Somewhere Weaknesses Are Strength

"Judging by that look on your face, I'm guessing you know who I am. Until you are ready to wear that outfit, you are staying in here," Hayley turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Sebastian pulled her knees to her chest and allowed the tears she had been holding in to fall freely. Her father's spirit was most likely frowning down on her, wherever he was. Sebastian felt she could never be a good ruler like her father; she could never match up to what he was. She was too aware of her emotions, a curse of being female. No matter how much training she went through, she could never lose that side of her. But she could hide it and she was good at that. Only around her father, who she rarely saw. The best she could ever do was hold it all in till her father was not around.

She couldn't contain the tears that were dripping down her face and staining her gown. Whether or not the pirates working on the ship could hear her, she didn't know and she didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. The hopelessness of the situation had leeched onto her body like a parasite and she could not get rid of it.

They should have killed her. The pain in her heart wouldn't have mattered if they put a bullet through her head.

Sebastian eyed the outfit across the tiny expanse of the room. She could not wear that. It was against all morals her parents instilled in her. The whole situation was against her parents' teachings. Being held captive was one of the worst things she could have done, especially since she could not escape. She refused to let the situation get any further out of hand.

Her sobs died down slowly, replaced by occasional whimpers and sniffles. Her throat was raw; her eyes were sore. She didn't know how long she had been crying for. Part of her didn't want to know. But she figured this would not be the first time she would break down on the ship. She didn't waste her time wiping the tear trails from her cheeks or trying to make herself look presentable again. There was no purpose to it.

How long would she be in the room till Hayley returned? Would she get fed? Would Hayley give up her pursuit to make Sebastian wear the outfit? Would Sebastian get to see the outside world before she was killed, if they planned on killing her?

Sebastian could not stop the questions crashing through her mind. The pounding in her head increased with each new question. She groaned, clutching her head in an attempt to stop the madness inside it. There had to be some way to get rid of the pain without medication. Sebastian wasn't planning on asking the captain for sympathy. It wasn't likely that she would get the medicine if she asked for it.

Sebastian eased her body to the floor in order to lie down. The wood was uncomfortable but she had nothing better to use as a bed. She could feel the ship rocking on the waves. The motions of the ship did nothing to ease her headache but she was thankful it didn't make the pain worse. Her thoughts drifted from the situation she was in to her now fully deceased family.

Her father was probably happier now; he was with her mother and three brothers. His spirit wouldn't miss her much. He had the sons he always wanted and the woman he loved with all his heart. Sebastian just existed in their family for kingdom security. She didn’t feel she was needed to bring her father happiness.

Anne was there too. She was with the daughter who passed on when she first came to the castle. There was no doubt that she was the happiest she had ever been. Sebastian may have sufficed as a makeshift daughter to the nursemaid but she would never be Anne's real daughter. She could have never taken that spot in Anne's heart.

She would forever remember her family. Being the last remaining member, she had to. Her father and mother did not have living siblings; her grandparents were all deceased; no one with the Cavalier name existed besides Sebastian. By now, the country they ruled over was gone, as were the scrolls and books full of Cavalier family history. Sebastian was the only person who could pass on the history of their name; she had memorized those books as part of her lessons.

Her heart ached for her cobblestone embroidered window overlooking the city and countryside. She would give anything to have the comfort of her room back.

A fresh set of tears rolled down Sebastian's cheeks. Due to her position on the ground, they landed in her hair, adding to the dirt in it. It was then Sebastian realized just how filthy she was. Her hair felt greasy; there were splotches of dirt on her dress and skin, some mixed with her salty tears; she probably smelled. She felt disgusting.

Maybe if she gave in, Captain Williams would let her bathe.

Sebastian physically shook the thought from her head, ignoring the pain that ran through it. She would not give in to a pirate, female or not. She had to remind herself of that. The woman could offer Sebastian anything or threaten her with the worst possible torture technique but she would not give in.

The door opened again. This time a man stood in the doorway. Sebastian vaguely recognized him as the man who held her father's head back as his throat was being slit. She turned on her side to face away from him, instead looking at the wall that she was connected to. She heard him sigh.

"You're going to make yourself sick if you don't stop crying," he commented, "We don't have the best medical treatment onboard."

"I don't care," Sebastian stated.

Her throat throbbed in disapproval. Her voice came out scratchy, though she tried to maintain her composure.

"You will care. Dying from sickness is painful," he stated.

"Why are you here?" she asked, keeping her eyes to the wall.

"To give you food."

Sebastian wiped the tears from her cheeks. He may have known she had been crying but she didn't want him to see the aftermath of it. She would have been embarrassed.

