Chain Mail and Butterfly Wings

I vaguely knew I was dreaming when I stood in the midst of a deserted town. I could hear nothing but my even breaths and the crunch of the dirt beneath my feet. I turned from side to side, anxious, although I wasn’t quite sure why.

Then, suddenly, there was someone with me in the town, the only other person on the face of the Earth, I thought. The instant I saw her I knew who she was, and I hated her more than any person should be capable of hating. She stood only a few feet away from me and I heard myself snarl, like some sort of enraged animal. Howdare she stand so close to me, I thought heatedly. Her blue eyes gleamed happily as she looked at me--nopast me. Nailah. I thought angrily, finally putting a name to the face I hated. My rival. A girl I had every reason to hate, every right to hate.

I tried to move, lunge at her, walk away from her, hit her, respond to her presence in some way. But my body wouldn’t allow it, it wouldn’t even twitch. I wanted so badly to do something, but at the same time I was holding myself back. And it was frustrating beyond belief.

Nailah smiled and brushed against my shoulder as she moved past me. It was like I wasn’t even there. I felt the beast inside me roar in protest, anger, retaliation, it thrashed against the skin that contained it. But still, I didn’t move. She was briefly out of sight, but she soon returned, tugging Aiden gently into view with her.

My heart surged with pain and the beast in me went wild with anger and anguish, it thrashed and wailed, but it got nowhere. It did nothing. These were the feelings I couldn’t show when I was awake, when I thought of Nailah.

But what hurt the most was the smile on Aiden’s face. That same damn smile that healways had on his face when he talked about Nailah. Maybe that was really why it hurt so much to talk about her. I couldn’t stand that damn smile.

“Aiden,” I said weakly, and finally, I could move my body, or at least my arm. I reached out slowly--my arm was heavy and covered in chain mail--and even though he looked like he was in reach, I couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t have him.

And I knew it.

“Aiden,” I said again, this time almost pleading. I just wanted him tolook at me.

But he didn’t look at me. He couldn’t even hear me. He was looking at Nailah, so consumed with her presence that I didn’t even exist.

I felt emotions bubbling up in my throat, working their way to my lips, gaining momentum until finally his name tore from my lips in a hoarse, agonized cry.

I jolted awake with at gasp, but I didn’t sit up. I laid there in that bed, too shaken to move. The dream shouldn’t have been so bad, but I couldn’t get my muscles to work.

“Shit,” I murmured, clasping my hand over my heart. “Ow…” I breathed, feeling my heart pounding painfully in my chest. “Ow…ow…ow!” I exclaimed suddenly as the pain increased and I leapt out of bed, darting for the balcony door that connected to my room. I struggled with the lock, but got it open and threw myself through the open doors.

I wasn’t sure what it was about the cool air that calmed me, but I didn’t want to back into that dark room. Like that dream was waiting for me once I went back to that bed. I leaned against the railing and shivered. The night air was cold, considering it was Winter, but I still wasn’t willing to go back inside, so I contented myself with silent shivering and examining the goosebumps on my arm.

Usually, I would analyze my dreams, just out of habit, find out the symbols and what it was about them that either frightened me or made me happy. But this wasn’t a confusing case, and I really didn’t want to think about my dream. I was tormenting myself. I concluded, my mind was so focused on what I was worried about that I had to see it too vividly even when I slept.

I put my hand over my heart again, it had calmed down significantly, which I was glad for, since it felt like it was going to pound a hole in my chest just to escape. “Damn,” I muttered, remembering that pain for a moment.

“Angel?” I heard Aiden say quietly, and my body tensed at the sound of his voice. At that point I almost darted back into my room and slammed the doors shut, although I wasn’t sure which instincts told me to do so. I turned to look at the doorways to my room, but Aiden wasn’t here. For a moment, I thought I had imagined his voice.

“Hey. Angel, up here.” I followed his voice and realized I was wrong. He was on a balcony one floor up and about three windows over.

“Aiden?” I asked, half-thinking I was hallucinating.

“Yeah,” Aiden said happily, glad I could recognize him.

