Build Myself a Wall Up On Happy Highs.

There were a number of things about Brendon Boyd Urie that had always caught my eye. He was a sensitive person, to say the least. Although he didn't display that. He was attractive as all hell. Therefore, he had my attention a good chunk of the time. I always wanted to be around him. He had such a contagious personality. He never failed to make me laugh. He was my best friend in the entire world. And most importantly, the love of my life. He just doesn't know that last part, yet.

I sent him a small smile from across the bus. He was sitting at the table, writing new lyrics and I had myself planted on the couch in sweats and a tee-shirt. I was in a lazy mood today, for sure. We've been on tour for about three months now, non-stop. Most people think I have the easy job, I'm just the guitar tech. I change strings and hand Brendon, Dallon, and Ian their guitars and be on my way. Nope. There's a lot more to it than that. But, that's aside the point.

We had the day off in Texas. Yay, Texas! No way. Not only is this place pretty warm, but there is absolutely nothing to do. Thankfully, it was only 83 out today. But, I didn't want to go out in that. The guys were all off, doing their thing. Brendon and I were the only people who weren't feeling going anywhere. So, that brought us to where we are, now. Me, posted up on the couch in my lazy attire for the day, playing Mario Kart. And Brendon, posted up at the table, writing.

Okay, so, I can imagine you're wondering who the hell I am, right? The name is Stefan. Stefan Kyles. I have, without doubt, the lamest name in the history of the world. But, behind that name, I live anything but a lame life. I've spent the last six years of my life on tour with Panic at the Disco. It's been, without doubt the best six years of my life. But, after recent troubles with two members of the band, who I would have called two of my best friends, I thought this dream I was living would of been over. After everything got sorted and reality snapped back to it, Brendon, Spencer and I realized that we were gonna be able to keep doing this. Thank God.

"Shit!!" I threw the game controller down in anger. I lost AGAIN! This was the third game in a row that I'd came in second place. I looked over at Brendon who had his hand on his chest and his eyes opened wide. "Are you okay?!" I hopped up from the couch and ran over to him, putting my arm on his shoulder. A smile slowly appeared across his face.

"Yeah, I'm good. You just startled me, a little." We both laughed a bit as I let go of his shoulder and sat across from him at the table.

"I didn't mean to... Sorry..." I said in a small voice. He looked up at me and smiled and put his hand on mine, which was sitting on the table.

"Really, Stefan, it's okay." He had such a warm and beautiful smile. I could stare at it for days and lose myself. My cheeks reddened when he decided to lace his fingers with mine. What the...? Part of me wanted to pull my hands back. In a normal situation, I'd impulsively pull myself away from anyone. I'm not one for much affection. But, this was minor affection. He was just holding my hand. That's all... Don't freak out, Stefan.

"Okay..." I felt uncomfortable as his eyes locked onto mine. They were beautiful... A unique brown. After a minute, it turned into a comfortable stare. I believe that you can see into somebody's soul by looking them in the eyes. That's what he was doing; looking into my soul. Trying to figure out what had been on mind... I think that's exactly what he did.

Brendon slowly moved toward me, and propped his body up on the table, making out lips inches apart. I smiled, slowly. Was this really gonna be the second it all happened? Where all my dreams actually came true? Well, not all of my dreams. Just a big part of them that I've dreamed about for the last few years.

With every inch he got closer, both of our eyes started closing. I concluded I wasn't moving. In a normal kiss, it's 50%, 50%. That's how it usually goes. But, not this time. I'm making him go the full 100%, in fear of this all being a dream or an awful mistake.

I felt a warm brush against my lips. I flinched as he put his hand on the back of my head and pulled me closer to him. His whole body was sitting on the table, his feet hanging over the end. I wrapped my right arm around him and started standing up. I wasn't one for being dominant in kisses. Ever. It just wasn't my style. I was all for the subtle, let me lay there while you have your way with my lips, kind of kisses. Those were my style.