Sebastian turned to her other side, facing the man. True to his word, the man held a tray of food in his hands. Sebastian's stomach ached for the substance on the tray though she couldn't see what was on it. It didn't matter what gruel she was being forced to eat, she was starving and her stomach demanded that she feed it.

"I'm not hungry," Sebastian said.

If they weren't going to kill her, she would find a way to kill herself. She could starve herself to death. Or prevent hydration from entering her body; that would be quicker than starvation.

"You've been out for two days. Don't give me that bullshit. You're probably hungrier than a rabid animal. By the way, sorry about your head. I didn't mean to do that."

Sebastian snorted, "I thought pirates didn't apologize."

"We do when we feel we have to. Now eat," he placed the tray on the ground in front of her.

Sebastian sat up and scrutinized the food: a small sandwich most likely with fish as the protein, a bowl of what looked to be soup, a bread roll, and a glass of some liquid. It looked edible. In fact, it looked delicious, almost as good as the food her chef made.

"Its not poisoned," the pirate remarked.

"I wasn't expecting food that looked like food," Sebastian stated.

"Captain is trying to get you to put on at least one of the outfits she had made for you and stay in her room."

"And do what with me?"

"Fuck you senseless."

Sebastian had to admit that she liked the fact that this pirate was truthful. She was expecting him to lie to her. Wasn't that what pirates did?

However, she felt she would have preferred a lie to ease her nerves. His truthfulness, though admirable, had sent her mind into a panic worse than before.

"I'm surprised she hasn't raped you yet. She doesn't normally wait. Maybe I'm mistaken of her intentions," he tapped his nose in thought.

"What else would she keep me here for?"

"As a maid of some sort. But I was pretty sure we had enough maids. Oh well, no use dwelling on the subject. Eat up. I'm Josh. Call for me when you're done."

"Okay."

"And there's nowhere in here that you can hide your food so don't try it."

That idea hadn't crossed Sebastian's mind. She knew it would have been useless to try hiding food anywhere. The wood walls and floor were well put together; there were no spaces large enough to put food in. There was no window, no objects to try to hide her food in. She could have used her dress or the outfit lying on the ground but the food would go bad, causing the whole room to reek.

Sebastian nodded, regardless of the fact that she wasn't planning on hiding food. Josh left, closing the door behind him.

Josh wasn't an intimidating man. He was taller than her and he had a gun visibly connected to his waist; those were the only things making him any bit scary. His eyes were wide though, doe-like and innocent looking. She couldn't see any workings of a master killer behind them.

Sebastian wondered if anyone on the ship was physically intimidating. She had heard that pirates were huge, having bulging muscles. They were supposed to be missing teeth and covered in tattoos or scars. Josh and Hayley were nothing like that. They seemed to have perfect dental health and no scars or tattoos marring their bodies.

Sebastian ate in silence. As much as she wanted to starve herself to death, she didn't want to anger Hayley more than necessary. Hayley had been calm so far, more so than most pirates would have been. Sebastian figured she must have a short fuse; in a matter of time she would explode.

Sebastian didn't want to deal with the torture that could be used on her. Hayley wouldn't grant her a quick death. She would probably force what she wanted out of Sebastian if she didn't give in. Sebastian would only be able to keep her off for so long.

The tray on the ground was empty. Sebastian's stomach was satisfied with the amount of nutrients it had been given. Her headache had disappeared, either from an herb slipped into the soup or her body responding to finally eating.

Hesitant, she called Josh's name as he had instructed her to do when she was finished. Her voice cracked in the middle of the short-lived call. Josh stepped through the door.

"You're done?" he asked.

Sebastian nodded. She didn't want to talk much anymore. Her throat hurt from the crying she had done.

Josh bent over and grabbed the empty tray from in front of her. When he straightened, he examined her. A look of pity coated his face.

"You would be better off if you gave in," he stated.

"I don't see how."

"For one, you're living conditions would be better. Captain may be known for torture techniques but she's placid when she gets what she wants. She would treat you properly as long as you'd do what she asked. She's not a horrible person; she just likes to get what she wants."

"Sounds a tad bratty to me."

"It does. But being a pirate is like being a bratty kid. We take what we want at other people's expense."

"Obviously."

"Look, just think about it. I know you have morals as a leader, or whatever, but don't make things worse for yourself. Get some sleep; there's nothing else for you to do in here."

"Fine."

With no acknowledgment of his departure, he left. Sebastian sighed, lay down on the wood floor again, and tried to fall asleep.