Fought It for a Long Time Now.

I heard my bedroom door fly open, hitting the wall behind it. With no hesitation the person enters my room and sits down heavily on my bed. This meant it was one of two people.

“Ron, we’ve gotta go in thirty minutes to help everyone set up, your not even ready! And I know how long that takes you!” the person says, confirming it to be my brother.

I sigh. “I think I may just…rock along when the rest do. I don’t really feel well, I can’t face setting up.” I mumble without making eye contact with my brother, knowing this is gonna make him mad.

“What?” he frowns. “Ronnie you have to come and help! You promised!”

“I know, but… I feel real b-”

“-Look, I have no idea what’s going on between you and Jack at the moment, seeing as you’ve stopped talking to me about your problems, but you have to put it behind you, just for tonight. If your not willing to come to help out for him, do it for me! You’re my best friend too and we need you!”

“Alex, I ca-”

“Fucking hell Ron! Either cheer up, or let me try and help you coz’ your bringing me down with you here! This is like ,the biggest night of my life! You don’t want to mess it up for me do you!?”

A few silent tears escape my eyes and I nod. Alex suddenly looks guilty and leans forward, pulling me into a tight embrace. There is no need for his guilt though, I deserved that, he’s right.
Trouble is, I’ve been avoiding Jack for the past couple of days, which doesn’t sound that extreme, but for us, it is. Trouble is: now they have this big show set up and guys from record labels are due to be there and I promised (a few weeks ago.) that I would help everyone out.

I moved up to Maryland, from the upper east side of New York, six years ago, after my mother died of cancer. It was a very dark time for all of us, and my dad couldn’t afford the appartment we lived in so we had to move to somewhere more affordable. He was un-willing to send me to a school in Queens or somewhere cheaper nearby, so we found this place. A lot cheaper, and not too dodgy. Its still not such a nice area, but thanks to making some great friends, its now home.
Jack lives next door. His dad Ian, is mates with my dad (they watch football, drink beer, and garden together). Just like them, me and Jack, we do everything together. Best friend is an understatement. But now, I don’t know if I can carry on like this. I guess I just chose the wrong time to decide it…

Anyway, you know what happens when a boy and a girl are best friends? People always assume stuff. They cant imagine that its possible for them to actually be just friends.
It’s always driven me crazy, especially because a lot of the teasing comes from our friends and family. Every time we met someone new we had to go through this whole routine of convincing them we were just friends. I don’t think Jack minded that much. I never noticed up until recently that I was the one always defending it. He would just laugh…
My phone has been ringing off the hook for and hour now. Jack was panicking because I wouldn’t answer and he didn’t have time to come over.
I guess you want to know why, Jack being my best friend and all, I’m ignoring him?

**** ****

Maryland, unlike the name may suggest, isn‘t that ‘merry‘. It’s a nice town and all but for those of us under 20 who lived there, it was boring. Nothing new every happens. If you were to live there for a week only, you would know pretty much how the rest of you life was about to go.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I messed about with my hair a bit, tried on a few different jackets then gave up, tied my hair into a pony tail, a set off to school. This was the day. I was finally going to confront Jack.

As I finally entered the school grounds, I looked around. Maybe Alex or Rian or Zack or even Jack came in early today too? Most children here, were tanned, if not just from the mild weather. I on the other hand, was deathly pale. My long blonde hair got me some attention, but not the sort I wanted. I think it scared away the more interesting individuals. I was incredibly small and petit for my age and could easily pass for a child who had wondered over from the primary school the other side of the field., to my disgust, I was often confused for one.

“Ronnie!” Tilly, a friend of mine calls. “Hey, what’s up?” she grins. “Today’s the day aye?” and nudges me in the ribs with her elbow.
She links her arm through mine and we head to lesson.

“Ah yes, 11A, can I have your attention?” the teacher bellowed.

