Mess of Fading Lines

The party exploded after Lucy and Garrett made their announcements. People broke out the beer and the hard liquor as soon as the Nickelsens left, and after all of us were filled up on delicious food, Jared and I had actually been talking more than Kennedy and I had talked. Jared brought me a rum and coke and we started talking about the ridiculousness of people these days.

"No, I actually love when girls wear nothing and hang around a guy's dick hoping it will bring back their respectability they lost at the good ol' age of twelve," I joked and Jared laughed slapping the table. I felt someone staring at me and turned to see John staring at me. I ignored him going back to the conversation laughing a little.

"Do you wanna dance?" Jared asked, holding a beer in his hand standing up, making me crane my neck to look up at him. I saw the fact no one else was dancing, I felt my head swirling a little bit, a warm blush on my cheeks matching the warmth in my belly and I stuck bottom lip out and shrugged.

"Why not," I smiled grabbing his hand after downing my drink. We started moving our hips awkwardly to some rap song I wasn't familiar with. Soon enough everyone was on the floor. I saw my friend Roxie dancing with one of John's friend, I tried to remember his name until Jared saw me looking at them and turned his head.

"Halvo! Get some!" Jared laughed, his hands on my hips as we swung in synchrony. I waved excitedly at Roxie, she was one of three people Lucy invited to this party, partially because Lucy didn't have that many close friends and partially because we didn't really hang out with Garrett's friends. Halvo laughed, shaking his head and flicked Jared off.

It was night time by now, the air had cooled copiously, the soft breeze suddenly making goosebumps rise on my arm. I saw Lucy laughing, as Garrett spun her out, romantically dancing to You'z a Hoe, by Ludacris and a smile of admiration spreading across my lips. I wasn't a fan of marriage, but if there was a couple that should make it to forever it would be them. I suddenly had to pee, probably from the amount I had been drinking, I raised an index finger up to Jared's face and snuck off into the empty house.

I rushed to the bathroom and I relieved myself quickly, before washing my hands with some generic soap that got the job done and looked at myself. I wiped some excess eyeliner that had smeared from its original place and smiled contently, pulling my bra up and hoisting the twins up. I sighed making my way back into the empty house, realizing that there was a couple making out heatedly on the kitchen counter, I rushed past them not wanting to look. I smiled grabbing another drink for myself and looking curiously at Halvo who changed the song to Stolen by Dashboard Confessional and after getting a lot of shit from Kennedy and John before people paired up like a middle school dance.

"Do you wanna dance?" I heard someone ask from behind me and I tilted my head and saw John standing next to me with his hands in his pockets. I saw his golden green eyes staring at me with the usual attitude in his eyes. I had been drinking and my initial reaction to say no was diminished.

"If you touch me in anyway, my foot will be so far up your ass you'll taste my shoe," I said taking his hand and letting him lead me out into the dance floor. Everyone must have been drinking for an occurance like this to happen, but sure enough we were dancing, a couple of couples making out like the song was being played just to them.

"You know I was kidding about earlier, you know, the whole blow job thing," John said putting his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck accordingly and rolled my eyes.

"Sure, because you just seemed to be jesting around," I said sarcastically not afraid to show my disbelief, because who are we kidding, the look in his eyes he would've pulled his pants down on the side of the road if I said yes. What I was afraid to show was my nervousness due to the sparks of electricity across my skin as his hands touched my waist. I hoped he couldn't sense it.

"Fine, you caught me, but to be frank you did look pretty, uh," He didn't finish his sentence and I didn't want him to, seeing as how I was wearing the same outfit. I noticed my hair had fallen out of its braid from dancing most likely and now the small breeze was tickling my arms with tiny movements of strands of my black hair.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I dismissed him, I looked around and saw Lucy and Garrett with their foreheads pressed to each others and I felt a pang of jealousy in my chest. Not because I had feelings for Garrett or Lucy, just the fact that I was so envious of what they had. That intimate relationship that gave you the confidence to climb mountains and tame lions and do stupid shit to impress the other person because for once in your life, you care about someone so much all you want is for them to be yours.

"Holden?" John whispered bringing me back to the present, where John's hands had led me closer to him, our bodies pressed together and our faces so close I swear our lips could've touched. I didn't want him to know what I was thinking, or that I was a romantic, because frankly romantics get their hearts shit on a regular basis.

"John?" I asked mocking him in his tone and a playful smirk tugged the corners of his lips into a cute smile, not the cocky one or the crooked one. This one was innocent, the same smile he could have if he was at a family event smiling at a PG joke and it made me... surprised to say the least.

"Thought I lost you there for a second," John smirked, his innocent smile turning into a devious one. I let out a small scoff, I dropped my arms as soon as the song ended and raised an eyebrow, the change in his eyes sobering me up enough to realize what was happening.

"You never had me," I smiled grabbing someone's drink from off the table, I wasn't really concerned with date rape drugs among this crowd. I made an exit, shaking my hips as I walked away, knowing he was watching me. I pushed my growing-out bangs out of my face, and sighed once I was out of view. I needed some oxygen to bring me back to the moment.

