I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

I wanted nothing more than to go home, lie in bed, and cry. But I couldn’t, because I still had to sit through another hour at IHOP with Jack staring at Linda and Lisa trying to snap me out of it. Even Alex tried to get my attention off Jack, but nothing was working. Then I had to go home and put on a show for my parents and family. They were waiting for us to come home and open my presents.

I sighed as I sat next to my mom on the couch and grabbed the first box. I smiled weakly as I pulled out each gift. I now had collections of jewelry, perfumes, and bags, a few tops, and money; which I’d already decided was going to go into my savings account.

Then I came upon the box Jack had given me. I felt everyone’s eyes on me, as if they somehow knew how huge this was for me. I unwrapped it slowly, not sure if I really wanted to. I lifted the lid as the others looked on. It was the necklace I’d seen in a department store months ago with Jack when we’d hung out. The pendant was a gold swallow with a delicate thin chain. It was beautiful. My eyes watered as I fingered the pendant.

“It’s gorgeous. Who’s it from?” Aimee asked me. She’d managed to get the night off in honor of my party.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and answered her. “It’s from Jack.”

“Oh that’s so sweet!” Linda squealed and put her hand on her collar bone. “What a sweetheart.”

I wanted to glare at her, but I couldn’t be mad at her; she had no clue how I felt about Jack, and it wasn’t her fault she was pretty. I simply nodded and put it back in the box.

“I’m going to bed. I’m really tired. Thanks you guys. I had an amazing time,” I told everyone. I tried to smile but it felt too forced.

I made my way up the stairs, not bothering to wipe the tears that were falling down my face. It was so stupid to think that Jack could love me. I wasn’t anything special. I took off my dress and changed into my pajamas. I was removing my makeup when I heard a knock on my door, and Adam walked in carrying the pile of my gifts.

“Here, mom and dad said to bring you everything,” he grunted under the weight. “And Aimee said to tell you bye.

“Thanks,” I slipped off the bed and helped him.

“You okay, sis? You don’t seem too happy.” Adam looked at me concerned.

“I’m fine, just really tired,” I answered.

“Okay. Goodnight.”

I was left alone and for the first time in a very long time I cried myself to sleep.

~*~
The sun burned my eyelids and they fluttered open. Yesterday’s events flooded my mind and felt horrible all over again. The sun should not have risen this morning. I laid in bed for an hour listening to the sounds of daily routine going on downstairs. I wanted to go to back to sleep forever.

Why didn’t anyone want me? Was I so terrible to love? What was wrong with me?

The questions bombarded my mind and my eyes started watering again. I was more upset with myself than anything else. It was my fault. Everything that had happened to me was my fault; because I was so naïve and wanted nothing more than to fit in. It was my fault, all of it.

My door was thrown open and Alex and Lisa ran in.

“WE HAVE A REAL GIG!” Alex yelled as he dove into my bed. Lisa did the same on the opposite side and soon enough I was being thrown all over my bed as they jumped around.

“That’s great, Alex,” I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Congratulations.”

Lisa smiled sympathetically. She could see right through me. “Alex, why don’t you go downstairs?”

Alex stopped jumping and pouted. “You just want to get rid of me.”

Lisa smiled cheekily. “You’re so smart. Now go.” Alex muttered under his breath as he left my room.

“Okay, Abby what’s going on? How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better. I feel awful.” I burrowed under my covers again.

“Oh Abby, I’m sorry,” Lisa said. She lay next to me and leaned her head against mine. “You’ll be okay. He’s not worth it.”

“Yeah, of course,” I mumbled. I knew he was worth it; it was me who wasn’t.

After a ton of nagging and threats, Lisa finally got me out of bed. I showered and dressed simply in a pair of jeans, a long sleeved black top, and my tennis shoes. I pulled my hair into a loose bun and pulled on a hoodie. I even wore the necklace Jack gave me, just because I loved it, but I could feel the extra weight it carried now.

Lisa had convinced me to go with her and Alex to the mall and hang out. I think she was just worried of what could happen to me if she left me alone.

“So this gig, what’s up with it?” I asked. I hadn’t really paid any attention to him earlier.

