Love against law

Chapter 1: Vanessa who?:

So many days passed, almost two months. Alex had moved back to his apartment, and I had come to visit him very often. Anna had befriended Casper in a heartbeat, and they were right now out shop-ping, I was of course in Alex’s apartment, but not doing anything near what I wanted to do. I was making home work. Not playing videogames, like Alex had told me we would be doing. After all Alex was a teacher, and had told me, that he was going to work anyway, so I might as well do my homework. I had argued at first, but did it anyway, because I was like that, I always had troubles saying no. Alex sat at the other end of the kitchen table, and was almost glued to the screen of his laptop. I was stuck in math, and I couldn’t concentrate, I looked out the window. The dark grey weather outside signaled, that the winter was coming. I looked back at the paper, and let out a low sigh. Alex looked up, and smiled his usual kind smiles, that send a swarm of butterflies through my body.
“Want some help?” he asked teasing me a little.
“Would be appreciated” I looked at my paper again, then at him. “You won’t be able to help, I think”
“Oh I doubt that” he said getting up, and then sat on his knees on the floor, looking at the paper. I realized how big Alex was; he could sit on the floor on his knees, and still see what was on the paper. He was almost as high as me when I sat on a chair, and he kneeled on the floor. His hands were also much bigger than mine; I noticed when I watched as he turned the pages. I got the tingling urge to measure hands, and laid my hand on top of his. I realized what I had done, seconds after, when Alex had stopped and looked at me, I think I blushed more than he did.
“Sorry” I murmured, and snatched my hand back as quickly as I could, looking at the papers, and trying to avoid his eyes.
We sat silent like stones for a few seconds, and then Alex continued.
“Okay I’ve got it” Alex said suddenly, and then he went on explaining the easiest way to do the task. He went back to working, and so did I. Alex finished first, and made some hot chocolate, then I finished.
We moved on to the couch, and watched TV, and drank the extremely warm coco. I looked at Alex, I didn’t know why, but something was nagging me. I knew what it was; I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where we were in this weird-kind-of-relationship. We weren’t together like boy-friend girlfriend, we weren’t lovers, I liked him, a lot, but what was this? Even though I liked him very much, I felt I needed something, but I couldn’t ask. It would be weird if I asked, and I knew that.
This was not something normal couples had problems with, but in this case we weren’t a normal couple. If we even was a couple? I couldn’t go on wondering and never finding out, I had to ask somehow, but what should I say?
“Alex?” I asked quietly building up some courage.
“Yes?” Alex asked still watching the TV, and taking a sib of his cup.
“We aren’t like other people, are we?” I asked, trying to form the question just right, but failed. Alex looked at me.
“What do you mean?” Oh why do you have to have those sweet not understanding eyes.
“I mean what I said, we aren’t like other people, meaning we aren’t like other people who l- I mean, “Urgh I can’t explain” I looked at him lost in different words and sentences. He still didn’t get it.
“Look I… I li-” I stopped, wishing I hadn’t ever started this conversation.
“Sonea what is it? You normally find it easy talking, so why is this so different?”
“It’s about us” I looked at him through the half dark, through the window I saw that the darkness had crept up, and made the room almost totally black, the TV screen lit Alex’s frame.
“Oh” he looked away, which irritated me a little. Silence filled the room, and I wished yet again that I never even started talking about this sensitive subject. Alex now looked out the window, which nagged me more and more.
“Alex say something” I begged.
“I…don’t know… what to say” he admitted.
“Then listen; I don’t know what we are; we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, and we’re more than mere friends. You’re my teacher, but still I don’t see you as my teacher. Still we never touch, it’s frustrating! And I don’t know what to do. I really love being here, and spending time with you, it’s something I look forward to days before. But it’s really confusing me, I don’t know what we are doing, and I have the feeling that you don’t know either” I paused, watching his expression, but couldn’t read it. Why does everything have to be so difficult, when it’s something you really like.