The bright green grass fading to yellow with summer's deathly touch. I smelt cigarette smoke and I knew I wasn't alone, following it. I walked out into the front yard, after opening the wooden gate and I saw Roxie holding a pack of American Spirit menthols. I waved shyly, still flushed from what had happened with John. I took a gulp of beer, and smiled relieved it was Dos Equis and I sat down next to Roxie on the front porch.

"Hey lady," Roxie smiled, offering me a cigarette. I gratefully took one and waited as she lit me up. "I haven't seen you without a drink in your hand all night," She shook her head disapprovingly. I rolled my eyes at Roxie who had a dark amber liquid in a red cup sitting right next to her.

"What can I say? What doesn't kill you makes functions like these a helluva lot easier," I joked, not really sure if what I said made any sense what so ever, I had been drinking- a lot so it may have very well not had anything to do with the conversation topic.

"Good thing cigarettes and alcohol are super good for you," Roxie shook her head laughing lightly at my drunken stupor. I raised my beer and bumped the edge of our red cups together. After taking a sip, I took a drag of the cigarette, letting the menthol slide down my throat and immeadiately calmed me.

"Amen sistuh!" I responded, giggling a little, I noticed a hickey on her neck and poked it not sure what quite to think about it. As I said earlier, drinking a lot. She laughed and me swatting my hand away, "Damn dude! You move fast," I laughed looking around for Halvo to pop out at anytime. I heard a cricket from far away making its mating call. "Where is the little mouth breather?" I asked for some reason forgetting his name at the exact moment.

"Halvo," She corrected after letting out a bellowing laugh, "went home because his mom called and wanted him home." She stated matter-of-factly, I jutted out my bottom lip, half the boys in bands lived with their parents so I couldn't really judge. Being in a band leveled out the lameness of living at home. "What about you and John or Jared? I don't know it kind of seemed like there was something going on with you and both of them," She chuckled, I could tell she had been drinking too, but not to the extent I had.

"Ugh, John or Jared!" I repeated shaking my head and taking another drag, rolling my eyes wondering if I had over-conveyed my point. My head got really heavy and I let it hang before looking up at Roxie again. "I think I'm giving up on boys, I mean honestly, their perverts! I'm going to be a nun!" I declared and upon someone turning the front porch light on I saw three shadows looming over us.

"You're gonna be a nun?" John said an amused smirk on his face. I flicked him off and stood up after wavering around to catch my balance I took another swig of beer. Halvo helped Roxie up and she hugged me goodnight before they snuck off together.

"I could be a nun," I scoffed taking another drag of my cigarette. Lucy looked at John with a worried expression on her face and I was way too drunk to comprehend any of it more than how I suddenly was very tired.

"Yes, have fun with abstinence from cigarettes, alcohol and sex," John laughed guiding me from the small of my back. I put out the cigarette after finishing it and I suddenly got sad.

"Oh shit, you're right I could never be a nun!" I gushed waving unknowing to Lucy who still had a mixed expression on her face. I realized that I was suddenly getting guided into a passenger seat and I looked over confused as to what was happening. "Where are we going?" I asked as John got into the driver's seat.

"Lucy asked me to take you home, since you're drunk as a skunk," John laughed looking at me as I yawned tiredly. I was perfectly alright with going home since I was ridiculously tired. I staggered as I grabbed the spare key out from under the aloe plant next to the front door and was amazed at how hard it was to put in a key. "Want me to do it?" He asked holding his hands out.

"Fine Mr. Smarty-pants, you do it," I said dropping the key in his hand and holding on to his shoulder for support and before I knew it we were inside the house. John placed the key on the counter and suddenly I felt the disgusting taste of acid climbing my throat and I raced to the bathroom, spewing in the toilet. I sighed washing my face and mouth out.

"Are you okay?"John asked once I unlocked the bathroom door. I nodded sleepily and he wrapped his arm around me comfortingly, "Come one, let's get you to bed," He said rubbing my back, I nodded sleepily and I pulled out a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I pulled off my peach and lace tank tops forgetting that I wasn't wearing a bra, but not really caring. John stood awkwardly, slightly flushed and unaware of what to do.

"What are you staring at?" I asked letting out a little giggled before pulling the shirt over my head. I pulled off my denim shorts letting them fall randomly to the floor and replacing them with my pajama shorts. I yawned again and John bit his lip and helped me into the bed.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Do you need anything?" He asked, essentially tucking me in before he sat on the edge of my bed. I shook my head no and stared into his green hazel eyes, deciding they were the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen.

"You can sleep here if you want," I offered sliding over a little and patting the bed, I know that I was totally uncoordinated not hitting the same place twice. John let out a big laugh and shook his head.

"I would, but you definitely won't like it when you wake up, so I'm gonna crash on the couch. Just let me know if you need anything so you don't, like puke all over your bed," He laughed, ruffling his hair with his right hand and I swear I saw some form of a blush on his cheeks.

"Whatever your loss," I smiled, readjusting the pillow before turning to my side and succumbing to just how tired I was. John pressed his lips to my forehead lightly, sending shivers down my spine and I smiled, fluttering my eyelashes sleepily before falling asleep, I could've sworn I heard the words 'I know' before I fell asleep, but my mind could've been playing tricks on me again.