I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

The car ride home was deathly silent; the hum of the engine was all I could hear, that and my heart beating a thousand times harder against my chest. I was in deep. This was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life.

But, had I really done anything wrong? I mean, yes, I lied to my parents and went to a party, but I didn’t actually drink and I wasn’t the one fighting. So what had I really done? Nothing, I hadn’t done a thing.

We pulled into the driveway and as I exited the vehicle, I could see my mother’s shadow pacing in the living room. I walked in reluctantly, not ready to face the hurricane coming. My mother stopped pacing and turned to face me.

“Where were you? Do you have any idea how worried I was?” My mother asked.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. It wasn’t going to make much of a difference, but at least I apologized. My dad turned to me.

“What the hell were you doing at a party? You said you were spending the night at Lisa’s. And then I get a call from you that you’re at the police station. This is going to go on your record and you have a court date. What happened to you?”

“What do you mean, what happened to me?” I asked. My mother uncrossed her arms.

“You used to be so afraid of everything, so careful. We never had to worry about you. Now all your dad and I think about is whether you’re out having sex, doing drugs, or god knows what else,” my mom said.

“Guys, I’m not out having sex or doing drugs, that’s not me. But I wasn’t happy before, I never did anything. I know that this isn’t exactly ideal, but I’m not a little kid anymore. I have to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. You can’t shelter me all my life,” I stated gently.

“You’re our daughter. As long as you live with us, we have to keep you in line. Plus we’re never going to stop worrying,” my dad answered. He seemed less angry than before, marginally anyway, but I was sure this was far from over.

“I know but I have only one life to live and I want to live it. Even if that means I have to fall on my face a few times to do it,” I stressed.

“The stunt you pulled today just showed us that you’re irresponsible, Abby. Not that you’re ready to face the world,” my mom sighed. “You can’t see Jack anymore. Your dad thought we’d let you give this a try, but this is ridiculous.”

“You can’t tell me that I can’t see him, mom. He’s my boyfriend,” I argued. “This is my life and he’s a part of it.” Even if he was being retarded, I added to myself.

“Are you crazy? Do you have any clue how worried I was? My god Abigail, you’ve turned into this, this rebellious punk and I don’t know what to do with you anymore!” my mom raised her voice.

“Rebellious punk, really?” I looked at her completely shocked, the volume of my voice raising. “One night that I’m not perfect and now I’m a rebellious punk? I haven’t done shit! So what if Linda got pregnant? That wasn’t my fault! My grades are fine, better than normal actually, I haven’t gotten into any kind of trouble in school, I have a steady job, and I’m always home! One fucking night that I lied and you think I’m a rebellious punk? I didn’t even drink!”

“Watch your language!” my mom yelled back at me. This was turning into a screaming match. “You’re only eighteen, you have no clue what life is about. You have a life to live and I’ll be damned if you ruin it over this kind of behavior. I’ll be damned if you give it up over a boy!” My mom screamed back. “You are going to your room, you’re going to call Jack and tell him you two are done, and you are grounded until I say otherwise.”

I stared at her in utter disbelief. “What? No. I am not going to end things with Jack unless I want to because I’m unhappy, not because you don’t like him.”

“This isn’t optional, Abigail,” my mom told me. She was pissed off and exhausted. “You’re done with him.”

“No,” I said simply. I was suddenly calm. “If you’re not going to let me live my own life, then I’m leaving.”

That stopped my mother cold. “What?”

“I’m moving out,” I replied.

“Now hold on, Abby, that’s a little drastic,” my dad finally cut in. “You’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”

“No I’m not,” I stated monotone. “I’m moving out. I’m tired of this.”

“And where do you think you’ll go? You have nowhere to go!” my mom exclaimed.

I turned to her. “I’ll figure it out.” I began walking upstairs.

“Abigail!” my mom called after me. “We’re not done here!”

I ignored her and made my way up the stairs. How’d my life get so complicated? I just voluntarily gave up my home for a boy who’d gotten too drunk to understand that I didn’t want him all over me. It could happen again, I was very aware of that, but I’d had enough of being careful. This was a risk I needed to be willing to take.

~*~*~*~

School was hell the next morning. I’d gotten up late, ignored my parents and was ignored back, fought with Adam for no reason, and realized too late that I’d forgotten to do my homework. I was awarded afterschool detention for my tardiness and my lack of homework earned me an ‘F’ for the day. I was completely exhausted from the lack of sleep and didn’t feel like doing a damn thing.

Kara was in a similar mood; looking like she could use a good night’s sleep. She’d spent the entire night waiting for Rian to call and tell her he was okay. She’d left before the party got raided, but heard about the incident. She wasn’t happy about the black eye Rian was sporting, but understood why he’d gotten involved. Rian, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He wasn’t hung-over, a miracle, and the adrenaline rush he’d gotten was worth the black eye. Zack was just as pleased with his own bruise, but was a little less enthusiastic about it. Alex was hung-over and spent most of his morning in the boys’ restroom. Lisa kept calling me to check up on him seeing as he was too disoriented to answer his own phone. I had to admit, it was kind of funny. I’d never seen such a miserable Alex.

Jack was just as hung-over as Alex and didn’t remember a damn thing about last night, including what happened in the restroom. I was mad at him, but I tried not to show it. I need to talk to him sure, but that would have to wait until he was coherent.

