Somewhere Weaknesses Are Strength

Books lined the walls of the library. Shelves upon shelves of titles, some of which Sebastian hadn't heard of, filled the room. Some of those were probably banned in her country. The rules governing publications weren't strict, but it seemed to Sebastian that some of the books Hayley enjoyed would be banned.

Like the Lesbian Kama Sutra.

The heterosexual version of that book wasn't even sold in her country. It wasn't banned. They just had no way to import it if they wanted it. Her father would have banned it due to the large amount of sexual content.

Which begged the question as to how Sebastian knew of the contents of the book.

She had an older brother who didn't mind going to sea. She knew where the book was hidden in his room, the things he tried from that book and information of the like. That was information Sebastian had been privy to.

She could have done without knowing.

Her pixie-like handmaid flitted around the library, fingers dragging along the spines of books as she rambled. It had become evident that Holly read a great deal on her off time. She was busy giving Sebastian her opinion of books in the library, as well as a brief run down of the summaries.

Holly was well-versed. Sebastian could have learned a good deal by listening to her ramblings.

But Sebastian wasn't actually processing the words flowing from the girl's mouth. Holly talked fast when excited, her words becoming a muddle of gibberish. She understood the handmaid's excitement over written word. Hayley had been kind enough to provide her with the education necessary to read. Holly wouldn't have had that chance otherwise.

She had every reason to be talking rapidly, staring at the books with shinning eyes.

Would Hayley allow Sebastian the same opportunities? Sure, Sebastian had been given a great deal of opportunities in her country, opportunities that most princesses probably wouldn't have had. Reading and writing had been taught to her at a young age. Business aspects had been part of her daily ritual for years. She knew the basics of various combat methods. Everything related to running a country was in her arsenal of knowledge.

But there were things she hadn't experienced.

She had never been touched by another woman in the ways Hayley had touched her, and she knew there was more that could be done. The beating, she could have done without, but the kisses and inappropriate strokes, she didn't think she could live without those.

Regardless of who she was, she would have been executed for being intimate with a woman back home. She wouldn't have even imagined being touched by a woman. Now, she couldn't think of any other touch pleasing her.

Hayley had opened Sebastian's eyes to more than intimate and abusive touch. She was showing Sebastian protection that she hadn't ever had. Soldiers were one thing, a woman was another. She had taken Sebastian to sea. Though terrifying, it had been something new. She was changing the princess' opinion on pirates. Most importantly, Sebastian was learning to relinquish a bit of control, to allow herself to be taken care of fully by someone who cared for her instead of having responsibilities.

Hayley had plenty to offer Sebastian, plenty to show her.

And Sebastian had been idiotic enough to attempt to runaway, putting both her and Hayley in danger.

Proper punishments had been given for that. Her feelings of loneliness and abandonment were punishment for not realizing the amount of work Hayley was putting in to make her feel better after being beaten. Sebastian couldn't blame her for not being there that morning.

But what if Hayley really was giving up on her? What if she would tell Sebastian at dinner that she no longer wanted her presence in the house? What if she let go of Sebastian when Sebastian was just starting to like her?

Sebastian was by no means in deep love with the pirate. But she cared for her. The haze from her comatose state had been lifted and all she wanted to do was be near Hayley, to fulfill her every desire, to talk to her, to apologize.

And it hurt that she wasn't there.

The possibility of abandonment brought tears to Sebastian's eyes. They dripped down her face, silent. She didn't break out in loud sobs, too shocked at her body's reaction to do so. Abandonment wasn't foreign to her. Her mother's suicide was an extreme in abandonment, and she hadn't cried over that. Not a single tear. It was her mother's choice to leave the family. She was happier dead, and Sebastian couldn't change that.

Hayley leaving her hurt worse than anything she had ever felt before. It didn't matter if Hayley was happier not dealing with her. Sebastian would do anything to fix that.

And that was scary.

"I can't believe she still has this book," Holly said, grabbing one of the titles and turning to Sebastian. Noticing the tears streaking down the princess' face, she paused. Sebastian's expression confused her. It wasn't completely sadness, though that was there. Fear, confusion, loneliness coated her face. Holly dropped the book and rushed to Sebastian's side, dropping to her knees next to her chair. "What's wrong?"