“Sonea… I” he fingered with his now empty cup and looked down. “I don’t have all the answers, yes I love it when you’re here, and I love spending time with you too…but” he still looked down, it sent shivers down my back, when I saw him like this. He usually knew just what to do, but now? He looked up and caught my eyes in the darkness; I had been watching him very intensely, I know that. Now it was my turn to look down; I blushed, and hoped that it wouldn’t be seen in the dark.
“But I don’t know where we stand either, you know, this is not a know situation, plus… there is laws against us” he said the last part bitterly. He had thought this through before I asked, I could hear that, and I knew that, he was so much like me. I had sat up most of the night three days ago, just thinking about this ‘situation’. Us talking everything through, and me getting my answers, somehow I didn’t think this would end that way.
“What do you mean there’s laws against us?” I was confused, I had some sad knowledge of this law, but I somehow wanted him to tell me, before I would fully believe.
“The law forbids a teacher and a student to be together” he looked at me with sad eyes, I just heard the word ‘student’ as an echo in my head.
“Is that what you see me as? A student?” I pulled back to almost the other end of the couch, and wrabbed my arms around my knees. I was actually a bit hurt, and I couldn’t hide it, my voice was a bit high pitched, and no doubt my eyes were showing my emotions like an open window.
“No!... No it’s not. But that’s how other people will see us” he made motions with his hands, and tried to explain everything just right, but at that time I was already over geared with emotion.
“Oh…so we can never be more than friends?”
“Are we more than friends now?” Alex said sadly, he knew I knew we were, but still…
“Yes” I whispered sadly but smiled at the realization, though quickly lost my smile. “So we can never be like other peoples?”
“Meaning ‘normal’ couples? If…you know, couples is what you want, I mean I li-, not that I want to pressure yo-”
“Alex I understand” I broke in, he got awkward at these things but who could blame him? These conversations were hard, feelings and all that.
“I…I don’t think so” he admitted looking down. All traces of happiness disappeared from my face. Alex noticed this, but didn’t know what to do.
“What about when we’re alone?” my voice barely more than a whisper, but still it took Alex by sur-prise, he shut his otherwise downturned head at me.
“Sonea! I won’t turn into a rapist, I won’t lay a hand on you!” he answered crossing his arms, I think he took it the wrong way.
“No not that, I mean if we both want to be ‘closer’ not meaning that we…do… it, but you know” I failed yet again in explaining, and this time I blushed so much that I practically lit up the dark room.
“Sonea I don’t know, it’s still against the law” Alex loosened his arms, and continued to finger with his empty coco cup.
“The law wouldn’t be able to see us” I pressed, I was getting tired of this law of his.
“I don’t know” he sighed. I let it be, and watched the TV instead. Toothpaste commercial, ironic indeed. If you have the perfect smile, then people will like you, well what will pretty teeth do against the law?
“Sonea?” Alex asked, just like I had asked before.
“Yes?” Déjà-vu?
“Sorry” I could feel him shifting uncomfortably in the couch.
“’s okay” but it wasn’t “Not your fault” still not okay, but on the other side maybe it was, then again I didn’t really know if it was okay. Oh complicated teenage life, stop mocking me!

