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Finding Heaven
fourteen
“Give me a chance to explain,” Alex’s dad pleaded on the other line. “Don’t push me away, Alex. I’m really trying my hardest to help you—“
Alex gritted his teeth, “Yeah, whatever! Stop trying because it isn’t enough, dad. You can’t bring mom back, so stop talking about shit everytime.”
“Alex,” Dakota tried to calm him down.
“He’s always acting like that everytime dad calls,” Max told her.
Alex hung up irately and shut his phone off.
“You should’ve let me talk to him,” Dakota said wistfully.
Alex looked at her pleadingly, “Please don’t … don’t let our problem affect you.”
~
The way he said it was like the gentler version of, “Mind your own business.”
I sat on his bed, cross-legged, with Max sitting beside me. Alex paced back and forth, biting his lip—which was one of his mannerisms that meant he couldn’t calm down.
“Alex, this is my business too.” I said shortly.
“Yeah, Alex, Dakota’s practically family.” Max added.
Alex glanced from Max to me, and smiled half-heartedly, “I don’t want to drag you into this, and it’s not because I’m shunning you away. It’s just that… you don’t have to worry about something you shouldn’t,” he walked towards the door. “I’ll go out for a while.”
The door closed behind him, leaving Max and me.
“Max, does…does Alex trust me?” I asked worriedly.
He sighed, “I know he does. Alex just doesn’t want to drag you into this mess. He even tries his best not to make me a part of this conflict.”
I looked down at my toes, “But…”
“Our mom loved dad very much,” Max began. I could sense that the memory was still painful for him. “She was really hard working, you know. Dad was always at work and she was always left at home to watch over two boys that always went home with mud on their faces,” he smiled slightly. “And then, everytime Alex got into a fight, she would always forgive him and clean his wounds. I was eight when mom started becoming weak. Dad went home and told us to pack our stuff and come with him.”
Max’s voice started to shake, “He said we should come with him… Alex and I didn’t want to leave mom alone… She was sick. How could we possibly leave her?”
“Max…” I didn’t know what to say. My eyes were starting to well-up.
“Mom said we should go… and we did.”
The front door opened suddenly, and Alex cut in, “The truth is, we weren’t at her funeral. We weren’t around when she died. Mom died alone because we were back with dad in California!” Alex’s hands balled into fists vehemently. “We were living our asses off while mom was suffering in the hospital!”
I rushed towards him and cupped his face on my hands, “Alex—Alex, look at me.”
He did. My heart sank when I saw tears forming under his eyes, “Dad took us away from her when she needed us the most. We abandoned her—“
"It wasn't your fault," I consoled reassuringly.
Max approached and leveled himself with us. I put an arm on his shoulder and comforted them the whole night.
~
The morning light peeked through the window sill as I opened my eyes. I could feel warm breaths next to me and realized that this wasn’t my room.
I turned to my right and saw Alex’s sleeping face and noticed that his arm was around me, holding me protectively.
I could feel myself blush as warmth filled my cheeks.
That was when I remembered what happened.
“Don’t go,” Alex said last night.
Max put in, “Stay with us.”
And I nodded without thinking.
Oh hell, Joshua’s going to think badly of this.
I carefully pushed Alex’s arm away and sat up. I looked at the time, and panicked. 9:00. It was 9:00 in the friggin’ morning and we were supposed to be helping out at school!
I shook Alex until his eyes opened lazily. “Wake up, you idiot!”
He turned to look at the clock, and when he read the flashing digital numbers, he buried himself under the blanket, “Let’s skip.”
“Sk—what the hell are you talking about? We have school today!”
“Instead of worrying about your little café, you should worry about the upcoming exams. Use this day productively. Please shut up.”
He fell into deep sleep again, completely ignoring me. I looked over at Max, who was covered with pillows and sheets.
Oh well.
I decided to just drop it and smiled to myself, before I let my back fall against the bed’s mattress. I carefully grabbed Alex’s arm and wrapped it around me again, my face flushed in embarrassment.
Alex chuckled lightly under the covers, and both my heart and mind stopped. Blood rushed to my face, and I felt like screaming through the top of my lungs.
Dakota, you really are going crazy, I thought as Alex’s arm positioned itself around my side. The throbbing continued madly, and I wondered if he could hear it in the stillness of the room.
