I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

I woke up with a headache, a huge knot on the back of my head, and a permanent scowl on my face. My parents and brother noticed, but said nothing. Adam even offered to do my chores, an epic first.

School was an utter nightmare. Jack was everywhere, waiting outside the girls’ restroom, outside my classroom, and even the library when he realized I was avoiding any classes I had with him.

I managed to almost make it through the whole day without running into him, thanks to Kara who stuck to me like glue, fending off Jack with glares and a few very choice words. But Jack, who never took no for an answer, persistently followed us around and caught us in the restroom. I was currently waiting inside my fortress, listening to Kara tell Jack, yet again, that I was not speaking to him.

“She’s not going to talk to you. She said to leave her alone, and that’s what you will do,” Kara scolded.

“I just want to apologize, Kara, come on. I feel awful about what happened,” Jack pleaded.

“She doesn’t want to hear it,” Kara snapped.

“Can Abby speak for herself maybe?” Jack shot back. I sighed, but did not move from my corner. “Abby, I know you’re in there. Please, come on. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or shove you. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, Abby, please.”

He sounded so sincere, and so sad. It broke my heart, but it still didn’t motivate my legs to move me out to face him. I slid down against the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest. I pulled out my cell phone, it was already 3:30 and my shift would start in a half hour.

“Abby, please, I don’t know what else to do?” Jack sighed in frustration.

“I said no! Hey this is the girls’ restroom!” Kara chastised. Jack pushed his way through and suddenly I was staring at his scuffed up converse.

I looked up at Jack’s face, unsure of what I was going to say. I didn’t have to worry because he sank down next to me and started talking.

“I have no clue what I was doing, or thinking, and I’m just so sorry, Abby. You have no clue; I wish I could take it all back. I know I hurt your feelings and I know I hurt you physically, but please, please forgive me.” Jack Barakat was on the verge of tears.

“I really don’t have anything to say to you, Jack. I’m sorry. I do forgive you, but I’m done. I don't want to deal with any of this anymore. I want out. I don’t want your friendship,” My voice trailed off.

Jack sighed. “So that’s it? You just don’t want anything to do with me? All these months that we’ve spent together mean nothing?”

“They meant everything to me, but they amounted to nothing the minute you got with Linda. You don’t get it, I love you!” The dreaded words burst from my mouth, the words that always scare everyone away and write ‘pushover’ on my forehead.

“You love me, I mean, like really love me?” Jack shook his head. “You can’t love me. You and me, we’re never meant to be.”

“Why, because I’m not good enough for you?” My eyes were watering.

“No, because girls like you don’t honestly care about guys like me. You know the last girlfriend I had was Lisa? She cheated on me with Alex, and now look at them. You’re beautiful, smart, sweet, and just practically perfect except for the fact that you can’t get it through your head that you’re amazing! Why would you ever want to be with me? You don’t. You deserve a lot better.” Jack stood up and left the restroom.

Kara sat next to me, replacing Jack. “Uh, wow.”

“Yeah.”

“That was crazy.”

“Yeah.”

“And insane.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

“No.”