My phone suddenly started vibrating; I jumped in surprise, and looked at the display. My dad. I pressed answer, and took the phone to my ear. Alex turned off the TV, and watched me trough the now blinding darkness.
“Hi dad” I tried to sound happy, but my voice was all weird.
“Hello hon. Where are you?”
“Oh I’m at Anna’s”
“No you’re not” he shut at me in a victorious voice.
“Y-yeah I am” I stuttered surprised.
“I just called her house, you weren’t there, so where are you?”
Damn he’s sneaky.
“I- ehh are you sure we aren’t just playing hide and seek?” the question flew out of me, I saw Alex roll his eyes in the dark, “What?!” I whispered to him.
“Wait who is that you’re with?” my dad snapped.
“I’m not with anybody dad” I snapped.
“Ahh defensive are we?”
“No I’m not defensive”
“Sonea I mean it where are you?”
I paused, looking at Alex who sat looking at me worriedly. Think Sonea think.
“I was out with a class mate, and forgot the time, I didn’t catch the bus, and we’re now sitting and waiting for the next bus” I lied, pretty impressive, Alex looked shocked too.
“May I please speak with this class mate of yours?”
“No! because…here comes the bus, okay see you Vanessa bye!!, she just walked away sadly you didn’t get to speak with her ha’ dad, okay I’ll be home soon, see you there, bye dad!” I hung up, and sat back on the couch shocked breathing heavily. There were a moment of silence.
“So now I’m suddenly Vanessa ha?” Alex teased.
“What was I supposed to say? Hey dad I’m sitting with my teacher, we’re drinking coco, and dis-cussing our relationships witch by the way is illegal” I snapped and teased back.
“Yeah you’re right, I’d rather be Vanessa to your father then, c’mon if we’re to get you home in the right time we’ll have to hurry up” Alex said getting up, and hurrying to the door. I stood up, and followed. We drove in the car, the lights flashing by, it was probably the first drive in that car that was completely silent, we used to talk like there were no tomorrow. I hated the silence, but I also welcomed it, after the discussion in Alex’s apartment. I was still upset, I couldn’t tell what I felt anymore; therefore I didn’t really trust my emotions.
When we were at the usual spot, the car slowed down. I crawled out, and looked at him, I gave a small smile.
“Wait!” I stopped in the spot; I had nearly shut the door. “Sonea I am sorry” Alex looked really sad.
“It’s okay Alex, see you tomorrow and remember it’s not your fault” I shut the door, and started walking; I heard the car turn and drive on giving an extra purr which I guessed Alex had intended. I waved the car goodbye, not knowing if he would see me in the dark. I walked home knowing I would get hell from my dad, and knowing that my brothers would bully me, and my mom would question me if I had a boyfriend whom I was with the whole day. I also walked home knowing I had forgotten my homework at Alex’s place with my backpack.

How bad can this get?
Question answered, this bad;

“Where were you?” my dad questioned me in the hall, I had just closed the door behind me.
“With Vanessa, don’t you believe me?” I tried.
“I do, I just get really worried” he spoke the truth, and I knew it.
“Well don’t be” I snapped walking to the door.
“Sonea what has happened, you never act like this, stay out more and more often, snap, and stay secretive what’s going on?” my dad looked utterly concerned and he was right, every time I had been with Alex, I had stayed out until the very last second I could.
“Well dad maybe I just became a teenager now, and I’m starting my rebel life now” I shot at him, then regretted. “I’m sorry dad, I didn’t mean anything I said” I looked down to the floor.
“It’s okay hon. And you know maybe you’re right, just take it a step at a time, so I can keep up, de-spite at this age it seems like you have to run to keep up, just take it slow that usually works”
“Okay dad… goodnight” I was still kinda influenced by his last words, they seemed so movie-like, and not at all like something he would say.
“Don’t you want some food?” he eyed me suspiciously.
“No, just sleep”
“Okay then… goodnight”
“Goodnight” I walked down the hall to find my brother Aiden.

“Uuuu Sonea’s got a boyfriend!” he jumped around me, and hugged me close.
“Yeah so what! Just because you’re not cool enough to get one, doesn’t it mean I can’t have one! Now move away!” I exploded, hitting every spot I could reach of his skinny body.
“…” he just stared at me open mouthed, letting me hit him once more, and then watched me walk to my room.

“Sonea honey are you asleep?” my mom opened the door to my room, and poked her head in.
“Yeah” I mumbled in my pillow.
“I just wanted to talk, can we talk?” she asked in her motherly way.
“Mom I haven’t got a boyfriend, if you must know, I spent the day with Vanessa, goodnight”
“Okay, we’ll just talk tomorrow goodnight honey” she closed the door, and I heard her footsteps walk away.