Sebastian shook her head, her expression unchanging. The tears continued to drip casually down her face.

"Mistress?"

"I need to see Hayley," Sebastian answered.

"I don't think I can do that right now."

Hayley really should have prepared her for this type of demand. But neither of them had anticipated Sebastian getting out of bed, let alone asking for Hayley.

"Please," Sebastian begged.

She needed to see Hayley. She couldn't go through the day not knowing where they stood in regards to their relationship. This kind of uncertainty made her anxious.

"Mistress Williams is busy," Holly said.

"I'll take full responsibility."

Holly sighed, knowing this would go on all day if she didn't give in. Hopefully, Hayley wouldn't be angry with the princess' appearance. She shouldn't. Hayley had wanted Sebastian to become comfortable again. A certain level of comfort had to have been acquired for Sebastian to demand to see Hayley.

But Hayley had mass amounts of work to do.

"As you wish, Mistress," Holly said, standing.

"Really?"

Hope mixed in with the miserable emotions on Sebastian's face. Holly nodded. She wasn't going to offer, then take it away. But if Hayley didn't have time to see her, Sebastian's wish wouldn't be granted.

Holly simply nodded. Sebastian rose from her chair, eager.

"Follow me," Holly instructed.

She was pretty sure Sebastian didn't know her way around the mansion yet. Leaving the princess to wander alone was against the rules set for Holly.

As instructed, Sebastian followed her handmaid from the library, through the hall to Hayley's study. Holly stopped in front of one of the various doors in the hall. She wanted to turn and ask Sebastian if she was sure she wanted to disrupt Hayley's work, if she couldn't think of something better to do. Instead, she knocked on the door, holding her breath in anticipation.

"Yes?" Hayley's voice called from behind the door.

Holly opened the door enough to slide through partially. Sebastian remained hidden from the pirate's eyes. The sight of papers littering the desk, Hayley leaning back in a large chair was not unfamiliar to Holly.

"Mistress Sebastian wishes to see you," Holly said.

The statement brought confusion to Hayley the moment it left the handmaid's lips. Sebastian was supposed to be in bed, curled in the fetal position, not asking to see her. There was no way the princess could have been asking for her.

But Holly didn't seem to be joking.

"Is she in our room?" Hayley asked.

"No, ma'am. She's outside the door."

Shocked, Hayley could only manage a quick, "Bring her in."

Sebastian was out of bed for the first time in two weeks.

Holly opened the door fully, stepping to the side for Sebastian. The princess walked into the room cautiously, her eyes landing on Hayley in an instant. She looked so domesticated. Sebastian hadn't seen her in the midst of actual work before.

It was refreshing.

Hayley gazed over Sebastian's body, noting that Holly had done quite well in dressing her for the day. Her gaze shifted to Sebastian's face. Immediately, she was taken aback by the tear streaks down the girl's face.

What had happened?

"You can leave, Holly," Hayley said, "I'll call you when Sebastian needs to be in your care."

"Yes, ma'am," Holly said.

"You're dismissed."

Holly bowed before scurrying from the room, leaving Sebastian alone. The door shut softly behind her.

"What did you need, sweetheart?" Hayley asked.

There was no use in wasting time. Hayley had work to complete, pages upon pages of finances to go through to prevent the possibility of going in debt.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian blurted.

Sebastian fidgeted under the blank stare of the pirate, twisting the hem of her too short skirt between her fingers.

"What?" Hayley asked.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for putting us both in danger by trying to escape. I'm sorry for not responding to your attempts to make me feel better. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I told you to stop doing that," Hayley stated, "You have no reason to apologize."

"But I hurt you. That's unforgivable."

"Why are you so upset over hurting my feelings?" Hayley asked.

No answer came to mind. No matter how much Sebastian searched, nothing explained the care she had for the captain. There was no plausible reason for her to care about the woman who beat her.

Frustrated tears perked in Sebastian's eyes, "I don't know."

The glossy coating of Sebastian's eyes sent Hayley's mind into mild panic. Why was she about to cry?

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"