“What are you--?” I started to ask but he interrupted me.

“Wait a minute. Stay right there,” he ordered, hopping nimbly onto the railing of his own balcony.

“Hey, wait a minute, what are you--” I inhaled sharply as Aiden leapt from his railing and landed silently on my own balcony in a squatting position.

Aiden rose to his feet and dusted off his hands and then smiled at me. “What are you doing up?” he asked casually, as if he hadn’t just gone flying through the air on the third floor of a building just to reach my balcony. Sometimes, even though I don’t see him kill anyone, I think he really is a good assassin. The amount of sound he made was minimal. I wondered if he would show me how to be that quiet.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I lied with a shrug. The thing was, I didn’t want to go back to sleep. That nightmare was waiting for me and I knew it. “You?” I asked casually, hoping he wouldn’t notice my shivering. It wasn’t too cold, but still, I half-expected him to notice.

“Same. I don’t know what it is about being back home, but I can’t sleep too well in that room,” Aiden said thoughtfully, stealing a glance at his own balcony before leaning against the railing.

“Maybe it’s all of your old toys staring back at you,” I joked with a smirk, leaning against the railing too.

Aiden laughed once. “Yeah. Maybe,” he sounded unconvinced though and he might have been still thinking of the reason. “What are you thinking?” Aiden asked suddenly and I looked at him like he had asked me how much I weighed.

“Me?” I asked stupidly, but I needed time to think of a lie, at that particular moment, I was thinking how cute Aiden looked, his hair partially messed up and sticking into the air. Ha, bed head.

“Yeah. Sometimes, I have no idea what you’re thinking. Drives me crazy,” Aiden stated with a shrug.

“Well…” I waited for a moment then decided to tell him something I had been thinking before I was thinking about him. “I was thinking about how I don’t feel so good.”

It was true, since I had woken up, I felt like I was freezing, but I was sweating at the same time. Then my head pounded every few minutes, as if I had a flaky headache, then my stomach lurched for no reason at all. It was weird, but nothing that I thought was conversation worthy.

Aiden frowned and looked at me rather than the ground down below. “Really? Why didn’t you tell me? We have medics in the house as well as herb specialists.” Aiden reached toward me with his hand, intent on feeling my forehead for a fever.

At that particular moment that smile flashed on his face, that same smile that hurt so much in my dream. I gasped and recoiled, my heart pounding painfully in my chest again. “Ow!” I exclaimed, grasping at my heart in confusion. “Son of a…damn it all to…” I swore at myself, my jaw clenching as the pounding slowed. Just a memory. I realized, seeing that Aiden’s face was filled with nothing but worry now.

“Angel? What’s wrong? Where does it hurt? Can I help?” Aiden fired off questions, but didn’t come near me, obviously noticing that I had recoiled from him, not something else.

“It’s nothing,” I said through clenched teeth. Damn that hurt. What was wrong with me? I reached up and touched my face and found that it was covered in sweat. But I wasn’t hot, in fact, I was freezing. Damn it, was I sick? I hated being sick.

“Angel, you’re lying to me.” Aiden sounded hurt, but also annoyed when he spoke.

That sent another surge of pain through me and I winced. “It’s…ah. What I mean is. I just…I don’t feel good. At all. I don’t mean to lie. It’s my defense mechanism,” I explained, still not looking at him, what if I saw that smile again?

“You don’t have to be defensive around me, Angel. We’re best friends, remember?” Aiden took a step toward me and I forced myself to stay still. I was breathing heavily, my teeth still clenched tightly together. Aiden’s hand was blissfully warm against my forehead but it was gone just as quickly. “Jesus Angel! You’re burning up,” Aiden exclaimed and I was perplexed. If I was burning up than why the hell was I so cold?

“It doesn’t feel like it,” I murmured, finally making my shivering apparent.

Aiden seemed to notice now and put his arm around me. “Come on, Angel. We need to get you back in bed. You need rest and I’ll find the best herb specialist in the region. Don’t you worry, you’ll be better in no time,” he assured me, sounding determined.

I groaned and he hesitated. “What?” Aiden asked, sounding confused by my groan.

