Uncompatible Love

Ch. 32: Monster I Can Become

*Violet’s POV*

I saw the road that led to the house just as the sun began to make it’s presence known. Edward had gone to take Bella home and would be coming straight over, most likely just to lecture me. Everyone had been patronizing me about whether or not me and Jacob had been involved sexually. It was idiotic! I was never bothering them with details about their love life. Yes, I had told them all multiple times that we hadn’t quite done that, yet, but they still wanted to know just how far we had gotten. Whether he pressured me, whether we were both thinking things through? I had just had enough of this and ran for the house, making my shout obvious that I was irritated.

I didn’t even bother waiting for them to arrive, the door was unlocked anyways. I walked straight into my room and slammed the door shut. I stepped out onto the balcony and gazed at the rising sun. This was idiotic! I couldn’t believe that they were doing this to me. No one even bothered to help. I wasn’t a child anymore, nor appearance nor actual age. As a “sixteen year old” I was old enough to make decisions of my own. Now given my actual age, they had no power over me so why bother?

-”Honey? Chere?” I could hear Esme knocking and could almost see them in a vision. Everyone except Emmett and Rose were behind the door. Edward still hadn’t gotten back. Right about now Emmett and Rose are going to try and come in through my balcony. I went inside and locked the door. Right on cue Emmett and Rose where there to, doing signs for me to let them in. I just kept walking into the restroom and turned on the tub. I needed another relaxing bath. I put in shower beads, bubbles, and lit up scented candles. I stripped and got into the tub, finding the water somewhat soothing. That was, until I heard the door slam shut and Edward asking everyone where I was. Alice told him, already knowing.

I let my face sunk into the water. I could only close my eyes and imagine Jacob’s warm arms around me. Maybe the tub was doing a better job at de-stressing me than I thought. Stupid idiotic, vampire, jealous, overbearing, over protective brother. I rose my face from under the water, needing air, but the second that the cool air hit me I knew my fantasy was gone. It wasn’t Jacob’s arms that wrapped up around my body, I was in a candle-lit room in a tub filled with hot water. Plain and simple. Huh!

I sunk my face into the water again. Why is it that when I don’t try I’m a vampire, but yet my heart steadily and slowly beats. If I can become, or faint, being human than maybe I can do the same to be a vampire. Maybe than my family would take me seriously. Yea. Maybe. I tried it and let me tell you, the water got so hot I could have sworn I was thrown over an open fire. My chest hurt and I began to heave in, but the thing was that there was no air to do so. The water filled my lungs, but that didn’t help the burn inside, it just made my lungs hurt now. I was gasping and suddenly everything went black.

I’m dead. I have to be. I don’t feel the thudding of my heart. I don’t hear an annoying beeping sound which means I’m not in a hospital. There’s no way I’m in heaven, it’s way too dark to be heaven, I mean I thought your suppose to see a light or something? Maybe Hell than? No….I was burning up before I died…..Limbo? Stuck somewhere between both afterlives maybe? I heard laughter, soft chuckling actually. Oh great, God or Satan, or whoever is in charge of Limbo is laughing at my stupidity. Now the chuckling was a roaring fit of laughter.

-”Shut up! What’s so funny?!” Ok I knew that voice. Rose? She died too? The laughter again.

-”And here I thought only blonds were stupid.” Edward? I heard Rose growl. “Yes, now open your eyes, your neither dead nor asleep.” I did, but my eyes burned and I closed them. Suddenly it hit me. Air! I wasn’t breathing! I had died! “Stop your childish nonsense and open your eyes Violette.” that was an order and I hesitantly. The light is what had burned at my eyes. I looked clearly around. Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme. They all stood there smiling at me, glad to see I was ok. My hair was in my face though. I had to see them through the few strands that weren’t in the way. I could actually identify each piece of hair, that’s how advanced my eyes sight was. Which isn’t strange, it’s just that I don’t feel like me. I feel heavier somehow, or was it lighter?

I pushed my hair out of my face with my hands and rubbed at them with my fists. My skin felt softer if possible. I took in a big breath of air, rubbing my eyes still, but it felt weird against my lungs. Like if it never reached the bottom of my lungs, like if it just seeped through my body or something. I opened my eyes and looked at Edward with a glare he gasped and so did the girl next to him, Bella. My glare must have been fierce in that case than.

-”Edward what is it?” Carlisle came to examine my body, but as his hands reached my face he too gasped. “How could that-how is this….”

-”What? What is it?” Esme’s motherly tone was evident in her voice. She was next to Carlisle, but repeated the same actions as the others. I was getting agitated and I heard Alice’s soft gasp and then saw her run out and back.

-”What is it Alice?” asked Jasper. I turned to look at them and they all gasped, with the exception of those that saw already and Alice.

-”What? What is it?” I asked. Had I inhaled too much water and they had to replace something. Maybe too much got through my nose and I need a new one?! Ok that was the most idiotic thing I have ever thought of in my life. Maybe the water is rattling up in my brain or something.

