knows?”

“I wonder how much of a God believer Jay and his sister are.”

“By the looks of it, he could be an altar boy at church.”

“Well, let’s find out.” He said, a devilish look in his eyes.

“Sure.”

“BLOODY JESUS CHRIST, YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO HELL?!” Alexei shouted, wiggling his eyebrows to signal that he wanted me to join his little game.

“GOD DAMN, THERE IS NO HELL BECAUSE THERE IS NO GOD!” I shouted back.

“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?! JESUS CHRIST!” He shouted back.

“Please stop using the Lord’s name in vein!” Jay said loudly, an angry expression on his face. “It’s disrespectful to him and to us Christian’s.”

“Definitely an altar boy,” I said under my breath. “Alright, we’ll try, mate!”

“Shall we eat?” Lucy asked.

“We shall.” Jay replied as Alexei and I took our seats.

Needless to say; dinner that night was awkward.