“I hate being sick,” I informed him with a scowl and he helped me into my bed. It was warm and I was relieved at first. Then I realized I was hot. Way too hot. I scrambled out of the covers, panting and wiping sweat off of my face. “Shit,” I muttered, fanning myself with my hand, although it didn’t have much of an effect.

“Angel? What’s wrong now?” Aiden sounded concerned and I instantly felt bad. I didn’t want him worrying about me. I didn’t want anyone worrying about me.

“Nothing,” I lied and then bit my tongue when I realized I was lying to Aiden again. That didn’t feel any better on my conscience. I saw Aiden’s face contort in discomfort, annoyance and maybe partial pain. “I mean…That’s not what I meant…Hot…too hot,” I said between pants, and wiped more sweat from my face.

“Stay right here. I’ll be right back, okay? You gonna be all right for a minute?” Aiden asked, already backing toward the door.

I nodded briskly and Aiden was gone, out the door, leaving it wide open.

It seemed like only seconds that I closed my eyes and Aiden was shaking me hurriedly awake. “Hey, Angel. Stay awake, alright? I don’t want you slipping into a coma,” Aiden said as gently as possible, but he still sounded distraught.

“Right, right,” I muttered, finding it hard to move my lips. “’M up,” I slurred

“What’s wrong with her?” I heard Aiden ask, and only vaguely realized someone was feeling my forehead, then checking my pulse. Then I felt nothing. My entire body seemed to be numb.

“She’s got a fever…” A woman murmured and then I heard feet shuffling around. “Do you have something to bring her temperature down?” She was talking to someone else. Bottles clinked together and I heard something rustle somewhere in the room. Then the woman spoke again, “Thank you.”

Someone was holding my mouth open now and I scowled, biting down on the fingers that held my mouth open. “Ouch!” It was the woman that responded and the hand was gone. That’s what she got.

“Angel, you need to open your mouth, alright?” Aiden prompted carefully, as if he talked too loud I might break.

“Jus’ had to ‘sk,” I muttered, opening my mouth although it tired me out beyond reason.

Quickly, a foul smelling liquid was poured into my mouth and I gagged, trying to sit up and spit the substance out, but the woman held my lips firmly shut, “You need to swallow it,” she ordered firmly and I choked it down. Trying not to think of the taste--which was similar to how I imagined festering skunk extract might taste. “Shit,” I managed to gasp in disgust, coughing several times.

“It’s necessary,” the woman reminded me, but I didn’t bother to keep my eyes open.

I nodded off with the terrible taste lingering in my mouth.

__________________________

Horrid dreams plagued my vision as I slept. I thought that I would never wake up, and I couldn’t tell if I ever did. Aiden played a part in all of my dreams, but it wasn’t a relief to see him. Every time I saw him I cringed inwardly, what would happen to him this time?

The first dream was similar to the one I had earlier that night: I didn’t exist in Aiden and Nailah’s world. However, Nailah hardly played a part in my dreams. Aiden died in several of them.

Once, he was decapitated by an orc.

Another time a giant boulder crushed him, covering me in his blood.

In another he simply hated me, and I knew it, but there was nothing I could do to get him to stop hating me.

There was even one where he was crying uncontrollably, but I couldn’t comfort him, I could only watch in horror and try to think of something to say. But no words came. I was useless to him.

I was relieved when my dream shifted to another picture and Aiden was nowhere to be seen. I wouldn’t have to watch him die again!

However, this dream must have been the most horrible. I was forced--as if tied to a chair--to sit face to face with Nailah as she spoke with a voice like a bell, telling me everything she loved about Aiden. I tried to scream at her, tell her to shut up, stop tearing me apart. But I couldn’t speak, my vocal cords wouldn’t work.

I lost track of the line between my dreams and reality, several of my dreams featured me in the room that Aiden’s parents had lent me. Most often though, was the one with Aiden crying, it was painful to watch, and I tried to tell him to sleep, seeing the bags under his eyes. But I wasn’t sure if the request left my lips.

