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Finding Heaven

twenty three

“You’re leaving?” Alex asked shortly, his voice low and broken.

I averted my eyes. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“That was the deal.”

He looked at me incredulously. “What deal?”

“After I meet her, I’ll go back to Ohio with Joshua,” I said. The tears had stopped flowing, but I could still feel them against my skin.

When Alex didn’t speak, I continued, “I can’t ask your father to pay for my schooling anymore, Alex—plus, my parents are too worried about me.”

He stood up abruptly and said, “Let’s go back.”

~

Our ride back to Fortsworth was in complete silence, except for the bustles of the street. I didn’t know what to say, and he’d rather not say anything.

As soon as we arrived, we headed towards our rooms.

“Goodnight,” he said, just as I was about to enter.

“Night,” I answered.

~

“The plane tickets are for Monday,” Joshua said when I’d entered. “I’ve already talked to the principal the day I got here, so don’t worry about it.”

I still have two more days.

“So that’s why you were at school during the exams,” I sighed.

I threw myself against the bed, feeling so tired and sleepy.

“Are you sure this is okay?”

“Yes,” I lied. “How about you? You’re leaving Emily, too.”

“I know…that’s why I know how you feel right now.”

~

The next morning, I called Chase to come pick me up and take me to Annabeth.

“I need to talk to her as soon as possible,” I said as I slid into his car.

“She’s at home,” he answered. “So what’s the deal with you and her?”

“Annabeth is my mom.”

“So you’re my step-sis now?” Chase joked. “I can’t believe I used to date my step-sis.”

I smiled at that. He was trying his best to ease the tension, and that was nice.

~

Chase’s house looked different during the day. I’ve only gone here about two times, and it was always during his late night parties.

The outside façade was a two-storey Japanese minimalist-type, and inside was zen-themed. We walked through a hall and arrived at the spacious living room where he’d hosted his parties. I looked out the glass door that overlooked the pool, and remembered everything that had happened there.

“I’ll go call her,” Chase said and ascended up the grand staircase.

I sat down on the sofa.

This is it, Dakota. After this…

“Oh,” a woman’s voice said shortly.

I stood up and nodded slightly at the woman whose face I knew too well, “Hey, mom.”

Mom slowly approached me and gestured for me to sit down on the seat in front of her so we were face to face.

“I’m glad you remember me,” I said. “I’ve waited so long for this.”

“Dakota…” she hesitated for a moment before she continued, “I was still so young back then, and I got pregnant while I was still a student, and then your father left me—I-I didn’t know what to do.”

“You never planned to go back for me.”

“I came back!” she exclaimed, her face flushed. “I came back two years later after I’d graduated from college. I came back and you weren’t there anymore. I felt so lost, Dakota. So lost—“

I winced.

“—that’s why I came here, to start again and to forget everything!”

“I came here to fix what you left broken, mom. I grew up thinking I was abandoned by the two people who gave me a life.”

She clutched at the hem of her skirt. “I’m sorry…I know I was stupid and you have every right to hate me—“

“I don’t hate you.” My lips curled into a slight smile “I just wanted to talk to you…and thank you.”

“For what?”

“Because if you didn’t leave me there, I wouldn’t have met the parents I have right now. I wouldn’t have met the people I knew right now. They’re great people, mom. I love them so much, and I could feel that they love me too…”

Her eyes started to well-up.

“…and as much as I miss you, I would like to say that I’m not leaving them, ever, for anything or anyone.”

She looked down and wiped her tears with the palm of her hand, “You grew up so well.”

Mom moved close to me and wrapped her arms around me to hug me tightly.

~

Chase dropped me in front of the school front gate, and I hurried back to the dorm.

As I was walking, I saw Alex leaning back against the front door to my room, wearing a white hoodie paired with black jeans. His strawberry-blond hair was messy as usual, and his electric blue eyes were beautiful and deep like always.

“How was it?” he asked.

I raised a thumb-up and gave him an assuring smile. He just smiled back slightly, and I noticed that his eyes were pained.

“You still have to leave?”

I nodded.

He shrugged and gave me his smile that I loved the most, “I’ll see you off with a smile then.”

Thump.

“Alex—“

Will this make it harder for the two of us?

DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE WITH REGRET?

No.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU IDIOT!?

I don’t want to let him go.

I closed my eyes as blood rushed to my face, before I opened my mouth to say the words I’ve wanted to say for a long time.

“I love you, Alex”