Benji

It was nearing dark by the time I finally got home. I’d avoided going home all day, somehow passing the time sitting at a lookout spot near the beach, but I knew that I had to face everything at some point. I still had no idea as to what I was going to say to Benji, but it was unfair of me to avoid him forever.

I just had to grow up.

Of course, I must admit that I sat in my car outside my house for a good ten minutes, debating whether or not I wanted to walk in there. On one hand, I did, because I was fucking hungry and I hadn’t showered and Mum was probably wondering where I was. But on the other hand, I was scared Benji was going to be in there. I was scared he’d be waiting to confront me.

And I still didn’t know what to tell him.

So I pulled another coward move, put all thoughts of confessions and confrontations out of my mind and decided that I’d deal with it when I had to. Just as I finally moved to get out of my car, headlights appeared in my rear vision mirror and as I got out, I saw another car pulling up behind mine.

“Reid!” A voice called, and I identified Priscilla speaking through her car window. I waited as she got out and hurried over to me.

“Are you alright? You were meant to work today and when you didn’t turn up I tried to call you but your brother told me no one knew where you were,” she said, a concerned look on her face as she took in my no doubt dishevelled appearance.

I watched her for a moment, recognised the genuine worry and care etched onto her features. And I realised that she was the only friend I had. Everyone that I’d gone to high-school with had moved away, either to study further or just get out of this town, and I’d lost touch with all of them. Priscilla was the only one left, and I hadn’t actually gone to high-school with her. She’d always just kind of been around, and when my friends had left, we’d started hanging out more and more.

I realised that she was a good friend and I should make more of an effort to keep her in my life.

“No, yeah, I’m fine,” I told her, trying to smile. “Do you want to come inside? We should probably talk.”

She nodded quickly and followed me into the house.

I don’t know what I expected, maybe some worried words and grateful hugs, but there wasn’t even anyone to greet me when I walked in the door. I assumed Kyle was upstairs or something (and I hoped Benji was at his house for once) and Mum only peered out from the kitchen, said hello, informed us that dinner would be ready in an hour and that Priscilla was welcome to stay. I rolled my eyes and headed up the stairs.

Only to bump into someone headed down the stairs.

I looked up, my eyes widening when I realised it was Benji, who stared at me with a determined look in his eyes. My first thought was to run, but he blocked the way forward and Priscilla blocked the way back, so that was useless. As my mind fumbled with a way to get out of the imminent confrontation, Benji spoke.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

I sighed, resigned to the fact that this was happening and I wasn’t getting out of it and I still had no idea what to say to him.

“Um, ‘Cilla, just go up to my room and I’ll be there soon. First door on your right,” I told her, letting her sidle pass me. Benji’s determined expression seemed to falter as he watched her go, but it was back as soon as his gaze returned to me.

“I want to say sorry,” he began. I tried to tell him that he really had nothing to be sorry about, but he started talking again before I could form any words. “I’m sorry for a lot of things that have happened, and I just want you to know that. And, even though I’m sorry, I wouldn’t take any of it back because I’m glad it happened because I really kind of like you. And I don’t know if you feel the same, and I don’t really care, because I just want you to know that I like you. Okay?”

He was looking down as he spoke and his hands were clasped tightly in front of him and his cheeks were flaming red and it was one of the most adorable things I’d ever seen. I couldn’t help but grin as I watched him ramble. Not to mention how fucking ecstatic I was.

“I’ve liked you for a while now,” he continued, still not looking at me, “and I thought it was obvious, and I thought you felt the same maybe, but maybe not. But I just wanted to let you know, because I’ve been crazy confused lately, and I hope this doesn’t make things even more awkward than they already are but I figured I’d just let you know.”

Never had I thought that Benji, small, adorable Benji, would be the one confessing his feelings to me. Sure, I’d hoped that he would, but in my head it had always been me telling him how I felt. In my head I’d been braver.

But the reality was better.

The reality was Benji standing in front of me, shy but somehow commanding, red-cheeked and awkward as he told me how he felt. The reality was the huge grin on my face, the intense beating inside my chest and the way that I felt invincible.

Reality was me reaching out to place my hands tentatively on his waist, because I’d told myself that I wouldn’t do this unless I was sure that he wanted it too.

Reality was me leaning in, slowly so he had a chance to pull away, smirking when I realised that, even standing a couple of steps above me, Benji was still way shorter than me.

Reality was the shaky way that my words left my mouth, lingering in the small amount of space I’d left between us.

“Tell me to stop.”

Reality was Benji shaking his head defiantly, wrapping his arms around my neck and crashing his lips against mine.

Reality was perfect.