About half way through the lesson the doors bangs open and I look up. Slouching in the doorway, a beaten Gola bag over his should and a phone in his hand stands a boy. Tall, skinny, bored expression, dark hair flopping over his face. Jack.

“Jack what are you doing in here already?” the teacher sighs.

“Been kicked out ‘avent I.” he says in a lazily, dragging his feet over to my desk, and pulling a chair across to sit with me.

“Yes I know that, the chances of you getting into a higher level class are a million to one. I was referring to that fact that you had been kicked out of your class already even though it is the first lesson of the first day of term and only ten minutes into the lesson”.

“Yeh well, ‘teach’ hates me. Y’know how it is.”

“No, not really.”

After this, the teacher obviously decides there’s no point trying to get any more sense out of Jack and continues with the lesson.
I look over at Jack, and roll my eyes. “idiot” I mouth, making him grin, that cheeky grin and gives me butterflies… I should not be feeling like this towards my best friend!

“You wanna go to the park after this?” he whispers quietly, his hot breath tickling my ear. I can see Tilly winking at me from across the desk and I blush.

“What about the rest of our lessons?” I laugh, as if he may of forgotten.

“I don’t really feel like school today” he shrugs ,and I agree. Just like that. I’m nervous, yet at the same time, part of me is in relief. I’ve been given the perfect opportunity to make my feelings known. No excuses.

I follow him quietly out of class and then, out of school. Simple. No one stops to ask us what we’re doing. We just leave. I’m a little on edge all the way to the park. Partly because I have this ridiculous vision of one of my teachers, or my dad bumping into us. And partly because me and Jack are alone, and I have something I need to ask him…

We find our ‘den’, which is an abandoned tree house in the greenery by the park, and I sit down, pulling my knee’s up to my chest for warmth.

“Jack, I have…something to ask you” I whisper, my face burning. “You don’t, um…” I can’t say it. But I have to? I don’t know!

“Ronnie!” he prompts, his attention span dwindling already. Pfft, boys!

“You don’t…maybe…do you like me?” It’s not exactly what I meant to ask, it’s a bit out of the blue but, I guess it will have to do…

*****Jack’s P.O.V****

She leaned in, sheltering from the wind with her hands, her perfume wafting into my face. Her cheeks were all pink and rosy, from the wind, he eyes tearing up slightly.

“Ronnie!” I whine, because she sounds like she’s going to say something important but now she’s gone quiet. She smiles at me, looking nervous. Her smile is so beautiful. I’m not meant to think that about her am I? My best friend. She’s way out of my league anyway… but I can’t help it. I know she doesn’t like me the way I like her. The way I’ve always liked her. I remember, she use to have this heart shape pin. She said she would give to a boy. The one she loved. In 9th grade, Benny Johnson got that pic, before he moved up to Canada. She’d never know how that hurt me. That’s silly isn’t it?
Anyway, if ever someone mention us, as a couple. she’s so defensive. Its an insult for her.

“You don’t…maybe…do you like me?” she says suddenly. I nearly choke on my spit.

“What?” I say, a bit to loud, almost laughing. “No! No way!” More awkward laughter, but I’m surprised at her reaction. She’s scowling at me.

“Piss off” she sighs, avoiding eye contact.

“Why would you say that?” I ask, scared of her answer. She’s not gonna tell me to back off or something is she?

“Right, I think I’m gonna go now” Ronnie announces, getting up abruptly.

“I’ll come with you.” I say.

“No, its fine. I’m gonna go back to school”

“Okay, well I’ll come too, what’s wrong with you?” I ask, reaching for her shoulder, but she pushes my hand off.

“Jack, I’m fine, just let me go alone, I can handle it” she says getting a little cross now, and climbing down the ladder. I watch her disappear across the field, In utter shock. What was going on? Does she know I like her then? My hearts racing fast, but I guess I’ll have to wait till tomorrow to find out…

****Ronnie’s P.O.V****

Reluctantly, I follow Alex, grabbing a black hoodie on the way out. I pull the hood up, and sit stroppily in his car as he whizzes us down to our local venue. I’ve avoided Jack since ‘the Tree House incident’. He’s been texting and ringing but I’m too embarrassed. Seeing his face, the idea or it is mortifying. I can feel my stomach tightening and can hardly breath.