“We have a real gig at this club in the neighboring town. It’s like a legit gig. So we’ll be practicing hardcore this week,” Alex explained enthusiastically.

“Well congratulations. I’m super happy for you guys.” I walked in between them as we neared Hot Topic, Lisa and Alex’s favorite store.

“Someday, there will be shirts with our name on them sold here,” Alex vowed as we walked in.

“For shizzle, babe,” Lisa smiled at him. She walked over to the discount rack and started looking through the clothes.

“So you’ll be coming to our show right?” Alex asked me. I was just looking around, not really interested in anything.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, Alex, I really don’t want to see Jack at all.”

Alex sighed. “Look I’m really sorry. I didn’t think he’d be such a jerk to you. I thought he’d be different, the way I told you he was in the beginning. But if he can’t see how cool you are, then forget him. Just come to our show. You’re our best friend, you have to come.”

I sighed back. “Fine, I’ll be there.”

“Yes!” Alex yelled. Everyone in the store turned to look at us. “What? Show’s over, go about your business!”

I cracked a smile and laughed. “Shut up, Alex. You’re causing a scene.” I walked over to Lisa and mindlessly started looking through the band t-shirts. My taste in music had changed drastically since I’d hung out with the guys and Lisa. Even Kara was into their music. I was surprised to find shirts of bands I liked.

“Hey I like this one.” I pulled out a My Chemical Romance shirt. Lisa shrugged.

“They’re okay. You should buy it if you like it though,” she said. I nodded in agreement and draped the shirt over my arm. Within ten minutes I had shirts from Blue October, Lacuna Coil, Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, Blink-182, Boys Like Girls, and Evanescence. I carried it over to the register and put them all on the counter. The guy ringing up the items looked at me curiously; I could tell he figured I’d be into something other than alternative rock or whatever you’d like to classify it as.

“Is this all?” he asked me. I thought for a moment and looked around the store. My eyes landed on a TWLOHA hoodie, a cause I thought was fantastic. It was regular price, but worth it.

“Hang on,” I said as I reached for it. “Add this.”

He rang it up as well. “Total is 70.48.”

“Wow, things really add up, huh?” I said as I pulled out a wad of cash. I only had fifty, so I pulled out my credit card. “You can charge the rest on this.”

“You live around here?” he asked while he waited for the card to go through.

“Yeah, I do.” I took my card back and signed the receipt.

“I’ve never seen you around here before,” he added.

“Yeah, I don’t frequent Hot Topic very often. Not usually my scene, but my friends shop here all the time,” I explained. He was pretty cute; tall, dark hair, green eyes, and a lip piercing.

He smiled and handed me my bags. “Well thank god for that.”

I blushed and smiled as I took it. “Yeah, thank god for that.”

Alex and Lisa came up behind me and piled their items on the counter. The cashier rang up their items and Alex paid for everything. Then he bagged everything and handed it to them. He turned his attention back to me.

“So I didn’t catch your name,” he said.

“It’s Abby.”

“Mine’s Scott.”

“Well it was nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you too.” He hesitated for a second while I started moving away. Then he stopped me. “Hey, think I could get your number?”

I thought for a moment. What could be the harm? He was cute and I needed something to get my mind off of Jack. “Sure.” I wrote my number on the back of my receipt and handed it to him.

“Wicked, I’ll call you sometime.” Scott replied as I started walking away.

“Cool. Talk to you later.” I waved at him and met Lisa and Alex outside Hot Topic.

“Look at you go,” Lisa laughed. “He totally was into you.”

“He was huh?” I smiled. It felt good to be paid attention to.

“I think you’ll be fine.” Lisa smiled back.

“What?” Alex was paying more attention to his phone than Lisa and I so we had to catch him up.

“Oh, yep, that guy was totally checking you out when we walked in. It’s ‘cause you’re hot, Abby,” Alex replied nonchalantly.

“Whatever,” I laughed.

“If things go well, you can invite him to our gig,” Alex suggested.

“Thanks, I think I’ll do that.”

Maybe getting over Jack wouldn’t be so hard.

~*~

I was at home watching movies with my cousins when my cell phone started ringing. I picked it up without looking at the number, something I immediately regretted when I heard the voice on the other line.