Just as quickly as that dream had come, it left again and I was swept up in another dream, this one involving my father, another painful dream that I wasn’t looking forward to.

___________________________

Aiden’s Point Of View

I frowned, concerned, as Angel twisted and turned in her sleep. She murmured a lot as she slept, but she rarely said words. The medicinal woman that I had called did as much as she could to bring down Angel’s fever, but Angel still looked like she was in pain. She cried out in her sleep sometimes, but when I touched her she would scream and fling her arms around. There was nothing I could do to ease her pain, and it was killing me.

“Aiden…” Angel whined and my head snapped up, hoping she was awake. But I was only disappointed to find her eyes firmly closed as her mouth pressed into a tight line, she was holding some sort of expression back.

“I’m right here, Angel,” I assured her, reaching out to grab her hand, but she jerked it away with a whimper and my insides crashed and were set ablaze. “I’m right here…” I cooed soothingly, not sure if she could really hear me.

Angel whined again, “Please…” she murmured, sounding much like a fallen soldier pleading for death.

“’Please’, what? Angel, come on, just tell me what I can do,” I commanded softly, although I knew I was fooling myself. She couldn’t hear me. But, how desperately I wanted her to hear me.

“…Look at me…” Angel whispered, sounding pained.

“I am. You look amazing,” I told her firmly, although her hair was tussled and thrown in almost every direction due to her rolling.

“…please…” she repeated, her face relaxing as she seemed to give up.

I leaned back and tilted my head upward to stare at the ceiling, I was torturing myself by staying with her when she was like this. But how could I leave? She was my best friend and she was in pain. Even if I couldn’t comfort her while she slept, I could at least wait for her to wake up. I leaned forward and rested my head on the side of the bed, the mattress was comfortable, but I couldn’t sleep.

I felt my face contort in hopeless pain, and shook my head from side to side. I knew I was crying, but I couldn’t keep it from happening. I had enough control to keep it silent, but the tears seeped into the bedspread. My thoughts were driving me to such extremes. Angel was dying, I just knew it. And I couldn’t help her. If I could just heal like she could I would be able to do something, help her get better.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything.

____________________________________

I hadn’t realized that I had fallen asleep until I heard shouting around me.

“She’s not breathing!” Someone shouted and I jolted upward, alarmed.

I stood hastily and felt my vision spin, willing me to lean against a nearby wall. I refocused and rushed to Angel’s bedside. Just as a maid had shouted, she wasn’t breathing, there was no rhythmic chest falls. I shoved past a woman that was trying to push on Angel’s chest, trying to get her to breathe.

I grabbed Angel’s face between my hands and pulled her into a sitting position. “Angel, Goddamn it, if you don’t start breathing right now, I’ll never forgive you,” I snarled, shaking her slightly in my panic and anger.

There was a moment of silence in which the maids around me stared in surprise at my actions, but I didn’t care, I was busy watching Angel’s expression. Her face was paler than I remembered and it worried me, but I was watching her lips. “Come on,” I murmured, shaking her once more. “Angel, you can’t leave me like this. Not from some damn sickness! If anything you’re gonna die in battle, got it?” I growled, my teeth clenched tightly together, although I preferred to think that she would never die.

I had an incredible grip on her arms now, probably bruising her, but I couldn’t help it, I had to keep her there. I didn’t want her to die. “Please. Just breathe,” I begged after another thirty seconds had passed.

I dropped Angel back onto the bed, and leaned my head against her shoulder, feeling a fresh tear move down my face and land somewhere on the bed. That was it. She was gone. I had predicted right. And now she was dead.

I felt my eyes widen as I heard the one thing that I had begged for: Angel took a deep jagged breath and coughed numerous times. I sat up in surprise and laughed once. Twice. Three times and then chuckled as I realized something. She could hear me, at that moment. Angel could hear me. Thank God.

The maids pushed me forcefully away from the bed, chastising me for being in the medicinal woman’s way, but the woman herself shook her head, murmuring something that sounded like “Miracle”.

It seemed like a miracle was the only thing that would get Angel through this cursed illness. So a miracle was the only thing I was asking for at that moment.