That night I cried, I don’t know why I cried that much, but I knew why I cried. Alex, Alex was the reason I cried. Why did everything have to be so difficult with him? Maybe it was me, maybe I was so ugly that he invented the whole law thing? At that I cried even harder, I couldn’t help myself; I had to get it out. I buried my face under my pillow, so that the others wouldn’t hear me.
“Sonea?” Jeff asked from the door, he stood in the doorway watching me. why did he always have to know when something was up, he was like the guardian I always wanted, but when your guardian was your brother then it lost some glory at least in my head.
“Yes” I croaked.
“Are you crying?” he asked concerned. I paused shocked, then thought that everything could just go to hell, and lifted my head from the pillow, to reveal the tear dotted spots and my puffy eyes.
“Yeah…what is it to you anyway?” I snapped.
“Having problems?” he got inside closed the door and sat down on my bed.
“Yes” I sat up, and let him hug me, and trying to get me to relax.
“Boy trouble?”
“Yeah!” I whined into the hug.
“Shhh now who’s this guy?” he questioned.
“His name’s Vanessa!” I tried to control my breathing and crying but failed miserably. “And I like him, but he’s so STUPID!” I screamed.
“Shhh so this Vanessa? Guy? What’s he done? And what’s his real name?” Jeff asked guessing Va-nessa was this guy’s codename.
“He just say’s some things that isn’t good, and I worked so hard to be with him, and now I wont be with him for real, because he can’t!” I whined calming a little more down.
“What did he say? And how did you work so hard?”
“He says that he can’t even touch me, he won’t even hold my hand! And I didn’t work! He did, all that work was a waste!”
“Seriously who is this guy?!”
“I won’t tell you, it’s a part of the whole thing!”
“What whole thing?”
“Everything thing!”
“So this guy hurts you because he worked hard so be with you, and now he won’t hold you hand?”
“Yeah, am I over reacting?”
“I don’t know, what fun is a relationship if you can’t touch each other?”
“Exactly! But he doesn’t understand!”
“Maybe he understands more than you think, but he’s got a good reason?”
“He does have a good reason!”
“What reason might that be?”
“I can’t tell you” I yawned.
“Might I guess that you’ve been with him the whole day?”
“Yeah”
“Sonea who is this guy, who works hard to be with someone he can’t be with, and then is forced to stop the fight?” Jeff looked at me like he was impressed or something, it made me a little happy, I think Jeff and Alex would actually be able to be friends, they are quite alike.
“I can’t tell you”
“Well if you wont cooperate then I guess I can’t help, but if you someday need help, then I wont judge, just come to me, goodnight and try to remember the good times you and Vanessa probably have had today and maybe the other days, I don’t know”
He closed the door, and was gone. I laid back down, still breathing weirdly, still thinking.
Some good times ha? Being half raped, then being saved, having trouble with bad memories, then being saved, getting attacked by Mick, then being saved, helping Alex with small girls, jumped by Mick, then being saved, realizing how much I like Alex, then being with Alex, then Alex telling me that nothing’s gonna happen.
I looked at the good memories: Every drive in his car, all the small lunch breaks, his smile, his laugh, his pajama pants I don’t know why I just love them, passing him in the hallway, the way he always saves the day, the way he’s afraid to hurt anyone, the way he gets nervous when he’s talking about him and me, the way he always makes the butterflies flutter in my body, he makes me happy just by being there, we both love hot chocolate, his friend Casper is cool and is friends with Anna, his par-ents they are so cool though I haven’t seen them since… well the day in the hospital I think, his dog, Padols took some time to get used to me, but at the time he had to leave with Margret and William he liked me very much and I liked him, that also made Alex really happy. There were so many good memories, I fell asleep thinking of them