I'm Not Insane, I Promise

His bright green eyes shone through his shaggy black hair. He glared at the petite woman who sat before him. “Will you just leave me alone? I didn't mean to do it, okay?!”

Shane buried his head in his arms, trying his hardest not to cry. He really hadn't meant to kill her. He loved her so much; she was his heart and soul. If only he could hold her in his arms once more, everything would be okay.

“Shane, I know you didn't mean to do it. You're schizophrenic, you have strange delusions. You couldn't help that you thought she was an intruder. You were just trying to protect her, when really, nothing was there. It's okay, Shane. It's not your fault.” The woman rested her hand on his back, trying to comfort him.

He hugged himself tightly, his arms rubbing against his ribs. He ignored almost every meal he was given in the mental hospital, causing his body to appear anorexic. Every day he dealt with the same questions, the same responses. It wasn't his fault, he didn't mean to do it, everything was going to be just fine. Yet, no one knew what really went on through his mind; the way he had trouble telling the difference between fantasy and reality.

“I...I thought I was protecting her; doing the right thing for her. It was going to be a perfect day. I promised her that.”

“Shane, can you tell me what you were going to do with Karen? What did you plan on doing? And where was your mother?”

Shane looked up at his therapist, green eyes glistening with tears. “We were planning on going to the park; she always loved going on the swings. I would push her as high as she could go and she would sit there giggling away until it was time to go. I remember...we were both getting ready; Mom had gone out with some of her friends and wouldn't be home until supper. I was combing my hair when I heard something out in the living room. As I was leaving the bathroom I got really dizzy, then everything turned black for a couple seconds. The next thing I knew I was on top of the 'intruder' slamming my fists into their face. Once I felt the body twitch for a bit, then go limp, I got off. That was the moment I noticed it wasn't an intruder, but my little sister, blood smeared across her face, bruises covering her body. That's when I realized what I really was. A monster. I couldn't even think to see who it was. The noise was just her and that thought never ran through my mind.” Wet, salty tears traced down Shane's face.

“You've made progress today, Shane. I'm proud of you. Your mother is going to be here soon for a visit. That will be nice, don't you think?” The therapist gave Shane a half smile before turning around and exiting the room. He moved his arms around him, looking down at how weak and pathetic they were. At least he was out of that stupid jacket; that trap that kept him closed in. He slowly got up out of the chair, a burly man grabbing him by the arm, leading him into the cell. The man grabbed the straitjacket off of the hanger by Shane's cell door and quickly put it on him.

“S-sir? Do you think this one time, you could let me go in there without the jacket? I would like to...to be free in my own cell.” He looked up at the man with pleading eyes, the pool of green in his eye speckled with red.

“Sorry, kid. Rules are rules. I like you, though. You mean no harm, I believe you on that. Just wanted you to know that. I'm sorry that this happened to you.” He tightened the jacket, before gently nudging Shane into the small, white, padded room. He crawled into the corner, resting his head in between the nook. Within a few minutes, he had fallen into a deep sleep filled with nightmares of what had occurred that day.

“Shane? Sweetie? It's Momma. Wake up.” Shane looked up at his mom, her bright blue eyes shining down at him. “You know, it's bad to be falling asleep during the day, Shane.”

Shane nodded, sitting up as best as he could without the use of his arms. His mom looked down at his trap in disgust, picking up Shane's small chin. “Gosh, Shane...what are they doing to you? They all know it was an accident, yet they keep you locked in here like some kind of animal. I'm so sorry that I left you, Shane. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for Karen.” Shane's mom wrapped her arms around him. Shane so badly wanted to return the favor, but, as usual, couldn't while his arms were in this trap.

“I'm proud of you, Shane. For staying strong. I just know that you'll be out of here soon. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for you. Just keep staying strong. One day, you'll be able to hug me back and we'll be free to do as we want.”

Shane looked up at his mother, tears falling from his eyes. “I'll hold you to your word on that, Momma. We'll start a new life with each other. That I can promise you.”