I called Aimee on my way to school and asked her if she could pick me up and let me crash at her place for a few days. She said it was fine with her and that she’d help me get all my stuff from home. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about the living situation, but that was half the fun I suppose.

I went through the school day on auto pilot. Before I knew it, the final bell rang. I was walking out when Jack caught up with me. “Hey, there you are I’ve been looking for you.”

I kept walking. “I’ve been here.”

“Yeah I know… but at lunch you just kind of disappeared,” Jack replied, falling into step with me. “Look, I know that something happened last night. I woke up in a police station, bruised all over. The police said I’d been in a fight. I can’t remember shit and you’re not being yourself around me, so what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What happened?” Jack repeated. He grabbed me and gently turned me to face him. “Abby, please just tell me.”

“You tried to get into my pants on the bathroom floor of the police station, even after I told you to stop.”

Jack looked genuinely shocked. “Abby, I’m so sorry.”

I shrugged again. “It just scared me. I-it brought back memories of that night in the club,” I whispered.

Jack wrapped his arms around me. “I really am sorry, you understand that right?”

I nodded slowly. “I know… just please don’t put me in that situation again, okay?”

Jack kissed the top of my head and pulled me in closer. “I’m really sorry. I must’ve been so wasted. I’d never do that to you I if was in my right mind. Forgive me?”

I nodded again. Maybe I was overreacting that night. Jack wasn’t a pig; he was just a teenage boy in a drunken haze. He wasn’t like Darren; getting me drunk and taking advantage. “You’re forgiven.”

“Thank you,” Jack breathed in relief. “I – I love you.”

I pushed away from him and looked him in the eyes. “What?”

“I… love… you,” he repeated.

“You love me?” I asked, testing out the words. Jack smiled slightly, nodding his head.

“I think I really do,” Jack answered. “I’m going to do everything I can to make you see that.”

I smiled back at him. “I love you too.”

Jack’s grin widened as he leaned down to kiss me. I felt much better about our relationship. Jack did mean it when he’d said he loved me.

“So are we okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. But, uh, I’m kind of in a fight with my parents,” I told him as we walked back through the parking lot to his car.

“What happened?” Jack grabbed my hand.

“After I called my dad to pick me up, all hell broke loose. They said that I was changing and becoming a punk. I started yelling, my mom started yelling, and then they said I couldn’t be with you. That’s about the time everything clicked for me and I realized that I was tired of everything. So, I’m moving out.”

Jack stopped mid step. “You’re what?”

“I’m moving out,” I repeated. “It’s the only way.”

“But where are you going to go?”

I shrugged. “I’m staying with Aimee for a couple of days until I can get a different place to stay.”

Jack mulled over the new information I’d provided him. “What if you stay with me?”

“Right, because your parents would love that,” I scoffed.

“I can ask my mom. I mean, you could stay in my sister’s room. She’s not using it,” Jack suggested. May had gone off to college this year.

“Your parent’s wouldn’t be okay with this Jack,” I argued. “I’ll figure something out okay?”

“Fine,” Jack let it go. “So, Linda texted me today.”

“Really? What did she want?” I asked curiously.

“She said, and I quote, ‘I’m only giving you this chance once. I’ll take you back, but you better dump Abby.’”

I laughed. “Are you serious? That’s insane. Is she crazy?”

“I guess. I don’t know what she’s thinking,” Jack laughed along with me. “I mean really?”

I slid into the passengers’ side and strapped myself in. “She’s jealous, insanely jealous. What did you say?”

“I told her that I wasn’t going to get back together with her. It’s just not happening. I’m in love with you,” Jack replied.

My own smile broadened. “How’d she take that?”

“I’ve got twenty text messages call me all sorts of dirty things.”

I laughed. “You’re something else, but I love it.” I leaned over to kiss him. It was wonderful, being able to kiss him anytime I wanted. I’d already forgotten the reason I was worried. “Take me home? I have to pack up all my stuff, preferably before my parents get home.”

“You don’t have to work?” Jack asked, turning on the engine.

“No, I asked for the day off this morning,” I shook my head. “I need to get this done, before I lose whatever bit of courage I have.”

“Striking while the iron is hot?”

“Yep, exactly.”

I bustled around my room keeping a constant eye on the clock. I had about an hour before anyone got home and with Jack’s help, I’d managed to get most of my things packed. I just needed to get a few last things and clean up a bit. Jack helped me fold up the blankets and sheets and lug all the boxes to his car. I was carrying the last box out as my mother pulled in.

“What’s going on?” She exited the car and traipsed over to us.

I handed Jack the box and turned to face my mom. “I’m moving out, remember? We talked about this last night.”

“No, you yelled about it. We didn’t discuss anything,” my mom shot back. “You are not moving out.”

“Yes I am, mom. Look I’m tired of being here and it’s time I fly the coup. It doesn’t mean that I love you guys any less, but this is what I need.” I heard Jack start the engine.

My mom’s eyes watered. “You can’t leave. If you go, then don’t bother coming back. You’re abandoning this family for something that probably won’t last. Make the right decision, Abigail.”

I sighed and stepped to her, wrapping my arms around her. “I love you, mom.” Then I walked to Jack’s car and opened the door. I turned back to her for one last look. “Tell dad and Adam I love them too.”

I shut the door and watched my mother disappear in the mirror.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Jack reassured me. He took hold of my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I really hope so.”