-”Probably.” I growled and glared at Edward, but stopped when Bella hid behind him.

-”What is it?” I looked into Bella’s eyes and could see my reflection in them, was that…no! it’s just a trick of the reflection. My eye sight trickled from Bella’s eyes to her neck. The vein there pulsing. What?! No! Edward growled I got up and ran to my other brothers. “Hold me back.” I whispered to them. I began the unnecessary hyperventilating which drifted a scent to me. No…..

-”Violet!” Alice was in front of me. “You haven’t hunted. Come with me, with us…let’s go. Edward was crouched in front of Bella possessively. What’s going on? This burn in my throat it’s…. it has…no… I ran through the doors and waited outside. I looked at my clothing, ok so I hadn’t just ran out naked. I wore loose sweats and a tank top. I looked atrocious. Emmett thudded in front of me, he must have just jumped the distance from the room to where I now stood. I forgot I could do that. Jasper was there next and looked at me sympathetically.

-”What’s going on?” I asked, my voice more melodic than usual and yet hoarse all at once.

-”First off….” Rosalie cut in, Alice behind her. “Don’t over react…you must have done something…..”

-”Or maybe Edward must have really pissed her off.” Emmett butt in and my siblings all growled at his remark. I gave him points for trying to win me over at least. Key word trying, he could have tried back there when I needed him too, when I needed any of them to.

-”Close your eyes.” Alice was in front of me, something behind her. I opened to protest, but she continued. “Just do it.” she rolled her perfect golden eyes at me. I did, but they just snapped open. I was having a vision and in it I saw a monster. Glowing red eyes, pallid pale skin, sharp distinctive features. She reminded me of Jane. A sickening innocence that you just knew had to be fake, and a cover for the pure evil hidden underneath. I shuddered as I looked at my own reflection. My eyes were done seeing into what I would soon confirm. I snatched the mirror from Alice and looked at myself. No….I am a monster..

-”But….how?” than it hit me. What a stupid idea! Oh great going Violette! You had to just try to do it didn’t you. You had to prove it to them. Prove what? That you do need to be looked after? I closed my eyes, think of your humanity, come on, It didn’t work. Why was this so hard?! Would I be like this forever?! Jacob?! No! he’ll see me like this! “Alice? Help?” I wanted to cry, but instead I felt a strange burn as around my eyes, the venom. Venom in which wasn’t suppose to be in my system! No!

-”Oh It’ll,…it’ll go away….I’m sure it will.” she was lying, she couldn’t see it herself. I could be a blank sometimes and this was one of them. I could hear Edward warning Bella not to go downstairs, too dangerous, he warned. I gulped, the burning back.

-”She needs to hunt Alice.” I looked at Jasper, no wonder he was so sympathetic. He really knew what I was going through. I ran to him and he hugged me. “It’s ok, kid. Your ok Violet see?” I just stood there, shaking. His skin didn’t feel cold like always, it felt normal. Yet my insides were on fire still, mainly my throat. Bella’s scent grew stronger and I saw her look out through the window. As she pushed back the curtain there. I stared at her, so human…so weak…so go..

-’Enough!’ Edward’s thoughts shouted at me. I now just saw my own glaring red eyes through the window pane. “Get her out of here.” WE all heard Edward speak, and they all listened. Jasper guided me, and Alice was rubbing my back. As soon as I was covered my trees I let loose.

-”Ugh! Ah!” I hit this, through that, by the time someone thought about stopping me it looked like a tornado had passed through. Alice turned me around and Jasper tried to calm me. It worked, but I tearlessly sobbed. “How could I?! I-I tried..I…-I wanted to kill her.” I wailed dramatically. “I actually wanted…to drain her dry.” I wept on Emmett’s arms now.

-”It’s ok. Your not used to this, but we are. It’ll be alright. Your still learning, maybe this is another thing you can do..maybe…” Emmett went on.

-”I tried to do this on purpose…I…I was just trying to…to show Edward that I can be whatever I want to be-- that he has no control over what or who I am….” they gasped, Rosalie the loudest. Out of everyone, no one hated what they were like she did. I saw her actually glare at me before running back. “She’s mad too now.” I whispered.

-”Who? Rose? Nah! Just wait, she’ll be back.” I looked into Emmett’s eyes, his golden eyes. Mine, mine were a wine color, garnet red even. A bloody color. Oh blood. Blood! It sounded so appetizing right now! I wanted it, but not the animal blood I usually prayed upon, no. I wanted to feast on human blood! To get my first taste of human blood. I craved and needed it!

-”Let’s go…there should be some dear over there, or a bear. I smell bear.” Jasper said. Alice agreed and she led the way. They found it easily and killed it, they all waited on me. Weren’t they going to also? “You need this more than we do.” spoke up Jasper. I made a face. What was wrong with me?! Where was the girl who felt horrible and pity for the animals she killed, who hated anyone who could purposely kill a human out of self gain?! I was the exact opposite of what I wanted to be, I was or was becoming what I hated. I’m such a hypocrite. I sunk my teeth into the fresh kill and enjoyed the cool feeling of the warm kill down my throat. The fresh blood. No! think of your humanism. Don’t loose sight of yourself. I began to pray for the lost soul of the beast while I drank. I drank every last bit of it, and two deer, both stags. I finished my pray and prayers.