I had an awkward wave of courage spin over me as I stood up quickly and pushed him against the table. Our lips stayed connected the entire time. This was quite literally a dream. There was no way this could be happening. Him kissing me. Me kissing him. It was practically unheard of.

I pulled out of the kiss quickly and studied his face. He looked confused. "What's wrong?" He whispered and brushed my hair back.

"Is this really happening?" I whispered, out of breath. I closed my eyes again and took in a deep breath. Only to have it interrupted by his lips clashing back to mine. Our kiss was indeed passionate. Not tongue. Whatsoever. There is no class in a first kiss being a mouth-full of saliva.

"Yeah," He continued to kiss me as his breath got deeper. "It is." He rolled over the top of me, taking dominance, and leaving me against the cold table. There were a million things running through my mind in this instance. Number one, where the fuck is all of this coming from? Yeah, we would joke around with each other and act all affectionate. He was the only person I really cuddle with. He'd hold my hand, in a joking situation. I never thought he seriously would make a move on me. I always thought he was as straight as a ruler. I guess I was wrong...

I took in a deep breath and wrapped my legs around his skinny frame. Apparently, he took this as a 'Hey! Pick Stefan up and move him to the couch!' Because, that's what he did. I was quite startled when he picked up my 138 pounds of being and set me on the couch, laying on top of me. I can't say that I didn't enjoy it. But, I was beginning to think he had a bit more on his mind than just making out. Something that I didn't want. Not this soon, at least...

"Bren..?" I pulled away from the kiss, yet again and out my hands against my chest, separating the two of us from such close contact.

"Yeah, love?" He whispered down at me. He called me 'love' on a regular basis, so this didn't startle me. But, the look in his eyes had me on edge. It was a look of pure lust.

"Nothing good is going to come from this if we... Well... Ya know?" I moved my hands as I was talking, clearly signaling that if we fucked, it wasn't going to end the way it was supposed to... With us, together? At least, that's how I think it should end...

"Oh..." He slowly started getting off me, but I had the sudden urge to grab his body and pull it back down on mine.

"No, Brendon. Believe me, I'm overwhelmed about this, too. But, don't just get up and leave..." My voice was getting quieter as I spoke. I was scared of him right now, for some reason. I felt insanely vulnerable in this moment. He was laying over me, with a look in his eyes that I had never seen him wear before. It was awkward, in an attractive way. The whole situation felt dangerous...

"I know where you're coming from... I've just thought about this for years. And I figured this is how you would of wanted it to go. I feel like I'm putting myself out there and now, I feel totally fucking stu-" I put my index finger over his lips, to shush him and gave him an assuring smile. I can tell you right now, that this isn't a just-for-tonight thing. I could see this going places... Places I'd always dreamed of it going... He gave me one more soft kiss before laying his head on my chest and closing his eyes. "I love you, Stefan. I mean that..." He whispered, before yawning.

"I love you too, Brendon... Always have." It was hard for me to say those words to him. I've thought about how they'd leave my lips for years, and they came out that easily.

"Let's lay like this forever?" He lifted his head an maneuvered his way around me, putting himself under me. I nodded at him and kissed his nose. I don't think I've felt this happy in a long time. Which is strange, because I'm always insanely happy. I guess this is just a new kind of happy? I shrugged at my own thoughts and smiled up at him.

We both yawned in sync, meaning it was clear that we were both due for a nap. Today had been anything but a long and busy day, but we were of course exhausted. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and loosely threw it over the both of us.

After kissing him one more time, I curled myself up into his arms and began to think. Everything is literally perfect, now. I intend on keeping it this way, as well. I have Brendon. At least I'm pretty sure I do... My eyes were heavy in a quick instance. I never was one for napping, but I felt so comfortable right now.

Before I knew it, Brendon's breathing had become even and his eyes were sealed shut. I decided to follow him, doing the same. With the most perfect thought into my mind as I drifted off to wonderland; I finally kissed Brendon Boyd Urie.