“Alex, I don’t think I can do this!” I whisper. He reaches over, resting a hand on my back and rubbing it soothingly.

“Y’know Jack is really worried about you?” he asks, voice low and careful. “he’s gonna want to have a chat with you when we get there.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see him look at me nervously. “I’m going to avoid him.”

We pull up in the car park. “he’s waiting fro you.” Alex says, and he almost sounds like he’s trying not to laugh. I look up to see Jack, arms folded across his chest, standing right in front of the car.

I get out, heart beating fast, stomach tight with nervous, face, I’m sure, bright red. “Hi Jack” I whisper.

“Hey Ron” he smiles. “Wanna have a quick word?”

“It will have to be quick, because we gotta get this show on the road!” Alex interjects ,hitting us both on the back before disappearing into the venue.
I follow Jack nervously round the corner. If he’s guessed I like him what do I do? Deny deny deny! Or just admit it…

“So, I haven’t seen you since…” he trails off. Deny. I’ll have to deny it. I can’t throw myself out there again!

“Yeah. I eh…haven’t been feeling so good.” I shrug, winging it.

“I’m sorry I laughed at your question” he tries. I feel as if I’m going to die with embarrassment .trying to answer would be pointless. “I kind of have something to ask you…”

’Ask away, I’ll deny it’ I’m thinking.

He looks at me for a moment, his cheeks pinking. “Um.. Come here..” he mutter’s, taking my hand loosely, he leads me round the corner, and then nods at the wall.
Confused, I follow his gaze and it lands on writing. Across the brick wall,, someone, presumably him, has scrawled something in shaking writing, in charcoal I think. “read it” he mumbles.

‘I like you. Do you like me, check: yes no ’

I look up at him, not sure what’s going on. “Did you..?” I begin. He nods and shakily almost, hand me a stick of charcoal.
I take it in my hand, and turn it over. I raise my arm to the wall, then-

“Oh my god! Your Jack the guitarist!” someone yells, running over and thrusting a camera at me.

I wait patiently for the photo to be taken (by me) and an autograph to be signed (by Jack). I’m not entirely un-grateful for this disturbance though, it gives me time to ponder my answer.

“This is really cheesy” I laugh, turning my back on him, and holding the charcoal up to the wall. I glance over my shoulder, to see him watching my hand intently. He notices me watching him, and breaks his trance, laughing a little. He doesn’t say anything, so I proceed.
I tick the box but don’t turn away from the wall, unsure of whether I’d made the right choice. There was no way of knowing. i have second thoughts and quickly swing my arm up to rub off the tick, but stop, leaving my hand resting on the box.
Suddenly, Jack speaks, making my jump violently, for some reason.

“Do you remember Benny Johnson?” he asks softly. I no, unsure as to why he would be bringing this up. “Do you remember giving him…your pin?”

I laugh. “That old thing? Sure, why?” I shrug, shaking my head a little. Ben had been my first boyfriend. I thought I loved him. He moved away in the July of year nine, within two weeks, he was forgotten. Why did Jack care?

“When you did that, I though I was gonna die. I spent all day everyday trying to impress you. Trying to make you laugh. Trying to make you like me. Then he waltz’s in, and you fall for him, just like that. He wasn’t good looking. Wasn’t even smart. I had no idea why you liked boring Ben and not me.”

“Jack, I was fourteen! I didn’t..-”

“I couldn’t tell you after that. I tried to ignore how I felt. Tried to get over it. To forget it. I never really could. But then, the other day, in the tree house, you gave me a glimmer of hope, and I…ruined it. So now, I have no excuse. I have to give it a shot, right?”

I slide my hand down the wall, heart beating fast, and turn around, moving out the way so he can see my answer.