“Hey Abby, what are you doing?” Jack’s voice asked.

“Oh, it’s you,” I muttered.

“What? What do you mean ‘Oh, it’s you’? You’re not happy to hear from me?”

“Sorry. I just… never mind.” I needed to change the subject. “Alex says you guys have a gig.”

“Oh yeah, we do. I’m pretty excited. It’s gonna be awesome!” That got his attention. “You’re coming right?”

“Yes, wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I lied. Well, not really, because I would be there. But, I think I would rather not see him.

“Cool. I’m glad. So, uh, is Linda around?”

My jaw actually dropped open. Was he seriously asking me, the girl who he knew liked him, to pass my phone to my cousin, who he liked, when he had called me? Well, I guess he wasn’t really calling me. I scoffed and threw the phone to Linda.

“Here, your boyfriend’s calling you,” I muttered. “Just give me my phone when you’re done. I’ll be in my room.” I stalked off. I didn’t want to hear them. This was ridiculous.

I started cleaning my room up, just to have something to do other than think of what Jack and Linda were talking about. I was finished by the time Linda came to my room to give me my phone. She had a grin plastered on her face.

“Abby, I know Jack’s your best friend. So I wanted to ask you something. Would you mind it very much if I went out on a date with him?” Linda sat on my bed.

I had to swallow the bile that rose in my mouth. I put on my best fake smile. “Why would I mind? Of course you can go out with him.”

“You sure, cause you know I love you and I’d hate to ruin our relationship over this,” Linda stated. See? How could I hate her? She was like my sister.

My face softened and I genuinely smiled. “I love you to Linda. This isn’t going to ruin our relationship,” I told her. I went to sit next to her. I sincerely hoped it wouldn’t ruin it. “You can date Jack if you want.”

“Thanks, he asked me out tonight. But it’s going to be hard if it’s long distance,” Linda said.

“That’s true, but you’ll figure it out. You only live an hour and a half away.”

“You’re right. Okay, do you think I could borrow something? I didn’t bring anything nice other than what I wore to your party.”

“Sure thing, you know where my closet is.” I watched her go to the doors and start looking. I was going to regret this later, wasn’t I?

~*~

Linda went on her date with Jack and I got stuck babysitting my younger cousins while the adults went out. Those kids were an absolute handful. Between trying to get them to stay still and getting them to bed on time, I had a mess in the house. Adam had gone to a friend’s house, lucky jerk. I started cleaning up everything when I heard a car pull up. I peeked through the window as stealthily as I could. Jack and Linda were walking up the steps.

“Please don’t kiss her, please don’t kiss her…” I kept mumbling to myself. But, God must think it’s hilarious to make me watch the things that may kill me, because Jack leaned in and kissed her. As if that wasn’t enough, Linda wrapped her arms around his neck and he backed her up against the door. This had turned into a make out session instead of a goodnight kiss.

I could watch anymore. I walked to the front door and swung it open. Linda and Jack sprang apart, Linda with a guilty look on her face and Jack with a smirk.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you guys were home. I thought I’d heard something,” I lied.

“No, we’re sorry. I was just about to go inside. Didn’t mean to scare you,” Linda apologized. “Goodnight Jack. I had a great time, thanks.”

Linda side stepped me and went inside, leaving Jack and myself alone on the porch. I tried to make my facial expression as blank as possible.

“Well goodnight.” I stepped back into the house and was about to shut the door when Jack stuck his foot in.

“Wait. Are you okay?” Jack asked. He kept looking at the ground. He knew I wasn’t. But I wasn’t going to let him know that.

“I’m fine, goodnight.”

“You’re not acting like you’re fine,” Jack muttered.

“I’m just tired; I’ve had a long day. These kids drove me insane.”

“Oh, well then I’ll let you go. Tell Linda I said bye.”

“Yeah sure thing,” I answered. I shut the door immediately not bothering to tell him anything else. This was just ridiculous. So much for Jack’s excuses of ‘I’m not ready for a girlfriend’.

“Yeah right, I’m not ready for a girlfriend my ass,” I muttered under my breath on my way back to finish cleaning house.