Falling to Pieces

---- // December 2006

Stella sat with the Toews family in their living room, an old Christmas movie playing on the television with the volume turned down as they all talked. She had relaxed a considerate amount over dinner, and Jonathan’s family was so much more welcoming to her than her family had been to him.

And while a small part of Stella still would have rather been spending her evening having a traditional Thomas family bonfire after spending the day working on her golden tan, she was still content with her decision to spend her Christmas break in Winnipeg. The foot of snow that had fallen outside was no comparison to the 70 degree weather in California, but as Jonathan wrapped his arm tighter around Stella’s shoulders allowing her to snuggle closer into his side, this was exactly where she wanted to be.

Earlier on, after they all had finished the large dinner that Mrs. Toews had prepared for all of them, Stella had given them all the presents she had brought with her. Some cookbooks for Jonathan’s mother, and some souvenirs from a couple of the golf courses by her parent’s house for Jonathan’s father and brother since she had heard they all loved golfing in the summer months. For Jonathan she had brought him a University of Boston soccer sweater, since he had given her one of his Fighting Sioux sweaters earlier. He laughed at the sweater, the exact reaction she had been hoping for, and also gave him some of his favourite cologne that he had been complaining about being unable to find in Grand Forks.

David was just finishing his story about the time that him and Jonathan had gotten into a fist fight on the backyard rink that their father had built them. His mother scowled at the pair, obviously vividly remembering the altercation.

A small yawn escaped Stella’s mouth, trying her best to hide it by burying her face into Jonathan’s shoulder.

“Tired?” He chuckled, lightly rubbing her back.

“A little.” Stella replied sheepishly.

“We should probably all be heading off to bed, we’ve got a busy day tomorrow.” Andree added in.

“What’s tomorrow?”

“Boxing Day shopping.” Jonathan replied as he stood from the couch.

“Boxing Day?” Stella repeated as she followed suit after Jonathan, getting up from off the couch.

“Oh, it’s our after Christmas sales. The malls are always packed, and the deals are ridiculous.”

Stella nodded, never having heard of this holiday before. In fact, she couldn’t recall ever buying something while it was on sale in her entire life.

Jonathan bid his parents and brother goodnight, before grabbing a hold of Stella’s hand and leading her upstairs. He led her up to his bedroom, closing the door behind him as she took a seat on the edge of his double bed. The walls were painted a charcoal grey, covered in medals and trophies obviously from the many hockey tournaments he had played while growing up. A small pair of skates hung from a hook by the window.

“Are these yours?” Stella asked, getting up and taking a closer look at the tiny skates.

“Yeah, my first pair.”

“They’re so cute!” She squealed, touching them lightly.

“I guess so.”

Stella turned around and found Jonathan now sitting on the edge of the bed watching her. She joined him, letting one leg hang off the side of the bed, bringing her other leg up to her chest and resting her chin atop her knee.

“This is for you, by the way.” He handed her a small box, wrapped in brightly coloured wrapping paper.

Stella grinned as she quickly tore off the wrapping paper to reveal the familiar turquoise box. She quickly looked up to Jonathan, shaking her head. “Tiffany jewelry? Jonathan, you didn’t have to spend this much money on me.”

“I wanted to.” He shrugged. “Besides, you deserve it.”

Biting her lip with anticipation, she slid off the top of the box. Inside was a sterling silver chain with a diamond pendant in the shape of a star. “Jonathan, it’s gorgeous!”

“You had told me once that Stella was Latin for star.”

“I can’t believe you actually remembered!”

Jonathan motioned for her to turn around so he could clasp the necklace around her neck. “You know, it may be hard to believe, but I do actually listen when you talk.”

Stella slowly turned around to face him again, at a loss for words. With one hand still clutching the diamond pendant, she leaned forward to capture Jonathan’s lips in a soft kiss. She smiled into the kiss before slightly pulling away to rest her forehead against his. “Sometimes, I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve you.” She whispered, her eyes still closed.

“Stella, I-“

Her eyes shot open, sitting up slightly so she could look Jonathan directly in the eyes. He looked down at his hands that were folded in his lap, letting out a small sigh. Stella’s stomach immediately began to erupt with butterflies. She was almost sure that he was about to say those three words that Stella had been dying to hear for months.

He gave one final sigh before looking back up at Stella. “I’m really glad you came out here.”

“Oh.” Stella just nodded before sliding off the bed and opening up her suitcase.

“What do you mean ‘oh’?” Jonathan quickly asked, watching as Stella pulled out a pair of cotton pajama pants.

“Nothing. Forget it. I’m glad I’m here too.”

Deciding he didn’t want to turn this into a fight, after all, they had never had a real fight before, so he just shook his head and grabbed a change of clothes to sleep in from off the end of the bed where he had left them that morning.

Once Stella had slipped on an oversized hoodie she had gotten from the expensive private high school her parents had sent her to, she switched off the lights, peeled back the navy blue covers and climbed into bed next to Jonathan. She curled up against him, allowing Jonathan to wrap his arms securely around her. Giving him a quick kiss Stella closed her eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

But as Jonathan listened to Stella’s steady breathing, he just couldn’t fall asleep.

He had been telling himself all week that when he saw Stella over Christmas, he was going to tell her how he felt about her. But he had choked, and taken the easy way out. He had done the exact thing he had told himself he would not do, but his nerves had gotten the best of him.

It was the first time he’d seen her in a couple weeks, and was afraid that being so forward would scare Stella off. He had confided in his fellow Sioux teammate for advice on what to do, but TJ Oshie and just made him feel even worse.

“Telling her that you love her this early will scare her off. You’re setting yourself up for disaster. I mean are you two even an official couple?”

TJ had had a point. They had never really talked about what they were. All Jonathan knew was he was crazy about Stella, and she seemed to be crazy about him. Not even a day would go by without a phone call shared between them. He didn’t want to risk ruining what they had by sticking a label on it. But wasn’t confessing that he was in love with her going to do the exact same thing?

In reality, he didn’t even know if they were exclusive. He couldn’t even comprehend the idea of being with any other girl besides Stella, and had always been too afraid to find out if Stella was the same way. Early on in their relationship, or whatever they were calling it, there had been a couple other girls that he had probably gotten a little too close too. He had never done anything with them, but he would never have even gone as far as flirting with them if he had had a girlfriend at the time.

Once again, TJ was the one encouraging him to come out to the bars with him. TJ needed a wingman, and whenever Jonathan would protest saying he didn’t want to go behind Stella’s back like that TJ was the first to remind him Stella was not his girlfriend.

Over Thanksgiving, Jonathan had over heard Stella arguing with her parents about him. It was no secret they didn’t like him. He overheard them insisting she leave him behind for a fellow Boston soccer player, Justin O’Dell, who’s family was also from Los Angeles and were very close with the Thomas family. It was always in the back of his mind on Friday nights, when Stella would call him as she was getting ready to go out for the night to unwind after a long week of classes, was she going to go meet up with Justin? Was he included in her group of friends?

Jonathan never asked, though. He didn’t want to come off as jealous or over possessive. He liked Stella far too much to do anything to jeopardize what they had, and that included telling her just how much she meant to him.

He finally closed his eyes, trying his best to fall asleep despite the thoughts that kept racing through his mind. He kissed the top of Stella’s head gently, so as to not wake her up. His final thoughts before he finally fell asleep, was that he would tell Stella how he felt about her before she left. He had to.