Way of Life

The bride looked stunning in her white gown, the groom's eyes shone with happiness as his love entered the church. Yada, yada, yada. There is only one thing I hate more than funerals: weddings.
I hate the entire wedding atomosphere. At least at a funeral you know the deceased don't have to put up with anyone's bullshit anymore. Weddings on the other hand everyone is getting fucked in that situation. The beautiful bride was marrying a beer gut and receding hairline not handsome prince charming. Can you say fucking couch potatao? Then there was the groom, I mean I just want to yell at him 'Dude is the pussy really worth it?'. Does the cat not realize he is marrying a chick who will undoubtly turn into a nagging, different looking version of his mom? Though the 'happy' couple do it to themselves, I do feel bad for the families.The poor fucks have to deal with each other for the REST of their lives if they are directly married into each other's families. I HATE weddings. So I'm guessing the thought is probably crossing everyone's mind: What the fuck are you doing at a wedding if you dislike them so much?
The answer is simple: my mother. Oh yes the lovely woman tricked me into coming to this hideous event. I moved out of my small Louisiana hometown and into an apartment in seedy California but I had to open my mouth and agree to come for a vist. I'm very independent so you would think a month away from everything I have ever known wouldn't affect me, you would be right. My mother is the dependent sort. She was so angry that I moved but I think that's more of an act. I'm her youngest and only nonbiological child. I've always been different and more stubborn than my siblings so I think she was giving
it a go at trying to control as usual. Either way, I agreed for a vist and never thought about my cousin's wedding which just so happen to fall during my trip.
It's no secret among people who know me that I have a strong distaste for weddings. Hell, all of my friends are terrified to ask me to be in their weddings. In general they get me shitfaced then proceed to ask me then since I'm way easier to deal with drunk. I would normally just pull a 'I take it back' on them but so far all of them have been smart enough to record my falldown drunk ass agreeing to be a bridemaid. They all know I don't give a fuck about the videos but they also know showing that to my mother would result in what I've termed a 'come to Jesus' talk. I enjoy those about as much as I enjoy weddings.
Anyway, my mother got me to get my ass here then proceeds to drop the 'now you are here, you have to go' speech on me so I was fucked. I actually faked vomitting just so I could leave before she could start in on the eligible males list. My poor mother wasn't exactly expecting that one since I normally just spill stuff on myself as an excuse but since I've been living in L.A. I've picked up a few tricks.
Thank God, I'm going back to my apartment where I can be myself in just one day. Fucking happiest day of their life, my ass.