Status: permanent hiatus - sorry

Benji

009; falling.

I woke up on Saturday morning to an aching head and an empty house. Groaning to myself, I wrapped my blanket around my boxer-clad body and shuffled downstairs and into the living-room, where I crashed onto the couch, too lazy to move. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I was sick as all week I hadn’t felt too good, but I was just annoyed that it had to happen on my day off work.

I flicked the TV on, not really paying attention to whatever it played but thankful for the background noise.

Time passed as I lay there, though I couldn’t tell you how much as I wasn’t paying attention to anything really. A knock at the door, however, broke me out of my trance and I made my way to the door. I opened it to reveal a grinning Benji.

“Kyle’s not here,” I mumbled, not bothering to properly greet him.

“O-oh,” Benji stuttered, his smile faltering. “Could I, uh, come in anyway?”

I blinked. “Yeah, sure,” and shuffled out of the way to let him in. I closed the door behind him and slowly made my way back to the couch, where I collapsed, curling into a ball.

“Are you okay?” Benji asked as he sat next to my feet.

I peered up at him through my fringe, perfectly aware that I looked like crap but completely okay with that because nothing would ever happen between me and Benji. As I watched him, he shifted uncomfortably, pulling at his sleeve.

“Yeah,” I grunted, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. “Just feel like crap.”

After an almost-awkward moment, he spoke again, his voice timid. “I can leave, if you’d like.” I could imagine his expression, mouth turned down in a small frown, his bright blue eyes sad.

I shrugged, though to be perfectly honest I’d rather he stayed.

The weight by my feet shifted before disappearing completely and I grumbled to myself when I realised that Benji had left. Stupid me and my stupid immune system. There was no chance of Benji and I being together, and now I’d pretty much dashed all hopes of us being friends. Fucking great.

I considered hitting my head repeatedly against the arm of the couch but decided that that probably wouldn’t help the headache that I had. Instead, I sat up properly, focusing on the TV when I realised that The Lion King was on.

“Here.”

Startled, I looked up only to see Benji standing there, offering me a cup.

“I thought you left,” I murmured, trying to hide my smile.

He just shook his head, a light pink colouring his cheeks as he nodded toward the steaming cup.

I reached to take it, the warmth heating my fingers immediately. A sweet smell reached my nose and I practically felt better already. “What is it?” I asked.

Benji sat again. “It’s my mom’s special recipe hot chocolate. She always makes it for me when I’m sick.”

I smiled softly, blowing on the contents before taking a small sip. The smooth liquid flowed across my tongue, sweet and hot, and I tasted a hint of cinnamon. “It’s good,” I told him. “It’s great, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, looking down, and I was sure he was hiding a smile behind his hair. “So, um, what are we watching?”

“Only the best Disney movie ever,” I replied simply.

“This doesn’t look like Peter Pan,” Benji murmured, and I glanced at him to see he was grinning and his blue eyes were sparkling and I think I fell even harder for him in that moment.

I scoffed. “Peter Pan is not the best Disney move, The Lion King is.”

“I don’t think so,” he replied, and after a moment he added, “y’ know, I’ve never actually seen The Lion King.”

My eyes widened in shock and I turned to Benji with an incredulous look on my face. “What? That’s insane. Come on, you have to watch it.”

And so we settled down to watch the movie. But I found it difficult to focus when Benji was sitting next to me. Every few minutes I caught myself glancing over at him, memorising the curve of his lips, the inky lashes that framed his eyes, and the small freckle on his cheekbone.

When I realised how creepy I was acting, I immediately stopped, scowling into my cup of hot chocolate. I needed to make a more conscious effort to just stop being so obsessed with him.

I heard Benji gasp and, startled, I looked up to see that he was staring avidly at the screen. Following his gaze, I saw Mufasa falling from the cliff.

The next few minutes seemed to happen in almost slow-motion. I watched Benji as he watched Simba discover his father’s body. I watched Benji as his mouth dropped open. I watched Benji as his eyes started to glisten. I watched Benji begin to cry.

“Oh, shit,” I muttered. “Hey, hey, don’t cry.”

He shook his head, subtly trying to wipe the tears that rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he managed to whisper.

“No, it’s fine. Come here,” I told him. I put my cup on the coffee table and reached out to him.

He shuffled towards me and I pulled him into my lap, wrapping my arms around his tiny frame. He was so small, so fragile; it was as though he might shatter if I squeezed him too hard. His arms slipped around my waist and he clutched at the fabric of my shirt.

“Shh,” I murmured, rubbing his back. “It’s alright, everything’s okay.”

I could feel my shirt dampening with his tears, but I really didn’t care. I just wanted Benji to stop crying. I just wanted the adorably happy boy I knew back. I didn’t know what to do when he was sad, I didn’t like how I felt when he was sad.

Slowly, he began to calm down, his grip on my shirt loosening. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, sniffing slightly as he looked up at me.

I smiled softly, brushing his hair away from his face. “Don’t worry about it – that scene always made me cry, too.”

Benji’s cheeks reddened. “It’s not just that,” he said quietly, looking away from me.

“Oh? Do you… want to talk about it?” I asked, my hands almost shaking as I wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks. Everything about this moment was so fragile, soft and intimate. It was a moment to be treasured.

He sighed, and shook his head. “I’m just… homesick, I guess.”

I hugged him to me tightly and, before I could stop myself, placed a tentative kiss on his forehead. “That must be hard for you, but you know Carl will always be there for you, and Kyle, and… me.”

Benji smiled gratefully up at me, his blue eyes sparkling though they still looked watery. “Thanks Reid, that means a lot.”

“No problem,” I said, as he shifted in my arms to look at the TV. “Should I change the channel?”

He smiled shyly. “No, I want to finish watching it.”

I laughed softly and leant back, vividly aware that Benji was still in my lap. I couldn’t help myself, my eyes returned to memorise his features. I was just studying the curve of his cheeks when he looked up at me suddenly, a small smile on his lips.

“Watch the movie,” he whispered, and his blue eyes were sparkling again.

“I’m sorry,” I laughed, and even though it seemed as though he didn’t mind, I let go of him, my hands coming to rest limply at my sides.

He frowned, looking at me, then down at my hand. Biting his lip and avoiding my eyes, he took my hand in his, turning it over and lacing our fingers together.

My heart hammered against my rib cage as I glanced down at his pink cheeks.

Fuck, I thought, I am really falling for this boy.