I don’t really hate it though—
Because I loved Alex with all my heart.
Alex gritted his teeth, “Yeah, whatever! Stop trying because it isn’t enough, dad. You can’t bring mom back, so stop talking about shit everytime.”
“Alex,” Dakota tried to calm him down.
“He’s always acting like that everytime dad calls,” Max told her.
Alex hung up irately and shut his phone off.
“You should’ve let me talk to him,” Dakota said wistfully.
Alex looked at her pleadingly, “Please don’t … don’t let our problem affect you.”
~
The way he said it was like the gentler version of, “Mind your own business.”
I sat on his bed, cross-legged, with Max sitting beside me. Alex paced back and forth, biting his lip—which was one of his mannerisms that meant he couldn’t calm down.
“Alex, this is my business too.” I said shortly.
“Yeah, Alex, Dakota’s practically family.” Max added.
Alex glanced from Max to me, and smiled half-heartedly, “I don’t want to drag you into this, and it’s not because I’m shunning you away. It’s just that… you don’t have to worry about something you shouldn’t,” he walked towards the door. “I’ll go out for a while.”
The door closed behind him, leaving Max and me.
“Max, does…does Alex trust me?” I asked worriedly.
He sighed, “I know he does. Alex just doesn’t want to drag you into this mess. He even tries his best not to make me a part of this conflict.”
I looked down at my toes, “But…”
“Our mom loved dad very much,” Max began. I could sense that the memory was still painful for him. “She was really hard working, you know. Dad was always at work and she was always left at home to watch over two boys that always went home with mud on their faces,” he smiled slightly. “And then, everytime Alex got into a fight, she would always forgive him and clean his wounds. I was eight when mom started becoming weak. Dad went home and told us to pack our stuff and come with him.”
Max’s voice started to shake, “He said we should come with him… Alex and I didn’t want to leave mom alone… She was sick. How could we possibly leave her?”
“Max…” I didn’t know what to say. My eyes were starting to well-up.
“Mom said we should go… and we did.”
The front door opened suddenly, and Alex cut in, “The truth is, we weren’t at her funeral. We weren’t around when she died. Mom died alone because we were back with dad in California!” Alex’s hands balled into fists vehemently. “We were living our asses off while mom was suffering in the hospital!”
I rushed towards him and cupped his face on my hands, “Alex—Alex, look at me.”
He did. My heart sank when I saw tears forming under his eyes, “Dad took us away from her when she needed us the most. We abandoned her—“
"It wasn't your fault," I consoled reassuringly.
Max approached and leveled himself with us. I put an arm on his shoulder and comforted them the whole night.
~
The morning light peeked through the window sill as I opened my eyes. I could feel warm breaths next to me and realized that this wasn’t my room.
I turned to my right and saw Alex’s sleeping face and noticed that his arm was around me, holding me protectively.
I could feel myself blush as warmth filled my cheeks.
That was when I remembered what happened.
“Don’t go,” Alex said last night.
Max put in, “Stay with us.”
And I nodded without thinking.
Oh hell, Joshua’s going to think badly of this.
I carefully pushed Alex’s arm away and sat up. I looked at the time, and panicked. 9:00. It was 9:00 in the friggin’ morning and we were supposed to be helping out at school!
I shook Alex until his eyes opened lazily. “Wake up, you idiot!”
He turned to look at the clock, and when he read the flashing digital numbers, he buried himself under the blanket, “Let’s skip.”
“Sk—what the hell are you talking about? We have school today!”
“Instead of worrying about your little café, you should worry about the upcoming exams. Use this day productively. Please shut up.”
He fell into deep sleep again, completely ignoring me. I looked over at Max, who was covered with pillows and sheets.
Oh well.
I decided to just drop it and smiled to myself, before I let my back fall against the bed’s mattress. I carefully grabbed Alex’s arm and wrapped it around me again, my face flushed in embarrassment.
Alex chuckled lightly under the covers, and both my heart and mind stopped. Blood rushed to my face, and I felt like screaming through the top of my lungs.
Dakota, you really are going crazy, I thought as Alex’s arm positioned itself around my side. The throbbing continued madly, and I wondered if he could hear it in the stillness of the room.
I don’t really hate it though—
Because I loved Alex with all my heart.