-”See! I told you! Your you again!” shouted Alice hugging me. I looked over at my hands. Some color had returned to me. Emmett led me to the nearby pond and I looked at myself as best as I could. It was true, my honey colored eyes stared back at me. I touched my eye lids and closed them and opened them repeatedly. Saw the trail of blood rolling down my chin and I wept. My brothers and sister surrounded me. “What? What’s wrong?”

-”Please, please don’t ever let me become that again! I don’t… I didn’t mean to want to harm her- I…I don’t want to feed off of humans…I don’t want to take pleasure out of the killings! I don’t want to be like them! Like the Volturi!” I cried. They all shushed me and tried their best to quiet me down. I relaxed, and at some point knocked out.

I woke up in bed, this time in my satin sheets and designer PJ’s. Alice was such a slave to fashion, or the other way around maybe. I lifted my head only to feel a sharp buzz go through it. I groaned, now I know why I don’t drink bear. I got up and walked into my bathroom, I frowned since the candles were still scattered and so were the bath bubble tubes and the container for the shower beads. All just to keep my head underwater too, just to feel like Jacob was here with me. I looked into the mirror and frowned at the pale-ish skin, gold eyes and just plain me. I just wanted to be human all of today. Just human. I closed my eyes and gazed at myself. Big, plain green eyes stared back at me. I looked at my cheeks, they were slightly red. Then my eyes again, bags were under them. My neck…there was the hickie. Wow. Jacob sure made a big one too. No wonder it was so obvious to spot. I touched the bruise and I could almost replay what had happened with me and Jacob, but stopped. I was human and Edward could see into my head. I yawned, but heard yelling. Jacob! It was his voice.

-”I don’t care! If she’s sick I’m going up there.!” there was a pause, as someone much calmer spoke. “No! Your not! This is your fault anyways! You should have just let her come with me, but no! You had to go and ruin both our lives!” i heard stomping after that and doors slamming open. He was looking for me. I laid on the bed quickly and covered myself, fainting to be asleep. I heard the door slam open, but then softly close. The bed creaked under his weight as he got down in bed with me. He sighed and let his fingers dance across my face and let his smooth hands grace the top of my head and base of my neck. He kissed my forehead and I peaked to look at him. “I’m sorry did wake you?” I shook my head no. He was whispering so quietly, I found it almost funny after hearing him shout so loudly.

-”I’m not tired anymore, I was waking up. Don’t worry.” he just stared right through me. “Jake?”

-”YOu got a fever. I shouldn’t be this close to you. I’ll only make it worse.” he mumbled.

-”No…you’re my own personal medicine. Stay. Please? I need you.” I cuddled into him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He sighed and kissed my forehead again. I smiled and scooted a little. He slipped in under the covers. I slept on his chest rubbing his stomach which by the way was shirtless. I chanced a glance at him and noticed a big red mark on his neck. I lightly traced over it, but he grabbed my hand.

-”Don’t. That’s the reason we have to be separated. Your stupid leech of a brother will hear my thoughts and…I can’t control them.” He looked ashamed and I leaned up against the bed post.

-”I’m not ashamed. I’m glad you did this. I don’t care. Let the whole world know I’m yours. Cause I’m never going to be anyone else’s. Only you can have my heart Jacob Black.” I pecked his lips and he smiled, kissing me back. He wrinkled his nose.

-”You reek.” he whispered. “Stupid leeches, hm…their getting rid of your beautiful scent.” he whined and I smiled sadly, if only he knew the epidemic I had just gone through. I sighed and rested on him. We talked. What he was up to at Billy’s? What he’d be doing later? How everyone else was? Anything. I tried to make the conversation as long and boring as possible because if you notice, anytime you have fun time goes flying by, so I’d counteract that. A minute was an hour with Jacob and I had plenty of time by him. None in which were boring. Thank god for locks on doors too.

We sat there on my bed just talking, cuddling, and messing around. I guess this is what it was like to be a normal teenage girl. Having your boyfriend hated by your protective family, family getting upset over a hickie, girl and boy just having a Kodak moment, playing thumb wrestling. Ok, minus the family being angry vampires, my boyfriend being a werewolf, the hickie possibly leading to sex which would lead to who knows what. OK, the last one was pretty normal, thank god for that. Occasionally me and Jacob would share an gentle kiss, but would have to stop once the growls grew. Jacob was getting irritated by that so I came up with something. I told him to meet me on the other side of the border after practice. I wasn’t aloud to go there. By the way, I had to write it down and wrote to him not to think about it so Edward wouldn’t hear or find out. I gave him the note and he left. I’d sneak out to have our time together if I had too. Edward didn’t need to know. Besides, he wasn’t letting me go to the practice session today, so they’d think I’d be asleep by the time they got back. Let’s go with that for now shall we?